Goodbye, Summertime Girl.

There are dim headlights streaming toward the house. I watch from the front porch as a car, rather small in size, approaches the house at a constant rate. It's moving fast. It turns down the driveway. It parks, and it waits for me.

I walk toward it. I walk with a throbbing in my chest. My heart feels impossible. It's almost like it's weighing me down. I can't stand it.

My winter coat is itchy from its lack of wear. I don't like it much at all, with it's heaviness and thickness and all of that stuff. It's stiff and since it's so thick, my arms won't rest at my sides as they normally would. I feel like a whole lot less than a million bucks. And that isn't even the half of it.

That vomit from earlier is still creeping up my throat, and I honestly don't feel good at all. I don't feel like I should be going anywhere, but I don't want to stay. There's a horrible taste in my mouth now. Like something died and crawled into my stomach, and now it's trying to make its escape back out. But I won't let it. Not in Ryland's car.

I open up the passenger side door. Ryland is waiting for me inside. A light smile plays on his lips. It's tired and restless and, God, he's one of the best guys I have ever met in my life.

"Morning," he jokes.

Smiling, I take a seat and shut the door with as quiet a slam as I possibly can. I don't want my sister to know that I'm leaving. I see her boyfriend's car in the driveway and the taste of bile intensifies. It burns my taste buds and my nostrils feel like they're on fire.

"Thank you so much, Ryland," I find myself saying.

"It's not a problem," he says. "I'm not so tired anymore, just worried." He pulls out of the driveway and starts driving back to his apartment again. "Is there something wrong? You sounded nervous when you called."

Silently, I twiddle my thumbs. I'm not sure how to answer that without running the risk of embarrassment.

"Oh, you know..." I trail off. Then, the word-vomit comes spilling out. "Theresa and Markus were pretty loud tonight."

But I suppose that it doesn't really matter if I tell Ryland or not. It doesn't make any difference because he doesn't really know about my insecurities. He doesn't know how much I hate being alone. When I'm all by myself, I feel like I'm disappearing and turning transparent. I don't want to be invisible. I want to be alive. I want to be more than I have ever been. But right now, as I'm sitting in Ryland's car, all I am is black. I that I do is blend in with the night.

At least I'm not alone.

A small laugh comes from the man beside me. I glance over at him from the corner of my eye. He's still focusing on the road, but he's smiling. I decide to smile, too.

"You can come over anytime you want," he says. "I don't mind."

The drive is quiet. There is hardly any sound other than the car's engine as Ryland accelerates and eases up on the pedals. It isn't awkward riding in silence with Ryland. It's peaceful. I hear him humming a little. His voice is nice. It's soft and it doesn't carry far. But I listen to it anyway. I listen, and I wait for sleep to call for me. It doesn't.

There is an urge for me to tell him 'thank you' again, but I start to think I'm sounding annoying with all of my unneeded comments, which I'm sure he finds far too repetitive already for me to say it another time. I refrain myself, catching the words and shoving them back down my throat with a hard swallow. My voice hurts.

The cement road we drive on suddenly changes into dirt and the car begins to lurch and jump. Ryland tries to avoid the potholes. He can't seem to miss all of them, there are too many. The car's jerking starts giving me a headache. Fuck it all.

"Almost there," he says.

On the left side of the road, Ryland's apartment complex stands four-stories tall. It isn't one of those shitty apartment buildings, though; it's fairly well-kept, all nice-looking and everything. But since the building has such a crumby location, Ryland gets to rent the place for cheap. Ever since he moved in a few years ago, he's been proud of the apartment. You can just tell.

He pulls into the parking lot and parks near the door. The car's motor rumbles, and after a moment, dies. I unbuckle my seatbelt and get out of the car. The night is windy, which makes my nose start to feel like it's going to fall off from how absolutely cold it is.

"Cold night out tonight," Ryland says. He reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out his keys. They jingle in his hand.

We walk silently to the front door. It's locked. Ryland sticks his key into the small slot and turns it sharply, then turns the door handle and pushes it open. He motions for me to go in first, so I do.

I stare up the steps. Ryland's apartment is on the second floor, and I gulp. There aren't even any lights on inside, so Ryland and I are left in darkness.

"Come on," he says. He takes my hand, and I follow him. "Watch your step."

I nod, but he can't see me. He's leading me up the staircase, even though I already know the way myself. I stay quiet and pick my feet up, letting them fall softly on each step we climb.

We reach the second floor in no time at all. It's so damn quiet I can hear myself think.

Ryland had left his door open. He didn't have to worry about anyone breaking into his apartment since the front door of the complex was always locked... But, even so, I'm sure that Ryland wouldn't have had any problems from anyone due to the fact that it was two in the morning, and he'd only been away for about fifteen minutes.

"After you," he says. He likes to think of himself as a gentleman. I like to think of myself as a friend of one.

I walk inside. I can see the light from his bedroom on, a small lamp lit up in the corner. His computer is lit up, but he doesn't have any programs running on it. I can almost hear a television going in his bedroom, too, but I know that it must be from the apartment beside his, because Ryland never uses up his electricity without needing to.

I slip off my coat and kick off my shoes on his doormat. It reads 'welcome'. I can't see it now, the words written on it unseen due to extreme darkness, but I know that they're there because I got it for him a few years ago as his moving in present.

Ryland shuts the door behind us, simultaneously flipping on the light switch. The room is immediately alight with a yellow light, which encompasses everything in its path. The light seems blinding. It's a big change from the stars.

"Take a seat," he says. I sit down on the couch, which is worn in due to many years of use. "Do you want me to make you some coffee? I don't much feel like going back to sleep."

I shake my head immediately. Coffee is the last thing I want. I just want to go to bed, not stay awake.

"Alright," he says, then walks over into the kitchen. "You can just lay on the couch for now, I suppose, watch a little television. Whatever you like."

I make myself comfortable, deciding that if I'm about to spend the night, I'm going to do it as best as I can. I pick up the controller and flip on the television. There's some infomercial on about a kitchen utensil. The commercial is saying that their product can do the job better than the leading brands. I don't believe it, and I don't feel like wasting my time watching it. I change the channel. After a few minutes of watching it, I learn that it's about a guy who thinks he can train dogs for people so that their owners can take care of them. He's pretty good at his job. I'd trust him with my dog if I had one.

Suddenly, I hear Ryland say something in a low voice.

"What was that?" I ask.

He must not have heard me. I turn around, ready to ask him again what he had said, but stop abruptly when I see that someone else is there with Ryland.

It's a man. I haven't ever seen him before, his face is unfamiliar and something in my heart is wary. He stands just a bit taller than Ryland, wearing a gray t-shirt and a pair of black sweat pants. He's got dark chestnut hair, and he's standing up straight, despite the time. He looks as confused as I feel.

I watch him for a moment.

He looks over at me.

And for the moment our eyes first meet, I can't help it.

I just melt.