Sinister Smile With a Hole in My Heart

Monday had come all too soon for Jill, who was wholly nervous about her date with Alex/Will.
“Are we still on for tomorrow?” he asked sweetly when he’d called her the night before.
This is your chance to back out, Jill had told herself. One excuse and you’re out. Simple as that.
But despite her insecurities, Jill had cheerfully responded, “Definitely.”
Now she was pacing back and forth in her room looking through all her clothes and fretting like you would not believe. Firstly, she had no idea where they were going or what she should wear. Next, although Alex/Will seemed perfectly charming and sweet she still had some reservations on why a gorgeous young athlete would want to take a teenage mother on a date.
The fact that Alex Gaskarth was currently in her basement didn’t really help much either.

“I can’t believe that she is going on a date!” Jack said angrily flopping on the couch in the basement. He was sulking a bit over the fact that he could not control his sister’s life including her going out with a guy that he was quite suspicious about.
Alex subconsciously balled his hand into a fist, and undid it. He was definitely jealous. Even if he hadn’t admitted it to himself yet.
“I mean what kind of guy goes out with a girl with a TWO MONTH OLD baby!” Jack went on. “It’s nothing against Jill, I mean she is doing an amazing job raising Drew and being responsible. But young guys that date girls with kids, only want SEX, if he hurts her I swear to god I’m going to-,”
Jack’s overprotective rants were beginning to work Alex up as well and the two of them began to list the things they were prepared and looking forward to do to the boy who wasn’t even there.
Rian Dawson had the unfortunate pleasure of being with Alex and Jack and had to practically cover his ears with any pillow or thick surface he had found around him. He had definitely not signed up for this on a night with the boys. Girls, booze. That’s a night with the boys. Not listening to his two best friends rant like little old ladies.
“Enough!” he said finally throwing a pillow in each of his hands at the boys opposite from him. “Jill is a big girl. She can take care of herself. Maybe you guys should trust her judgment.”
“Thanks, Rian.” A voice said forcing the three boys to turn around and face Jill who had made a sneak attack and gone downstairs.
“Nu-uh! No Way!” Jack said jumping up out of his seat and pointing a finger at his sister, “You are NOT wearing that! Change!”
Alex and Rian’s jaws dropped a bit, and Alex’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head, at the tastefully revealing ensemble that Jill was wearing.
Jill playfully placed her hands on her hips slyly smiling.
“From your response,” she said to jack, “And their responses,” she nodded towards Rian and Alex, “I’ll take it that this outfit is perfect.”
Jack slapped both of his friends playfully across the head and ran over to Jill standing in front of her to block her from his friend’s view. “Mom’s don’t dress like that!” he tried again to see if he could guilt her into changing.
“That’s not true,” Jill protested. “Look at like all of Hollywood.”
“It looks like you’re asking for it!” Jack yelled at her as she turned on her heel to go upstairs.
“Maybe I am asking for it!” she jokingly replied smiling and walking upstairs. Jack followed his sister up the stairs, and Rian couldn’t hold back a laugh as Alex shot him an evil look.
“Ha-ha.” Jack laughed dryly. “You’re really not going out in that are you?” he asked her seriously and followed her into the nursery.
“Yes, I am really going out in this,” she said tiredly.
“I just don’t want this guy to get the wrong idea,” her brother put more concerned them condemning.
“Well thank you for caring, BUT…I’m not changing,” she said lifting Drew up out of his crib and handing him to Jack.
“Thanks again for babysitting,” she smiled sweetly, and Jack couldn’t get mad when he was holding his nephew.
“Yeah, yeah,” her older brother responded distracted by playing with Drew.
“I should be leaving in,” she glanced at her watch. “Like ten or fifteen. When do you think that Rian and Alex will be leaving?”
“Uh- whenever they want?” Jack asked confused.
Jill huffed in annoyance. Jack was great with Drew and she trusted him with her older brother. It was just the fact that he had two of his bestfriends over, to possibly distract him just for a moment. An accident could happen in a moment. That made Jill nervous. Plus, Jill still wasn’t sure about what she felt about having Alex as a part of Drew’s life. She wasn’t sure how much time she wanted him to spend with Alex, until she had fully thought it through.
“I don’t know,” Jill said out in a long breath.
“RE-lax. I’ve had Drew more times then I can count to, plus Rian knows all about the whole baby thing.” Jack rolled his eyes referring to the fact that Rian had practically raised his four year old little brother who was mentally challenged named Leo.
“Ok,” Jill reluctantly nodded along and nervously checked her watch again just as the door bell rang.
He was early.
“Thanks again,” Jill said hurriedly giving Drew and Jack each a kiss and running for the door.
Excited and full of a rush of different emotions, she was truly shocked to see the door had already been answered. By Alex.
“Hi I’m Ale-Will.” Alex/Will corrected himself extending his hand out to Alex who pettily looked at his hand and mustered the energy to extend his as well while he was sizing him up.
Jill was also sizing up Alex/Will up and enjoying the view. She silently looked down from the stairwell approving of his clothing choice. He had a pair of jeans that fit just right along with a dressier button down shirt pulled up to expose just a bit of bicep muscle.
The two boys stood there awkwardly for a moment or two more, before Jill made her presence known.
“Hi,” She excitedly bubbled over enjoying the large smile that came across Alex/Will’s face when he saw her.
“He-hi,” his face flushed a bit, “ready to go?” he asked regaining his composure.
“Definitely,” Jill chimed ignoring Alex’s presence completely and walking around him out the door to where her date was standing.
“Bye?” Alex said in a sarcastic tone knowing he had purposely been looked over, and yet still got no response from the girl in the sexy black outfit walking out to the car with this new ‘Alex/Will’ character.
“Let her go,” Rian said walking up from the basement, “She’ll be back in a couple hours,” he assured his friend with a friendly hand on the back gesture, not being able to put a finger on what seemed to be Alex’s newfound overprotective attitude.
“Boy’s night!” Jack exclaimed coming downstairs with Drew rocking him about a bit getting a laugh from his friends.

