Dawn of Wednesday

So I made up my mind to at least give it a shot and I was trying my hardest not to let myself back out. Ian freed up on talking about Jimmy. He joked too much and made me too starry-eyed with the visions he could conjure up.

Stuff like having the right to burn pictures of him and his ex-girlfriends and watching all the heart-warming firework displays that usually secretly made me wish I has somebody- or that Jimmy's girlfriend of the month was dead.

I was so chicked-out while Ian spoke I didn't even fully comprehend that my state of mind had been altered. I was girly, and Ian was just like the close girlfriend that I'd never wanted to have. I wasn't drooling all over myself like most of the females did during class. I was just happy. Blissful, even. Until it snapped back like a rubber band and Ian suggested that I call him.

"Call him? As in exchange words with him?" I asked dumbly, coming down slowly from another of my girly, fantasy-induced high.

"Yeah. He's asked about you a few times already. Says your avoiding him like the plague." I couldn't deny it honestly. It was all too true, and Ian knew it without me having to say much. "At least tell him your on your period or something. I think you're freaking him out."

"I'm freaking myself out here, Ian. I just don't act like this." I gestured up and down myself, all puddled up and comfortable after day dreaming. It had become my new favorite past time, since nothing bad ever seemed to happen in my visions. And it wasn't as hard to think as it was to pursue.

"Its that new side you're showing to Jimmy. That adorable-lovable side that acts like a paradox to the rest of your harsh existence. Its that side you've locked up for however long, just to keep lying to yourself so you didn't just admit to him that you wanted him as more than a friend. Just admit I'm right Wee-dee. I can see it on your face that you have no protesting comments."

"Only one." I stopped him," I've never locked up loving Jimmy. I just didn't bring it up to prevent awkwardness.

"Its as good as lying if you don't bring up something you know. You'd be considered an accomplice if you pulled that shit with the cops in the event of a crime. I adjusted my legs on my bed to keep them from falling asleep, and to avoid telling him I already knew that.

"You've got nothing to lose" He reminded me strongly. He threw the cordless house phone at me smoothly. He had to have been planning this from the beginning, because I had no phone-jack in my room. I caught it, and looked back at him hoping he'd see that I needed help so I wouldn't have to ask.

"Go on. Be yourself." He advised, nodding back to me. He was trying to hook my attention back on the keypad. I talked myself up in my head. I could do this. No way in hell did I have a weakness. I could push myself right back into the game. I could beat Elaine's ass at her oen game.

I'd typed Jimmy's number in the fit of my hype and the little pixelated telephone on the screen jumped to life as it started to ring. My hype dropped as fast as a brick would find its way back to the safety of the ground. My thumb jammed into the red 'end call' button until the screen died down and faded black.

"I totally thought that onlt happened in movies to those little love-drunk tweenagers." He cut in while my heart slowed to resemble something not so ballistic.

"I wasn't ready." I defended myself poorly.

"You know it shows you called regardless."

"Fuck." I dropped the phone and pushed it further away from me with my foot. "What is wronf with my head, Ian? I should have thought of that at least three minuets before I unconsciously dialed"

"You've met your first block in the road, baby sister. It happens to everyone eventually. Usually a bit sooner, though not everyone can be superman like you." He shrugged as if all of this was so simple. and maybe it was, but it was so difficult at the same time. I would drive myself insane before I ever got the nerve to fix it.

The phone rang loud and shrill from the floor, hitting me like a ten-pound medicine ball.

"No, no no. No way in hell am I answered that phone. And I swear on your balls, Ian, if you say anything-"

"No children. Got it. How many times are you going to say it?"

"Answer the phone."I directed him. "And don't tell him I'm here." Ian rolled his eyes but grabbed the black hunk of plastic anyway.

"Hellow?" He asked, his voice suddenly wrapped tightly with a ragged, barely conscience husk. I made a note to mention an acting career sometime later; he was pretty convincing.

"Oh hey, what's up?" He asked. I fingered the hem of my t-shirt impatiently, already expecting the end of their chatting. I felt safe with Ian in my place on the phone, but it was uncomfortable not being able to censor anything, like I usually did while they talked with me in the room. Except this time, I wasn't supposed to be in the room.

"No man, sorry. I think that was me. I fell asleep talking to Kandas I guess..... I don't even think she's home right now." He lied sealing right over my worries. I was so lucky to have him as a brother. "Yeah man, I'll try to. Bye." He hung up.

"Are you sure he's trying to shake the relationship? He still seems kind of worried." Ian dropped the ohone by his side knowing well enough that I couldn't really call him after not being home.

"You didn't see his face when he said it, Ian. It was so serious. And you know Jimmy. He'll joke his way through a hot battle in December. Ian agreed with few words.

"Well sis.." He trailed off, beginning to raise his shoulders in surrender.

"I'll try again tomorrow. Might be more of a push to see his face. Its got helpful hints of where to place my words." I brushed the hair out of my face and pushed myself toward the door. "Don't worry about it anymore." I ruffled Ian's hair despite him being the older sibling. I knew well enough that he saw the whole situation in a different perspective. He saw it in male-vision where thinking went straight to the dick and where women hurt themselves because they felt too much.

I knew well enough that I had to move fast before Elaine could smother him completely. but judging by the look of it, I would be on my own. And this whole thing would have to be on my terms.