Good Man

"Change; we don't like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying. But here's the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is...everything."
- Dr. Meredith Grey, 'Grey's Anatomy'



It had to be somewhere around eight in the morning, the next day, when Caroline awoke to the sound of mid summer rain pelting her bedroom windows, causing her to become aware of her surroundings once more. In what seemed to be the short hours of sleep, she had eluded reality for a little while, finding escape in her dreams which were fuzzy and uneventful; a small blessing. But now she had to face what had happened, what she had done, and she would have to deal with it some way or another.

Sitting up slowly, she peered over her shoulder to find that Billie Joe was still there; fast asleep on the opposite side of her bed. His gentle snores didn't bother her any, nor did the way his body rose and fell with each breath he took. What bothered her was the reason he was there.

It was her fault to begin with. She'd been very forcible the night before; very adamant and unusually strong. She'd been blinded by latent stress and the impending mourning that would be peaking once more in a month's time when the anniversary of Mike's death reared its ugly head.

Caroline frowned and twisted her lips as her mind leapt and pirouetted with all her thoughts.

Close-mouthed, Caroline let out a sigh from her nostrils, lifted her hand and pushed it into Billie Joe's shoulder until he stirred.

"Mmm..." he moaned, coming to.

"Billie, wake up." Caroline waited, sensing he was waking up. From where she was sitting on her side, she could just barely make out the profile of his face, and she noticed -- just barely -- how his eyelashes batted up and down.

"Whatthefuck..."

Yep, he was awake now.

"Morning to you, too," Caroline smirked sarcastically.

Rolling over onto his back, Billie Joe's sleepy green eyes found their way over to Caroline as he took in the fact of where he was and how naked Caroline was underneath the bedsheet she had tightly held up to her body, even though she was wearing his T-shirt from the night before.

That didn't count.

If the shirt was gone, she'd be as bare as the day she was born.

"Shit," he muttered. "I thought what happened had maybe been a dream. Shit, Adrienne's going to kill me." Billie Joe sat up and placed his face into his hands, groaning with regret. "We fucked up."

"Yeah, we did. I'm sorry I instigated it, but what's done is done and I can't apologize about it any more than I already have," she spoke quite deadpan. "And Adrienne's never going to know because neither of us is going to mention this to her."

Billie Joe lifted his head out of his hands and looked at Caroline.

"As a matter of fact," she continued. "Neither of us will speak of this ever again. It was a fluke. A moment in time. Grief sex, whatever. Nothing more than that."

All Billie Joe could seem to do was nod at what she said, not bother to speak because he could sense she was going to say more. And he was right to sense that.

"I also think that you should leave now." Caroline looked away then and slid off the bed; pulling the bedsheet off Billie Joe and the bed entirely. Luckily, he still had his pants on which he had slid back into the night before. "You don't have to go back home to California right away, but you can't be here, in my home. I'm not sure we should even see anything of each other. No visits. Nothing. Just...you have to go."

Somehow managing to slip out of Billie Joe's shirt, she threw it toward him, looking down at herself, wrapped snugly in the bedsheet. Caroline bit her bottom lip and backed up casually toward the master bathroom.

"Now, I'm gonna go take a shower, and when I come out, you won't be here."

Turning around, Caroline entered the bathroom and shut the door behind her, leaving Billie Joe sitting on the bed, going over in his head all she had just told him.

He had to agree. It was for the best for neither of them to ever bring up the night before again. It was better to put it out of mind and pretend it never happened.

Nodding, though she wasn't there to see him agreeing, he got up and reached for his socks, shirt and got completely dressed before leaving her bedroom almost soundlessly.



A week had passed after Billie Joe's departure from Caroline's home before she saw anyone beside her kids and the clerk at Blockbuster. For one week she had remained somewhat of a hermit, but not because she was depressed or anything, but because she had no ambition to go anywhere.

When the kids wanted to go to the park, she convinced them the backyard was just as nice. When they wanted to 'go to the Pizza Hut place,' Caroline convinced them that Domino's delivery tasted just as good. And when they wanted to go to Blockbuster and get candy, well, that was her only exception. Except for the candy part. They didn't need candy.

In this downtime Caroline had allotted herself with, she sat down with her thoughts while her children played and considered where she was with her life; where she was headed with it and where she wanted it to go from here on out. She mulled over her options in regard to every aspect of her life and came to several conclusions that would change her current situation, and the only one that seemed important enough was what to do with her career.

