Oblivion.
Oblivion
I never should have fallen for you. That part was my fault.
Because the instant I did we changed.
And then the wedding band changed us.
Did you think I didn't know? Because you were so fucking smart about it. Did you think I didn't see the looks, the smiles you never gave me anymore?
Did you think I didn't notice that you didn't say my name during sex anymore? You were so afraid you'd say the wrong one, weren't you?
You still loved me. You still wanted me. But I had to Mike. I guess I'm selfish, needing you both. But she's the mother of my children for Christ's sake. You're my best friend and God knows I want you.
I thought you understood. I thought you knew that I would never leave her, that I needed to be in that family. I wasn't going to let my kids grow up without a dad like I had to.
And I saw you staring at him, whispering. Soft laughter. I walked in on the pair of you kissing one day, but I left without a word. You never knew that, did you?
When I went home to her, you went home to him. When she lay in my arms, you lay in his. When my lips brushed hers, when my fingers ran through her hair, when I whispered 'I love you' . . .
The sex ceased to be love making. We went through motions. Your eyes didn’t fill with love the way they used to. You never fought tears after like you sometimes did, burying your face in my shoulder when I hugged you. You mumbled 'I love you'.
And I was left alone to cry. I would stumble out to my car, twisting the wedding ring I could never take off, even during our 'meetings'. I would drive around until I pulled into my driveway hours later, sitting there until the redness of my face from crying disappeared. I'd mumble an excuse to her, shower, and then make love to her to cover up the feel of you.
I used to go days without her, just to keep the thought of you inside me in my mind.
But his eyes changed you, his bitten fingernails, the way it was impossible for him to be bitter or harsh like me. The way he didn't have to give his heart to someone else.
The way he wasn't like me.
Like I said, falling for you was my fault.
But don't forget that you fell back.
Because the instant I did we changed.
And then the wedding band changed us.
Did you think I didn't know? Because you were so fucking smart about it. Did you think I didn't see the looks, the smiles you never gave me anymore?
Did you think I didn't notice that you didn't say my name during sex anymore? You were so afraid you'd say the wrong one, weren't you?
You still loved me. You still wanted me. But I had to Mike. I guess I'm selfish, needing you both. But she's the mother of my children for Christ's sake. You're my best friend and God knows I want you.
I thought you understood. I thought you knew that I would never leave her, that I needed to be in that family. I wasn't going to let my kids grow up without a dad like I had to.
And I saw you staring at him, whispering. Soft laughter. I walked in on the pair of you kissing one day, but I left without a word. You never knew that, did you?
When I went home to her, you went home to him. When she lay in my arms, you lay in his. When my lips brushed hers, when my fingers ran through her hair, when I whispered 'I love you' . . .
The sex ceased to be love making. We went through motions. Your eyes didn’t fill with love the way they used to. You never fought tears after like you sometimes did, burying your face in my shoulder when I hugged you. You mumbled 'I love you'.
And I was left alone to cry. I would stumble out to my car, twisting the wedding ring I could never take off, even during our 'meetings'. I would drive around until I pulled into my driveway hours later, sitting there until the redness of my face from crying disappeared. I'd mumble an excuse to her, shower, and then make love to her to cover up the feel of you.
I used to go days without her, just to keep the thought of you inside me in my mind.
But his eyes changed you, his bitten fingernails, the way it was impossible for him to be bitter or harsh like me. The way he didn't have to give his heart to someone else.
The way he wasn't like me.
Like I said, falling for you was my fault.
But don't forget that you fell back.