Crash

If there was ever a time in life when you felt scared, when you felt that there wasn’t much to live for besides possibly one small thing that’s keeping you from just giving up, then you have been in my shoes. If there was ever a time when you felt as if you didn’t know what to do in a situation that you know not a lot of people go through, then your thoughts are of my own because that was exactly what I was feeling as I stared out of the window of Micah’s truck at the passing trees, just… thinking.

“So I’ll pick you up right after you get out of school, okay?” Micah stated as he pulled into my school’s parking lot.

“Your school gets out fifteen minutes after mine,” I muttered, still staring out of my window.

“So? I’ll leave early,” He replied.

“No, Micah,” I said and turned around to look at him full on. I gazed at him for a second, soaking in the image of his brown curly messy hair, his tanned skin and dark eyes. “I’m not going to let you do this,” I finally said. “I’m not going to interrupt your life just so you can help me fight off some big gangster dudes. I don’t want you slaving away being worried about me, I’ve never had anyone worry about me like this and it’s just weird. Not that I don’t mind someone actually caring, but this is just getting out of hand. I don’t want you to put your life on hold for someone like me. Go out with your friends; enjoy your last year in high school, okay? I can take care of myself. I’m done feeling vulnerable.”

Micah turned his head and stared at me for a second and blinked, as if trying to register what had just happened.

“What are you trying to say?” Micah asked, he adjusted in his seat so he was fully facing me. “Are you seriously doing this again, Peyton? Pushing me away? Am I going to have to deal with this again? I thought we made it clear last night that I’m not going to leave you. I’m not just-"

“I know, Micah. But there are just some things I need to do on my own. I don’t need you to be by my side every two seconds making sure that I’m okay. Because one of these days, you’re just going to get sick of it. You are going to get sick of having to deal with me like most people have and end up completely giving up. I just want to cut to the chase right now and that way we both won’t have to go through that.”

“I wouldn't do that,” Micah said.

“Maybe you won’t,” I replied. “But I don’t want to wait for that one chance that you just might.”

Micah turned around and gripped the steering wheel angrily.

“Fine, Peyton, if you honestly think I’m that kind of person, if you truthfully do not believe anything I’ve been telling you, or anything that came out of my mouth last night, then get the hell out of my car because this, this right here, this is what I can’t deal with.”

Silence filled the truck for a second before I just simply nodded, opened the door and jumped out. Micah reached over and slammed my door shut for me and skidded out of the parking lot, causing a few people to look our way.

I stood there for a few dimming seconds, completely still. I knew what I just did, and I knew that I’d regret it sooner or later but it was honestly just something I needed to do. I couldn’t have someone like Micah feeling responsible for me to the point where he’d just forget about his own life and forget about what he lived for before he met me. I can’t be that one wacko girl who stole the quarterback of Pioneer High School and exploited him in some drug mafia gangster plot. His reputation doesn’t need to be ruined on my behalf. I wasn’t going to let that happen.

I took a deep breath and turned to walk back to my school. I reached into my pocket and grabbed my cell phone to see if I had any missed calls since I basically spent the night at Micah’s last night and then ran into my house this morning quick enough to just change into a new set of clothes. I didn’t have any.

Suddenly, I could hear a sound of wheels slowly scraping against the concrete ground behind me, making crackling noises with each gravel of small rocks it ran over. Every muscle in my body seemed to tighten as I slowly turned around to be face to faced with the two men that tried to attack me last night. My jaw clenched and one of the men rolled down his window. I took a deep breath, I knew what I needed to do and I wasn’t going to like it.

I walked up to the driver’s side window, still keeping my distance to make sure he wouldn’t reach out and grab me, but enough for them to know that I wasn't going to run away.

“Tell me what you want to make this all go away, and I’ll do it,” I said through my teeth. The men looked at each other, and without a word, the driver looked over at me and signaled with his finger for me to get into the car. I opened the back door and let myself inside, and the man stepped on the gas without even looking back in my direction.

The men spoke scattered thick Spanish throughout the whole car ride while I just sat in the back seat, trying to make them believe that I wasn’t about to piss my pants. I mentally shook off the feeling and reminded myself that I wasn’t going to give in to this whole scared girl act. I wasn’t going to be this stupid girl that I’ve been morphing into. I’ll be the old me, the girl who got herself into this situation by sticking a knife to a drug lord’s neck on his kitchen floor.

The car suddenly came to a halt and I was looking at the same house in which I had done that said act. The man in the passenger’s seat opened my door, grabbed my arm and yanked me out of my car. I didn’t react and let him pull me up the pathway and inside of the house. Once we were inside, I could see about 5 other people sitting in the living room, all looking surprised and angry that I was actually here. The man was still holding a tight grip to my arm.

“Where is Javier?” He asked. One of the men who was sitting on the couch, pointed behind him.

“Bedroom,” He replied simply.

The man gripped my arm tighter and led me through a poorly lit hallway and knocked on a door directly at the end. The door opened slowly to reveal Javier, standing there with the same expression on his face that the men in the living room did when they saw me. His emotions turned from surprised that I was actually in his house and not running away, then angry for realizing why exactly this whole situation was happening and what I had done to him.

“Get in here,” He remarked and then it was his turn to grab my arm. The two men followed behind me and closed the door into the bedroom after we were all inside.

“Listen," I began. "Like I’ve told these two, I’ll do anything you want me to do make this all just go away."

Javier smiled, flashing his signature and disgusting gold front tooth.

“You think it’ll be that easy, girl?” He asked me. He walked up extremely close to me and stuck his hand into my face. A large scar was visible right on the palm. “You think that I’m going to let you get away with this? This is a scar, little girl, that shit don’t go away.”

His breathing was becoming heavy as he slowly backed away and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Just tell me what I need to do,” I replied coolly. My skin felt hot with fear and adrenaline and I felt as if a fire was taking over my whole body.

Javier stepped closer to me until I was backed into a wall and all I could think of was him doing the same thing to me the night that that all happened. His sticky body, his pungent, disgusting smell. I closed my eyes for a second and then opened them only to see his face inches from mine.

“I want what I have wanted all along,” He stated. “I want you.”

He projected his sinister smile that I knew would always imprint itself into my brain just because of how much it repulsed me. I looked over at his two confidants and they both were eyeing us, and I could tell that they were truly wondering what I was going to do. I flinched a little, causing everyone in the room to move slightly; as if they were afraid I was going to try to do something violent or try to get away. Instead I stayed where I was; my body was shaking, which I was unaware of.

“Fine,” I said meekly.

Javier smiled at me and didn't keep his grimy eyes off of me as he began to reach down to undo his belt.

“Get outta here,” He basically yelled to the two men. He then turned back to me as they were both leaving and smiled again and looked me dead in the eyes. “I think I'm going like this little deal,” He remarked and the door loudly closed, leaving only us two, isolated inside the room.