She knew she was putting the guys on the back-burner where The Sinners were concerned, and she knew that both Dave and Nef were not about to bug her about 'getting over it already' and getting back on the saddle.

Caroline had simply lost her inspiration, her drive for music. Where once it had been the most intricate part of her very existence, now it was a means to keep her busy from time to time.

Dave and Nef deserved better than that. They deserved more.

More than a recluse lead singer.

They needed to move on without her.



"You can't be serious," was Dave's initial reaction to Caroline's news.

As she sat there on the opposite side of her kitchen table from Dave and Nef, Caroline simply nodded her head, signaling that what she'd said was no joke and she was, by all means, serious.

"I am very serious."

"But...why? We aren't trying to rush you to get back into the swing of things, Care. We're content with putting out music videos not actually involving us physically. We've been working with some talented graphic artists and animators to put together videos that go along to our songs. And we agreed we weren't gonna tour for this album..." Nef was trying to rationalize.

"Nef, I understand this, too, but I just can't continue anymore. I've spent the last week thinking all this over and over. Aside from taking care of my kids, my mind has been focused on this the entire time. I cannot make this my life anymore. I know there is something more I need to do. Maybe...charity or something. I don't know. I just know that my love, my passion and drive, my inspiration for music...it's gone. I mean, not completely gone, but not enough of it is here in my life anymore to keep me going with it. I'd be fooling myself to keep going. I'd be going through the motions and that's no way to perform," she explained, very sincerely. "I'm holding you back. I don't care what you say, I know I am. The two of you have so much more to offer the world, musically, at this point than I do, and I will not be the reason for keeping the two of you from reaching greatness."

"But..."

"No buts." Caroline sighed and sat back in her chair. "No ifs, ands or buts."

Silence fell over the trio as all of this sank in; the weight of it all still quite raw and hard to swallow. But the truth in what Caroline said rang honest in the men's ears.

They were both well aware Caroline's heart was nowhere near into the music anymore, and it was true that they were itching to make new music, to get out there and play shows, to feel the excitement of touring and promoting relentlessly. And for Dave and Nef it was easier for them to feel this way because neither was in a serious relationship with anyone, nor were they parents to children who needed their attention and love, 24/7. They were single, childless men with the world at their fingertips and the money to do what they wanted. They had nothing to hold them back and all they had was time to create, to reach deep down within themselves and bring forth lyrical, melodic sounds for awaiting, eager ears.

"Let it be known that I, Caroline Anne Pritchard, hereby retire from the music industry."



As the month wound down, and Caroline's 33rd birthday crept up, the only thing she could think about was what was going to be happening on the 11th of the following month. She knew she was going to spend the day, dressed in black mourning the loss of her husband on the day that marked his first full year departed from this life. She would most likely be holed up in her bedroom, relying on Mike's biological mom, Lucy, to take the kids for the day so Caroline could do so.

And even though Caroline was thinking about all that now, a couple weeks before the actual event, the only thing she could see or hear was the news about her retiring. A mere two days after she informed Dave and Nef about her decision, Rob Cavallo had been notified who then informed Reprise Records know. A press release was issued, and media fronts ran with it.

Music video television channels, Tabloid magazine shows, radio stations and regular magazines included the news in their programs, broadcasts and the celebrity gossip pages.

Her favorite sentence she read in a magazine, in sarcasm of course, went something like, "Almost a year to date of losing her husband, Green Day's Mike Dirnt, Caroline Pritchard, lead singer and bassist for The Sinners, announced her retirement from the music industry. Insiders say it was only a matter of time..."

The only hard part of it all, was knowing that her friends back home in California, her family, everyone for the most part learned of her retirement from media sources and not from her, personally. She felt bad because of that, but at the same time she just didn't care.

It was actually Ellis who informed Tre of the news one evening.



The blue-eyed drummer was sitting up in bed one night, drinking possibly his tenth beer when Ellis rapped lightly on the door but loud enough for Tre to hear.

"Come in," he muttered with a slight slur in his voice, as if fighting off much-needed sleep.

Ellis popped her head in first to get a feel for things and then stepped into the room fully, though standing very close to the door. "Avarielle's asleep. Thought you'd wanna know."

"I feel like I should be paying you."

"Why?"

