Good Man

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
- Albert Camus



Caroline was quite happy that the new year had the look of being promising, all things considered. January of 2013 was a month of transition in the lives of her and those around her; doing the best to let go of the past and start anew with life. To look on the brighter side.

Nobody ever went blind from looking on the brighter side.

Someone had said that once to her, years before when she was just starting out in the world as a young woman with a dream and not a dollar to her name. When the future seemed grim and distant.

Such was pretty much the same again, tenfold, but all she could do was the same thing she'd always tried doing in these times: look on the motherfuckin' sunny side.

She'd enjoyed the first day of the year in the company of the Ways -- Gerard, Mikey and Alicia -- and going shopping with her sister Tiffany Michelle; talking about all the finalities for her wedding in April. Estelle stayed over on the weekends to be with her stepmother and young siblings; everyone going about their lives without trying to miss a beat. Then there was The Sinners who had finished their much anticipated third album, making the label happy, Rob Cavallo proud, and The Sinners, themselves relieved.

Tre and Giselle returned from New York, Ellis-less, which Caroline was secretly happy about, and a day later Billie Joe and Adrienne returned from Italy with their sons, Joey's girlfriend Nicole, and Jakob's best friend Brandyn.

Caroline joined all of them at Tre's house to celebrate Ramona's 18th birthday who had returned to the Bay area with her father and stepmother with all the belongings she wanted from her mother's place in New York. She was officially living with her father to finish out her senior year at the same high school as Joey.

It was at the birthday party, held on the 15th, which was a day of revelation for Caroline, and a feeling of betrayal.

As soon as she crossed the threshold into the Wright residence and she set her eyes on her sister, everything seemed more in focus. She noticed something about Giselle she hadn't pinpointed earlier because she had been much too focused on herself and her children.

The younger -- formerly known as Woods -- sister was positively glowing for starters. However, it was her waistline and protruding stomach that made everything clear. She watched her sister throughout the course of the party with hurt and scrutinizing eyes, wondering why she'd been kept in the dark for this long.

After cake and ice cream and the opening of presents, guests filtered all over the house and fell into numerous conversations which occasionally overlapped. During one such conversation, Caroline leaned forward on the couch in the living room as Chloe walked over; picking her daughter up onto her lap.

"So is this a new thing or have I just been blind to this talent of yours?" Caroline inquired.

Giselle looked confused. "Huh?"

"When were you gonna tell me you were pregnant? After the baby was born? Or did you think it was unimportant because I won't be the baby's aunt by blood, and he or she will have a real aunt by blood now that you've got Super Ellis in your life?"

All the conversations in the immediate area quieted down, and Caroline noticed the affect her tone had.

"Caroline, I---"

"You what, Zelle?"

"We weren't gonna tell you until we were sure the pregnancy would take and..." Giselle trailed. "And...we felt that it might not be the right time anyway, considering..."

"Considering what?" Caroline asked further, but then stopped, realization sinking in. "Oh, I get it. You thought Little Miss Widow couldn't handle good news? That you were pregnant again. I see. Apparently I'm fragile."

"Care, that's not---"

"Who are you to judge what I can handle and what I can't? You go to medical school and suddenly you're all-knowing?" Caroline bit out, clearly hurt. "Just because I lost my husband doesn't mean I can't know I'm gonna be an aunt. I'm always gonna feel the loss, Giselle, so I really see no logic in your reasoning. All I see is blatant betrayal to what we have as sisters and friends. We're supposed to tell each other everything..."

Her eyes were watering but she swallowed them back quite maturely, as she stood up with Chloe now in her arms.

"Care, we weren't trying to hurt you---" Tre began on him and his wife's behalf.

"Too late," she replied. Looking over to her son who was playing with a Tonka truck, she called out. "C'mon, Mikey. Let's get your windbreaker on and get ready to go home."

The others tried to speak up and say something to mellow the mood and assure Caroline it was alright, but they pretty much sided with her over Tre and Giselle. In all honesty, they should've told Caroline from the start. Any good news could've really helped her earlier on in her grief over losing Mike. And there were a slew of other reasons why Caroline should've been included in the knowledge of Giselle's latest pregnancy, successful or not.

