Breaking Down and Fixing Damaged Walls

Mikey’s POV

He’s changed and I don’t like it. When we were younger we were so close and felt like we were inseparable but that changed when My Chemical Romance shot up in popularity. He became more like a diva and not the brother or lover I once knew. Yes I Michael James Way once used to be a lover of Gerard Arthur Way. I know what most of you must be thinking how the hell you can sleep with your older brother like a lover when it’s illegal and downright nasty.

Well we were in love that was until the fame got to his head and girls threw themselves at his feet. So he dropped me like a fly and forgot all of the things that we’ve done together and the fact that we lost our virginities to each other. But it doesn’t matter anymore now he’s “in love” with a woman and they are expecting a child. I’m… I want to say that I’m happy for them but I’m not sure his new lover is an amazing woman and person to talk to but that was supposed to be me and him having a family or at least that’s what he promised me.

The rest of the band well they know and they aren’t disgusted nor are they ashamed of me they still see me as the crazy Mikey and I haven’t changed since the band started, well I changed my looks but my personality is still the same and it’s never going to change unlike someone I know or at least thought that I knew.

Hell even Brian our manager knows and he’s okay with it

“Mikey dude your spacing out again.” Frank said as he clapped my shoulder.

“Sorry Frank I was just thinking.” I said as I play with my bass absent mindedly.

“It’s him again isn’t it?” Frank said as he sits next to me.

“It’s always him Frank, always will be and it will never change and I don’t know what I did wrong if I did anything wrong at all.” I said as I ran my fingers through my hair remembering how Gerard used to play with it and play with my glasses when I used to wear them.

“I know Mikey, but you can’t keep killing yourself over it he’s with Lindsey now and they are happy.” Frank said softly as he tunes his guitar.

“I know believe me, I know.” I said as Ray and Bob walk in.

“Yo.” They both said at the same time making me and Frank laugh.

“Happy to be recording again?” Ray asked as he cracks up a bit.

“Yes and no.” I said.

“Hell yeah touring the world here we come!” Frank exclaimed thrashing around a bit.

“If we can shove Gerard and his ego into Pluto then I’m happy to be recording again.” Bob said as he hits his sticks against a chair making some random rhythm.

“Don’t we all wish that?” I asked softly.

“Don’t we all wish what?” Gerard asked as he walked into the studio.

“Don’t we all wish that we can be touring again so that we can bug each other on tour and see what bands we will be touring with.” Frank said jumping up and down in his seat.

“Frank keep off the sugar or I’ll be telling Jamia that your already to hyper before we even recorded the record.” Gerard said.

“Jamia already knows thank you very much.” Jamia says laughing as she refers to herself in third person as she walks in and sits on the couch.

We all let out a small laugh as my sidekick starts buzzing. I pick it up and look at the screen, its Alicia the woman that’s my best friend and pretend wife. Legally speaking we are married but Alicia knows that my heart is or well was with Gerard but we love each other more like friends and she’s okay with that.

“Hey Ali.” I said picking my phone up and going to another room.

“Hey Mikes how is everything out in LA?” She asked.

“Its ok but I have to deal with it.” I said sitting on a chair.

“I know and I’m here well on the phone if you ever need me.” Alicia said laughing a bit.

I laugh a tiny bit as well, “I know Ali that’s why I love having you as a friend.” I said softly in case anyone is eaves dropping.

“I know Mikes and the dogs miss you a lot.” Alicia said as one of our many dogs are barking and yelping in the background.

“I miss them too, I kind of wish that you were here so that I can talk to you in person but I know that the dogs don’t trust anyone for a long period of time.” I said standing up looking in the mirror that happens to be in the room.

“I know and I wish I was there to shield you from some of the pain but if you ever need to talk just pick up the phone.” Alicia said.

“I know Ali that’s why I trust you.” I said as I walk out of the room lo and behold there was an eavesdropper. Take three guesses who.

If you said Bob your wrong.

If you said Ray what are you smoking?

If you said Frank, I would normally say your right but nope it’s not Frank that’s listening in on me talking to Alicia.

If any of you guessed Gerard well you deserve a prize because he’s listening in and giving me a questioning look.

“Mikey you there?” Alicia asked talking in my ear still.

“Yeah sorry Ali I thought I saw something.” I said as I walk past Gerard, not giving him a second look.

“He was there wasn’t he?” Alicia asked.

“Yep.” I said as I head back into the studio.

“Are you sure that you don’t want me to fly out now and put the dogs with my brothers?” Alicia asked.

“Ali I’m sure, I’m sure that soon enough I’m going to break and I don’t know what I’ll do.” I said a bit hushed so no one gets worried.

