Status: Off hiatus! Active, slowly but surely!
Sinister Smile With a Hole in My Heart
"I Ain't Lost Just Wandering"
Rian Dawson ran his hand through his buzz cut hair as he sat patiently waiting at a red light. The sun was just coming over the horizon, and luckily for Rian he’d gotten out of the Barakat household this morning unnoticed.
Last night, he’d heard some things. Things that he hadn’t had a chance to process yet and he had no idea what he would have said if he had ran into his close friends Jack or Jill. Or Alex.
Pulling into the driveway, Rian checked his clock. Almost eight. He had just enough time to go change his clothes briefly before he was on his way out again.
“Hello?” Rian called out to signal to his roommate that he was home as he got in.
“He’s sleeping.” A female voice said shyly from the couch, startling Rian.
“Michelle?” He questioned confused and looking over at her. “What are you doing here?”
Michelle’s face turned beat red. “I uh- me and Zack- we- I,” she stumbled over her words embarrassed.
“Got you.” Rian said pointing at Michelle walking back towards his bedroom.
“Rian?” Michelle called out sitting up a bit.
“Yeah?” he asked turning briefly.
“Can you, not tell Zack. You know. About before.”
Eight Months Prior
“Alex!” Rian called out searching for his oldest friend as he walked into the front door of his apartment. He would have knocked but knew where the spare key was hidden inside of the light post and had wanted a place to stay until the locksmith made his third visit this month. Zack was a great roommate, aside from his drunken tendency to misplace his keys. Then hijack and loose Rian’s keys too.
“Alex! Zack lost my keys again” Rian stopped his sentence midsentence and turned around placing his hands in the air.
“Sorry man.” He said as he heard a girl make a small shriek.
Michelle hurriedly ran into the next room to hide her exposed body and Alex just laughed. Even though he was just in his boxers he sat on his couch openly.
“Sit down,” Alex offered. “Do you want a drink?”
Rian looked down still confused, “Was that-was that Michelle? Barakat?”
Alex gave Rian a devilish smile.
“Dude, isn’t she still in high school?” Rian asked slightly amused, and slightly horrified.
Alex shrugged his shoulders. “What? She’s seventeen.” It was clear from the way he was speaking that he had already had a couple drinks.
Rian shook his head and looked sadly at his friend. It was troubling him the amount of alcohol Alex had been consuming lately. Not to mention the constant partying and sleeping around. It was a downward spiral that he had started in seemingly out of nowhere.
“Well how long have you been seeing her?”
“PSH.” Alex scoffed. “Seeing her what? Naked?”
Shaking his head clear of thoughts and getting back onto his task, Rian nodded and looked her in the eyes, “Ok.”
Due to his small conversation with Michelle, Rian was no longer ahead of time, and rushed to his car. Just as he placed the keys in the ignition his phone began blaring a Blink-182 song he had placed as Matthew Flyzik, the band’s manager, ringtone.
“I have like one minute,” Rian answered the phone.
“Well good morning to you too sunshine,” Flyzik joked and Rian could hear him softly laughing to himself.
“You’re on the clock,” he said in a lighter tone.
“Well this is only going to take a second but are you sitting down?”
“In my car.”
“You guys got booked. Two week tour on the west coast. It’s your big chance!”
+++
“Sorry I’m a few minutes late!” Rian exclaimed quickly jogging up the long familiar driveway. The white house with the blue shudders had been his home for nineteen years of his life, and it still felt comforting whenever he arrived there.
“Hey Hun!” His mother greeted him, obviously in a hurry, as she gently shuffled her youngest son out the door in front of her. I’ll tell her about the tour when I drop Leo off later.
“Why-an!” Four year old Leo exclaimed seeing his only other sibling and ran towards him.
“Hey buddy!” Rian said excitedly back and held out his hands preparing for a hug.
Leo amazed Rian. He was born when Mrs. Dawson was in her mid forties, sadly increasing his chance to have mental development challenges. The Dawson family waited, hoped and prayed for the best and couldn’t help but be devastated when they found out that little Leo Dawson had Down-syndrome. Despite Leo’s problems he was just like every other little boy his age that Rian knew. Except more loveable.