Ignoring any pleas to just stay a little longer, and not to leave on a sour note, Caroline packed her kids up and drove home, not to speak to her sister for the remainder of January and well into the following month.



February, being the short month that it was, seemed to roll along rather quickly. Caroline only spoke with Giselle no less than twice to see how each other was doing. She still hadn't forgiven her sister and brother-in-law for not telling her about their pregnancy and to add insult to injury, Giselle's biological sister Ellis decided to buy a small home on the West coast to be closer to Giselle so the two could reunite their sisterly bond that was severed before Giselle was barely a month old.

Blood ties don't make a sister! Caroline wanted to shout from the rooftops.

However, she couldn't let herself be brought down by Giselle's failure to disclose the good news of her pregnancy and new-found, blossoming relationship with Ellis. She had her own things to take care of and deal with; both professionally and sisterly.

For one, The Sinners would be releasing their third album in March and filming the video for the first single in a couple weeks. The label wanted to start planning on a tour but Caroline adamantly refused a tour. For this album anyway. For her and her family, it was still too soon for her to get out and go about her life as normally as she would've pre-widowdom. Mike wasn't even gone a full year and by the time the group would've been ready for a tour, normally, it would've started shortly before or around the one-year anniversary of Mike's death, and there was no way Caroline would be able to feasibly be able to cope with anything at that time. It would specifically be set aside for remembrance and grieving.

So, there would only be music videos, some press conferences, appearances on awards shows which would include presenting and performing.

Then, on top of the album chaos, there was her sister Timmy who was getting married in two months' time, and being the matron of honor was no small feat. She was paying for the wedding. It was her gift to Timmy and Seth, and she insisted that Timmy have the best of everything. If she wanted a designer wedding gown made especially for her by Vera Wang, then so be it, Vera Wang it was. If she wanted all the groomsmen to wear Armani suits, then Armani it would be.

And, in the midst of helping to plan a wedding and prepare for album release, Caroline was now also preparing for an event she had declined an invitation to at first. But, after insistence from Billie Joe that it would be a good thing, Caroline caved.

She packed lightly for the weekend trip to Los Angeles and traveled by private jet alongside Billie Joe, Adrienne, Tre and Giselle. Mike's sister was given baby-sitting duty over Mike Jr. and Chloe from Friday evening until Monday sometime.

Once arrived at the Chateau Marmont, both couples plus Caroline checked into their respective suites. The latter chose to stay in that night, turning down the offer of joining the others for dinner, instead opting to stay in, order room service and watch some TV.

The next morning, Caroline woke up rather early and found herself watching Saturday morning cartoons. After about an hour or so of that, she drew a bath.

Just sitting there, listening to a slew of Stevie Nicks songs on her hot pink iPod Shuffle, the warm water and solace of the immaculate bathroom provided a great escape she hadn't felt in some time for she was for the first time in a long time, able to reconnect with herself.

She didn't have to worry about her own well being or others worrying about her as well. She only felt suicidal that one time after losing Mike. Caroline had pulled herself out of her depression after the holidays which is all sorts of ironic considering Christmas and New Years are typically the holidays most inclined to depressive tendencies. Then there was how she had some time away from her children, not that she didn't want to have them around her. This was just a little vacation of sorts that she needed.

It was just her, some bath bubbles and her favorite tunes.



Later in the afternoon, Caroline was already dressed simply in a pair of jeans and a black tee with the Rudy's Can't Fail Cafe logo on the front and the words 'Serving E'ville Since 2002' across the upper back. She dressed the ensemble up with her bare feet in a pair of black, Manolo Blahniks, an artsy scarf around her neck in place of a necklace, and a pair of silver hoop earrings. With her hair pulled up in a careless ponytail, she felt beautifully simple.

