Good Man

But it's gone forever
But never too late
Where the ever after
is in the hands of fate

I just want to see the light



Alas, the day had arrived in which Tre Cool had succumbed to the age of two and forty. He was not down and out for aging another year toward the abyss, but rather enjoyed it. He was more than happy to celebrate his birthday, for he still felt young at heart and mind, like the twenty-two year old from two decades prior, although his body told him otherwise. He was more achy in the morning, was getting more hints of arthritis, sometimes his knees bothered him when it was rainy out, and he was getting more and more gray hairs as the days went by.

Of course, that's what hair coloring is for.

A party was held at Studio 880 later in the evening on December 9th, since the band had been there earlier on in the day working on yet another song. Caroline had a couple of her employees at Rudy's deliver some food to the studio from the restaurant and then made sure there would be a nice Christmas bonus for them and the employees who remained at the restaurant to hold the fort.

Music was played, mini jam sessions were held, food and drink was consumed, bodies occasionally danced around and presents were opened.

All in all it had been a glorious evening, that left a few people hung over the following day.

But it was no longer the 9th of December. It was a few days afterward -- the 12th -- and Tre was walking along the Embarcadero in San Francisco, Avarielle in front of him in her stroller and dressed a little more warmly in a light jacket and knit cap on her head which was tied on underneath her chin. Beside Tre, Caroline was pushing a double stroller in which Lakota and Rhiannon were seated and dressed very similarly to their older cousin.

Christmas decorations abounded all over, as they walked past pier after pier, going seemingly unrecognized by the general public. Several yards before them was a large Evergreen tree, decorated with multicolored lights, red and gold ball ornaments, a star on top and fake presents stacked underneath. It was the front area of Pier 39 and almost immediately to the right side of the shopping area was the Hard Rock Cafe San Francisco.

"I love cities when Christmas nears. Doesn't matter which city either. It can be the shittiest, most ghetto city in the world, but throw on a few colored lights and stand a Santa on the corner and it warms the heart." Tre looked sideways at Caroline and smirked. "Don't you agree?"

Caroline nodded. "Sure. Though, I don't know about you but, the people dressed like Santa on the streets, ringing bells and standing with a bucket for the Salvation Army have always given me the heebies."

"I always loved sitting on the laps of Santas in the malls, telling them what I wanted for Christmas."

Making a face, which Tre questioned with a raise of his eyebrow, Caroline remarked, "I did, too, but once I got to be a teenager and was well past the age of sitting on Santa's lap, I kinda got the heebies from that, also. I got this weird feeling of 'what if that Santa's some creepy pedophile who gets off of little kids sitting close to his junk?' You know?"

"You really have a problem with Santa Claus, don't you?"

Caroline shrugged. "The only Santa I don't have a problem with these days is your dad."

Tre tipped his chin upward with a smirk and a muted chuckle. "Yeah, he's had that whole Papa Noel thing going on for a long time. At least since I was a teenager. And since I've had kids, starting with Ramona, it's always the most amusing this time of year. They have their own personal Santa to tell what they want for Christmas to."

The two adults walked on, ducking into this store and that, one of which sold a variety of hats, including simple baseball hats and oversized, felt top hats in neon colors, as well as sports hoodies and other shit like that. They each bought a baseball cap each and placed it on their heads after purchasing, because they were starting to get looks from people, possibly recognizing them.

"So, uh," Tre began as they rolled toward the end of Pier 39, closer to where the Carousel was. "Ellis called me the other day from New York."

"Oh, yeah? How's she doing. I haven't seen here since September."

"She's good, I guess. This time of the year there are a lot of charities she's on the boards of and holiday fundraising functions or whatever she helps organize in the city, so she's been busy. But, we were talking about Avarielle and how she was doing, and then she asked about everyone else, I told her everything has been great, life's getting a little better each day."

Caroline stopped and pointed to the Carousel going around and around with slightly older children on it either with their parents or by themselves while their parents smiled and took pictures from a few feet away, waving and smiling. She crouched down in between both her twins' stroller and Avarielle's and gestured to the pretty colors and the horsies before looking up at Tre.

