A Ballad For Beulah

As summer became fall, Beulah failed to hear from Billie Joe aside from one phone call around Halloween. She didn't consider the child support he was paying her on the downlow as actual contact, because all it was to her was a piece of paper with his signature and an amount of money for her to buy things she needed for the home, for Bailey and to save for things he'd need in the future.

She was, in a way, disappointed.

Though, she didn't believe she had the right to demand his presence, knowing full well he had a legitimate family back in the Bay area. Whereas, Bailey was just his illegitimate son and she was just the mother. And the last thing she wanted to do was piss Billie Joe off by blabbing the truth.

Then, before she knew it, Christmas had arrived.

And so did another check, followed by a UPS truck delivering a shitload of boxes to Beulah's apartment. Inside was nothing but Christmas gifts for Bailey. All the kinds of things a child that was almost two would want.

Beulah was happier than a pig in shit that Billie Joe was sending such nice things and helping her financially.

But what good were nice things if Bailey wasn't able to know the person sending them?

To know his own father.

Billie Joe was missing out on so much. And telling Billie Joe in an email or random phone call, and even a letter, only went so far.

To say she ached for him to be there was an understatement. And not necessarily in the romantic or sexual sense. But in the 'I Don't Want My Son To Grow Up Fatherless' sense.

Granted she'd had Elliot raising her and was surrounded by a bunch of older brothers, but she had missed out on ever knowing her father, because death had dealt the fatal card. Beulah didn't want Bailey to go through what she went through. She wanted her child, her son, to know his father while the time was allotted them on this green earth.

But, Christmas passed, and the year 2003 blew in like a sullen, winter wind. It was depressing and everything Beulah did, was only done for Bailey. Her friends called her to come out for a girls' night out. Evelyn had even offered to babysit the adorable little boy so she could have some time to herself, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

A part of her doted even more on Bailey because she saw him as an extension of Billie Joe. With every passing day he began to look more and more like his punk rock father. Even down to his developing personality and penchant for being charming while subtly being full of mischief.

Beulah wasn't able to admit to herself that, aside from having her son in her life, she was lonely.

And scared.

Scared that this was all that life had to offer her. That she was doomed to being a single mother with no one to ever love her again.

And heaven forbid, that she'd never have sex again.

Oy vey.

But she didn't want another one night stand. She wanted a lover, a boyfriend, a man.

Her heart ached for that. Painfully.

And because of the dull ache, it wore her out a little. Some would say it aged her. Some would say it depressed her. Some would even say she was a hopeless romantic, seeking the mythological knight in shining armor.

But that was just it. The knight was just a myth. A story. Made-up to feed the dreams of hopeless romantics like Beulah, who would never see the light of love. Sad as that may sound.

When March rolled around, Beulah was getting stir crazy.

It was hard to believe that Billie Joe couldn't steal away from his homelife to see his other son for at least a day or two, tops.

She picked up her phone, dialed his cell number and prayed he'd answer and that she didn't get his voicemail.

After three rings, she became nervous, but then, after the fourth, someone on the other end picked up.

"Billie's phone. How may I direct your call?" came a seemingly alien voice, that wasn't Billie Joe's at all.

"Hello?" Beulah muttered, suspiciously.

"Hello?" the person repeated. It was a male voice, a little on the deep side with a cheery lilt to it.

"Mike?" Beulah asked, a little confused.

"Yeah, this is Mike. Who's this?"

"Oh," she sighed. "Mike, this is Beulah. I thought Billie Joe would be answering his phone."

"No, he left it at my house. I was on my way to go to his place and drop it off," the bassist explained. "How you doing? Long time, no chat. And, well, see."

Smiling a little to herself, Beulah shrugged a shrug Mike had no way of seeing. "I'm pretty sure I've seen better days...somewhere."

The other end of the phone fell silent, and Beulah began to wonder if they'd somehow been disconnected.

"Mike?"

"Goddamnit," she heard him mutter finally. "Billie Joe hasn't called has he?"

This time, it was Beulah who fell silent for a few moments. Then, "No."

"When was the last time you talked?"

"October."

"That...asshole. He said he'd called you, and I assumed he meant, not just the one time," Mike grumbled. "Has he sent any child support or anything? How you holding up financially?"

"I'm fine, I swear. He's been sending checks. He sent practically a whole truck full of presents at Christmas for Bailey. And I think I'm gonna hafta move because I don't have room for it all," she tried to joke, though it came out hollow.

"That's what would be called guilt spending," the bassist informed. "He was feeling guilty for being a fucking dipshit, so he thought the best way to compensate for said dipshittedness, would be spending money on toys and other crap. Make him feel like he's actually doing something."