“Don’t tell me this was a plant!” Jill laughed out pulling a CD she’d found in the visor above her in Alex/Will’s car.
“Ok, Now I’m a little embarrassed,” Alex/Will admitted trying to pull the CD out of the girl’s hand.
“No, we are putting it on!” she laughed out slipping the CD into the CD player.
The date was going on quite well. It had been a little awkward at first when she got into the car with all the tension caused by Alex (Gaskarth). But, some small talk about the basic ‘getting to know you’ had lightened the mood.
The plans that Alex/Will had made ‘Tentative of course, to any plans you have,” he’d assured her was dinner and a movie. Jill was all for it, looking for a night of normalcy.
They had already gone to a local theater and saw a comedy flick and now Alex/Will was taking her to his favorite ‘low-key’ restaurant.
The first chords to a song that Jill had heard way too many times had come on yet she couldn’t help but dance to the familiarity. As the first track started up, Jill blocked the thought of who the singer was and focused more on her brother’s guitar skills in the background.
“And you claim you aren’t a stalker,” she teased, “yet you have my brother’s band’s EP in your car.”
“Well,” Alex/Will started trying to defend his manliness, “I heard they were good from around town…”
“Around town? Come on Will, you’ve got to do better then that.” Jill laughed.
“Ok. Fine. I’m a bit stalker-esque. Can we move on?”
“Hmm,” Jill playfully considered. “Ok. But only if you promise never to play this around me again, I’ve heard enough All Time Low to last a lifetime.”
“Deal.”

