Nobody

I watch, mesmerised, as one flame licks another. I know that nobody near me knows why I am here. They don’t know how you made me feel. They don’t know what happened. They don’t know the truth, because they are obsessed with their own lies, among which, I am lost.

The crowd was once a thin stream of faces, but now, it is a roaring sea of flesh. Everybody watches as the house burns, but nobody lifts a hand.

I know you are standing beside me. I don’t need to look, because I will not see you, no matter how much I try. I don’t even need to close my eyes to feel you here. I know you are there and that is one thing nobody can take away from me.

Nobody knows the way we used to meet at exactly three minutes past one in the morning. Nobody knows the way we held hands as we ran off down the thin alleyway nobody even bothers to look at any more. Nobody knows the way I skipped into the forest, with you trailing behind me with that secretive smile on your face. Nobody knows the way we sat in the clearing, surrounded by sleeping flowers, illuminated by the moonlight, peeking through the thick dark clouds. Nobody knows the way you held my face in both of your hands – your beautiful, rough, untouched hands – and gazed deep into my eyes, until you found the soul that lurked behind the shadows, which had been cast upon me by everyone but you. Nobody knows what you meant when you whispered “I wish I could take you with me.” Nobody knows, but you and I.

I grab at your wasted hand with my own, but all I capture is the thin air of the night. I know you are beside me. I know you want to feel my skin against yours, just like I want to feel yours against mine.

Nobody knows the way we lay in the untrampled mud on those nights when the sky sympathized with our blues. Nobody knows the way we threw off all our clothes and danced around until our bodies were completely drenched with what was being poured upon us. Nobody knows the way you cautiously slipped your hand in mine, as if asking for permission, before I entwined my fingers with yours. Nobody knows what you meant when you whispered “They’ll see us on one sweet day.” Nobody knows, but you and I.

I didn’t want it to happen. It will not happen. I know, because I have made sure of it. You said you had to leave, but you told me you would be back one day. You told me you had no choice. You said you had a day left and that was why you found me, sitting on my porch, and fearlessly, you came up to me and told me you had to leave or die. You said you had done something bad, something I should not know of, and they found out. They were going to catch you, you told me. You said you had to leave.

I wanted to come with you, but you would not let me. You said you did not want your wrongs to break my life. You said I was too precious to die, because it was going to be just like death. You said you needed me too much to take me with you, but you said it didn’t matter, because you would always be right next to me, and I would always be in your heart.

I should have known. That night, when you told me about your little sister, I should have known. You told me about her golden locks that bounced as she skipped. You told me about the way your legs went crazy with tingles as she licked her huge lollipop. You told me how the way her dress flew up to expose her tiny thighs drove you insane. You told me and I did not worry. How could I have been so blind?

Despite what you did, I know you still loved me. I know you still love me even now. She was nothing to you, just a toy to play with. I am a doll to stay forever in your life, to decorate the dusty shelves of your heart that only I will ever be lucky enough to adorn.

You told me you had to leave, but don’t you know I can’t stand not having you by my side? Every day, I looked behind my shoulder, hoping to see you there, but we only ever met at night. Nobody could see us together. Nobody.

I continue to watch as the balcony screams and falls under the pressure of the heat. I know that heat. I have felt that heat before, but not in the form of fire. I have felt the heat radiate from your chest as you laced your fingers through my hair. I know you love me. I know you will never leave me. I have made sure of that.

And I know that when they find your incinerated body, they will think that you were in the house when it burst into flames, but they will be wrong. I know, because you were right beside me all along.

And I know that you are my reason to live and I am yours. I simply could not have you leave me.

You once lived here. Now, you can’t. Your house is burning down. And there’s something nobody, but me, knows. Not even you.

Only I know who set your house on fire.