“Mikey I’m going to be on the first flight out if you like it or not and you better pick me up at the airport or I will kick your ass.” Alicia said.

“Alicia I’m not going to do anything seeing that the band is in the midst of recording and that Bob, Ray, Jamia, and Frank are all watching me like hawks.” I said sitting on the patio next to Frank.

“Alright alright but if I get a call from any of the four of them I will fly out and whoop your ass.” Alicia said trying to act serious.

“Good luck trying to do that Ali.” I said laughing.

“You know I can if I didn’t care so much about your mental well being.” Alicia said softly.

“I know Ali; you’re not the only one but your there for me no matter what.” I said.

“You know it Mikey; I have to go now my friends are here now.” Alicia said.

“Have fun with them, I’ll call you later.” I said.

“Will do Mikes love you brother from another mother.” Alicia said cracking up.

“Love you sister from another mister.” I said laughing as I hang up.

“Sister from another mister ... seriously Mikey?” Frank asked cracking up.

“Yep Ali calls me brother from another mother so I call her sister from another mister.” I said.

“She’s worried about you isn’t she?” Jamia asked kissing Frank’s cheek.

“Yep she promises to whoop my ass if any of you call her saying that I cracked.” I said.

“Mikey you won’t crack because Frank and I won’t let you.” Jamia said.

“I know, I know it’s just I know that I’m going to crack soon because I can’t stand him anymore. He made me so many promises that he broke, he promised to never leave me through thick and thin and guess what he does. He leaves me and pretends that nothing happened between us. He promised that we would have our own family; he starts his ‘dream’ family with his wife. I don’t know if I can really be in the same room as him anymore let alone be in the same band as him.” I said letting some of my frustration out.

“Michael James Way you better not be thinking about quitting this band or I swear to god all five of us including Alicia will whoop your ass so hard you will have no idea what happened to you.” Bob said.

“Well now that I know that all of you are going to whoop my ass, I think I’m going to have to stay.” I said laughing.

“Mikes, can I talk to you alone?” Gerard asked walking onto the patio.

“Sure Gerard.” I said standing up as I exchange looks with Jamia, Frank, Bob and Ray. All of whom are glaring at Gerard behind his back.

Gerard walks into a room and I follow him in. “Yes Gerard?” I asked trying to not break on the inside.

“Mikey please sit down.” He said with almost no emotion in his voice.

At least he didn’t call me Michael or I would know that I was screwed. I sit on the edge of the couch and cross my arms. Gerard takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly not saying anything or really looking at me. “Gerard can you tell me what’s wrong or whatever it is, we have to get back to recording.” I said.

“I’m getting there Mikey I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to say.” He said.

“If you didn’t know what you were going to say then why ask me come with you into a room to talk?” I asked standing up and leaving.

“Mikey wait please.” He said grabbing my arm.

I bite my lip and make a decision that I might end up regretting. “Gerard I’m not waiting for someone that forgot what they once had.” I said pulling my arm out of his hands and I walk
out of the studio and I just walk not knowing where I’m going.

I walked into a diner which is actually a surprise for me to see in California. I order coffee and look over the menu to see if I have an appetite to scarf anything down. I really don’t but I order what I would get if I was back home in Jersey the proclaimed diner state of the country, a cheeseburger with all the fixings.

My sidekick starts ringing and I don’t know nor do I want to know who is calling, but out of courtesy and the fact that I don’t want the ringing to go on and on.

“Hello?” I asked not even looking at caller ID.

“Mikey where are you I’m worried and I’m sorry.” Gerard said quietly on the other end.

“Wow the great Gerard Way finally shows some emotion, well guess what Gerard it’s too late for sorry or the fact that your worried about me; because I don’t care anymore but I guess when someone promises you forever then breaks the promise the other person is supposed to keep a grudge and well that’s what I’m doing now so leave me alone.” I said hanging up.

Wow that felt great saying that to my brother. My phone starts ringing again and this time I actually look at caller ID, it’s Jamia.

“Hey Jamia.” I said picking up.

“Where are you?” She said flat out.

“At a diner.” I said sipping my coffee.

“Frank and I will be right there, don’t move a hair.” She said hanging up.

I have a feeling I might be seeing Alicia soon. The waiter comes over and hands me my burger and refills my coffee cup.

I add milk and sugar and mix it in. I take the ketchup bottle and pour it over my fries making it a mess but look delicious at the same time. I pour some ketchup on the burger and start eating it. My phone starts ringing again and I look at the caller ID and its Gerard again. I press end and put the burger down losing my appetite. I wonder why Gerard wants to talk to me now, now when I had almost everything under control. But he has to go and ruin it. He always ruins my wall when I build it up again and again. But this time I think the wall is going to stay cracked. I lean my head on the wall and close my eyes wanting to pretend to get rid of everything and pretend that Gerard and I never happened and that I was actually happy with Alicia who deserves someone to love and to be loved in return.