+++
“So much for a guy’s night.” Jack sulked. He had been looking forward to a fun night yet he was stuck with two of the seven dwarfs. Sleepy, and Mopey. Drew was neither, in fact after he was changed and fed, he was the happiest.
Rian was sleeping on the couch, and Alex had had a grumpy attitude since Jill had left, only being smiley and pleasant when Drew looked his way.
“Wow, it’s only eight thirty. We are so lame,” Jack complained on as Drew, the liveliest of the bunch began to doze off.
“You’re the one who droned on about Kate for thirty seven minutes,” Alex pointed out.
Jack squinted his eyes at his friend. “I thought we weren’t going to discuss that again.”
“Just saying. You moped the whole time she was in Washington, and now that she’s home all you’re doing is worrying and fretting about any little thing.”
“Dude, Dicks before Chicks? Ever heard of it? Because you are severely sucking at it right now.”
“Isn’t it Bros before Hoes…” Alex tilted his head in confusion.
“Well, yeah…But Katie isn’t a ho,” Jack defended.
“What is this, an estrogen fest?” Rian asked groggily turning over and throwing a pillow over his head.
“Shut up Dawson,” Alex and Jack said in unison earning an outstanding airborne high five.
“Does Kate know that you got a boyfriend while she was away?” Rian asked referring to Alex earning a smack on the back with a pillow from Alex as Jack put the baby into his portable bassinet and joined in with the boy’s childish wrestling and playing antics. The boys were laughing and fooling around when they heard a small little chuckle. Shocked they turned around to see Drew Smiling and chuckling causing an uproar among the three twenty-year-olds.
“That’s so crazy!” Rian exclaimed, “Has he done that before?”
“Not that I have seen,” Jack chatted on, but then his face fell. “Jill is going to be upset that she missed this…We can’t tell her! We’ll just wait for her to see and let her think it’s the first time,” Jack smiled proud of his devious plan.
Rian shrugged and laid back down on his spot on the couch hoping maybe to get some more sleep, while Alex agreed and playfully tickled the small baby’s toes and fingers, when Jack’s phone went off.
“Probably Jill checking in,” Jack rolled his eyes, but as he obtained his phone was surprised to see KATIE on his caller ID.
“Hey baby.” He smiled as he answered the phone, completely missing the exchanged glance between Rian and Alex in reaction to the fact of how whipped he appeared to be.
“Hiiii.” Kate said a little slurred but child like.
“What are you doing?” Jack asked a look of concern taking over his face.
“Uhm- Well,” now she sound a bit flustered and there was obvious scuffling in the background, “what are you doing?” she asked back “I’m sort of stuck.”
“Stuck where?” Jack asked fully concerned.
“Uhm…by the old fields.” She said referring to a place the boys used to go as children to play football or baseball.
“I’ll be there,” he promised and Alex shot him a WTF look as he hung up the phone.
“I have to get Katie.”

+++
“What do you mean you have to go get Katie?” Jill asked aggravated as she shivered in the cold air. She hadn’t meant to seem rude, but when Jack called for the second time she knew she had to take the call outside.
“She needs me J!”
“She needs you? What about me? I need you! to watch Drew, which by the way you already committed to doing!”
“Well I mean it’s not like he’s going to be alone. Alex and Rian are still going to stay with him.”
Jill’s eyes grew wide. She had assumed that Jack had meant he was going to bundle up Drew and take him with him across town, not to leave him with Rian. And Alex.
“You’re leaving him with Alex?!”
“AND RIAN! What is the big deal?” Jack asked leaving the room but continuing his phone conversation, “You used to be so close to Alex. But now it’s like you can hardly stand the sight of him, and I don’t know when this started, but I want to know right now what the deal is!”
Jill weighed out the options: Ask Alex/Will to bring her home cutting short her small date of freedom.
Tell Jack and cause the blow out of all blowouts.
OR Let it go, relax and finish the brilliant date with Alex/Will.
Very un-Jill like of her, she opted for option two.
“Nothing. It’s fine. As long as Rian’s there. He’s just…more experienced with babies,” she lied.

+++
“Ok,” Jack said pulling on his coat quickly despite Alex’s protests. “I’ll be back as soon as possible.” He promised.
“Jill is ok with this?” Alex asked skeptically.
“YES. I told her that you would be here until I got back.”
“BUT man, I don’t know what to do!” It had been fine holding Drew for a couple minutes last week, but having him on his own for an unknown amount of time had him feeling queasy.
“You’ll be fine,” Jack reassured him, “Look, he’s sleeping. I’ll be back before he’s even awake. And Rian’s…sleeping, but here. If anything major happens just wake him up.” Jack said making his way through the door.
“Major?” Alex asked standing up. “What major would happen?” he questioned again too late. The door was shut and Alex could already here the car running.
Trying to calm himself down a bit, Alex took a deep breath and took a seat back on the cushion he’d just gotten off of and grabbed for the remote. Flipping through the channels he was startled by a small hiccup and slowly turned his head to see Drew laying in his basinet eyes wide open, wet up his stomach, and holding back tears about to start wailing.
“Oh no. no no no,” Alex pleaded placing his hands up. “Hold on, let me get Rian,” he said to the baby who’s face was now red and beginning to contort.
“Rian, Rian, wake up! Drew’s got wet all in the front of his one suit thing!” Alex whispered desperate and clueless.
“Then change him,” Rian mumbled back turning onto his side, facing away from Alex.
Then came the cries.
“RIAN please?” Alex asked one last time with no response, and cautiously approached the infant picking him up.
“Let’s get you changed,” Alex said running up to the nursery where he knew the changing table, and clothes were found.

