Status: Off hiatus! Active, slowly but surely!
Sinister Smile With a Hole in My Heart
"I Didn't Want you; But I Did. It's Never Over; But it is."
Opening her eyes to a familiar yet new room, Michelle was ashamed to admit the level of her unawareness to where she was. She could feel someone was in bed with her, and lifting the covers up along with her scantily clad body beneath them it was pretty obvious that whoever; she was in bed with; had gotten a free show the night before.
The person in bed with her was obviously still asleep, and Michelle kept attempting to lean over the body and have a peak at their face. Each time she began to lean forward, the breathing of the body next to her would shallow scaring Michelle that they would wake up and that was a risk she was not willing to take. Awkward morning-after conversations were not her favorite pre-brunch activity.
Just as Michelle began to lean over for her last attempt at snagging a look at the boy whose bed she was in, she was startled to see the boy was doing the same thing with a little more discretion.
“Zack?” Michelle cried out embarrassed and ashamed, pulling the blankets tight to her attempting to recover anything.
“Michelle?!” Zack cried back equally as shocked as to how the two of them had gotten in this predicament.
Michelle buried her face into a pillow and sighed loudly with a rush of anger towards herself. She didn’t want to be known as the girl that got around, and here she was, in bed with yet another member of her COUSIN’S band. Who knew next she’d be laid up next to Rian. Letting out another grunt of frustration, Zack tilted his head in confusion, looking under the comforter that the girl was under.
“Are you uhm…ok?” he asked, not one who enjoyed the morning after conversations either. Especially with one of his best friend’s family members.
“No,” Michelle said revealing her face. “I don’t really know what happened last night, but I’m sorry,” her face turned crimson instantly.
“Me uh too,” Zack said blankly and looking away in the discomfort of the situation.
“Don’t be. My fault,” Michelle started on another one of her rants, “See, I go out and get drunk, end up sleeping around, and then I’m upset when no one wants to take me out on a real date. It’s kind of like my dad always said to me ‘chelli, no one is going to want to buy the cow if they get the milk for free!’ And he was right I-,”
“Hey,” zack said gently cutting her off.
“I know this is a bit backwards, but I’ve always kind of wanted to ask you out. What would you say to a brunch?” Zack said shyly.
“That’s sweet. Really sweet. But you shouldn’t feel obligated to take me out after my little rant.” Michelle said sliding into her jeans under the covers.
“I don’t feel obligated. Just let me jump into the shower real quick.” He said wrapping a towel around-what must have been his nude body- in a lightening flash of a second.
“oh kay.” Michelle said tilting her head at Zack’s body as he strode away as she wondered why she’d never taken notice before.
As soon as the shower water running was audible, Michelle snuck out of Zack’s room and sat herself quietly on the couch in the lounging area.
“Long night?” a voice behind her asked, startling her.
Rian.
“Yes, let me just ask, what the HELL happened?” she asked turning towards him.
“You came over here. Drunk-,”
“Drunk?” Michelle asked.
“Like level five shit faced,” Rian clarified. “Anyway you stumble in here. You got sick and mumbled on and on about how you couldn’t find your car. Then you started to pour yourself some more drinks,” he paused to give her a disapproving look. “And I said ‘no, Michelle you should drink anymore.’ And what does Zack say? ‘Oh come on Dawson.’ ‘Lighten up Ri. Have a drink with us.’ And now look where the two of you ended up.” Rian shook his head taking on the parental role he seemed to always have with the group.
“I tried to play babysitter,” he went on as the shower water turned off. “But by the time I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore, the two of you were both pretty gone, and started petting,” he said feigning absolute disgust.
“And now we’re going to breakfast,” Zack said cheerfully, quickly exiting the bathroom in a pair of jeans and a simple White Hanes T-shirt that showed off all of his muscles in all the right ways.
“Ready,” he asked jingling his keys and tilting his head towards the door to Kate.
+++
Jill stretched her arms out, surprised that she hadn’t been awakened by a baby’s cries. Checking the clock with her peripheral vision, she hopped out of bed immediately. It was already 10:30 in the morning! Jill began to scold herself for sleeping so long and not checking in on the baby. But she had put him down at seven, checking in again when he cried at 11, and then tossed and turned in her own bed with thoughts and dilemmas involving Alex. By the time she had gotten to sleep it had probably been around one in the morning yet that was no excuse to abandon her motherly duties.
Rushing into the nursery, Jill was worried to find it empty. Next she made rounds all through the second floor of her house. No one in any of the rooms at all. Rushing downstairs, Jill called out everyone’s names and peaked into each room. No response.
