So What If I Never Hold You?

It was about midnight, and I was laying on my bed thinking about what happened. I couldn't believe how stupid I had been. I didn't even think it was technically rape since I had been consensual to the cocaine part. Who knows if I had even said no? For all I knew, I could've been completely okay with it at the time, and now knowing what happened, that i felt regret. As I lay there in thought, Motley Crue was playing softly from the stereo speakers. There was no noise other than this and the faint noise of the T.V. in Mom's room as she fell asleep. She had checked in on me to make sure I was okay earlier, and I just told her that Valary and I would get over it in time... Too bad I sucked at lying, because I was sure I was revealing something else. Justin wasn't home from yet, and I only prayed he was out partying rather than receiving news from anyone in our group.

I had begun to hear the branches of the tree right outside my window rustle in what I thought was the wind. Being there was only a slight breeze, I knew I had been wrong. Following my instincts, I got up and walked to the window to see what was outside. I opened the window and looked down only to see a dark figure climb up the tree. I felt a panic in my chest as I stepped back from the window. I thought he'd been coming back. "Who the hell are you?!" I whispered loudly, scared to give a real voice just not to betray my panic.

"Bella, It's just me, Brian," The voice had some how heard my whisper and spoke back. But I knew that it was Brian's voice, so my heart calmed. He climbed into the window closing shutter-like window pane, then walked to me slowly. He gave me a hug, which I returned. "I'm so sorry, Bella, are you okay?" He asked me as he cradled me against him.

"I think so," I answered in a weary, sorrowful, and scared tone. I hugged him back.

"I won't let anyone hurt you like that again," He assured me, still not letting go.

"But, what if your not there?" I argued looking up at his face.

He couldn't answer me, he just sighed in a nearly heartbroken way. "I'll do what I can Miranda," He once again assured me.

I could feel the tears well up, but I swallowed them back as best as I could. Now, not only was I thinking about tonight's events, but also of an event that happened when I was 8-years-old. We were playing football with the other nieghborhood kids, and I scored against his team, making the winning touchdown. When one of the kids started trying to kick my ass he stepped in and unleashed a can of whoop-ass on him. When it was over, he said he wouldn't let anyone hurt me and the arguement was similar. Of course the "I'll do what I can, Miranda" part was in that.

"I've heard that before," I mumbled against his chest as I let a few tears fall.

I knew he heard me, because he tightened his embrace and let go of me. He took me hand and led me to the bed where he sat down. Sitting down next to him, he told me "At least you know one thing, Bella."

"What's that?"

"As long as I am around, you are safe,"

With that, I actually felt safe, finally giving a meaningful smile in the happiness that I was infact temporarily safe.