He was squinting even though the sky was overcast and he was wearing sunglasses. "So, she then she asked if I'd be interested in bringing Avrie and my other two out to Manhattan for Christmas and New Years. She can't really get away but she's really jonesin' to see Avrie..."

"Yeah, you should totally go. Nothing's better than Christmas in New York; and I don't mean strictly the city. New York State as a whole, it's beautiful, especially in small towns like where my dad Alex lives."

"Well, that's the thing, I was unsure of it at first, I felt weird going alone with my kids and just Ellis. I mean, don't get me wrong, I adore Ellis and love her for what she did to help me out after Giselle died, but me and her don't exactly have much in common for me to hang out with her over the holidays," Tre explained. "I think she sensed as much, 'cause she extended the invitation to Billie and his family, and you and yours."

Caroline looked at Tre over her own pair of sunglasses. "Really?"

"Well, I wasn't surprised by her inviting you, since you shared Giselle as a sister, but Billie. Then again, he's like a brother to me." As an afterthought, "And you. Well, more like a stepbrother for you. Since no blood relation like Marcia and Greg Brady who could fuck and it wouldn't actually be incest."

"Tre!" Caroline hissed under her breath.

"You get what I mean."

"Doesn't mean you gotta be all shades of graphic or...bring up that incident."

"I didn't bring it up, I just---oh, fuck it. Nevermind." Sighing, the stocky drummer, looked down at Avarielle who was reaching out toward the Carousel with her stubby fingers outreached. "Billie already said yes. Him and Adrienne are bringing Joey, Jakob and Nicole, since she's virtually a part of their family now what with being all pregnant with Joey's kid. That just leaves you to let me know if you wanna come out, too. Bring all your kids, that's including Estelle."

Caroline stood back up and walked in front of Avarielle's stroller and unsnapped the belt holding her down. "Watch the twins. I'll take Avrie on the Carousel," she told Tre, gesturing to her little ones. Hoisting her niece on her hip, she shrugged. "We gonna book suites on the floor of the same hotel?"

Tre shook his head, stepping to his left to man the twins' stroller while keeping a hand on his daughter's. "No, we'd be staying at Ellis' house."

"Her penthouse?"

"No, well, she has a penthouse, but that's her place. The house is what her parents owned and she inherited. It's where she was raised. And when I say house, I mean, eight-bedroom fucking mansion. Not no four-story townhouse dubbed as a mansion. I am talking a mansion, sitting alone on a street corner in Manhattan."

Caroline stared wide-eyed. "My god, who were her adoptive parents anyway?"

"I think her dad was a first cousin to the Vanderbilt family or something and her mom was the only child of some Eastern European millionaire and his trophy wife or something like that. I dunno. Both came from money is all I know."

"Wow."

"Yeah," Tre agreed. "So, you game?"

Caroline walked up onto the Carousel with Avarielle and nodded slowly. "Count me in."



It was like the circus had arrived to town when two, sleek black limos pulled up in front of Ellis Helmes' eight-bedroom, three-story mansion located on a street corner in the heart of Manhattan's Upper East Side. The limo drivers hopped out and opened the doors to their respective limos, allowing the occupants to exit out onto the sidewalk and into the blustering cold of a New York winter. The trees around the mansion were bare of leaves but white fairy lights were scattered among the branches, giving the entire estate the feel of a princess' castle, which Chloe Pritchard was in complete shock and awe over as soon as she climbed out of the limo with her big sister Estelle holding her hand.

"Does a princess live here?" was the nearly four-year-old's wide-eyed question.

Estelle looked down at her little sister and smiled. "No, just Aunt Giselle's sister Ellis."

Turning her head to look at Estelle, Chloe then asked, "Is Ellis a princess?"

"No," Estelle shook her head. "She just has a lot of money."

"More money than mommy?"

"A lot more."

