Never Easy

Banner is made by me.

The smell of Auntie Anne’s pretzels hit Callie’s senses as she entered the mall. Warm air touched her skin as the cool evening breeze was left behind as soon as the glass door slammed shut. Soft music was playing throughout the mall as people walked around from store to store.

“Where to first?” Callie turned to her left and saw Shannon looking at her expectantly waiting for an answer.

She scanned the variety of stores that were in front of her and thought of the rest that were all around the mall. Thinking for one more second, she made her decision. “Forever 21, I guess?”

Shannon nodded and the two girls began to walk in the general direction of the store. “I still can’t believe you decided to wait till the last minute to get your Homecoming dress. You’re lucky I was only fifteen minutes away from here.”

“I know, I know,” Callie sighed. “I may just have to borrow one of yours if I don’t find anything. With everything that’s been going on this week, I completely forgot about the dress.”

It was true. This week had been such a whirlwind and it hadn’t dawned on her till this morning that she still hadn’t picked out a dress yet for Homecoming. How it managed to slip her mind, she had no idea. But she did know that she had to find a dress as soon as possible, considering it was a school night and she still had to get home and finish up her homework.

Tomorrow was the Homecoming game which would be the last game of the season where she would be cheering. It would also be the game that she would be walking down the field with Joe. She wasn’t sure if she should feel scared after what happened the day before yesterday, or if she should feel relieved that she would finally have the chance to talk to him after sneaking in the note into his locker.

The note was her last hope. She hadn’t known what else to do. If he wouldn’t talk to her, the only other way she could think of to get her feelings across was to write him a note and just pray that he would read it. There was still the very large chance that he would tear it up as soon as he saw who it was from, but she was hoping that wasn’t the case.

Shannon looked up at her and frowned. “Has he talked to you yet since yesterday?”

She shook her head as the entered Forever 21. “Nope. I thought he might after I left him the note this morning but I guess that still wasn’t enough for him.”

Her best friend gave her a sad smile. “Everything will work out eventually. It’s just going to take some time.”

Callie bit her lip. “I hope so.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The gymnasium of her high school was buzzing with noise as the students chattered loudly and the teachers tried to maintain order. It was the Homecoming pep rally and everybody had been psyched up for the game since the beginning of the week.

Pep rallies were one of Callie’s favorite things about being a cheerleader. There was something about being in front of the entire school and getting their adrenaline high that she just loved.

The dance team was lined up on one side of the gym while the cheerleaders were on the other side as they both did cheers while more students filed into the gym. They must have repeated all their cheers at least three times before the Student Government president waved to them for them to stop.

The pep rally went by without a glitch, at least for the cheerleading team. They only performed their cheers in the beginning. The rest of the pep rally was filled with the dance team performing, games such as tug a war between the juniors and seniors, a relay race between the teachers and a standing ovation for the football team.

They performed their cheers one more time as everyone was leaving the gymnasium. It was soon deserted with only the dance team, student government and some of the football players staying behind to help clean up. Most of the people were more than happy to stay afterwards and help just so they could miss a few minutes of their next class.

Callie and another cheerleader named Kelly started helping to pick up all the streamers that were lying all over the gym floor. She was one the few girls that she got a long with on the squad. They quickly finished and tossed them into the large trash bags that were put out on the side.

After getting permission from their coach, most of the cheerleaders made their way to the exit of the gymnasium and onto class. It was only when Callie was pushing open the gym doors that she heard her name being called. Turning around, she found Coach Alison waving her over. Saying goodbye to the other girls, she quickly sprinted back to her coach.

“I just need one more favor from you, sorry,” her coach apologized.

Callie smiled. “It’s okay, no problem. What do you need help with?”

Her coach looked behind her and pointed to the other side of the gym where some of the people who had stayed after were standing. “Could you help Joe carry in the music player back to my office? The rest of the boys are helping Coach Haggland so I offered one of my girls to help.”

Callie’s eyes widened. She diverted her eyes to where Joe was standing. He hadn’t noticed that she was still in the gymnasium and probably didn’t think much of it when she was in the earlier. She had known he had been helping but there had been so many people staying after that there had been a slim chance of the two of them interacting.

“Uh-okay,” she replied hesitantly. She gave her coach a weak smile and slowly made her way towards Joe. She could see that his own coach was just now giving him directions and his head turned in her direction.

The two of them made eye contact but she couldn’t read the expression on his face. He looked back at his coach and gave him a slight nod before walking over to where the music player was sitting and waited for her.

“Hey,” she said quietly as she approached him. He looked up at her but didn’t respond. She knew he probably wouldn’t have anyway, especially after the way he had blown up on her a couple days ago.

He lifted one end of the music player indicating for her to do the same. She gently picked it up and followed Joe to the office. Once they got there, they set it down on the desk where a big empty space was, assuming that was the previous location of the music player.

Both of them walked out of the office in silence all the way back to the gym. They were one of the last people left in the gym as everything was pretty much back in order. Her coach signaled to her that she was allowed to leave, as did Joe’s coach.

She was about to go the opposite direction of where Joe was heading when she heard his voice behind her. “See you tonight,” Joe remarked.

Callie turned around in surprise and blinked. Had he really just spoken to her?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bright lights shined down onto the football field as the clock ticked closer and closer to seven fifteen. Callie peeked around the corner and saw that the marching band was just now leaving the field and people were rushing out onto the field to set up Homecoming aisle.

