A Ballad For Beulah

Before anyone had noticed, the year came to an end and 1991 had begun. Tom was busy doing poorly in school, complaining that perhaps college wasn't his thing, or at least not Mass Communications. Billie Joe had turned 19 and had changed his looks again, although only slightly. He had cut his hair pretty short. Tre had let his hair grow out a little, his brown hair with a reddish hue and then there was Mike who had grown his hair back out but it was now somewhat dark brown. He even sported an ornate, cross tattoo on his left, upper arm.

It seemed like everyone was changing, except for Beulah. She was nearing her eleventh birthday; which still made her nothing but a child to her brother and his friends who were pretty much adults at this point.

And during the months that had come and gone, her crush on Billie Joe was still alive, if not more vibrant. She welcomed turning eleven in May because it meant she was closer to being older.

Tom had left Cal Berkeley, deciding to take a year off until he was sure what he wanted to do, and started working full time at a record store in Oakland while moving into the basement apartment with the Green Day guys in Berkeley. Beulah spent the summer hanging out with Tom, as she found Elliot was hard to hang around when he was home. He seemed a little resentful most of the time, and she didn't understand why. Then there was Steve who was wrapped up in hanging with his girlfriend and his brand new driver's license, giving him an excuse to come and go as he pleased because he was now sixteen.

Larry was going to be starting high school in the fall so, he was already starting to change a little, becoming more independent and spending less time with Nick and Beulah. And Beulah also had to realize that she wouldn't be going to the same school as Nick anymore. He'd be going to middle school and she'd be entering sixth.

She'd be alone for the first time ever, and she didn't like it. There'd always been at least one person with her. And to top things off, Claire had said she wasn't coming out to California during the summer. Which meant it would be three years since the Masons in the Sunshine State had seen the oldest sister.

Dealing with these transitions as best as she knew how, Beulah tried to, once again, make the best out of her life.

Then, on July 4th, Tom came and picked up Nick and Beulah, bringing them to the beach where there was a cook out going on.

The Green Day members were there, which always brought a smile to Beulah's face, but she was in no way expecting to meet her.

Adrienne Nesser.

Billie Joe's girlfriend had flown out to California for two weeks to visit him. Bedecked in a head full of dark brown dreadlocks, Adrienne wore jean shorts that were tattered at the bottoms where they had obviously once been pants, and a plain white top.

Despite how the eleven-year-old Beulah felt jealous of someone about ten years older than her, she couldn't help but like the young woman.

Adrienne was nice and friendly, soft spoken and had a great sense of humor. She was smart, and she even helped Beulah out at one point during the cook out when everyone was playing volleyball and the worst thing that could ever happen to a young girl, happened.

And of all the times it had to happen, as well.

Beulah had been feeling achy in her stomach and lower back all day, thinking that something she had eaten had reacted badly. When she stood up to walk over to the edge of the water, she was surprised when Adrienne, basically the only other female at the barbecue, walked up to her and smiled.

"Beulah, right?" Adrienne spoke.

Beulah nodded. "Yeah."

The older woman bit her lower lip and then leaned down to the eleven-year-old's level. "Honey, have you had your period yet?" she wondered cautiously.

Confused, Beulah looked at Adrienne with uncertainty at first, but then shook her head.

An expression of sympathy spread across Adrienne's lovely features as she moved behind Beulah, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I don't know how to say this, but you just did."

That was enough to put the fear of God into the preteen. "What? Omigod...what?"

"Shh, it's okay. I have plenty of experience on what to do. Just come with me and we'll go to the bathrooms back off the beach," Adrienne suggested as she began to pull her T-shirt off, leaving her wearing only her bikini top underneath. "And, here. Wrap this around your waist as best as you can."

Beulah felt so embarrassed as she did what Adrienne told her. But the two of them walked slowly, side by side, up off the beach and toward the bathroom building. As soon as they were inside, Adrienne directed her into one of the stalls. Beulah stood in the stall, alone, while Adrienne went to a dispenser on the wall, put in a dime, and turned the nozzle as a tampon fell out. Walking back to the stall, she slid it under the door and began to coach the girl on how to take care of herself in this situation and how to put the tampon in.

When Adrienne heard soft, muffled sobs after she knew all was said and done, her heart broke.

"Beulah? Are you okay?"

Beulah just kept crying, though mumbled out a few things here and there. "I'm sorry. It's just...I didn't know what I was gonna do, and...and..."

"Are you all done in there?"

"Yeah."

"You decent?"

"Yeah."

"Can you unlock the door?"

Beulah unlatched the lock on the stall door as she wiped tears off her face with the palms of her hand. Adrienne's hand reached out as she patted the young girl's shoulder and smiled.

"Welcome to womanhood, hon. I know it's scary and it aches, but it comes with the package."

"Wh-what do I do now?"

"Well, you need to tell your mom or someone so they can buy you some pads or tampons. And then you're gonna need aspirin for when the cramps really kick in and start to hurt. But it'll only last for about three to four days. And I suggest Midol for the aspirin."

Beulah's bottom lip quivered as Adrienne spoke. "But I don't have a mom," she replied. "My parents died when I was six. And my sister lives in Cincinnati. I only have my brothers and I can't tell them. It'd be too weird...and..."

"I'm sorry, Beulah. I didn't know that. But even if you don't have a woman in the house, you still need to tell your brothers. You can't not go without the proper supplies."

"But what if I forget what to do with the...with the thingy?"

Adrienne smirked at the thought she was having. "Tell you what. First, how about we get you some Midol because you look like you wanna keel over and die. Then, how about I write down some directions that you can...study and memorize? How's that sound?"

Beulah nodded slowly. "Okay...thank you."