"'Cause you're doing everything a nanny would be doing. If you weren't here, that's who would be. I couldn't do all this by myself," Tre admitted, letting his eyes steal away from the movie he was watching on his flat screen TV to look upon Ellis, who was looking back at him.

"She's my niece, my sister's child. I owe it to Giselle to be here for Avarielle since she can't. And I wanna do this. I wanna be here for that little girl. I love her."

Silence fell over the pair for what was obviously just mere moments, but somehow felt like forever. And it was slightly awkward. They had hashed over the same sentiment over and over for a month now, in different tones and levels of emotion. A change of subject was in order.

"Did you hear about Caroline?" Ellis inquired.

"No. What about her? Did she call or something?"

"No," the green-eyed woman shook her head. "I was watching Inside Edition and they had a segment on her."

"Oh, yeah? What'd they say about her?"

"She retired."

"Retired?" Tre sat up a little more and set his beer down on the nightstand. "What do you mean?"

"Apparently a press release was issued on her behalf, announcing her retirement from the music industry, citing that it's not the most important thing in her life at this point in time anymore, she doesn't wanna hold her bandmates back, and she wants to devote her time to her children."

"...and hiding out in Buffalo," Tre added snarkily.

"That's not necessary. Maybe she feels comfortable there. Maybe it's somewhere she can get away from the high life and feel normal."

Tre shrugged and paused his movie, swinging his feet over the edge of his bed and touching them down to the floor. As he padded over to Ellis, he scratched the back of his neck and then folded his arms. He was standing about a foot in front of her when he looked her in the eye.

"I know I am a horrible father in ignoring Avarielle, but it's just so hard."

"I know it is," Ellis agreed, wincing subtly at how strong his breath smelled of beer.

"Thank you for taking care of her, being a great aunt and stuff...oh, and...uh, yeah, thanks for putting up with my shit, too."

"I grew up in Manhattan. I'm used to dealing with bullshit."

There was a trace of a smile on Ellis' lips when she said that and it made Tre smile a little, too. His eyes looked completely drowsy as he looked her over for a moment.

"You're great," he mumbled, nodding his head; agreeing with himself. And suddenly, Tre leaned forward, closing the gap and laying a kiss smack dab on Ellis' lips.

Caught off guard, she wasn't sure how to react at first, until she pushed him away rather abruptly. "I'm not Giselle."

Tre took a few steps back, sized her up, or perhaps the situation and turned around, walking toward his beer. "Fuckin' cunt," he mumbled under his breath. "Think your so high and mighty, damn bitch."

"Excuse me? What did you just say?"

"Nothin'. Just, you know, you're a bitch." Picking up his beer he took a swig from the bottle and almost sneered at her. "Like I don't know you're not Giselle. I'm not fucking retarded. I know you're not Giselle, dumbass."

"You don't have to insult me," Ellis bit out. "We had a really nice moment there, and you ruined it. We were acting like friends and...why did you kiss me, then?"

"We're not friends. You're just my daughter's aunt. You are nothing more to me than that."

It was a cold response and it cut Ellis like a knife. And she didn't like being talked down to at all, so it's no wonder why she walked right up to him, slapped the beer bottle out of his hand and then shoved him backward a little.

"Do you think Giselle would honestly want you to wallow in self pity and be a drunken father around Avarielle? Do you, huh?" Ellis demanded. "Look at yourself; you're nothing more than a drunken, angry man who is ignoring his infant daughter. She's a month old and doesn't know you." Holding his gaze, she continued. "You are a sad, sad, little man and I will not stand by and watch you do this to yourself or Avarielle, so you need to get a grip on your grief. I'm mourning Giselle, too, in case you haven't realized, and I may not have known her as long as you, but it hurts me all the same. And all the while I'm the one raising your child, when it should be you."

Tre was clearly a bit sobered by her tone and her words.

"Yes, things have changed; not necessarily for the better. But now you have to change with those changes. You need to adapt to the here and now and be the man that Giselle loved, the man she married." Ellis allowed her tone to soften when she saw how Tre's shoulders sank, his anger deflating. "I know it's not gonna be easy to move on right away but you gotta try. For Giselle's memory, for your baby girl. Avarielle needs you to be her daddy and mommy now, no matter how hard it is."

Tre looked down at his feet but it didn't last long because Ellis reached out and grabbed his face in her right hand and forced him to look at her.

"Can you step up to the plate or are you chicken shit?"