“Drew? Mom? Jack? Kate?” she repeated several times and as she neared the back patio, she heard a faint response.
“Kate’s back?” Jill could hear her mother question and reflexively let out a major sigh of relief. Opening the patio door, she saw her mother gently rocking Drew.
“Yeah, But mom, what are you doing?”
“Well I was trying to be nice and let you sleep,” Jane Barakat sighed. And Jill felt her irritated attitude dissipate. “At around seven, I was coming in from my function and I could hear Drew begin to get fussy. I figured I would let you sleep in and be a teenager for a day. Help out. Sorry, I won’t do that again,” Jane said now laying on the guilt trip a bit.
“I’m sorry mom,” Jill said letting out a level 10 sigh. “Thank you. I really do appreciate it. It’s just it scared me when I woke up and couldn’t find Drew.”
“Apology accepted. But here,” she said holding out the baby, “Time for you to be mom again and change his diaper.” She joked.
“Gee, thanks mom,” Jill laughed back and picked up Drew getting up to go to the nursery.
“Guess who I ran into today,” Jane said nonchalantly following her daughter and grandson.
“Who?” Jill asked skeptically as she began to change Drew.
“Mrs. Allen.” Jane said innocently.
Jill stopped everything she was doing, “Where?” she questioned.
“Well, Me and Drew we ran to the grocery store, and she happened to be there. She commented on how beautiful Drew is. And how she misses seeing you around, and how much she misses Joe of course-,”
“Mom!” Jill yelled turning around. “Stop! You know how I feel about this situation! It’s not your business.!”
“Well JILLIAN,” Jane started, and Jill knew that she would be laying it on thick with the whole full name thing, “YOU KNOW that I don’t think this is right at all. Joseph passed away, and the only part of him that is left is living on through your son and you’re not even going to tell them. God forbid anything ever happened to Jack, and he had a child out there, then I would pray that someone would tel-,”
“CAN YOU STOP IT?!” Jill’s voice shook the room and Drew began to wail. “I tell you repeatedly that this is not going to be any of their business. Damnit mom! CAN”T YOU JUST LET IT GO?” she questioned as she finished changing Drew and went to bring him back to her room, dragging the basso net along behind her.
“Fine,” Jane said carefully still following the girl across the hall, “Well what is this I hear about a boy named Will now then?”
“He is just a friend.” Jill said trying her best to restrain her anger for Drew’s sake.
“Well I heard he is quite persistent on taking you out. I’m just trying to make sure you have your priorities straight.”
“Well, mom my priorities are great. He is a friend. Aren’t I allowed to have friends or have fun? Or is that not allowed anymore?”
“Of course you’re allowed to have friends and have fun,” Jane sighed. “It’s just the bab-,”
“He knows about Drew, and he is fine with it. Why wouldn’t he be anyway, WE”RE FRIENDS! AND Tell Jack to keep his mouth shut and that next time Kate sleeps over not to use my toothbrush,” she said as civilly as possible shutting the door right before her mother’s face.
+++
“I can’t believe that Jill threw us under the bus,” Jack said secretly plotting WWIII in his head.
“Well, in her defense, you mom did come on kind of strong,” Kate argued back.
The two of them sat in Jack’s old tree house. Their favorite spot growing up; for eavesdropping. A hobby the both of them shared and found immense entertainment in.
That was one thing that Jack loved about Kate, she always defended the underdog. Even though most of the time it was the person that Jack was ragging on about.
If the two stood their grounds sometimes their conversations could drag on for hours at a time, not one getting ahead of the other.
As the house grew more silent, Jack looked at his watch. No more confrontation for now, meant no more juicy things to eavesdrop on, and he was hungry.
“Are you hungry baby?” Jack asked Kate as he began to contort his body through the small child size square that lead to a ladder to climb down the tree.
“Uh, sure,” Kate stuttered a bit jittery, something that Jack instantly took notice of.
“How about your favorite place off of Height and Grant?” Jack persuaded, and Kate smiled in agreement. “Sounds great.”
+++
“So how did you find this place?” Michelle asked Zack as the two walked into a more low key, hidden waffle shop.
“Jack and Kate. Whenever the two of them were wasted together, you could almost guarantee that you could find them here, passed out in a dish of maple syrup.” He laughed. “By the third or fourth time we picked them up here, we decided we had to sample this food that gave Kate and Jack such immense drunken desire. And it was totally worth it. A slice of heaven FTW!” he exclaimed then embarrassed by his over zealous attitude brought it down a notch. “Well you’ll see.”
Michelle had never really had any one on one time with Zack and she was beginning to wonder why. He was pretty good looking, funny and a great catch making her wonder why, and if he was single.