As her hips swayed gently from side to side, the hazel-eyed woman moved about a room set up at the Staples Center, displaying the swag performers and presenters for the Grammys would be receiving. Caroline still wasn't used to the ridiculousness that was this part of the awards show process. In total, each presenter and/or performer would receive a staggering twenty-thousand dollars worth in products.

Poking her head in curiosity toward the table showing off the new version of the iPhone in all colors under the sun, Caroline smiled slightly when Billie Joe stepped up beside her and rolled his eyes.

"Guess what I got in my swag bag," he spoke with a bemused tone in his voice.

"Judging by the craziness of everything here, a Ford Mustang?"

"Yeah, I wish," the man who would be turning forty-one the following day commented. "No, I got another guitar. Plus, I got a Playstation 4, which I already have, and then there's the new Nokia phone which is ugly as sin. Among other things." He peered over her shoulder at what she was looking at. "That looks complicated."

Caroling couldn't disagree. "Tell me about it."

"So what did you get?"

"That," she pointed to the new iPhone display they were looking at. "I got a bass which was signed by Sting."

"You got an autographed bass? Kickass."

"Yeah, he even wrote a sweet but short message on it."

"What'd he say?"

"'Play the fuck out of this thing when you feel sad. Love, Sting.'"

Billie Joe chuckled. "That's...well, not the type of message I would picture Sting giving."

"He's a man who can have sex for eight hours. Why wouldn't he be capable of writing something like that?" Caroline questioned as Tre came walking up to join the pair.

"Good point," Billie Joe nodded.

"Hey, guys, I was just talking to the awards' producer and he needs us in about fifteen minutes to do a run-through of the past year's notable---"

"What's there to run through?" Caroline cut Tre off. "The three of us come out and take turns reading a slew of names off a TelePrompTer. And for that simple task, we get twenty-thousand dollars worth of shit," she snapped a bit.

Her mood turning suddenly sour, she pushed past Billie Joe and Tre and stormed off out of the 'swag' room.



Caroline had returned back the hotel not long after her mood swing; flopping down onto the sofa in her suite's sitting room. She sat there, staring at the blank TV screen across the way for some time when there was a knock at the door. Turning her head to the right, she stared in the direction of the sound and sighed. She pulled herself up to her feet and brought herself to white colored barrier.

"Yeah?" she called out.

"It's Billie. Can I come in?"

Without responding verbally, Caroline unlocked the door, opened it up and stepped aside for the dark-haired man to walk in. As she shut the door behind him, the two of them just stood there as he looked at her face, trying to read her.

"Care," he began. "You gonna be able to do this tomorrow night? If not, they can get someone else to do it. We can all go out and get piss-ass drunk instead."

Caroline shook her head. "No, no, I'm fine. I'll be okay tomorrow. I mean, at least I can only hope I will."

"No one would think less of you if you backed out now. In fact, they'd be the most understanding in the world. It's been a hard six months for all of us."

"No, I need to do this. You're right, it's been six months, and I need tomorrow night to be a milestone for moving on. I need to face the music, for a lack of better adages."

"If you're sure."

"I am."

Billie Joe smiled affectionately at her and pulled her into a side hug. "Okay, then." He placed a kiss on her forehead. "Well, if you want, we're all going out to dinner and want you to not stay cooped up tonight and join us. After all, tomorrow's my 41st birthday and celebrating tomorrow will be a pain."

"Of course I'm gonna come out with all of you. I gotta give you your birthday present."



The 55th Annual Grammy Awards were already more than halfway through the telecast, live on CBS, as Caroline stood backstage, dressed in the very same gold number she'd worn the year before at the show, when she was attending with her husband who'd picked up an award with his band.

And as she stood there, waiting in the wings, she couldn't help but recall this very night, one year before.

She could see herself, clear as day, sitting beside Mike in the audience, with Billie Joe and Adrienne to their right while Tre and Giselle were on their left. Rob and his wife were in the row behind them, along with Jason White, Jason Freese and Ronnie Blake with their wives. Caroline could hear the presenters announce the winners, Green Day, and the roar of applause that followed. She could see herself standing up with everyone else, kissing Mike in congratulations, as he kept a hold of her hand and dragged her along with him and the guys up the to the stage. But she wasn't alone in that. Billie Joe had dragged Adrienne up, and Tre had dragged Giselle up.

