Running With Scissors

"Just go away," she had told me as she huddling closer to the blankets that surrounded her. I didn't want to push her away, so I left and gently closed the door behind me.

I made my way to the livingroom, where the sun's rays had unwelcomingly found their way into the gloomy atmosphere. I sighed, my body weight crashing into the sofa as I sighed heavily and ran my hands through my messy hair.

This felt hopeless. Why had I come here? Things were so different, it was obvious I had just stirred up a past that was meant to be forgotten. I was meant to be replaced.

I dug through my bag and flipped the cap off of my homely anti-depressants, tipping a few into my open palm and dry swallowing them. My eyes felt irritated and dry, like my mouth and I waited for the pills to kick in. I waited for the feeling to leave; To feel numb; Like I could'nt feel anything at all.

I know that there was a point in my life when I hated myself for not being able to feel. But I was no different doing these than I was doing coke. This was just legal... and prescription.

It was about that moment when I found the light flashing under my clothes and dug through my bag to pull out my phone. My grandparent's number plastered the 'missed call' log. I should have figured they'd call- I had left without telling them.

I debated whether or not to call them, but decided it would be best just to tell them I was okay. The phone wrang several times before a rough voice answerred the other line- my grandfather.

"Hello?"

"Hey," I said nervously.

"Ace? Where the hell are you?"

"I'm in California."

"Why are you there? You get your ass back here now!"

"No," I said sternly, finally remembering why I had come here in the first place. "I'm out of your care, you understand? Do you have any idea what kind of things have happened here since I left? Because people didn't know what happened to me? Do you?"

"What kind of drugs are you on?"

"I'm not doing drugs!"

"Watch your tone! You think it's alright to just get up one morning and decide to leave? Your grandmother is worried sick about you..."

"Yea, figures. And I'm guessing the only reason you're missing me is because it's costing you business, right?"

"Now you know that's not tue. Ace, you come back here now or we're shutting off your saving's account."

"I don't care- I've already used most of it. I'm helping an old friend... You don't understand. I... I can't leave here. I've got to fix things, alright? It's not that I don't appreciate the things you guys have done for me, because I do.... But I'm too old to be in your care anymore. I have to take care of myself. I have a chance to make a differene in someone's life. I have a chance to get better on my own. Whether or not you support me is up to you... But I've got to do this on my own."

I can hear my grandma pick up the phone in the kitchen. "Ace? Ace, is that you?"

"Yea... I've just been busy. Sorry I haven't called..."

"He's in California, Petunia- California!"

"Baby, why are you all the way back there?"

"Because.... Guys, I left a life behind here. It might not have been the greatest, but it was a life none the less. I left people behind here... Friends. I've got to take care of myself. Please, just... understand? I'm not acting out, I'm just...."

"Alright," My grandfather's voice said awkwardly from the other end.

"What," I asked, shocked.

"You do what you gotta do," he said softly.

I smiled to myself. "Thanks..."

"Take care of yourself now," my grandma said sternly.

"I will."

"You keep yourself in line," my grandpa instructed, returning to his well-structured self.

"I will. Now I have to go. I'll talk to you guys later..."

"Goodbye. Love you," my grandma said.

"Love you guys too, bye."

And with that, I hung up the phone in slight thankfulness and looked over at the phone book...