“Thanks so much for babysitting!” his mother said running over to give both of her sons hugs goodbye.
“It’s really no problem mom,” Rian promised again.
“It’s just I could not get out of this meeting. And preschool doesn’t meet today. Columbus Day,” his mother absentmindedly continued and hugged her oldest son.
“Come here,” she said scooping up Leo and placing a kiss on his cheek.
“Be good for Rian,” she said placing him down and looking off into space trying to make sure she had everything. It was a habit that she’d had since she herself was a young child and Rian was used to it.
“You have everything;” he assured her, “no go. We’ll be fine.”
The Dawson boys stood on the lawn waving at the Silver Prius as their mother drove away, and turned to one another expectantly.
“So Lee, What do you want to do?”
“Cou we go to dee park?”
“I think we can manage that,” Rian smiled throwing Leo up into the air. The young boy giggled and Rian threw him onto his shoulders. It’s going to be cold soon, he thought to himself Mind as well suck in the warmer weather while it’s here. We can walk to the park.
“So wahs been new?” Leo asked like a little man.
“Well can you keep a big secret,” Rian asked breaking out in a big smile unable to contain himself much longer.
“Yeahyea!”
“Well me and my friends are going on a trip and we might become famous!” he said on a level his brother would understand.
Leo’s eyes grew wide and for a moment Rian thought he was going to start crying, but instead a huge grin appeared.
“Leo can keep a secret!” He promised grabbing the bigger hand that was holding him up, reassuringly.
Then with his little short attention span, Leo began to babble on about school, and Rian tried to listen but was a little lost in his thoughts.
He’d always been the most perceptive of his group of friends; always the one that everyone considered trustworthy. He had felt honored that everyone came to him, but lately he was starting to feel burdened with all the secrets he was keeping; all the things he was picking up on.
As soon as the park came into view, Rian could feel Leo getting antsy.
“Sah-winds?” He asked pointing towards the swings.
“Sure.”
Alex was Drew’s father. Alex is Drew’s father. Rian could not wrap his head around it. How had his oldest friend so monumentally messed up? Jill had announced news of her pregnancy the same time Alex began to distance himself from his friends, and reality apparently. How had Alex let himself sleep with Jill? And then abandon her? Don’t judge he scolded himself. You haven’t been there. Rian then suddenly had the urge to know who else was in the know of the apparently top secret paternity.
“Highya?” Leo asked as Rian continued pushing him along on the child safety swing.
Certainly not Jack. Or Zack. Michelle? If Michelle knows, that is really screwed up. he thought and as his thoughts turned to her he began to feel a pang of resentment. First Alex. Now Zack. And he clearly had no idea he was getting Alex’s sloppy seconds. Rian was sure of this after Michelle’s little request. Stupidly he had complied. Rian didn’t know who he should direct his anger at. Alex? The puppet master of the group. Or was Michelle to blame? Was she trying to cause problems? Couldn’t she just keep it in her clothes, or keep her clothes on?
“Why-an!” Leo called trying to regain his brother’s attention once more. “Too high!”
Slowing down the swing, he regretfully took back his harsh comments that had never left his mind.
Two young women, around his age sat down on a table bench behind him yet their conversation was completely audible.
“…And her cousin? That Jack guy?
“The cute one? In the band?”
No, there is no way. Way too many Jacks in the world. You’re being paranoid.
“Yeah! Well my sister was works with his girlfriend at the salon in the mall-,”
Rian faltered. There was probably a few Jack’s with girlfriends that work in the cosmetology field in this town.
“And she got caught stealing prescription pills; get this, FROM A CLIENT”S PURSE!”
“NO!” the other girl exclaimed shocked. “What happened?”
“Well they obviously fired her.”
“Wait so how does your sister know this?”
“She works there, duh.”
“So she like saw it?!”
“Well…no. But her manager told her I guess. He was like ‘I need you to pick up Kate’s shift’ and when she asked why he told her.”
Jack in a band. Girlfriend working in a salon in the mall. Kate. Shit.
“Well maybe,” Rian said aloud for the girls behind him to hear, “You shouldn’t go by word of mouth.”
“Who the fu-,” the girl stopped midsentence when she turned to see Rian standing there. Obviously instantly recognizing him as he face turned a crimson red.
