We Stayed the Same

His handwriting still looks like a spider attached itself to a fountain pen and danced across the paper. He’s been writing that way since we were kids; that handwriting hasn’t changed and neither has he, really.

He still leaves his shoelaces untied, flapping about his ankles. He still chews on his sleeve when he thinks nobody is looking. He still giggles if he hears anything that sounds dirty. He still spends half his money on hair products then whines when he doesn’t have enough for chips. I still buy him the chips.

He’s still got skin as pale as porcelain. He still screams every time he thinks he sees a ghost. He still lives by the rule of if the food’s been on the ground less than ten seconds, he can eat it. He still wears clothes that are either way too big or way too small for him. He still pickpockets’ things from shops all the time. He still loves singing. I still love hearing him sing.

He’s still a computer nerd. He still scratches himself to the point of bleeding when he thinks he needs to punish himself. He still scuffs up every pair of shiny shoes he owns. He can still run faster than any other boy I know. He still cries at E.T. He still wants a pet turtle. He still hides when there’s a storm. He still eats jelly snakes and puts them over his eyes first to try and freak people out. He still makes rubbish jokes. I still laugh at them all.

He’s still the most popular boy I know. He’s still the coolest person I know. He’s still the worst dancer I know. He’s still the most beautiful boy I know. He still doesn’t know how I feel.

He still doesn’t ever go home by himself at the end of the night.
He still doesn’t know I don’t love her.
He still goes to bed with the blonde boy every night.
He still comes to my house and sobs his heart out when they fight.
He still throws his arms round my neck and sniffles against my ear, telling me what a good friend I am every time I promise him it isn’t his fault and that it will be okay, that Lee will still want him.
He’s still my lifelong best friend.
He still doesn’t know me at all.

To me, Ian will always be perfect.

And to him, I will always just be Mike.