"Ellis has more money than God, I'm sure," came Billie Joe's quip as he sidled up alongside the two Pritchard sisters. He stared at Estelle, who actually stood about a good inch or two taller than him now. She definitely got her height from her father. For sure.

Estelle seemed to put two and two together that he was thinking on her being taller than him, and she grinned. "How's the weather down there, Uncle Billie?"

Billie Joe mock scowled. "Shut it, Stella. You're not too tall that I can't take you over my knee and crack you on the ass. Now move along, you're blocking a city sidewalk and I'm sure there are some laws against that, just like not picking up your dog's shit." He made a gesture with his hand, flicking his wrist, toward the mansion.

Caroline followed behind her stepdaughter, daughter and Billie Joe, carrying Rhiannon in her arms while Adrienne carried Lakota. Both women shook their heads; their purses resting on their shoulders as Mikey stood in front of them, hurrying to reach up to his godfather and take his hand, which Billie Joe readily gave when he looked down at the five-year-old with a loving smile.

Tre's voice rang out above everyone else's then, as he piled out of the second limo, Avarielle in his arms. He was talking about something involving olives. No one from the first limo paid much attention to what he was going on about because they were only just overhearing the tail end of whatever conversation had begun in the second limo.

Joey and Nicole climbed out afterward, hand in hand, followed by Jakob, Ramona and then Frankito. Joey was snorting at his godfather, Tre, which only caused Tre to increase his jesting.

"Holy shit," Frankito blurted upon seeing the front facade of the mansion.

"Hey, language," Tre scolded.

"Sorry, but, dude. The place is, like...mega."

Jakob nodded in agreement. "What he said."

As all the occupants from both limos clumped together and made their way up to the front door, it was immediately pulled open, revealing a butler.

What the fuck? Is this shit for real? Butlers still exist?

Those were the thoughts on everyone's mind, anyway.

The very grim looking man, dressed in motherfucking coattails, nodded solemnly to the brood of Ellis' family and guests, gesturing for them to come inside.

Two by two they filed in, like paired animals arriving onto Noah's ark, everyone taking in the sight of the entrance hall and the black and white, marbled floor below. The walls were a crisp, off-white and a rounded, grand staircase stood off to the left, a long and wide hallway directly before them, and a set of two, incredibly tall wooden doors painted black to their right, leading to some possibly grander room on the other side.

"Merry Christmas!" Ellis' voice chirped as she appeared at the top of the staircase, or at least from as far up as the curvature of the staircase allowed anyone to see. Step by step the sound of low-heeled pumps clicked dully on the marble stairs and echoed off the walls.

"Thanks for having us," Adrienne spoke up appreciatively, adjusting Lakota a little better on her hip. "This place is amazing."

"Thanks," their hostess smiled. "It's not my personal taste, having something this huge, but it's where I grew up since I was Mikey's age, here," she gestured to the blonde boy still holding onto Billie Joe's hand. "Anyway, I have some of the help heading outside now to bring all your luggage in and I have the sleeping arrangements all set up. If there's any qualms with who's sleeping where, let me know. I just tried to figure out what made sense for whom."

Everyone just seemed to nod, but Caroline was the one to speak up. "I'm sure whatever you have set aside for all of us would be just fine. Anything is better than having to be in a hotel room for Christmas. At least this way we're all together under the same roof."

Ellis smiled at the woman who was raised alongside her biological sister. "Very true," Ellis agreed. "Well, there are eight bedrooms, not including the servant bedrooms." She scrunched her nose at that. "I hate calling it that, but that's what the rooms were designed for. They're located here on the first floor and in the finished basement. But everyone else is on the second and third floors, including my room. Every room has its own bathroom, too, so there won't be any of the typical craziness there."

She gestured that they might all follow her up the stairs. And follow, they did.

"Okay, so, after my room, that leaves seven. All the rooms are named by gemstone, something my mother orchestrated years ago," Ellis explained as they began to reach the second floor. "Billie and Adrienne will have the Sapphire Room, Tre in the Emerald Room, Caroline in the Red Room," she started rattling off by memory.