The Homecoming Court was to be lead down the football field in a few minutes. The white arch was in front of the home side’s stands and the aisle was marked by glittery streamers that were pinned down.

The crowd in the stands was the most she had ever seen. The weather was strangely warm for a November evening and almost three fourths of her school was here tonight at the Homecoming Game. It was one of the biggest games of the season and every stand was filled to its maximum capacity.

She turned her back against the football field and focused her attention on what was going on behind the football locker room. The Homecoming Court was backstage waiting for the ceremony to start.

Callie was clad in her cheerleading uniform while Joe on the other hand was in full out gear for football. Instead of standing nearby her, he was with a couple of his other friends who were also on Homecoming Court.

Meanwhile, she had been talking to a couple of her other friends and tried to not let it bother her that Joe was not talking to her besides the fact he had earlier today. It may have been the bare minimum, but it had been enough to get her hopes up high.

“Can we please have everyone paired up now?” the student government president called out. “Freshman court up first please!”

There was confusion for a couple minutes as everyone tried to get into order like how they were previously told to. Joe came over to her and stood next to her without saying a word.

She took this chance to take a good look at him and despite all the feelings that were swarming around in her heart, there was still that one that was largely attracted to him. His football helmet was no where to be seen, letting his tousled hair lay perfectly on his head. His eyes still shone even though they showed no emotion towards her.

She knew they were to link arms as they made their way down the football field but Joe made no move of putting his arm through hers whatsoever. The announcer was just now stating the Homecoming Court and she could hear the screams from the stands as each couple walked down the field.

The couple in front of them started their approach towards the field and Callie knew that it would be sooner than later that they would be following their same path. She took a huge breath and tried to calm the butterflies that were attacking her stomach.

“The Junior Homecoming Court is linebacker Joe Jonas and varsity cheerleader Callie Ryans!” the announcer’s voice boomed.

Joe immediately slid his left arm through her open right arm and the two of them began to walk in syncopated steps down the field. She plastered a smile on her face and she could tell that Joe was doing the same.

Callie knew this was the only chance that she would be able to talk to Joe. There was a very small chance that she may ever talk to Joe after this ever again. This would be the last time they would ever be together again with this opportunity. She had been waiting for Joe to speak first but she knew that she was running out of time.

“Did you read my note?” she asked softly, making sure that a smile was still on her face.

His head turned slightly towards her while she turned her head towards him. They made eye contact for a split second before he snapped back to looking ahead towards the stands.

“Yes,” he simply said.

They were almost to the end of the aisle. Only a few seconds were left before her chance to mend everything that she had broken.

“What did you think?” she asked.

Her heart was racing a mile a minute as she waited for his response. It could come out either way but she didn’t know which way the result would turn. She waited and waited for a response, but none came. He didn’t bother to reply to her question. She decided to try one more time and after that, there was nothing more she could do.

“Does it change how you feel at all?”

“I read the damn note, Callie. What more do you want from me?” Joe demanded in a low tone.

Callie knew the answer to that question. But she knew it was a lot to ask for. But if she didn’t ask for it now, there would never be a chance to ask for it again.

“Forgiveness.”

Dear Joe,

I know that I’m probably the last person on earth you want to talk to right now at the moment. And you have a complete right to feel like that. Who would blame you for that? I’m sure that if I were in your position, I would feel and act the same way.

There’s nothing that I can say that is going to justify my actions. There’s not one thing in the world that can do that. I’m going to try to explain myself but I’m not sure that’s going to do me any good, but I’m going to try.

When I first moved here, I was so scared. I was moving in my junior year of high school and it was to a place where I didn’t know anyone or anything. I didn’t know how I would be perceived here, and I didn’t know how I would be seen as. I’ve always been an independent person, but everyone thinks of what others say about them.

You know first hand that I’m a very stubborn person. When Amanda challenged me to my spot on the cheerleading squad and kept taunting me about my skills, I lost it. I didn’t think and I soon regretted it the moment that I agreed to the bet. But I couldn’t back out because being the stubborn person I am, I cannot let myself being seen as weak.

Joe, I’m saying this from the bottom of my heart. When I met you and I got to know the real you, I fell in love. I fell in love with the one person in my life that treated me so kindly and loved me for who I truly was. I could never have asked for a better boyfriend. You were everything I ever wished for.

I started regretting the bet more and more as our relationship deepened. But I couldn’t tell you about it because I knew what the consequences would be. I assumed that Amanda would never tell you about the bet because she would end up facing the consequences as well. But apparently she was willing to sacrifice the consequences to prove me wrong.

There’s something that I haven’t said yet that I want you to know. I’ve been trying to tell you this since the beginning of the week and this seems to be the only way you’re going to listen to me.

I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry that I hurt you and took advantage of you. It may have been the intention in the beginning, but please play in all the other factors. I got to know an amazing person who I grew to love. I fell in love with the best boyfriend a girl could ever have.

Please believe me when I say that I truly am sorry. If I could do this all over again, I would. I never would have caught up with all the drama and status of high school. There’s nothing I can do to change the past. But we can always make a brighter future.

I’m so sorry, Joe. I really am.

Love,
Callie