Crash
Eleven;
Javier leaned towards me and pressed his lips against my neck, making me flinch. I closed my eyes, trying to think of being somewhere else. Trying to believe that I was somewhere else than where I was.
I have done these kinds of things before, in the past, so this shouldn’t be any different. I shouldn’t be reacting like this to this situation. The old Peyton wouldn’t do this. She’d suck it up, let it happen and then run out and try to wipe it from her memory.
But as Javier reached forward and wrapped his filthy hands through my hair, something inside of me snapped. I couldn’t do it. The new Peyton wouldn’t let the old Peyton do it. I roughly pushed Javier off of me, causing his eyes to widen with shock but then quickly turned to anger.
“Stop,” I spoke sternly. I reached into my pocket, pulled out and handed him all the money I had. It was about $700 I had saved up from some dumb job I had this previous summer, from dealing, and anything else I could conjure up money with. I grabbed the wad of cash this morning just in case I would have gotten myself in a situation and needed money to get myself out of it. Just like now, hopefully. “Just take this. It’s seven hundred dollars. Take it please and leave me alone.”
“I don’t want your money,” Javier said and stepped closer to me again. Something inside of me snapped.
“Just take the fucking money!” I screamed in his face, loud. I heard a few thumps coming from the living room and I knew the two men were coming. “Please, just take it! TAKE IT!”
Javier stepped back again, while I angrily screamed at him. He then reached out and slapped my face hard, his fists were half clenched, making my head snap to the side. His hit caused me to taste blood and also caused me to shut up entirely. He grabbed the money from my hand and then grabbed my chin to make me look at him.
“Leave,” He spat. I yanked my chin from his grasp and swung open the door and walked out of the bedroom before he could change his mind. I passed the two men in the hallway and they were both about to grab me before they were told by Javier not to. I didn’t look behind me as I opened the front door and began running onto the street, feeling something inside of me that I couldn’t even explain. It was an irking feeling that even though I had gotten away and didn’t follow through with the act, I still felt truly and utterly disgusted with myself.
I walked into class later that day, feeling like a complete daze was set upon me. My lip was swollen and a few people were looking my way, wondering why I looked like such a mess. I should have just skipped school and went home but I didn’t want to go home, and the only place I could think of going was Micah’s house or Micah’s school, but that was kind of out of the question now.
As I was walking to my last class I felt someone grab my arm, I didn’t even react to it because I was too tired and hazy to possibly do such a thing. I looked up to see my brother looking at me. His eyes scanned mine before I just looked down at the ground. I covered my lip with my hand and shook his arm out of my grip.
“What do you want?” I asked.
“So... what happened? Are you okay?” He asked me. I could tell he felt a bit uncomfortable because I don’t think we’ve ever even had a conversation before last night where we weren’t verbally bashing one another.
“Kingston, I don’t really want to talk about it,” I replied.
“Well, is it over?” He asked back. I looked up at my brother and ran my fingers through my hair that desperately needed to be washed.
“Yeah, I think so. I hope so,” I replied. Kingston nodded and then reached out for a second but stopped and let his hand drop at his side.
“Alright... well um I’ll see you at home later then,” He stated. I just nodded and began to walk away before Kingston yelled out my name. I turned around to look at him and he walked up to me again. He sighed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. I should have been the one there to defend you, I’m your brother.”"
“Damnit, Kingston, I don’t need protection,” I said back angrily. “I can take care of myself, I did today. And I would never expect you to ever even want to do something for me, let alone that. To be honest, with the way you’ve treated me, if they would have killed me, I think you’d just be excited that you could turn my room into a fucking gym or something like that. You’ve never been my brother, and I don’t need one now, so go back to your life and stop forcing yourself to be concerned.”
“What the hell is your problem, Peyton,” He replied. “You know that-"
“Bye Kingston,” I replied and walked away from him before he could say another word. As I turned to walk down a hall, I saw Becky De La Cruz standing there with a friend. She looked over at me again, just like she had done when I was talking to Tyler Harrison. Her friend eyed me for a second and stifled a giggle.
“I think maybe you should look in the mirror right now, darling,” The girl said.
“Sarah, stop,” Becky said quietly to her friend. I was almost too tired to deal with this shit, but I never just backed away, so I walked up to the Sarah girl and looked her dead in the eye.
“Say a word to me again and you’ll be the one crying when you look at your bloody face in the mirror, kay sweetheart?” I replied and then reached out and tapped her face twice with my hand. Her eyes widened while I just gave a sarcastic smile and walked away. I didn’t even bother to turn around to see Becky’s face.
I sighed and stopped in the hallway for a second before pushing on the swinging door to a bathroom.
No one was inside, and all that could be heard was the pitter pattering drip of one of the faucets. I stepped inside but stopped for a second to turn and look at myself in the mirror. I knew I looked in complete disarray, with my swollen lip, my greasy hair, and no makeup on my face. I felt ugly, inside and out. I stepped closer to the mirror and put my hand up to my lip, I then grabbed a paper towel and ran it under hot water and then placed it back up to my lip and as I turned back to stare at myself, a lone small tear fell slowly down my face, and more and more tears followed. I watched myself holding the towel to my lip with tears streaming down my face and then sunk down in between the sinks of the bathroom, pulled my knees up to my chest and just sat there, and cried.