+++

“So how old is your baby?” Alex/Will asked feeling a bit awkward that he didn’t know the name or gender or the child.
“Drew is almost three months,” she said turning red hoping he didn’t think she was a slut or something, going out with such a young baby.
“Drew? No J name?” he joked bringing up the little family history that Jill had informed him of early.
“No, thought that I’d give this little guy a clean slate,” she smiled reassuringly.
“What about his dad?” Alex/Will asked simply. Not judge-y or concerned. Just as plain as can you please pass the salt.
Jill sat on that question for a minute trying to formulate a reply.
“Not in the picture.” She decided on.
+++

“That’s right,” Alex praised himself, “You got this A.”
Not only had he changed Drew’s diaper (with minor face sprayage) but he had almost put him in a new onesie and gotten him to settle down happily and quietly suck on a pacifier as he watched TV with Alex.
Nervousness had long since flown out the window, and it was almost instinctive and common sense.
Who needs a sleeping Rian, he thought in good humor.
Just as the second Fresh Prince of Bel Air re-run was ending on Nick at Nite, Drew began to get fussy again and Alex could not put his finger on it. He was changed and not wet again. He couldn’t be hungry after that big bottle he’d had only an hour earlier and the panic began to settle in him again.
Why can’t babies talk! he complained to himself and stood up gently rocking Drew, which actually stopped the crying. As soon as he settled down, and Alex went to sit again however, the same scenario ensued.
“I am going to kill your uncle,” Alex cooed.

+++

Jack sat tapping away on his steering wheel anxiously waiting for a sign of Kate. He was in an old empty sandlot, where she’d said to meet her but so far, fifteen minutes after arriving there was no life-signs anywhere.
Finally he heard some crunching of leaves and turned to see Kate nearly fall into his car with a strained smile on her face.
“Hi.” She said sliding into the seat, and weakly nearly missed the door handle to shut it behind her.
“What is going on with you?” Jack asked worried. He had his suspicions; he just needed to hear her confirm it.
“What no-nothing. I just was stranded. You didn’t have to come.” It was clear in her voice she had no energy in her.
“Kate I know something’s going on with you.”
Kate swallowed hard. This was it. Jack knew.
“You’re not eating are you?” he asked so concerned that Kate felt bad for being relieved that he was way off track. This was her out. Solving a non-existent problem. Easy.
Looking down and taking on an act, Kate even managed a tear as she shook her head ‘no.’
Master of manipulation.

+++

By nine thirty, Jill had silently walked into her house. It seemed to be quiet, and Jack’s car was still not returned in the driveway. Walking into the living room, she had to stifle back laughter as she watched a nearly exhausted Alex, catatonically rocking a perfectly content looking Drew back and forth with Rian also lying peacefully nearby.
Alex seemingly sensing her presence turned to her almost nervously, expecting to be criticized.
“Jack didn’t say he was going to be this long. I don’t mean to have him up, it’s just the only way he calms down is if I was rocking him.” He rambled preparing to hand him over. However to his surprise, Jill just took a seat on the couch next to where he was standing, kicked her feet up and said, “Colic.”
“Col-what?” Alex asked.
“Colic. Fussy baby stuff. Usually Drew is really good. Except when he’s gassy. Nice job,” she said well naturedly and Alex was honestly taken aback at the off-handed compliment, however grew a little irritated soon after.
“Jack didn’t mention colic,” he complained.
“Jack wanted to see Kate,” Jill countered back rolling her eyes.
Silence ensued and Drew began to let out little baby snores as Alex successfully was able to sit down without him stirring.
Alex really wanted to ask Jill about how her date was, but he didn’t want to ruin this so far, nice, encounter and instead opted to let it go.
“I’ve been thinking,” Jill began to speak. “About our conversation last week.”
Alex let it hang waiting for the rest of her thoughts.
“And it’s not fair for me to keep Drew from you.” She admitted. “But with my…backup plan…it makes things complicated to explain the whole situation. At least for now.”
“So…?” Alex said unsure where this conversation was leading.
“I want you in Drew’s life. You’ll always be his father. You and I know that. It’s just not everyone has to know, at least just yet,” she said tiredly.
“Ok. I’ll take it. Can I just,…I have to ask you something. It’s been eating at me for almost ten months now. Why Joey? Why did you say Joey was Drew’s dad?” Alex genuinely had hurt in his voice and it almost, almost made Jill feel bad.
“Because. I still cared,” she said simply a silence once again enveloping the room, as Rian closed his eyes trying to unhear everything he’d just learned.