"Ooh," Caroline muttered in amusement. "The Ruby Room."

Adrienne looked at the younger woman and snickered. "Is there a Foxboro Hot Tubs theme to that one?" she joked.

"Sounds more like a room Nicole Kidman would've occupied in Moulin Rouge."

Ellis didn't seem to hear the other women's banter as she continued on. "Joey and Nicole, I figured since you two are a couple and expecting, it would be alright to have you together in a room. You'll be in the Turquoise Room. Jakob, Frankito and Mikey will all share the Amber Room. There are three, large twin beds in there. Estelle, Ramona and Chloe will be in the Amethyst Room. There's three, large twin beds in there, too. That leaves the eighth room which is the Pearl Room and I have set up as a nursery. There are three cribs in their for Avarielle, Lakota and Rhiannon."

From there on, Caroline pretty much tuned Ellis out. All she knew was that she was exhausted and the babies needed naps like a desert needed rain or else they wouldn't sleep through the night and Caroline wasn't about to have any of that.

Gradually, they all broke apart and found their rooms. Adrienne assisted Caroline with putting the twins down for their nap as Tre did the same with Avarielle. They all then separated again and went off to their rooms, settled in, laid on the beds for a while, catnapped, inspected the rooms, and unpacked their luggage when it was brought up to them as if they were staying in an actual hotel room.

A few hours later, everyone joined back up in the expansive dining room for a late dinner and some dessert, and the adults went to talk over cups of coffee in the gathering room while the teens took the little kids and babies upstairs to keep them occupied.

As the night wore on, eyelids began drooping, heads began to bob and eventually Adrienne and Billie Joe were the first of the adults to bid everyone goodnight. Ellis looked at Tre and then Caroline who were both yawning at different intervals. They each laughed at themselves, making comments about how they were all getting old and couldn't manage to stay up past midnight anymore without conking out. Ellis assured them it was no insult if they wanted to head up to their rooms to go to sleep. After all, they had all had a long day of traveling with their families. There was jet lag and stress and the general holiday airport traffic to deal with.

Wishing their hostess a good night, both Tre and Caroline headed up to the second floor where their rooms were located across the hall from one another. Standing in their respective doorways, Tre smiled at Caroline and she waved a little.

"See you in the morning," he muttered with yawn.

"'Night, Tre."



The next two days were spent seeing the city in all its festive glitz and glamour.

Ramona spent a lot of time visiting her mom, Lisea; something she hadn't done in a long while. Meanwhile, Caroline decided she wanted to take the kids all out for a wintry stroll through the nearby Central Park. Estelle, being the big help she always was, had Chloe holding one of her hands and Mikey holding the other while Caroline pushed the twins' double stroller with them all bundled up to the hilt to keep out as much of the cold as possible.

Tre and Frankito were taking in some cliche sightseeing since his son never got to come out to New York except maybe once every other year for whatever reason. Ellis was at home with Avarielle, getting in some quality niece-and-aunt time while her remaining guests, The Armstrongs, were all out shopping.

But on Christmas Eve, everyone was gathered together at Ellis' McMansion of a home, while an intimate party raged on.

Ellis, The Pritchards, The Wrights and The Armstrongs were not her only guests. Some were cousins, no matter how distant from Ellis' adoptive father's side of the family, including Anderson Cooper, since Anderson's mother was a Vanderbilt and Ellis' adoptive father's mother was a Vanderbilt. Not to mention Ellis and Anderson had grown up in the same social circles.

At one point, Caroline had followed Billie Joe outside to the backyard of the estate, each grabbing their jackets beforehand. While he stood smoking a cigarette near a rose bush that offered no roses in the dead of winter, Caroline wrapped her arms across her chest and watched the puffs of smoke spiraling from between his lips.

"I wish I could see the stars right now," Billie Joe muttered, turning to face Caroline as another curl of smoke wafted into the December air from the warm cavern of his mouth. "San Francisco isn't as big as New York City, and we he can see our share of city lights from Oakland and San Francisco from where we live back home in Berkeley, but at least we can actually see some stars at night. Here? Nothing but light pollution. And buildings," the green-eyed man rambled, staring skyward as he took another drag. "I could never live here."

