Crash

I entered Dr. Barham’s office hesitantly, not even knowing what to think or how to react. My mother wasn’t stupid enough to send me to a therapist that she was cheating on my father with. She wouldn’t do something like that, but then again, here I am, standing in the same room as him. I knew it was the man I saw with her at the grocery store, I could recognize that ridiculous mustache from miles away.

“Is everything alright?” Dr. Barham asked me. I looked up at him and tried to open my mouth, but instead sat down on a chair and stayed silent. “Peyton?” He asked, trying to get my attention again.

“Did my mother put you up to this?” I asked, grabbing the edges of the arms of the brown leather couch that felt cold against my skin.

“Well, she did admit you as one of my clients, so I’d say yes?” Dr. Barham replied.

“That’s not what I mean,” I replied frustratingly. “I know who you are.”

“Well of course you do, I just introduced myself-”

“Don’t treat me like I’m a child, Dr. Barham,” I replied bitterly. I stood up from my chair, feeling dizzy, and then sat back down, trying to regain my composure.

“Are you alright, Peyton?” He replied. I put my head in my hands.

“No, I am not alright,” I almost yelled. Dr. Barham didn’t react, instead he just sat down at the chair opposite of me while I began to feel as if my body was radiating with heat. My leg wouldn’t stop shaking. My breathing became shaky and I quickly pulled my legs up to my stomach and held onto them as I tried to breathe.

“I think you might need to calm down, you seem as if you're having some anxiety right now, possibly a panic attack,” Dr. Barham said smoothly. “Try to take a few breaths.”

“Don’t,” I tried to reply but I felt as if my throat was closing in on me. “Don’t tell me what to do.”

I quickly and shakily reached into my jacket pocket to retrieve a pill bottle and began opening it until Dr. Barham swiftly and calmly put his hand on mine to stop me. I yanked it from his grasp and grabbed two pills, but he grabbed my hand and took both the pill bottle and the pills from me.

“Let me just take them!” I yelled. “They’re for these, these types of situations.” I could barely speak, I felt as if I was on fire and I was speaking through a tunnel where I felt as if he couldn't hear me and I could barely hear him. We were just sparse echoes. I’ve never experienced something like this that was this bad. I couldn't breathe, my body was hot, I was shaking, I.. I needed something to help me.

“Take a few deep breaths, Peyton, nothing bad will happen,” He replied calmly and turned the bottle to read it. “Adapin," He read. "For anxiety and depression. Where did you get these, Peyton?”

“Are you seriously asking me this right now?” I asked, feeling out of breath and smothered. Dr. Barham grabbed my hand and looked me in the eye.

“You are going to be fine,” He said slowly. “Breathe. In and out. In and out.”

I didn’t have enough strength to fight him, so I did as I was told, I breathed slowly and tried to focus my eyes on something still, and I soon enough felt my body slowly cool down, my breathing became more steady and once I was able to sit myself up completely in the chair, Dr. Barham let go of my hand.

“Are you okay?” He asked me. I didn’t respond and he sighed.

“I see you’re used to your clients flipping out in your office,” I muttered while putting my head in my hands, trying to calm myself down.

“Who gave you these pills?” He asked me calmly. “I don’t see anything in your record that a doctor prescribed you-”

“Who do you think gave me them, doctor?” I replied. “Put the puzzle pieces together. If it says I’ve never been prescribed, well by golly, that must mean I took it in my own hands to retrieve them!” I said sarcastically and ran my fingers through my dark brown hair. Dr. Barham sighed.

“Why do you feel the need to be sarcastic with your answers?” He asked me. I laughed and looked up at him. He had dark brown eyes where I couldn’t even see his pupils and his skin looked dry from being out in the sun far too much.

“I think it’d be best for the both of us if I were to leave right now and pretend that I never came,” I stated.

“What do you mean for the both of us?” Barham asked. I looked up at him incredulously.

“Are you serious!? I saw you with my mother at the grocery store two months ago,” I replied.

“Peyton, I’ve never met your mother, I’ve only spoken with her on the telephone about you…”

“Shut up!” I yelled. “Both you and my mother are literally the worst people I’ve ever met if you feel the need to continue to lie to my face. Just stop. I’m not a child.”

“Do you feel as if you’re treated like a child, Peyton?” Barham asked.

“Oh, don’t you dare try to evaluate me right now,” I replied while stifling a bitter laugh. “I need to go. I’ll come back when one of you finally grow a pair and tell me what you’re doing with each other. I’ll be telling my father soon, and this whole thing you guys have going on will be ending.”

“Peyton, I assure you that nothing is going on. I think you need to sit down and we can figure out why you think-”

“Shut up!” I almost screamed. This time Dr. Barham reacted by leaning back in his chair, surprised by the loudness of my voice. “Stop it! I’m not crazy! I know what I saw. Stop trying to turn this around on me!”

And with that, I angrily grabbed my purse, swung open the door and left his office, and as I opened the front door that led outside, I ran down the stairs that led up to it, and ran away, not knowing where I was going, but definitely knew what I was running from.