I have done these kinds of things before, in the past, so this shouldn’t be any different. I shouldn’t be reacting like this to this situation. The old Peyton wouldn’t do this. She’d suck it up, let it happen and then run out and try to wipe it from her memory.
But as Javier reached forward and wrapped his filthy hands through my hair, something inside of me snapped. I couldn’t do it. The new Peyton wouldn’t let the old Peyton do it. I roughly pushed Javier off of me, causing his eyes to widen with shock but then quickly turned to anger.
“Stop,” I spoke sternly. I reached into my pocket, pulled out and handed him all the money I had. It was about $700 I had saved up from some dumb job I had this previous summer, from dealing, and anything else I could conjure up money with. I grabbed the wad of cash this morning just in case I would have gotten myself in a situation and needed money to get myself out of it. Just like now, hopefully. “Just take this. It’s seven hundred dollars. Take it please and leave me alone.”
“I don’t want your money,” Javier said and stepped closer to me again. Something inside of me snapped.
“Just take the fucking money!” I screamed in his face, loud. I heard a few thumps coming from the living room and I knew the two men were coming. “Please, just take it! TAKE IT!”
Javier stepped back again, while I angrily screamed at him. He then reached out and slapped my face hard, his fists were half clenched, making my head snap to the side. His hit caused me to taste blood and also caused me to shut up entirely. He grabbed the money from my hand and then grabbed my chin to make me look at him.
“Leave,” He spat. I yanked my chin from his grasp and swung open the door and walked out of the bedroom before he could change his mind. I passed the two men in the hallway and they were both about to grab me before they were told by Javier not to. I didn’t look behind me as I opened the front door and began running onto the street, feeling something inside of me that I couldn’t even explain. It was an irking feeling that even though I had gotten away and didn’t follow through with the act, I still felt truly and utterly disgusted with myself.
I walked into class later that day, feeling like a complete daze was set upon me. My lip was swollen and a few people were looking my way, wondering why I looked like such a mess. I should have just skipped school and went home but I didn’t want to go home, and the only place I could think of going was Micah’s house or Micah’s school, but that was kind of out of the question now.
As I was walking to my last class I felt someone grab my arm, I didn’t even react to it because I was too tired and hazy to possibly do such a thing. I looked up to see my brother looking at me. His eyes scanned mine before I just looked down at the ground. I covered my lip with my hand and shook his arm out of my grip.
“What do you want?” I asked.
“So... what happened? Are you okay?” He asked me. I could tell he felt a bit uncomfortable because I don’t think we’ve ever even had a conversation before last night where we weren’t verbally bashing one another.
“Kingston, I don’t really want to talk about it,” I replied.
“Well, is it over?” He asked back. I looked up at my brother and ran my fingers through my hair that desperately needed to be washed.
“Yeah, I think so. I hope so,” I replied. Kingston nodded and then reached out for a second but stopped and let his hand drop at his side.
“Alright... well um I’ll see you at home later then,” He stated. I just nodded and began to walk away before Kingston yelled out my name. I turned around to look at him and he walked up to me again. He sighed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. I should have been the one there to defend you, I’m your brother.”"
“Damnit, Kingston, I don’t need protection,” I said back angrily. “I can take care of myself, I did today. And I would never expect you to ever even want to do something for me, let alone that. To be honest, with the way you’ve treated me, if they would have killed me, I think you’d just be excited that you could turn my room into a fucking gym or something like that. You’ve never been my brother, and I don’t need one now, so go back to your life and stop forcing yourself to be concerned.”
“What the hell is your problem, Peyton,” He replied. “You know that-"
“Bye Kingston,” I replied and walked away from him before he could say another word. As I turned to walk down a hall, I saw Becky De La Cruz standing there with a friend. She looked over at me again, just like she had done when I was talking to Tyler Harrison. Her friend eyed me for a second and stifled a giggle.
“I think maybe you should look in the mirror right now, darling,” The girl said.
“Sarah, stop,” Becky said quietly to her friend. I was almost too tired to deal with this shit, but I never just backed away, so I walked up to the Sarah girl and looked her dead in the eye.
“Say a word to me again and you’ll be the one crying when you look at your bloody face in the mirror, kay sweetheart?” I replied and then reached out and tapped her face twice with my hand. Her eyes widened while I just gave a sarcastic smile and walked away. I didn’t even bother to turn around to see Becky’s face.
I sighed and stopped in the hallway for a second before pushing on the swinging door to a bathroom.
No one was inside, and all that could be heard was the pitter pattering drip of one of the faucets. I stepped inside but stopped for a second to turn and look at myself in the mirror. I knew I looked in complete disarray, with my swollen lip, my greasy hair, and no makeup on my face. I felt ugly, inside and out. I stepped closer to the mirror and put my hand up to my lip, I then grabbed a paper towel and ran it under hot water and then placed it back up to my lip and as I turned back to stare at myself, a lone small tear fell slowly down my face, and more and more tears followed. I watched myself holding the towel to my lip with tears streaming down my face and then sunk down in between the sinks of the bathroom, pulled my knees up to my chest and just sat there, and cried.