PTSD: My Secret Struggle
Chapter Five: Secrets
My body shook with anger as I paced back and forth in front of Rina's steps. I was horrified and blood thirsty I didn't know which one to tend to first. I kicked a car and even scared my friend Daniel, that I was with. Rina knew not to stop me as thoughts of killing the man that did this to Jessica ran through my mind. Rina's words echoed in my head over and over again and I knew I couldn't tell anyone but I wanted to know why didn't she?
"He's paying her afterwards. That's why she spends all her money on us."
I just couldn't bare to listen to what he was doing to her. Random images flew through my head as my urge to crack his skull open grew. He lived right around the corner from Rina, my hands shook with rage everytime we stepped foot over there, but...what hurt me the most was that Jessica was too afraid to tell even me. She had her reasons, reasons I don't clearly remember but I knew it was my fault. Rina told me, that because I was so distant, Jessica felt like she couldn't confide in me.
I cried so much that night, I think I had even cried myself to sleep. And that night the dreams came stronger than ever before. Hands grabbed at me as I tried to fight them away in the dark. When I woke up I was covered in sweat and then I knew I had to tell them. I had to tell that about my own monster.
Can you believe I was less afraid of Freddy Kreuger than people?
No one realizes that your child's worst enemy isn't the strangers from the outside world, but the very people you either trust or the people who live in the same house as you. That's who our worst enemy was...
My cousin was like the brother I never had. Teasing me, running around and being my friend. I really did amire him and until that very day that Rina told me her secret and then Jessica's secret did I realize what happened, was a very bad thing. How was a four year old suppose to know? Sure my parents reminded me time and time again that someone touching me in places was very wrong but for some reason as smart as a child I was, I wasn't smart enough.
I trusted him, as we all trusted these people that were close to our hearts. For me, when they had introduced that game to me, I was a whole other person. I knew too much and too little all at once. A four year old, who enjoyed it and at the same time never really understood it. All that she knew was that it was a secret. A very well kept secret even to this day.
"He's paying her afterwards. That's why she spends all her money on us."
I just couldn't bare to listen to what he was doing to her. Random images flew through my head as my urge to crack his skull open grew. He lived right around the corner from Rina, my hands shook with rage everytime we stepped foot over there, but...what hurt me the most was that Jessica was too afraid to tell even me. She had her reasons, reasons I don't clearly remember but I knew it was my fault. Rina told me, that because I was so distant, Jessica felt like she couldn't confide in me.
I cried so much that night, I think I had even cried myself to sleep. And that night the dreams came stronger than ever before. Hands grabbed at me as I tried to fight them away in the dark. When I woke up I was covered in sweat and then I knew I had to tell them. I had to tell that about my own monster.
Can you believe I was less afraid of Freddy Kreuger than people?
No one realizes that your child's worst enemy isn't the strangers from the outside world, but the very people you either trust or the people who live in the same house as you. That's who our worst enemy was...
My cousin was like the brother I never had. Teasing me, running around and being my friend. I really did amire him and until that very day that Rina told me her secret and then Jessica's secret did I realize what happened, was a very bad thing. How was a four year old suppose to know? Sure my parents reminded me time and time again that someone touching me in places was very wrong but for some reason as smart as a child I was, I wasn't smart enough.
I trusted him, as we all trusted these people that were close to our hearts. For me, when they had introduced that game to me, I was a whole other person. I knew too much and too little all at once. A four year old, who enjoyed it and at the same time never really understood it. All that she knew was that it was a secret. A very well kept secret even to this day.