Sinister Smile With a Hole in My Heart

"Jack...Jack be careful," Jane Barakat cautioned as she stood by his side practically having to restrain herself from moving closer to her son.

"Ma, I got it," Jack Barakat said irritated as he shifted the newborn baby into his arms
comfortably.

Jillian Barakat couldn't help but laugh at her mother, who was still itching to whisk the baby out of her son's hands. She found it quite ironic that her mother was more nervous about Jack holding the baby that she'd just delivered than she was. Jane was almost acting as if the baby was an unpurchased item at the store with the "you break it, you buy it" policy. After a few minutes Jack sat down in a chair while holding his small nephew, and the tension in Jane's body seemed to lighten a little and she turned her attention back to her daughter.

"So have you decided on a name yet? " she asked. Jane and her husband John had each wanted to give their children classic J names, and Jane was hoping that her daughter would carry on that tradition.

"Lay off mom," Jack said looking up for the first time since he'd picked up the baby. "She doesn't have to decide RIGHT now."

"Well he can't be called 'baby boy Barakat' forever now, can he?" their mother asked impatiently.
As she said this the once beautiful and silent baby began to wail and Jack almost jumped with the shock of noise.

"SEE!" Jane called out as if she'd known that her son would do something potentially risky with the newborn.

Jack handed his younger sister the baby and he and his mother once again got into it. Nestled in his mother's arms the baby quieted down and started to sleep again. Jill smiled again at the normalcy of her mother and brother's little rift. Seven months ago she would've killed for that kind of outburst rather than the shallow hollowness that had filled their home. A knock at the door brought Jill out of her thoughts.

"Come in," Jill crooned a notch or two over a whisper.

The door slowly creept open and from behind it stepped both Zack Merrick and Rian Dawson. Her brother's best friends...well two of them.

"Congratulations, guys!" Zack said handing a boquet of flowers to Jane and Rian came foward placing a kiss on Jill's forehead. "He's a good lookin' kid."

"Thanks."
"Thank you."
"I know right"
The three Barakat's responded at the same time causing a room full of laughter.

It was almost a perfect moment. Almost. But he wasn't there. Not that she'd expected him to be. Or to not be. She hadn't really thought ahead to that point at the moment she'd decided she was keeping the baby that was growing inside of her.

Michelle Barakat ran into the room almost out of breath.

"Ohmigod, Jilly! He's gorgeous," she cooed without even addressing anyone in the room yet.

"Hello Michelle." Jane smiled

"Hey Aunt Jane! Oh Jill, let me hold him!"

"Shouldn't you be in school?" Jill responded.

"I think skipping one day of morning classes for the birth of my cousin's first child would be okay, don't you?"

The baby began to gurgle and the two girls quickly quieted down in adoration and watched the baby.
"So, where's Alex?" Jack asked his friends as he stood to stretch out.

As if impulsively Jill's gaze immediately looked up for the answer.

"Ugh!" Jill Barakat cried out in anger.

"Jack!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. There was no way he was able to hear her though. Not over the noise he'd called music that him and his 'band' were playing in the garage.

"JACK!" she screamed again, discarding the pen she'd had in her hand, and the binder she'd had in her lap.

"JUST BECAUSE MOM AND DAD AREN'T HOME DOESN'T MEAN..." she'd trailed off. The harder rock melody had directly transitioned into a slower song. Jill slowly made her way towards the garage and listened outside of the door.

"I've never told a lie and that makes me a liar.
I've never made a bet but we gamble with desire.
I've never lit a match with intent to start a fire but recently the flames are getting out of control."

With that, Jack's best friend made eye contact with Jill and it freaked her out a little bit and yet she didn't look away.

"Call me a name.
Kill me with words;
Forget about me it's what I deserve.
I was your chance to get out of this town.
But I ditched the car and let you down.
Waiiittit outside,
I hope the air will serve to remind you,
that my heart is as cold as the clouds of your breath,
and my words are as timed as the beating in my chest.
in my chest."

That was the moment that Jill realized she could fall in love with alex gaskarth.

"Ah you know him man. He's just getting out of bed-" Rian started.

"With company I'm sure," Jack nodded interjecting.

"When he's awake i'm sure he'll stop by." he finished smirking.

Jill smiled back as best she could even though she was feeling woosey and her stomach had dropped into her feet it seemed. She closed her eyes breathing in sharply. At that exact moment a little hand wrapped itself around her finger and she looked down at the small face peering up at hers.

Everything would be okay.

+++

Alex Gaskarth sat staring out his window. It was still early and yet he couldn't find sleep.

"Jill had the baby!" Zack had replied exictedly into the phone when Alex had lazily answered hours earlier and the sun was just rising over the horizon. It was as if electricity had stung him.

"What?" he asked bolting upward startling the girl next to him.

"Yeah! Rian and I are going to head over there now. Want to come?"
yes.

"Uh nah. Not right now man. I'm a little..tied up." Alex feigned a smirk and the girl next to him huffed in annoyance.

"OK dude, but make sure you stop by. Jill needs our support man. It's not going to be easy being a single mom."

Zack's words stuck in Alex's head even as he sat there now.

It's not going to be easy being a single mom.

"Uh yeah, yeah. I'll stop over..."

"Okay. Jack said it's on the third floor but they're only going to be there until tomorrow because the little guy is perfectly healthy."

"It's a boy?" Alex asked astonished. He had really tried to picture the growth in Jill's stomach as non-existent and the thought of a gender seemed astonishing.

"IS IT JILL? DID SHE HAVE THE BABY? DID SHE?" The girl in bed with Alex persisted after hearing his responses.

"Yeah,yeah," he said aside to her pushing her off of him.

The girl got up quicker than he'd gotten her into bed, and threw her clothes on running out of the door without even a goodbye.

This suited him just fine.

After he hung up the phone he couldn't fall back to sleep no matter how hard he tried. He kept trying to picture the baby. He wondered if he looked like Jill. If he had her light brown shiny hair and green eyes. Or if he'd have brown eyes...

like his father.

Either way it was damn sure who he wouldn't resemble.

Joseph Allen.