Stupid

You know what I hate? That tight feeling in your chest that follows the sound of your heart breaking. I think it’s the worst, and I’m not exactly sure why, but I always put myself in those situations. But it doesn’t stop with that, it just keeps getting worse. You cannot breathe, you start feeling warm, your heart swells as does your tear ducts, you can feel your cheeks flush with frustration because you’ve finally let it be known that you are feeling weak.

I get that way every time we go on tour with Cobra Starship, I love them to death, don’t get me wrong; they are my family. But every time we see them Vicky and Jack have got to reconnect, which means making out before soundtrack, oral in the backstage bathroom, a quickie in Cobra’s room, sex in All Time Low’s bus. Thank God, for the first part of the activities I was heavily distracted by merch; folding and selling. But when the buses pulled out of the lot and began the travel to the next stop, I was forced to stay cooped up in my bunk, not daring to move anywhere from it, softly blasting my iPod. But it did not really help considering Jack’s bunk was right across from mine, the reason? If he got scared of the dark, he wouldn’t have to go far to feel comfortable again.

I was listening to the explosive sound of Senses Fail, trying to drift into some kind of slumber. Just as I was about to finally fall into my very own dreamland, I felt my phone vibrate three times, I sighed grabbing my phone and noticing I had three text messages.

My bunk’s always open, babe.

Is what the first one read, I smile replying back to Alex with a smiley and a simple I know.

I jacked your phone while we were folding clothes, btw, this is Cassadee!

I laughed and quickly typed back You’re a sneaky little fuck! [:

How was the first night? Jack and Vic are bonking, right? Rian called me earlier and said they’ve been going like little bunnies in Spring! Lisa says hello!

I pushed reply and started typing Hectic, Vinny’s not due until tomorrow and then you’re not here for like a week! Yep, they’re going at it like bunnies in Spring, I’m about to castrate somebody. Tell Lisa I say hello right back!

I quickly opened the next message, which was from Alex.

Just making sure you knew, I’m going to bed now, though, just so you know. Sweet dreams!

Sweet dreams to you too, Alex!

I opened the next message which was, of course, from Cassadee.

I am real sneaky, almost ninja level! So spill about this whole Jack thing. ;]

How’d you know?! I’ll tell you tomorrow though, it’s way too long of a story.

Kara’s message next.

Awhh, I’m very sorry, boob! But just imagine what havoc will be induced because we’re both there! >:]! Anyway, I’m very sorry for that, make sure you go for Jack’s left nut, it’s his favorite! She says she loves you.

It’s good, I mean, it’s not your fault I’m in love with a dumbass. :\. I’m very excited for the havoc that will be created when you arrive. I will soooo go for his left one. Andd, tell her I love her too!

I ended my conversation with both of the girls after the last texts I sent them, before snuggling into my blankets, still silently blasting Senses Fail through my headphones.

· · ·

“So, in Sophomore year, we began sleeping together, that’s when it all pretty much began,” I tried to summarize the best I could to Cassadee. “We lost our virginities to each other at the end of Freshman year at some too big party that pretty much everyone in the school attended. Jack and I had been best friends since pre-k, y’know? And we just felt that it was the time to lose it and why not it be each other, I mean, we’ve basically known each other forever, so why not?” I paused, thinking over my next thoughts before talking.

“We both had relationships from the time we first had sex to the last time we had sex, the only difference between us, though, was the fact that I would not touch Jack whatsoever if I was dating someone. The reason he started dating Jessa; his girlfriend as of right now and the last few years, I was dating some guy named Tyler and I would not give it up to him, so he wanted to prove to me that he didn’t have to come to me to cure his needs,” I rolled my eyes, softly.

“Basically he tried to make you jealous?” Cassadee piped up.

I nodded. “Basically, but it didn’t work they way he thought it would; which was me coming back to him while I was with Tyler. However, it only made me want to stay with Tyler because I felt that Jack, literally, went out of his way to hurt me, even though he didn’t know just how deep I was in when he started dating Jessa…he hasn’t let go of her since, and that was Junior year and now we’re twenty and twenty-one, so you can only guess what kind of hell I go through on tour and at home, it’s like everywhere I go I see Jack with some girl!” I choked up a bit, growling, wiping away at the invisible tears because I promised myself I would not cry this tour, I just would not.

“It can’t be that bad, can it?” Cassadee asked.

“I’m in love with a boy that sees me as a friend and has a girlfriend, but fucks as many girls as he possibly and physically can while on tour or out of the county,” I sighed. “I need a fucking drink.”

“Drinking doesn’t solve everything, girly!” Cassadee smiled over at me, obviously trying to help in some way.

“I know that,” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “But sometimes it just feels good!”

“Ugh, whatever you say,” Cassadee mumbled. “I wouldn’t know, I’m a good girl!” she squealed, clapping her hands excitedly, doing a weird skipping step that had me in a fit of giggles by the time we had reached the doors to the venue to begin setting up All Time Low’s merch table.

I kicked two large plastic tubs under the table that had a bed sheet hanging over it. Cassadee stood next to me, moving a third plastic tub in between us, while All Time Low started to sound check their equipment. I bent down to grab an armful of clothes only to feel someone’s groin come in contact with my backside, leaning over me to capture my eyes in darkness.

“Guess who?” the unmistakable voice of Vinny smiled.

“Vinny!” I, all but, screamed, untwisting myself from my current position to jump at him in some kind of massive attack hug.

“Josey!” he crushed me into his over Glamour Kills clothed body. After several minutes of us just hugging, since it had been about four months since we had last seen each other, he let go of me and said, “We are so getting hammered tonight, my lovely.

“I agree with that statement, Sir Vegas,” I patted his shoulder, and then moved back into my spot, pointing my hand to the right of me. “Now get to work! And ,” I moved my hand from the right side to the left. “Cassadee meet Vinny; merch bitch and band slut extraordinaire. Vinny meet Cassadee; my bitch and my slut extraordinaire.”

With three people, setting up merch goes by a lot faster than it does with two or one person, which is amazing, because when you’re the mother of a band that acts like drunken five year olds, you need just about as much rest as you can possibly get. So as soon as I was able to, I made a bee line to the busses so I could fall asleep in my bunk for a nice, long three hour nap, before going to sell merch with Vinny.