Sequel: Drew A Blank ›
Face Down
Face Down
I met you a year ago yesterday, and I remember your smile.
You told me you liked my dress and my makeup and that the thing you remembered was I wore Converse with my black dress speckled with tiny white dots. We found each other's numbers and asked each other questions and it's cliche but just for the record, my favorite flower is a rose. Your favorite soda is Diet Coke and you like sunsets better than sunrises and you were so lucky you found me.
But that was a year ago yesterday.
A month from now a year ago yesterday, you held me in your arms where no one could see us or hear us, and I remember your smile.
You held me there and my eyes got hot and tearful and what was wrong, beautiful? What was making me upset? And I shook my head and you softly begged tell me, so I did. At my brother's camp a few weeks from then a year ago yesterday you held my hand and walked with me and said there were things you weren't ready to tell me. I paused, I wanted to ask, but you held me closer and whispered that I love you? Because I do. And you put a finger under my chin and smiled and I told you I loved you too, so much, and you kissed me and held me there until we fell asleep.
But that was a month from now, a year back, and a day has passed, and I am finished with you.
Six months ago and ten days back you called me selfish, and I remember your screams.
But a year more and today we're apart, and it hurts every part of me, turns me inside out, makes me wish I could talk you out of it and beg you not to and hold you and tell everyone else to fuck off because my baby is changing and he doesn't like it. My baby needs his space and he needs to think and feel and be alone and realize that I'm here. I'm here, I choke, I'm here and I love you, and you're superman.
And now all I want is to remember your smile.
I want to take back all the bad things I ever said to you and about you and forgive you for everything you've ever done to me because you've broken my heart so much. You've ripped it right from the seams that hold it tight in my chest, between my sore, sore lungs all choked with tears that started because of what you said or didn't say or what you did and didn't do or didn't notice or didn't say sorry for and then you threw it.
Right onto the ground, you threw it.
And it hurt so horribly; and I fell and cried and cried and cried and cried until I couldn't breathe, which only made the tears even easier to flow.
But it's yours, so you can do whatever you want with it.
And as I pick up the pieces and people begin to help search for them because where did they all go and we attempt to reconstruct the little glass shards, I'll save a piece for you, because after all, it's rightfully yours, and every time I look into it I can see your face, and for now you still love me.
I'll tuck it in your hand and wherever you tell me to go, I'll go there, but if it's okay with you, I'd like you to never let go of that little piece of my heart I gave to you, and I'd like to remember your smile.
You told me you liked my dress and my makeup and that the thing you remembered was I wore Converse with my black dress speckled with tiny white dots. We found each other's numbers and asked each other questions and it's cliche but just for the record, my favorite flower is a rose. Your favorite soda is Diet Coke and you like sunsets better than sunrises and you were so lucky you found me.
But that was a year ago yesterday.
A month from now a year ago yesterday, you held me in your arms where no one could see us or hear us, and I remember your smile.
You held me there and my eyes got hot and tearful and what was wrong, beautiful? What was making me upset? And I shook my head and you softly begged tell me, so I did. At my brother's camp a few weeks from then a year ago yesterday you held my hand and walked with me and said there were things you weren't ready to tell me. I paused, I wanted to ask, but you held me closer and whispered that I love you? Because I do. And you put a finger under my chin and smiled and I told you I loved you too, so much, and you kissed me and held me there until we fell asleep.
But that was a month from now, a year back, and a day has passed, and I am finished with you.
Six months ago and ten days back you called me selfish, and I remember your screams.
But a year more and today we're apart, and it hurts every part of me, turns me inside out, makes me wish I could talk you out of it and beg you not to and hold you and tell everyone else to fuck off because my baby is changing and he doesn't like it. My baby needs his space and he needs to think and feel and be alone and realize that I'm here. I'm here, I choke, I'm here and I love you, and you're superman.
And now all I want is to remember your smile.
I want to take back all the bad things I ever said to you and about you and forgive you for everything you've ever done to me because you've broken my heart so much. You've ripped it right from the seams that hold it tight in my chest, between my sore, sore lungs all choked with tears that started because of what you said or didn't say or what you did and didn't do or didn't notice or didn't say sorry for and then you threw it.
Right onto the ground, you threw it.
And it hurt so horribly; and I fell and cried and cried and cried and cried until I couldn't breathe, which only made the tears even easier to flow.
But it's yours, so you can do whatever you want with it.
And as I pick up the pieces and people begin to help search for them because where did they all go and we attempt to reconstruct the little glass shards, I'll save a piece for you, because after all, it's rightfully yours, and every time I look into it I can see your face, and for now you still love me.
I'll tuck it in your hand and wherever you tell me to go, I'll go there, but if it's okay with you, I'd like you to never let go of that little piece of my heart I gave to you, and I'd like to remember your smile.