“Well maybe you shouldn’t be listening in to everyone’s conversations,” the girl who had been listening said defending her friend, unaware of the full situation.
“Yeah. You’re probably right.”
Last night, he’d heard some things. Things that he hadn’t had a chance to process yet and he had no idea what he would have said if he had ran into his close friends Jack or Jill. Or Alex.
Pulling into the driveway, Rian checked his clock. Almost eight. He had just enough time to go change his clothes briefly before he was on his way out again.
“Hello?” Rian called out to signal to his roommate that he was home as he got in.
“He’s sleeping.” A female voice said shyly from the couch, startling Rian.
“Michelle?” He questioned confused and looking over at her. “What are you doing here?”
Michelle’s face turned beat red. “I uh- me and Zack- we- I,” she stumbled over her words embarrassed.
“Got you.” Rian said pointing at Michelle walking back towards his bedroom.
“Rian?” Michelle called out sitting up a bit.
“Yeah?” he asked turning briefly.
“Can you, not tell Zack. You know. About before.”
Eight Months Prior
“Alex!” Rian called out searching for his oldest friend as he walked into the front door of his apartment. He would have knocked but knew where the spare key was hidden inside of the light post and had wanted a place to stay until the locksmith made his third visit this month. Zack was a great roommate, aside from his drunken tendency to misplace his keys. Then hijack and loose Rian’s keys too.
“Alex! Zack lost my keys again” Rian stopped his sentence midsentence and turned around placing his hands in the air.
“Sorry man.” He said as he heard a girl make a small shriek.
Michelle hurriedly ran into the next room to hide her exposed body and Alex just laughed. Even though he was just in his boxers he sat on his couch openly.
“Sit down,” Alex offered. “Do you want a drink?”
Rian looked down still confused, “Was that-was that Michelle? Barakat?”
Alex gave Rian a devilish smile.
“Dude, isn’t she still in high school?” Rian asked slightly amused, and slightly horrified.
Alex shrugged his shoulders. “What? She’s seventeen.” It was clear from the way he was speaking that he had already had a couple drinks.
Rian shook his head and looked sadly at his friend. It was troubling him the amount of alcohol Alex had been consuming lately. Not to mention the constant partying and sleeping around. It was a downward spiral that he had started in seemingly out of nowhere.
“Well how long have you been seeing her?”
“PSH.” Alex scoffed. “Seeing her what? Naked?”
Shaking his head clear of thoughts and getting back onto his task, Rian nodded and looked her in the eyes, “Ok.”
Due to his small conversation with Michelle, Rian was no longer ahead of time, and rushed to his car. Just as he placed the keys in the ignition his phone began blaring a Blink-182 song he had placed as Matthew Flyzik, the band’s manager, ringtone.
“I have like one minute,” Rian answered the phone.
“Well good morning to you too sunshine,” Flyzik joked and Rian could hear him softly laughing to himself.
“You’re on the clock,” he said in a lighter tone.
“Well this is only going to take a second but are you sitting down?”
“In my car.”
“You guys got booked. Two week tour on the west coast. It’s your big chance!”
+++
“Sorry I’m a few minutes late!” Rian exclaimed quickly jogging up the long familiar driveway. The white house with the blue shudders had been his home for nineteen years of his life, and it still felt comforting whenever he arrived there.
“Hey Hun!” His mother greeted him, obviously in a hurry, as she gently shuffled her youngest son out the door in front of her. I’ll tell her about the tour when I drop Leo off later.
“Why-an!” Four year old Leo exclaimed seeing his only other sibling and ran towards him.
“Hey buddy!” Rian said excitedly back and held out his hands preparing for a hug.
Leo amazed Rian. He was born when Mrs. Dawson was in her mid forties, sadly increasing his chance to have mental development challenges. The Dawson family waited, hoped and prayed for the best and couldn’t help but be devastated when they found out that little Leo Dawson had Down-syndrome. Despite Leo’s problems he was just like every other little boy his age that Rian knew. Except more loveable.
“Thanks so much for babysitting!” his mother said running over to give both of her sons hugs goodbye.
“It’s really no problem mom,” Rian promised again.
“It’s just I could not get out of this meeting. And preschool doesn’t meet today. Columbus Day,” his mother absentmindedly continued and hugged her oldest son.