As soon as the two of them were seated, situated and ordered, Michelle began the interrogation.
“So, are there any psychotic girlfriends of yours that I should be watching my back for?” Michelle asked in good humor, and Zack smiled along but shook his head no.
“Not this time.”
“Are you implying future breakfast runs?” Michelle flirted before she heard the dinner’s door open and the aforementioned Jack and Kate entered the restaurant. Zack let them have a slight side wave, and the couple made their way over to the already occupied table. The confusion in Jack’s eyes was beginning to make Michelle uncomfortable.
“What are you two doing here?” he asked directing towards Michelle. But she didn’t give in.
“Breakfast,” she said lifting a fork as she prayed the food would soon be there.
Jack moved his gaze to Zack, who also, lifted his fork with a nod, “Breakfast man.”
Luckily the two plates that Zack and Michelle had ordered were industrial sized and they had no problem sharing with Jack and Kate over strained and a bit awkward conversation.
Only half way through Kate and Jack’s shared plate, Kate who was quite jittery to begin with, excused herself from the table to the bathroom.
Michelle and Zack were too wrapped up in their inadvertent flirting to take notice of their surroundings, but suddenly everything clicked for Jack.
-Loose clothes
-Jittery and shifty movements.
-bags under her eyes.
-going to the bathroom right after food consumption.
Kate was bulimic.
The fact that she was sick upset Jack and in that moment, he vowed in his mind to always take care of her, and get her help.
~~
Kate finished the line she’d made for herself in the bathroom as a bit of guilt washed over her. Jack was waiting for her outside in the dining area and here she was, snorting up stolen drugs in the bathroom.
What kinds of relationships are built on lies. she argued internally.
Lasting ones. her other side argued back.
Soon though the two sides faded into the background and the only thing that mattered to Kate was the high coursing through her veins and going out to her favorite boy in the world.
+++
Right after Jack had paid his and Kate’s portion of the bill, he’d whisked her away leaving Michelle and Zack just sitting there talking. Michelle began to truly start scolding herself for being so hung up on Alex, and never bothering even conversing with Zack. He was a great guy, and surprisingly he seemed to be right back interested in Michelle as well.
“Well, I don’t want to sound weird or forward, but do you think you’d want to go out again?” Zack asked as he was preparing to get his things together.
“I would like that,” Michelle said almost too soon, “There’s just something you should know I think…I just stopped…broke up with someone,” she said avoiding all of the small-town, I was screwing around with your bestfriend drama.
“That doesn’t really seem like a problem for me,” Zack said smiling.
if only you knew
The person in bed with her was obviously still asleep, and Michelle kept attempting to lean over the body and have a peak at their face. Each time she began to lean forward, the breathing of the body next to her would shallow scaring Michelle that they would wake up and that was a risk she was not willing to take. Awkward morning-after conversations were not her favorite pre-brunch activity.
Just as Michelle began to lean over for her last attempt at snagging a look at the boy whose bed she was in, she was startled to see the boy was doing the same thing with a little more discretion.
“Zack?” Michelle cried out embarrassed and ashamed, pulling the blankets tight to her attempting to recover anything.
“Michelle?!” Zack cried back equally as shocked as to how the two of them had gotten in this predicament.
Michelle buried her face into a pillow and sighed loudly with a rush of anger towards herself. She didn’t want to be known as the girl that got around, and here she was, in bed with yet another member of her COUSIN’S band. Who knew next she’d be laid up next to Rian. Letting out another grunt of frustration, Zack tilted his head in confusion, looking under the comforter that the girl was under.
“Are you uhm…ok?” he asked, not one who enjoyed the morning after conversations either. Especially with one of his best friend’s family members.
“No,” Michelle said revealing her face. “I don’t really know what happened last night, but I’m sorry,” her face turned crimson instantly.
“Me uh too,” Zack said blankly and looking away in the discomfort of the situation.
“Don’t be. My fault,” Michelle started on another one of her rants, “See, I go out and get drunk, end up sleeping around, and then I’m upset when no one wants to take me out on a real date. It’s kind of like my dad always said to me ‘chelli, no one is going to want to buy the cow if they get the milk for free!’ And he was right I-,”
“Hey,” zack said gently cutting her off.
“I know this is a bit backwards, but I’ve always kind of wanted to ask you out. What would you say to a brunch?” Zack said shyly.
“That’s sweet. Really sweet. But you shouldn’t feel obligated to take me out after my little rant.” Michelle said sliding into her jeans under the covers.
“I don’t feel obligated. Just let me jump into the shower real quick.” He said wrapping a towel around-what must have been his nude body- in a lightening flash of a second.