"It's nothing," Adrienne insisted. "Where would we be if one woman didn't pass along advice to help another woman?"

Dipping her head to her chin, Beulah joined Adrienne at the sink while she washed her hands and then her face. Adrienne brushed some hair off the younger girl's face and gave her an encouraging smile.

"Don't worry. You'll be all right."

* * *

Needless to say, the 4th of July was monumental for two reasons. For one, it marked Beulah's entry into womanhood. But, secondly, it also gave her someone she could look up to that didn't have a penis. Even though Adrienne Nesser lived in Minneapolis, she wrote to the young woman from time to time for different advice she couldn't get from her own sister who was pretty much the same distance away.

And yet, at the same time, Beulah still crushed on Billie Joe, despite really admiring Adrienne.

It was just odd like that.

When she started the sixth grade, she felt different about herself, because now, as Adrienne said, she was a woman. She suddenly felt a little more aware of herself and found she was slightly more confident in whatever she did. And the determination she'd always had to get by and survive only enhanced those feelings.

Again, like Adrienne had said, she would be all right.

* * *

Beulah spent the last three months of '91 continuing to ogle over Billie Joe, completely giddy over having had her picture taken with just him at Tom's 19th birthday party in November. She kept it tucked under her pillow at night and when she woke up, she tucked it, ritually, into her folder she took to school and kept hidden in her desk until the school day ended, wherein, she took the picture back home and placed it back under pillow; thus starting the ritual over.

By the time 1992 rolled around, Beulah had learned how to take care of being a woman, in the PMS sort of way. Granted she had become quite moody, but she'd also seemed to grow into herself. Her body was finally starting to develop some slight curves here and there, and she was even getting some boobs!

Finally! Woo!

And not only had she surpassed needing a training bra. She went from not needing anything at all to desperately needing an A cup bra.

Oh, the times they were a-changing.

Then, if becoming more 'womanly' in her eyes at least wasn't enough, Beulah learned through the grape vine that Billie Joe and Adrienne had broken up because the long distance relationship was hard to maintain. And sure, Beulah was sad for both of them because she wanted them to both be happy, but she couldn't help the small pang of joy in the pit of her stomach.

Billie Joe was, although unattainable to her, a single man once again.

Beulah began spending as much time with Tom as possible, when he invited her to, just so she could be near Billie Joe. They'd all be at the house in Berkeley and the guys would seem to branch off into different rooms, leaving her alone in front of the TV, but Billie Joe always managed to come back into the room and sit down beside her; the two of them chatting about this and that. He told her water downed versions of raunchy jokes Mike had told him, making her laugh and smile, and she told him about how school was going, with him relating his past experiences of the days before middle school and how he'd been expelled twice.

It was so surreal to Beulah. It felt like she had finally been able to break through to her crush on some sort of deeper level. Even if it was like a May-December friendship.

And then one day, when she was over, sitting on the couch with him as usual while he held Blue on his lap, the two of them watched 'Beavis & Butthead' on MTV and chatted away, as usual.

"You know what? You're kinda like the baby sister I never had," Billie Joe remarked out of the blue. "I was always the youngest, so I had no one younger in my family to pick on or give advice to or protect from bullies; my nieces and nephews don't count. But I think I'm doing that kinda sorta vicariously through you. You're kinda like my surrogate sister now."

Sister wasn't what she wanted him to think of her as, but since he was now twenty and she almost twelve, it was what she would have to make do with.

"Well, uh...you, Tre and Mike are like three more brothers," she added lamely, pushing some blonde hair behind her ears.

"You know how I've been calling you 'Bee?'" he asked rhetorically as she nodded. "Well, I think I'm gonna give you another nickname, 'cause, you know, one can never have too many."

"What are you gonna call me?" she wondered, throwing him a side glance.

He hesitated for a moment, twisted his mouth in a puckered thinking expression and then smiled. "Baby. Short for 'Baby Sister.' What d'you think of that?"

Smiling and biting her bottom lip, Beulah shrugged. "It's cool."

"Cool," he repeated.

* * *

Not that long after the new nickname dubbing, Beulah was presented with a CD from Tom, out of the blue. At second glance, she realized that Green Day had put out their second indie album, Kerplunk! and this was an advance copy before Lookout! Records put it out for purchase.

Greedily, she opened it up to look at what the CD and sleeve entailed. And, in the liner notes -- a.k.a., the thank yous -- is where Beulah's heart seemed to skip a beat, pop out of her chest and do a jig.

There in the first column, a little more than halfway down, amongst the other names of people being thanked, was the name 'Baby.'

She'd gotten thanks. Right? Who else could Baby be but her?

Not letting any further analysis break her mood, Beulah happily skipped off into her room and put the CD into the CD player she'd gotten for Christmas, and reveled in listening to Billie Joe singing.

Everything was almost too perfect.

And nothing could go wrong.

* * *

Of course, she spoke too soon.

Right after Beulah's twelfth birthday, Elliot received a choice to transfer to either the Kelly AFB in San Antonio, Texas or to the Dover AFB in Dover, Delaware.

He chose the first one, but either choice was heartbreaking for Beulah, because it meant leaving California. It meant leaving the first home she'd lived in the longest, which was four years. It meant leaving behind Tom who was set up in Berkeley and planning on returning to Cal Berkeley in the fall as a business major.

But mostly, it meant leaving behind the person who made her smile and giggle and feel a hundred and ten percent better just by thinking about him.

It meant saying goodbye to Billie Joe.

Probably for forever.

She tried to convince herself that there would be other crushes, because she was still young, but something in the back of her mind insisted that Billie Joe was different. That he was someone who'd be in her heart and head no matter what.

Like a ghost doomed to haunted her for eternity.