Stupid

“Are you sure you wanna go?” Alex asked me, bringing our tangled fingers up to his mouth, resting them against his lips. Least to say, butterflies started moving around in my chest.

“I’m sure, I need to go, I can’t think in a situation like that, and lately, I’ve been really confused about my feelings for the people on this tour,” I hummed.

“I understand, just call me as soon as you land, and do you know how long you’re gonna be gone for…tour ends soon,” Alex mumbled.

“I’ll probably stay home the rest of the tour, so I’ll see you when you get home?” he nodded, sadly. “Don’t be letting all those girlies play with your heart now,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood, a little.

Alex laughed a bit. “I’m gonna miss you, Josey!”

“I know, and I’ll miss you, but you’re not gonna see me for, what, four days tops. Imagine if I didn’t tour with you guys, you’d probably end up a neurotic mess.”

“That may be true,” Alex smiled, roughly. “Jessa is waiting for you at the gate, you best be going.”

I nodded. “I should, yeah,” I breathed in, deeply. “I’ll call you as soon as I land! I love you, Alex!”

“I love you, too, Josey.”

· · ·

I met up with Lisa at the mall, two days later, after leaving the tour, but I couldn’t handle being there anymore. Lisa told me a shopping trip would help me feel better, I couldn’t help but agree, rearranging my closet and getting a new wardrobe would help me drown out the sorrows of my old life, letting the new things slide into my life with a pleasant harmony.

Lisa linked arms with me, dragging me from store to store, I didn’t care too much; Lisa had a great sense of fashion. I enjoyed letting her shop for me, and what not. She’s great with clothes, and matching colors.

It wasn’t long before we found ourselves needing food, and wandering around the food court. We settled on some pizza, and went to sit at one of the tables set up there. Lisa took a bit of her slice of pizza.

“Hot, hot, hot, it’s fucking hot,” she choked, making me laugh.

“It might be hot, you should be careful.”

“Thanks for the warning, Josey, you’re fucking amazing,” she bit out sarcastically. “But anyway, why are you here? And not on tour?”

“I can’t handle it.”

“Can’t handle what?”

“Trying to get over Jack in that environment, it’s too hard,” I sighed.

“So, you’re running away from your problems,” I growled, a little.

“Yes, I suppose, you can say that.”

“Josey, can I tell you a secret,” Lisa looked at me, the seriousness that was in her voice somewhat disturbed me.

“Of course you can, Lisa.”

“Alex is in love with you.”

I sat there for a second, not breathing. “What?” a rush of air escaped my lungs.

“Alex loves you, he’s been in love with you. You’re part of the reason we broke up, we both knew love just wasn’t for us, it was for me and my beau and you and Alex,” Lisa spoke quickly.

“I think I need to go home and think, okay?” I stood up form the table. “Will you bring me my bags tomorrow, please?” Lisa nodded, and I left the table.

· · ·

I sat on my bed, an hour later, trying to remember the things Alex had told me about the girl.

She’s nice to everyone, even people she doesn’t get along with.
I was nice to Jessa and Victoria, even though I hated them, well, really disliked them.

She thinks she can’t sing and hates her voice, but if her favorite song comes on the radio, she’ll start dancing and singing along with the lyrics, sounding like an angel.
Every time I start singing, he’s always there, telling me I sound great, even though I disagree.

She loves fashion but hates shopping.
Way true, shopping gives me the worst headaches.

She’d rather watch sports than play videos games, but she’d rather play video games than read.
True, the only thing I read is comic books, but I don’t even read those a lot, I’d rather just sit down and watch football.

She hates Cherry Coke, but loves Wild Cherry Pepsi, and she hates Pepsi but loves Coke.
True statement.

She stands up for anyone and everyone.
I always do.

She fucking loves chap stick, she thinks it’s the best creation God could have ever made.
I pat my jeans pocket and felt that I had two tubes of chap stick in there.

She’s absolutely perfect, but her heart belongs to someone else and I’m not going to stand in her way.
My heart belonged to Jack, and he wasn’t going to stand in the way of it…wow.

I, then, moved to the mirror on my vanity, as I remembered that he also described her looks.

She has dyed hair, I’m not sure why she did it, I mean…it suits her, but her natural hair color is just to die for.
My hands touched my fake blond hair, maybe I could go back to natural, my roots are starting to show anyway.

She’s got a button nose, and blue eyes.
My fingers crowded my nose, and then I looked straight into my crystal blue eyes.

Her lips are a nice pink color, fits her face.
My eyes, then, zeroed in on my lips, realizing that were a nice pink color, and it did go on with my complexion.

She’s not all that tall, but I love it.
I stood up from my vanity, and looked at my height, I wasn’t tall at all.

She’s got the most softest pale skin I’ve ever felt.
Although my skin wasn’t as pale as it used to be, due to touring, it was still somewhat milky and awfully soft.

It is me, I’m the girl.

Now I just need to figure out if I love him, as well.