“oh kay.” Michelle said tilting her head at Zack’s body as he strode away as she wondered why she’d never taken notice before.
As soon as the shower water running was audible, Michelle snuck out of Zack’s room and sat herself quietly on the couch in the lounging area.
“Long night?” a voice behind her asked, startling her.
Rian.
“Yes, let me just ask, what the HELL happened?” she asked turning towards him.
“You came over here. Drunk-,”
“Drunk?” Michelle asked.
“Like level five shit faced,” Rian clarified. “Anyway you stumble in here. You got sick and mumbled on and on about how you couldn’t find your car. Then you started to pour yourself some more drinks,” he paused to give her a disapproving look. “And I said ‘no, Michelle you should drink anymore.’ And what does Zack say? ‘Oh come on Dawson.’ ‘Lighten up Ri. Have a drink with us.’ And now look where the two of you ended up.” Rian shook his head taking on the parental role he seemed to always have with the group.
“I tried to play babysitter,” he went on as the shower water turned off. “But by the time I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore, the two of you were both pretty gone, and started petting,” he said feigning absolute disgust.
“And now we’re going to breakfast,” Zack said cheerfully, quickly exiting the bathroom in a pair of jeans and a simple White Hanes T-shirt that showed off all of his muscles in all the right ways.
“Ready,” he asked jingling his keys and tilting his head towards the door to Kate.
+++
Jill stretched her arms out, surprised that she hadn’t been awakened by a baby’s cries. Checking the clock with her peripheral vision, she hopped out of bed immediately. It was already 10:30 in the morning! Jill began to scold herself for sleeping so long and not checking in on the baby. But she had put him down at seven, checking in again when he cried at 11, and then tossed and turned in her own bed with thoughts and dilemmas involving Alex. By the time she had gotten to sleep it had probably been around one in the morning yet that was no excuse to abandon her motherly duties.
Rushing into the nursery, Jill was worried to find it empty. Next she made rounds all through the second floor of her house. No one in any of the rooms at all. Rushing downstairs, Jill called out everyone’s names and peaked into each room. No response.
“Drew? Mom? Jack? Kate?” she repeated several times and as she neared the back patio, she heard a faint response.
“Kate’s back?” Jill could hear her mother question and reflexively let out a major sigh of relief. Opening the patio door, she saw her mother gently rocking Drew.
“Yeah, But mom, what are you doing?”
“Well I was trying to be nice and let you sleep,” Jane Barakat sighed. And Jill felt her irritated attitude dissipate. “At around seven, I was coming in from my function and I could hear Drew begin to get fussy. I figured I would let you sleep in and be a teenager for a day. Help out. Sorry, I won’t do that again,” Jane said now laying on the guilt trip a bit.
“I’m sorry mom,” Jill said letting out a level 10 sigh. “Thank you. I really do appreciate it. It’s just it scared me when I woke up and couldn’t find Drew.”
“Apology accepted. But here,” she said holding out the baby, “Time for you to be mom again and change his diaper.” She joked.
“Gee, thanks mom,” Jill laughed back and picked up Drew getting up to go to the nursery.
“Guess who I ran into today,” Jane said nonchalantly following her daughter and grandson.
“Who?” Jill asked skeptically as she began to change Drew.
“Mrs. Allen.” Jane said innocently.
Jill stopped everything she was doing, “Where?” she questioned.
“Well, Me and Drew we ran to the grocery store, and she happened to be there. She commented on how beautiful Drew is. And how she misses seeing you around, and how much she misses Joe of course-,”
“Mom!” Jill yelled turning around. “Stop! You know how I feel about this situation! It’s not your business.!”
“Well JILLIAN,” Jane started, and Jill knew that she would be laying it on thick with the whole full name thing, “YOU KNOW that I don’t think this is right at all. Joseph passed away, and the only part of him that is left is living on through your son and you’re not even going to tell them. God forbid anything ever happened to Jack, and he had a child out there, then I would pray that someone would tel-,”
“CAN YOU STOP IT?!” Jill’s voice shook the room and Drew began to wail. “I tell you repeatedly that this is not going to be any of their business. Damnit mom! CAN”T YOU JUST LET IT GO?” she questioned as she finished changing Drew and went to bring him back to her room, dragging the basso net along behind her.
“Fine,” Jane said carefully still following the girl across the hall, “Well what is this I hear about a boy named Will now then?”
“He is just a friend.” Jill said trying her best to restrain her anger for Drew’s sake.
“Well I heard he is quite persistent on taking you out. I’m just trying to make sure you have your priorities straight.”
“Well, mom my priorities are great. He is a friend. Aren’t I allowed to have friends or have fun? Or is that not allowed anymore?”