"Bailey doesn't need anymore toys," Beulah remarked, sadly.

"No, you're right. He doesn't. What he needs is his fucking father." There was more grumbling on Mike's end but it was incoherent to her ears. "Listen, Beulah, I feel like I should be apologizing to you for Billie Joe. I feel like maybe I shoulda been on his ass, making sure he wasn't being such a dickhead."

"It's not your fault. Don't apologize."

"I know, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel that way. And, for what it's worth, I am sorry. Sorry for Billie's lack of common sense in regard to you and Bailey, sorry for how you must be feeling..."

"Thank you," she sighed. "Well, uh...could you just do me a favor and have Billie call me when he gets his phone back?" she inquired, hopefully.

"Oh, don't worry. I'll make sure of it."

"Alright. Thanks a lot, Mike."

"Don't mention it," he responded, the smile in his voice reaching Beulah's ears and making her smile as well. "I'll talk to you later. And that's a promise."

"'Kay. Bye."

"Bye."

In the Bay area, Mike turned off Billie Joe's cell phone, ending his conversation with Beulah as he inwardly fumed at how insensitive his best friend was being.

Illegitimate or not, Bailey was still his son and deserving of a father just as much as Joey and Jakob. There was no excuse for Billie Joe's actions, and Mike would make him see the error of his ways if it was the last thing he did.

* * *

Needless to say, Mike got on Billie Joe's ass all right.

The day after her conversation with Mike, Billie Joe called her, apologizing profusely for being such an insensitive jerk and wondering if she could forgive him. And he also asked if it was alright for him to come visit for a few days.

And, now, what was Beulah going to say? No? Of course not. She wanted him to be with his son, but a part of her wanted to turn him away for being such a bastard. Yet, there he was again. Charming as ever. Like a drug she was horribly addicted to and in need of some serious detox to get him out of her system.

So, she said yes. Yes, of course. Because, damn it all to hell if she still didn't want him. After everything that'd transpired since their one night stand together, to this point...she still wanted him.

* * *

Billie Joe arrived in Vegas about a couple weeks after his first of several phone calls.

And, damn. He still looked good.

The moment she heard the knock at her apartment door and opened it up to his smoldering green eyes, any hard feelings she'd had against him seemed to disappear into nothingness.

She welcomed him in and they hugged a little awkwardly. Though, Beulah couldn't help herself but practically melt against his embrace. It was so warm and inviting.

Something of which nearly two-year-old Bailey was just as drawn to as he came walking into the living room from his bedroom with a sippy cup in one of his hands.

"Daddy!" Bailey beamed, flashing a smile that mirrored the ones Billie Joe wore when he was truly excited about something.

"Hey!" the punk rocker exclaimed in return as he crouched down to his son's level and hoisted him up into his arms, setting the boy on his narrow hip, one arm under his little butt and his free hand holding onto Bailey's left wrist as he leaned in and gave him a kiss. "How's my boy?"

"I good," Bailey replied.

Billie Joe looked over at Beulah and smirked. "He's talking a lot better now."

She just nodded, as if wanting to say, 'Duh. You'd have known that if you were around.' But instead, said, "Yeah, he's sure growing up fast, isn't he?"

"Yeah," Billie Joe replied guiltily.

"I'm making spaghetti. Want some?" she asked.

"Uh, sure. Though I'd be fine with a piece of bread and a glass of water. It's all I deserve."

"Can we just pretend there's nothing for you to be sorry for?" she bit out a little hurried. She then took a steady breath and frowned. "Sorry, it's just...it's just easier if we forget about it. Make it a thing of the past."

Billie Joe just studied her face and then nodded. "Yeah, okay. Sure. Consider it forgotten in that case."

"Thanks," Beulah muttered as she lead the way to the table where everything was already set up.

* * *

For the next week, Billie Joe bunked out on Beulah's couch at night and spent the days taking care of Bailey. A few times, while Beulah was at work, waitressing at the MGM Grand, he grabbed a cab and took his son to the mall and whatnot, letting him buy toys that his chubby, little hands tried reaching for as they window shopped.

When Beulah came home and noticed there were more toys, she felt a pang of anger.

Toys wouldn't buy her son's love. Being there for him more often would.

She kept her emotions to herself the remainder of Billie Joe's stay, but the last night, after Bailey was asleep, she not only surprised Billie Joe by letting him know how she felt, but she also surprised herself.

Beulah walked right up to him, arms folded across her chest and staring down at him as he sat on her couch, watching a rerun of Will & Grace. Looking up at her, he felt a lump form in his throat.