Caroline remembered leaning into Mike and smiling out at the sea of people, who were mostly indistinguishable due to the lights shining down on their heads, as Billie Joe took to the microphone to accept the award, with Mike turning briefly to whisper in her ear, words that would never come true.

"Let's find ourselves on stage together next year."

She had just smiled in return and it was after Billie Joe's dominance in the acceptance speech that all six of them were ushered off toward backstage to the awaiting press in the press room where they answered brief questions and posed with their award.

"One minute, Caroline," came the female voice of someone wearing a headset and holding a clipboard.

Caroline looked at the woman and nodded, taking a deep breath and snapping back to reality. Tre and Billie Joe were at her side.

"Ready?" Tre asked.

She nodded.

Out on stage, the host was at the clear podium, speaking into the thin microphone, muttering something or other, but it was when he uttered, "...Caroline Pritchard, and Green Day's Billie Joe Armstrong and Tre Cool" that she truly snapped out of it.

Walking ahead of the two men, Caroline's breath hitched as she stepped out onto the stage, the gold fabric of her dress swishing against her legs. She moved to the center of the stage to stand in front of the microphone. As Billie Joe stood on her left, Tre moved to stand about a foot to her right.

Before she could begin to speak, there was a round of applause for the three of them, but Caroline was so tense, she was unsure as to why. When the applause died down, Caroline smiled ruefully, momentarily wishing she hadn't agreed to this after all.

"So many people contribute to making the music we know and love," she began, reading the TelePrompTer. The contacts she wore allowed her to do so without wearing her glasses which she tended to be vain about. "It's an unfortunate act of fate that snuffs the flame of all that talent."

Billie Joe leaned into the microphone next. "Here is a look at some of the notable artists who died in the past year."

Swallowing back a lump in his own throat, Billie Joe stepped back as Tre stepped forward and began to rattle off the names as the lights dimmed and a screen behind them began to play footage of the people in the music industry who died in 2012.

It was a seemingly long list, or so it felt to Caroline, complete with mostly old composers and musicians in their seventies and eighties. She was turned around to look up at the screen, watching the footage of those who'd gone, and knew she was probably holding her breath, waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop. And then, there it was.

"...and Mike Pritchard, better known as Mike Dirnt, bassist and founding member of punk rock band, Green Day," came Tre's shaky voice. It was obvious this was affecting him just as much as the others.

There, on the screen behind them, was video footage of Mike jumping in the air with his guitar during some concert during the Pop Disaster tour, followed by a clip of him playing a guitar backstage during the Bullet In A Bible DVD when he was butchering The Yeah Yeah Yeah's song 'Maps' on purpose. And when the footage of Mike ended with a simple picture of him holding his bass on stage, looking off with a contemplative look on his face, the words, Mike Dirnt, 1972 - 2012 appeared on the picture.

It was then that the montage of those who'd passed in the previous year came to an end, and the lights came back up to the vibrancy they'd been minutes before.

Only to show everyone in the Staples Center just how emotional the three on stage were feeling at the moment. Caroline was tipping her head down, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes that were rolling down her cheeks, and Tre had stepped half a foot further to the right, turning his face away to not reveal how torn he felt inside. Then there was Billie Joe who had moved to place his right arm around Caroline and hold her close, looking rueful; trying to be the strong one.

Slowly and yet suddenly, the audience on the floor and in the levels around them stood to their feet and began to applaud them once again; this time more supportive and touching. There were a few hoots and hollers, a few 'We love yous' and even a random 'Long Live Mike' thrown in for good measure.

Caroline, feeling like a complete wreck inside, couldn't help but be overwhelmed by everyone in the Center.

Parting her lips, she smiled with such appreciation as she spoke these simple words, "It takes the time span of a second to lose a person, but that person, if loved and cared deeply for, will live on forever in our hearts..."