Goodbye, Summertime Girl.

I wake up. My eyes are fluttering. I wish that I were anywhere but here. I wish I weren't alone in the bed, that I could have someone beside me. I wish that I had someone else to hold me besides myself; I wrap both arms around my torso, squeezing myself to make sure that I'm still here. I am. Unfortunately.

The clock beside my bed reads 2:04. It's so goddamn early. I can't stand it. My skin is itching and my body aches. I wish I wasn't all by myself. I wish that things weren't so goddamn lonely.

From the other room, I can hear the sound of my sister fucking her boyfriend. I cringe, rolling over in the covers. The room is cold, and I shiver impatiently. It's like they're at it every night. And they just don't let up with it, either; I wonder if she knows it hurts my feelings. It's like she's rubbing it in my face without even knowing it. She's just breaking my bones with those constant screams of ecstasy that I can't ever tune out. And I want to stop hearing them. I want to just go back to bed.

I try. I keep rolling over and rolling over until I decide that I can't fall asleep again. I'm so restless. I can't help myself from toppling over off of the bed and letting my feet hit the carpet. It's rough. The carpet is a sort of orangey brown that has probably been in the house since the sixties. I don't want to think about how horrendous it is. It is scratchy, though, and as I walk about the room, I yawn. It is very early, and my body wants to return to my dreams, but my mind is already wiry and out of control. It's running wild.

Already, I'm wondering what I'm going to do.

I've shared a house with my sister for almost three years, and I know for a fact that she has fucked more in the last five months than she has our whole time together.

God, I just want to leave.

I pace around the room, feeling my way around until I can see somewhat through the black veil that coats the place. There are only so many stars in the sky that can help me see. Those stars shine dimly through my bedroom window. They cast a hazy gray on everything. I don't want to see the stars. I don't want to see anything. I want to float away and disappear. I want to be anywhere but here.

My mind is drifting, but it's drifting fast. I wonder where my cell phone is. I'm going to call someone and have them come get me. I know that I'm pestering and disturbing their sleep, but at the moment, I don't care. I don't want to be alone.

I find my phone resting comfortably on the top of my dresser. I pick it up and flip it open. The light emitting from its screen is temporarily blinding. I squint, and my eyes start watering from the brightness. It hurts to see.

Clicking through the contacts, my eyes land on the name 'Victoria'. I decide that she will do for the company that I am seeking.

The phone rings. It rings and rings and rings, and it finally gets to her ring tone. She isn't answering. Maybe she's still sleeping. Or maybe she's so annoyed with my early morning neediness that she pretends she's still asleep and rolls over in bed. She could ignore my call. That's probably what it is.

I sigh. My chest hurts, and I press on my heart with my palm. It numbs the pain for a second, but when I take it off, it just goes back to its emptiness. I want to go back to bed. That's all I want right now. That's all I need. But I just can't give myself the satisfaction of sleeping there while she's going at it with her boyfriend in the room next-door. My heart won't let me.

Briefly, I wonder if anyone's up at this time of night. But then I remember that I honestly don't give a fuck, and that I've got to leave or run the risk of disappearing altogether.

Again, I search through my contacts. I hope that someone answers me. I hope I don't have to stay awake for so long, to listen on through my sister's cries and my own internal confliction. I just need help from someone. I need help from anyone.

I land on Ryland's name. I hope to God he picks up.

I hold the phone to my ear. There is a ringing, buzzing and buzzing and buzzing in the night. I sit down on my bed and wonder what everyone looks like when they're asleep. I wonder to myself if everyone looks like they do when they're children, if they're innocent or if they look as manipulated as they do in the light of daytime.

Suddenly, there comes a click.

Ryland's voice is fuzzy. He sounds so groggy and unlike himself.

"Hmm," is all he says.

"It's Maribeth," I answer. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Oh," he mumbles. "It's alright." He's stumbling over his speech. I wonder if it was wrong of me to call him. He deserves his sleep. He's such a good friend to me. I shouldn't have called him.

But I had to.

"What do you need?"

He is breathing heavy in the receiver. I smile a small smile; I feel guilty.

"Can you come and get me?"

He is quiet, now. His breathing, once forced, is now silenced. All that there is now for my ears to perceive was my sister. She's so loud. I wrap an arm around my stomach, trying to hold myself together.

And then, finally, he speaks.

"Sure, I'll be over in a few."

I haven’t been more grateful to him since I can't remember when. I tell him thank you so many times. I kept repeating it and repeating it, and I don't know how many times I say it. I want him to understand my indebtedness to him. I want him to know that I love him so much right now.

"It's fine," he sighs. He is still so tired. "See you."

"See you," I echo.

Ryland hangs up.

I am left alone with the stars once again.