Said & Done.

The reality of it all finally set in when I was standing against the doorframe of my childhood bedroom, peeking into the stuffy old room with a look of sadness on my face. The light pink paint was peeling on the walls, the dresser drawers were open to reveal their emptiness, and the sheets had been stripped from my full bed to leave it bare and lonely looking on the wall across from me. I had never seen my room look so empty, but I supposed it was just a good reflection of how I felt.

A sigh escaped my lips as I walked inside, making my way to the window and looking out of it for what would probably be the last time. I could see his house next to mine, but the curtains on his bedroom window were closed and I couldn’t see his silhouette on the other side. In all honesty I felt kind of creepy, staring at his window, wishing he would pull back the blinds and give me the chance to see his beaming face one last time. I knew he wouldn’t though, but it didn’t stop me from staring for at least five more minutes before I turned to leave the room again.

My eyes caught one last box in the corner of the room, and even though I knew what it was filled with, I couldn’t stop myself from walking over and kneeling down beside it, my hands tracing over the cardboard before I ripped the flaps open, not giving myself enough time to be rational before I did so.

The contents inside made me sick to my stomach, literally. I could feel the bile rising in my throat, but I felt like I needed this. I needed to feel guilty, for both our sakes. His face was everywhere in the box, and his scent still lingered on the clothes of his that I hadn’t had the confidence to walk next door and drop off. I picked up the ASU sweatshirt, the ghost of a smile coming to my lips as I remembered the day he’d given it to me.

“John, what was the so-called emergency I had to rush over-” my words were cut off by the piece of fabric thrown into my unsuspecting face, a frown coming to my small mouth as I pulled the sweatshirt far enough away to get a good look at it. ASU read across the chest in big block letters, confusion becoming the prominent look on my face as I looked past the sweatshirt and to where John sat casually on the couch, his eyes not even looking at me as he said nonchalantly,

“I got in, duh.” I didn’t even try to hide my excitement as I squealed in delight, bounding over to him and taking residency on his lap as he tried to pretend to be annoyed at the fact that I was now blocking the television. I kissed all around his face, up his neck and to his ear before I whispered an “I’m so proud of you,” and then moved to leave a lingering kiss on his lips. He kissed back immediately, his hands gripping my waist while mine got tangled in his messy hair. He was the first to break the contact, a twinkle in his eyes and a huge smile on his face as he rested his forehead against my own.

“You didn’t have to do this for me,” I breathed out, but even as I said the words I couldn’t deny the fact that I was so happy he had done this for me. He reached up to grab one of my hands, intertwining our fingers and tracing the lines of my skin with his thumb like he always did. His eyes burned into mine and the intensity was almost overpowering as I stared back.

“I’d do anything for you.”

I hadn’t realized I was crying until I’d opened my eyes and felt the wetness on my cheeks. A pathetic laugh escaped my lips and I stood, wiping my knees from the dust I’d picked up from the floor. I took one last look around the barren room, the tears increasing in flow as I thought of all that I was leaving behind, and even though I knew I shouldn’t have, I tucked his sweatshirt into my purse before I left my house for the last time.



The rain felt appropriate for the mood I was in as I climbed out of my car, pulling my cardigan closer to my body as I walked across the Target parking lot and through the automatic doors. I had just needed some things for the road; a two day trip was a long time to go without at least some snacks.

The store was almost empty as I made my way the food aisle, grabbing boxes of granola bars and some cans of iced tea before turning around, my body colliding with a cart and apologies immediately leaving my lips as I looked up.

That same sick feeling crept up on me as my eyes met the person I had collided with, an obvious frown forming on my lips as I hastily tried to make an escape, hoping she wouldn’t try to say anything, but as I was walking it wasn’t hard to remember why everyone had always said she’d had such a big mouth.

“I heard you’re leaving town today,” she remarked. She sounded so calm, whereas I was trying my hardest not to visibly shake from where I stood a couple feet in front of her. She turned her head to look at me, her blonde hair falling around her face in natural curls that I had always been jealous of. “It’s not like you to run away from your problems Rowan,” she went on, and I thought she was actually going to be nice before I saw the smirk on her lips. It was a smirk I knew well, although it hadn’t been until recently that it was ever directed at me. “But then again it was never like you to be a slut either.”

I didn’t say a word as I rushed past her, willing my clumsiness to hold off for at least five more minutes as I tried not to trip over myself in my haste. All I could focus on was the sound of her laughter as I practically ran away. “It’s a good thing Juilliard doesn’t accept people based on their morals!” she called out, another giggle escaping what I knew to be her full lips.

And that’s when I dropped my contents to the floor and ran, hoping nobody would notice the difference between my tears and the rain as I made my way to my car.