"Yeah?" he inquired, cautiously.

"No more guilt spending."

"What?"

"No more trying to make yourself feel better about not being here by buying Bailey more toys than he needs and that I can fit in his room or this damned apartment."

She tried to convey how serious she was by keeping a tightlipped expression but she wasn't that good with it when Billie Joe was involved. She was just too soft around him.

Weak, some would say.

He was, in essence, her kryptonite.

Standing up, Billie Joe rested a hand on her arm and bowed his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't think it was guilt spending, I just...I was trying to make up for the time I lost..."

"Time you lost because you let it get lost," she amended.

"Yeah...and I'll always be sorry for that. For this."

As Beulah turned her head away, he reached his other hand up and placed it on the side of her face, trying to get her to look at him. "Bee," he muttered, but was unsuccessful. "Baby..."

That did it.

Her sad blue eyes met his green ones as he brought the hand that rested on her arm up to mirror what his other hand was doing; now cupping her face in both hands.

"You're too sweet and pretty to be sad. Leave the blue for your eyes, 'kay?" he suggested in a small, but charming voice.

She didn't reply right away, but did hold his gaze; finding it a little hard to turn away. And frankly, not wanting too.

"It's hard to not be sad, Billie," Beulah responded. "I'm alone here. I'm the single parent doomed to be single forever because I can't get over you," she admitted. "And Bailey looks more like you every day. It's hard not to see you in everything he does, which makes me think more about what I can't have."

"You had me once."

"Once wasn't enough," she replied with a quivering chin.

"You know I can't be with you," Billie Joe spoke solemnly. "I love Adrienne. She's my wife, and I plan on it being that way until I die."

Her nose turning a shade of red, which matched the tinge of red in her cheeks, Beulah's eyes welled up with tears.

"All I ever wanted was you," she blubbered.

Billie Joe looked down guiltily as he licked his lips, while still holding her face in his hands. "Baby..."

"You shouldn't call me that," she whispered. "It takes on a whole new meaning when I'm no longer ten."

Knowing he shouldn't, but hating how she felt such a pang of longing for him, he did it anyway.

Leaning closer, he whispered, just an inch away from her lips, "Baby..."

Beulah closed her eyes and they pressed their foreheads together. "Billie, please don't..." she trailed. "Don't stop," she surprisingly added.

"Baby," he whispered again, this time his lips lightly brushed hers, but not in so that they kissed. It was like a feather against her mouth.

It was there, but barely.

And then, "Oh, Baby."

With the words having escaped his lips, Billie Joe pressed his mouth to hers, fuller and harder. Kissing her softly at first. But given how emotional she was at the moment, her hands shot up and gripped his shoulders as she snaked her arms around his neck.

The two of them began to wage a battle of who could kiss the most feverishly, it seemed, as Billie Joe's arms wrapped around her waist and drew her tightly up against his lean body.

"Billie, I---"

"No more words," he said, cutting her off. "No words." Kiss. "No thoughts." Kiss. "No apologies." Kiss. "No more..."

For some reason, Beulah nodded and just gave in. For this moment in time, all she wanted was for him to hold her again. To love her. To make her feel the way a woman needed to feel.

Without saying anything further, Billie Joe lifted his shirt off over his head and threw it to the couch and then his fingers fumbled for hers as he lifted it up over her head and let it fall away.

Burying his face in the crook of her neck, he let her hands continue the dance as she began to undo his pants while he pushed any coherent thoughts to the farthest corners of his mind.

Damn it. Why'd he get himself into these situations?

Well, for the time being, he didn't rightly give a fuck.

Pulling her away from him, Billie Joe wasted no time, freeing Beulah of her own pants, lifting her up by hooking his hands under her arms and then setting her on the table and pushing her down on it.

With hungry hands and eyes, Beulah drew him on top of her as he slowly, he climbed onto the table, hovering over her unclothed body and looking her in the eye, teasing her just slightly.

"Billie..." she breathed.

"Judging by that tone...no more teasing," he muttered as he covered her mouth with his.

She arched her neck slightly, biting down on his fuller bottom lip before they locked eyes while making love, with Billie Joe muffling their cries by claiming her lips

When they were spent, Beulah clawed at his back and buried her face up into his clammy chest, nipping slightly at his salty skin to keep from crying out to loud, just as he reached his peak and fell from it like a skydiver without a parachute.

Collapsing on top of her, he pinned her to the table, and smiled against her lips as he kissed her.

"I'm...I'm a..." he began, trying to catch his breath. "I am a very, very bad man," he snickered.