Facing The Future

If I could have recovered enough from the wave of shock that had just washed over me, I would have lifted my jaw off the floor and pinched myself. However, all I managed to do was just shake my head at the same time as giggling hysterically; who was the mad woman now?

After I recovered (only very slightly) from the incident, my brain decided it finally wanted to engage with my mouth and I felt like I must talk. I didn’t know what I was going to say as such, I’d just have to see what came out. All the while I was trying to calculate the situation; I could see Amelia to the side of me with her mouth also agape. If this wasn’t so serious, I would have cried with laughter.

“Right, err, ok then,” the words splurged out of my mouth, “So here you are, “claiming”, that you are in fact me, only bloody 52 years older?”

“Yes,” she replied, “That would be correct.”

“And, tell me please, why I shouldn’t just pick the phone up now and call the police or someone to come and get you away from me?”

“You know, deep in your subconscious, that you don’t really want to do that,” she said as if trying to brainwash me, “You’re thinking that there might be something in what I’m saying that rings true. So, on the basis of that, why don’t you ask me something only you would know?” Yes, I thought, that seemed a reasonable request.

“What’s her name?” I nodded over in Amelia’s direction.

“Your best friend, whom you have known since you were 12, is Amelia.” She reeled out, “Am I correct?” she asked, but truthfully, she already knew.

“Yes, you are.” I replied dumbfounded. I couldn’t ask another question, I just didn’t know what else to say. Then she sighed and looked at me as if she knew the turmoil my brain was in.

“Is it also correct that Amelia is not at all happy with her Mother’s new partner and she wants to move in with you to get away from it all?”

“Ahhh, no,” I was now seriously freaking out and I realised that she was not a mad woman after all, “I mean, yes; again you are correct.”

“Well, now you can at least see that I really am not making this up. I have lived you all your life up to my age now. I am not here to scare you. I am not here to hurt you in any way.” She said trying to calm me.

“Then why are you here then?” I asked feeling a little less scared. I managed to muffle a small sob that had been building up and tried to hold back a tear that was threatening to fall from my eye.

“I am here as a guide. I will not and cannot change anything that has already happened and what is going to happen, but I can steer you through it; point you in the right direction.” She spoke like a mother. “Have you never wondered what your older self would say to you if you ever met them? Have you ever wondered if they could tell you to do things differently? To change something if you could?”

“No, not particularly,” I responded truthfully, “I’m a firm and strong believer that everything happens for a reason and you can’t change the past.”

“Agreed,” she said, “and like I say, I’m not here to do that. I’m not here to change anything. I’m just here whenever you need me. If you want to talk or you just feel unsure, I’m here.”

“Well, I suppose I should just say thank you, although I don’t know what for.” I said, trying not to sound overly ungrateful. “What use are you really?”

“I can understand why you would ask that question and all I can say to you is, you will see. You don’t know yet,” she said, “you don’t realise, but you’ll know when you need me and you’ll know I’m always here.”

**************************

My head was a tangled ball of mixed emotions. I kind of knew deep down that this woman was telling the truth; that I was telling the truth to myself. On the other hand, I just found it so difficult to believe what was going on. I badly wanted to give Molly a hug; that’s what my heart was telling me. My head, however, was telling me to hold back and see what evolves. All the while, Molly just looked at me with pure love in her eyes.

“What happens now then?” I asked my older self.

“Nothing, something or everything; It’s entirely your choice Molly.”

I sighed with frustration. Now I was even more confused.

“I’m sorry, but exactly what do you mean by that?” I asked again.

“Well,” she started, “You can totally disregard me and anything that’s just happened between us. I cannot go against your wishes. I cannot intrude where I’m not wanted.” That sounded pretty good I thought, but then again? She continued without prompt.

“You could just have me floating around...... Oh Lord,” she said, “I sound like some sort of apparition don’t I? Ha ha. You could just have me around in the background of your life so that you call on me whenever you feel the need, OR, I can be by your side everyday if you so wish. If you choose the latter, you’ve no need to worry about your “street-cred”; I’m not going to be your shadow. No one will be aware of me and I’ll keep a safe distance. Only you will be aware I’m around.”

I didn’t have to think this over too much.

“Well, I kind of liked the idea of the second thing you said if that’s ok?” I asked even though I knew there was no better alternative for me.

“That’s more than ok. Like I said, what you want of me is entirely up to you.”

“Thank you,” I smiled with relief, “Thank you, really. I know I’ve reacted with hostility, but.......” Molly put her right hand up in the air in front of my face as if to stop me from going any further.

“You reacted in a manner which any sane person would. This is a huge thing for anyone to contemplate or come to terms with. There really is no need to apologise. I truly understand.”
I finally smiled at her like I meant it. I stepped towards my older self and hugged her. She wasn’t expecting it and she laughed nervously. As I stepped back, I felt my smile spread uncontrollably across my face.

“I’m going to leave you to yourself now,” Molly said as if she’d got other plans to attend to, “I think Amelia is still in shock and looking at that clock on the wall behind you there,” she pointed behind me and I turned to look, “it seems you don’t have long before you close up and go home.”

I was amazed that the time was 9:35pm; it only felt like I’d been at work for half an hour. Where had the time gone?

“Ok,” I said, “Yes, it’s almost time to get going but are you going to be ok though?”
“Absolutely!” she said. With that she bid goodbye and good evening to the both of us and headed for the exit door. Just as she was about to open the door, she turned and gave us a final wave before heading out and away until I would need her again.