A Never Feel Emotion

I and my friends were walking down the road to go to the convenience store, I needed a coke. They needed other things. There was always this dirt pile going down there. We never understood why but hey it’s not ours. We continued back to the store, the only thing my friends didn’t know about me is—I go to that dirt pile to think, past memories. Yesterdays feelings, or just to regain myself. I’ve never told them, they would probably bug me about it, yes they’re awesome friends; but just not friends you can spell your guts to.
We made it to the store and I was ready to leave as soon as we got there. I don’t know why, I just didn’t feel good today. I wanted to go to my dirt pile and leave the world behind. But I kinda knew that wasn’t gonna happen—at least not know.
“Hey Jaana look at these things,” my friend Petra said holding up a thing of man cologne.
“Yeah what about ‘em” I said.
“I think I need this.” she said like she really needed it.
“Yeah suuuuure, and I need this.” I said. I can’t wait to get to my dirt pile tonight, I doubt I’ll be able to get there earlier, I haven’t been able to get out there earlier since the day I meet Petra.
It kinda made me sad, but I guess I could sneak out ever-so-often. It’s not like it killed me.
And I felt my emotions going to shit at this moment but there was nothing I could do, something wasn’t right about me. I couldn’t feel a certain thing that a human should feel, at least that’s what I thought.