“Come here,” she said scooping up Leo and placing a kiss on his cheek.
“Be good for Rian,” she said placing him down and looking off into space trying to make sure she had everything. It was a habit that she’d had since she herself was a young child and Rian was used to it.
“You have everything;” he assured her, “no go. We’ll be fine.”
The Dawson boys stood on the lawn waving at the Silver Prius as their mother drove away, and turned to one another expectantly.
“So Lee, What do you want to do?”
“Cou we go to dee park?”
“I think we can manage that,” Rian smiled throwing Leo up into the air. The young boy giggled and Rian threw him onto his shoulders. It’s going to be cold soon, he thought to himself Mind as well suck in the warmer weather while it’s here. We can walk to the park.
“So wahs been new?” Leo asked like a little man.
“Well can you keep a big secret,” Rian asked breaking out in a big smile unable to contain himself much longer.
“Yeahyea!”
“Well me and my friends are going on a trip and we might become famous!” he said on a level his brother would understand.
Leo’s eyes grew wide and for a moment Rian thought he was going to start crying, but instead a huge grin appeared.
“Leo can keep a secret!” He promised grabbing the bigger hand that was holding him up, reassuringly.
Then with his little short attention span, Leo began to babble on about school, and Rian tried to listen but was a little lost in his thoughts.
He’d always been the most perceptive of his group of friends; always the one that everyone considered trustworthy. He had felt honored that everyone came to him, but lately he was starting to feel burdened with all the secrets he was keeping; all the things he was picking up on.
As soon as the park came into view, Rian could feel Leo getting antsy.
“Sah-winds?” He asked pointing towards the swings.
“Sure.”
Alex was Drew’s father. Alex is Drew’s father. Rian could not wrap his head around it. How had his oldest friend so monumentally messed up? Jill had announced news of her pregnancy the same time Alex began to distance himself from his friends, and reality apparently. How had Alex let himself sleep with Jill? And then abandon her? Don’t judge he scolded himself. You haven’t been there. Rian then suddenly had the urge to know who else was in the know of the apparently top secret paternity.
“Highya?” Leo asked as Rian continued pushing him along on the child safety swing.
Certainly not Jack. Or Zack. Michelle? If Michelle knows, that is really screwed up. he thought and as his thoughts turned to her he began to feel a pang of resentment. First Alex. Now Zack. And he clearly had no idea he was getting Alex’s sloppy seconds. Rian was sure of this after Michelle’s little request. Stupidly he had complied. Rian didn’t know who he should direct his anger at. Alex? The puppet master of the group. Or was Michelle to blame? Was she trying to cause problems? Couldn’t she just keep it in her clothes, or keep her clothes on?
“Why-an!” Leo called trying to regain his brother’s attention once more. “Too high!”
Slowing down the swing, he regretfully took back his harsh comments that had never left his mind.
Two young women, around his age sat down on a table bench behind him yet their conversation was completely audible.
“…And her cousin? That Jack guy?
“The cute one? In the band?”
No, there is no way. Way too many Jacks in the world. You’re being paranoid.
“Yeah! Well my sister was works with his girlfriend at the salon in the mall-,”
Rian faltered. There was probably a few Jack’s with girlfriends that work in the cosmetology field in this town.
“And she got caught stealing prescription pills; get this, FROM A CLIENT”S PURSE!”
“NO!” the other girl exclaimed shocked. “What happened?”
“Well they obviously fired her.”
“Wait so how does your sister know this?”
“She works there, duh.”
“So she like saw it?!”
“Well…no. But her manager told her I guess. He was like ‘I need you to pick up Kate’s shift’ and when she asked why he told her.”
Jack in a band. Girlfriend working in a salon in the mall. Kate. Shit.
“Well maybe,” Rian said aloud for the girls behind him to hear, “You shouldn’t go by word of mouth.”
“Who the fu-,” the girl stopped midsentence when she turned to see Rian standing there. Obviously instantly recognizing him as he face turned a crimson red.
“Well maybe you shouldn’t be listening in to everyone’s conversations,” the girl who had been listening said defending her friend, unaware of the full situation.
“Yeah. You’re probably right.”