The Serrated Edges of My Heart

After we got all of our bags, William made me wait outside while he went to get the car, coming back a little while later in his dad's old truck.

He got out to help me transfer our stuff to the truck.

It was good that Billy was there for the time being to distract my mind.

"So where does Ruth live now anyway?" I asked, staring out the window at the scenery flashing by.

"Remember the time we got caught teepeeing all those houses up in the hills?"

I looked at him, my confused face slowly turning shocked.

"She moved to the rich block?!" I said. He nodded, laughing at my expression, his laughter was so carefree, the way mine used to be.

"See what I mean by long drive?"

The rich block was far up in the hills, but well worth it as far as sight seeing goes.

All the houses ranged from 3 – 5 stories, some looking more like castles and palaces than mansions.

Billy and I had always thought them somewhat ridiculous and outlandish, but I was kind of excited to be living in one.

We had never exactly been on the privileged side of life.

As we drove, William talked freely and openly about everything that had been going on since we last met.

He was still the same sweet boy, just a little older, and a little more famous.

"Billy, you'll never know how much I missed you kid," I sighed, propping my feet on the dashboard.

"Why did you leave in the first place? No one ever told me…" he said, staring absentmindedly out of the windshield.

"Dad lost his job," I sighed, "He found a new one in California…I planned on coming back when the money situation got better, but then dad died, me and mom were still trying to piece ourselves back together, I got put in rehab for a while and then Evan-…"

My voice caught in my throat and tears brimmed in my eyes.

Why did I even start?

I was okay with talking about dad, but Evan…

"Who's Evan?" William asked, changing lanes, obviously not able to hear the ripping of my heart.

I wrapped my arms around myself, my lungs burning.

Evan, Evan, Evan, Evan. Come back. Please…

"Ellie?"

I gasped quietly.

"M-my ex-boyfriend…I was devastated when we broke up."

My teeth clenched involuntarily.

Every blink of my eyes brought an image of Evan, smiling, happy…cold, dead, covered in blood.

His own blood.

I could taste the bile in my throat.

"Are we almost there?" I asked him in a whisper.

I could feel his gaze on me.

"Why were you in rehab?"

I tried to focus on the new topic.

Pushing the disturbing images to the back of my mind where it would spring on me later.

"I sank in an alcohol depression after dad passed. I've only been clean for a year, but I'm getting better."

"That's good," he smiled. There was a long pause before he spoke again.

"I waited for you…a call, a letter…even a secondhand message through Aunt Ruthie. Anything El…"

He was staring determinedly at the road.

"I'm sorry Billy…"I whispered.

I had missed William terribly over the years, but things had been to complicated.

I realized now just how badly I should have tried to keep in contact.

I realized how badly I needed him to feel the slightest bit human.