“Of course you’re allowed to have friends and have fun,” Jane sighed. “It’s just the bab-,”
“He knows about Drew, and he is fine with it. Why wouldn’t he be anyway, WE”RE FRIENDS! AND Tell Jack to keep his mouth shut and that next time Kate sleeps over not to use my toothbrush,” she said as civilly as possible shutting the door right before her mother’s face.
+++
“I can’t believe that Jill threw us under the bus,” Jack said secretly plotting WWIII in his head.
“Well, in her defense, you mom did come on kind of strong,” Kate argued back.
The two of them sat in Jack’s old tree house. Their favorite spot growing up; for eavesdropping. A hobby the both of them shared and found immense entertainment in.
That was one thing that Jack loved about Kate, she always defended the underdog. Even though most of the time it was the person that Jack was ragging on about.
If the two stood their grounds sometimes their conversations could drag on for hours at a time, not one getting ahead of the other.
As the house grew more silent, Jack looked at his watch. No more confrontation for now, meant no more juicy things to eavesdrop on, and he was hungry.
“Are you hungry baby?” Jack asked Kate as he began to contort his body through the small child size square that lead to a ladder to climb down the tree.
“Uh, sure,” Kate stuttered a bit jittery, something that Jack instantly took notice of.
“How about your favorite place off of Height and Grant?” Jack persuaded, and Kate smiled in agreement. “Sounds great.”
+++
“So how did you find this place?” Michelle asked Zack as the two walked into a more low key, hidden waffle shop.
“Jack and Kate. Whenever the two of them were wasted together, you could almost guarantee that you could find them here, passed out in a dish of maple syrup.” He laughed. “By the third or fourth time we picked them up here, we decided we had to sample this food that gave Kate and Jack such immense drunken desire. And it was totally worth it. A slice of heaven FTW!” he exclaimed then embarrassed by his over zealous attitude brought it down a notch. “Well you’ll see.”
Michelle had never really had any one on one time with Zack and she was beginning to wonder why. He was pretty good looking, funny and a great catch making her wonder why, and if he was single.
As soon as the two of them were seated, situated and ordered, Michelle began the interrogation.
“So, are there any psychotic girlfriends of yours that I should be watching my back for?” Michelle asked in good humor, and Zack smiled along but shook his head no.
“Not this time.”
“Are you implying future breakfast runs?” Michelle flirted before she heard the dinner’s door open and the aforementioned Jack and Kate entered the restaurant. Zack let them have a slight side wave, and the couple made their way over to the already occupied table. The confusion in Jack’s eyes was beginning to make Michelle uncomfortable.
“What are you two doing here?” he asked directing towards Michelle. But she didn’t give in.
“Breakfast,” she said lifting a fork as she prayed the food would soon be there.
Jack moved his gaze to Zack, who also, lifted his fork with a nod, “Breakfast man.”
Luckily the two plates that Zack and Michelle had ordered were industrial sized and they had no problem sharing with Jack and Kate over strained and a bit awkward conversation.
Only half way through Kate and Jack’s shared plate, Kate who was quite jittery to begin with, excused herself from the table to the bathroom.
Michelle and Zack were too wrapped up in their inadvertent flirting to take notice of their surroundings, but suddenly everything clicked for Jack.
-Loose clothes
-Jittery and shifty movements.
-bags under her eyes.
-going to the bathroom right after food consumption.
Kate was bulimic.
The fact that she was sick upset Jack and in that moment, he vowed in his mind to always take care of her, and get her help.
~~
Kate finished the line she’d made for herself in the bathroom as a bit of guilt washed over her. Jack was waiting for her outside in the dining area and here she was, snorting up stolen drugs in the bathroom.
What kinds of relationships are built on lies. she argued internally.
Lasting ones. her other side argued back.
Soon though the two sides faded into the background and the only thing that mattered to Kate was the high coursing through her veins and going out to her favorite boy in the world.
+++
Right after Jack had paid his and Kate’s portion of the bill, he’d whisked her away leaving Michelle and Zack just sitting there talking. Michelle began to truly start scolding herself for being so hung up on Alex, and never bothering even conversing with Zack. He was a great guy, and surprisingly he seemed to be right back interested in Michelle as well.
“Well, I don’t want to sound weird or forward, but do you think you’d want to go out again?” Zack asked as he was preparing to get his things together.
“I would like that,” Michelle said almost too soon, “There’s just something you should know I think…I just stopped…broke up with someone,” she said avoiding all of the small-town, I was screwing around with your bestfriend drama.
“That doesn’t really seem like a problem for me,” Zack said smiling.
if only you knew