Caroline nodded. "I like seeing the stars, too," she agreed. "Whenever I visit my dad Alex upstate in the Adirondacks, you walk outside and its pitch black around you and if its a cloudless night, there's nothing but a million stars above. It's like being in heaven, almost."

Turning to look back toward Caroline, Billie Joe smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I remember. When we all went there the first time you met your dad. You, me, Tre...Mike." His smile became more of an amused grin as he recalled the time, nearly six years earlier. "Remember the snowball war in your dad's backyard?"

An abrupt laugh echoed forth from Caroline's lips as she began to grin as well. "Oh, God, yeah. Didn't I throw a very icy snowball at your crotch?"

"If not you, then it was your sister. All I know is there was a moment of blinding pain."

"Well, either way, I'm sorry."

The two of them looked at each other with smiles on their lips and in their eyes. But slowly, the smiles faded from Caroline's lips and eyes as she blinked and gestured to Billie Joe's cigarette.

"What?"

"Can I take a drag?"

Confused, Billie Joe pulled the cigarette from his mouth and hesitated. "Since when do you smoke?"

"I don't," she replied. "But I suddenly need to calm my nerves."

Hesitating a moment longer, the guitarist finally shrugged and passed the cigarette to Caroline who took it and pressed it between her lips. Slowly, she took a drag and held it in, only to cough immediately.

Billie Joe couldn't help but shake his head and chuckle. "Cigarettes ain't exactly like pot, my friend."

"No kidding." Then after handing the cigarette back to her bandmate, "You don't have any of that, do you?" She held his gaze, watching as his turned to that of a man trying really hard to think.

"Um...I don't...know. I don't think so," he shook his head. "No, I didn't pack any. Didn't wanna risk airport security finding some in my luggage and, you know, the whole trip getting ruined because I got arrested for possession or whatever."

Caroline smirked. "And you don't know any friends here in the city who you could buy some off of?"

Billie Joe made a face as he took the last drag from the cigarette, threw it to the snow-covered ground and stomped on it with his shoe. "For Christ's sake, woman. It's Christmas Eve. Not exactly the holiday to get stoned on."

"I didn't mean now, with all those guests here. Later, you know? When the kids are asleep and after the presents have been placed under that big ass tree Ellis has. When it's just us adults. And, by adults, I mean you, me, Tre, Adie."

"What about Ellis?"

It was Caroline's turn to make a face as she shrugged at Billie Joe. "Do you think she smokes?"

"Who knows. We could always ask."

"What's the point if you're not carrying?"

"Ah, you got me there," Billie Joe muttered, shoving his hands as deep into his pockets as he could to keep them warm. "Well, we could ask for future reference. I could score a dime bag between now and New Years."

The two of them looked at each other again and smirked.

"Why were you asking if I had any?" he continued.

Caroline didn't respond at first. She just mimicked Billie Joe by placing her hands deep into her pockets. After what seemed like forever, she parted her lips to reply. "It's my third Christmas without Mike. And the whole conversation about not seeing stars in the sky kinda unearthed my grief a bit."

"Sorry."

"Don't be," she insisted. "See...it's just that...there was this one time right before Mike and I got engaged, when we were in Greece, and we were standing on the beach watching the waves lap against the shore and the yachts out on the water. And he just kind of held me and we swayed together to some music we could hear coming down from somewhere. We were talking and then he pulled me down to sit in his lap right there in the sand, which he realized later on was a mistake because he got it everywhere. But as we sat there, we just looked up at the stars and wondered how many there were..."

Billie Joe watched her face as she remembered one of the sweetest memories of her life. He smiled, trying to picture what she was describing.

"Mike said something about how the stars we see have been dead for probably a hundred years, but we're just now seeing their light because they were so far away, and I said I knew that, and then he made a comment about wondering if when a person dies they become a star. You know? Like, they're dead, and now that they're gone, we can see them shining still above us at night, as if their beacons, looking over us, watching out for us, letting us know they're never really gone."

"But what happens when the light fades away?" Billie Joe asked, caught up in Caroline's recollection.

She shrugged, but then considered the question. "Maybe...maybe when the light fades away it's because..." she looked upward toward the light pollution and the neighboring buildings cutting into her view. "Maybe that's when our life is over and we don't need to see the light anymore. Because we're the light."

Billie Joe just nodded his head. "That's not only deep, but it sounds possible."

"Maybe we don't just die and go to heaven. Maybe we die, and become a part of the heavens. And everyone we loved who went before us is there, maybe not shining as brightly, depending on long they've been gone, or maybe not shining at all anymore, so they gravitate toward us, and our bright star, and we are never alone. Never, ever again."

Biting his lips together, Billie Joe looked down at the snow beneath his feet and furrowed his brow. He didn't even realize he was crying until he felt Caroline's arms wrap around him and pull him in for a hug.

"I know," was all she said.

She let out a sigh, tears stinging her own eyes but forbidding them to fall on pain of death, and instead held on tightly to her dear friend, letting him relieve his own tears. Billie Joe reached his arms up and encircled them around Caroline's back and gripped tightly onto her, burying his face into the space where her shoulder and neck came together; not minding her hair which was slightly tickling at his nose.

"I miss him so much, Care. I wish he was still here. Especially now, on Christmas."

"So do I," she whispered, tears falling down her cheeks anyway. "You have no idea how much I wish he was here."

"Oh, believe me. I do," he whispered back.

Turning her face, she kissed Billie's temple and just continued to hug him; neither budging from their embrace.

"You were the first one there for me after it happened. You took me home and stayed with me all night long and I will never, ever forget that. Never. I owe you so much and I'm sorry for so much."

"Sorry about what?" Billie Joe wondered, slowly pulling back from Caroline to look her in the eyes while trying to wipe his dry with the tips of his fingers and blinking away the residue.

"About what happened about a year and a half ago, and that the twins might be yours and I won't go back on my claim that they're Mike's by way of in vitro; that I won't get blood work done to see who their real father is."

Billie Joe shook his head. "No. Don't be sorry, Caroline. Listen," he lowered his voice so low that it was barely a whisper. "Sure, that night between us was kick-started by you, but I more or less finished it. I let it continue. For that one night, that moment in time, I wanted it. I wanted you and I wanted the grief to just stop. But that was it and sure, I regret letting things get out of hand but, in hindsight, I'm fine about it." He looked away for a moment as Caroline stepped back a little, wiping her tears away. "I'm dealing with not ever knowing if Lakota and Rhiannon are my children. A part of me wants them to be, but the other half doesn't because of the complications that could arise; namely, Adrienne skinning me alive. Either way, their in my life and I'll take what I can get, be it as their biological father but not on paper and no one knowing but us, and Tre, and your sister Timmy. Or, as the guy who slept with their mother one time while she was already just barely pregnant with them and is their mommy's friend and bandmate, and their crazy, Uncle Billie."

Caroline smiled despite how she was feeling at that moment. "You'll be crazy Uncle Billie no matter what," she assured. "I want you and Tre to be their godfathers. Adrienne, despite the fact that you may or may not be their father and her not knowing such, has been such a help with the twins as well as with Mikey and Chloe when I need it. She loves them all like her own, and I love her not just as a friend but like a sister. I want her to be a godmother, again, and Timmy will be the other godmother."

Smiling wholeheartedly, Billie Joe reached out and pulled Caroline into another hug. "Thank you," he muttered into her hair. "That's probably the best gift I'll get this Christmas."

"Well, you deserve it. And you're welcome."

Caroline hugged Billie Joe back and felt like some weight she'd been carrying on her shoulders was lifted.

Slowly but surely, they were both, equally, moving forward with their lives, trying to put the grief behind them and to only look upon what was yet to be...