“Mikey!!” Gerard squealed as he ran into my room and jumped on me.

“What Gee baby?” I asked smiling as I kiss his lips, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“Mom and Dad are leaving us home alone for the next couple of days which means we are home alone.” Gerard said smirking as he pulls off of the kiss and starts nibbling on my ear.

“Gee don’t do that, you know I love getting my ears nibbled on.” I pout, as Gerard pushes me back on my bed and straddles me.

“I know Mikes, believe me I know.” He said smirking as he kisses my lips.

I part my lips and let his tongue into my mouth pushing mine into his. Gerard moans a tiny bit and gently grabs my butt massaging it.

I moan into the kiss and pull Gerard tighter to me. I wrap myself tighter around Gerard wanting to feel him all over me.

“Baby calm down Mom and Dad haven’t left yet.” Gerard said laughing.

“But Gee you started it.” I said pouting.

“True but if you wait for tonight you won’t regret it.” Gerard said cuddling up with me in my bed.

“You mean it Gerard or are you joking with me again?” I asked burying my face in his neck.
“I mean it Mikes, tonight I am going to make sweet passionate love with you and for the rest of our lives until the day we die that I promise you.” Gerard said as he gently grabbed my face and caressed it.

“Really Gee we will be together until the day we die?” I asked caressing his face.

“Really, Mikes I promise that we will be together forever, we are brothers after all but most of all we are lovers and I will always love you.” Gerard said kissing me softly.

Time lapse

“Gee bear where are you?” I ask looking around the house for my lover/brother.

“Behind you.” He whispered in my ears, wrapping his arms around my waist.

I jumped a tiny bit and turned in his arms resting my head on his shoulder. “You surprised me baby.” I murmured burying my face into his neck.

“I meant to sugar. I set up our rendezvous for tonight in my room and I wanted to surprise you.” Gerard said kissing my forehead.

“I like it when you surprise me.” I said smiling as Gerard leads me to his room in the basement.

“Surprise!” Gerard said unveiling my eyes and revealing a very romantic candle lit bedroom.

“Gee baby this is so romantic and wonderful!” I squealed jumping into his arms.

“You deserved it baby; I want everything to be perfect when I first make love to you.” Gerard murmured kissing the back of my neck

I turned in his arms and kiss him softly. “I love you Geebear.” I murmured.

“I love you too Mikes, I love you so much and I promise to never break your heart.” Gerard said as he slowly took off both of our shirts.

“I promise to never break your heart Gerard.” I murmured as he slowly kissed my neck marking it as his.

I feel Gee smile against my skin as he kisses my chest kissing, licking softly biting every inch, exploring more and more of my body.

Gerard stands up and smiles and picks me up in his arms and gently places me on his soft bed. I spread my arms and legs and pull him onto me covering me yet again with his velvet smooth skin. “You look like an angel Mikey.” Gerard said lying on my chest.

“No you do Gee you’re my raven haired angel.” I said running my fingers through his hair.
He smiles softly, “I’m going to make you feel so amazing tonight Mikes.” He murmured kissing me softly.

“I want you to make me feel as if I was in heaven.” I said.

“I will sugar I promise.” Gerard said as he blows out some of the candles.

I wrapped my arms around his neck. I pull his face towards mine and kiss him softly, nibbling on his upper lip.

Gerard purrs and shivers his hands maneuver themselves to my pants, undoes them and gently tugs them down exposing my boxers and my erection.

I blush a tiny bit and attempt to cover up but Gerard shakes his head. “Mikey don’t cover up your beautiful.” He said softly.

“Alright Gee bear.” I said as he pulls off my boxers as well.

“Good.” He said softly as he helps me slowly undress him.

I gaze at his body lovingly admiring every inch, as he does the same to me.

He leans his forehead on mine and kisses my nose as one arm reaches over to the bedside table grabbing the lube and condom.

“Are you sure your ready sugar?” Gerard asked as he puts a pillow under my hips propping them up.

“I’m ready Geebear I’ll be fine.” I said caressing his cheek.

He smiles softly and kisses my hand as he spreads my legs. He lubes up a few fingers and massages me with his other hand making me relax.

I smile back and rewrap my arms around his neck. “I like seeing your arms wrapped around my neck sugar.” Gerard said as he slowly inserts one finger into my butt.

I bite my lip and dig my nails into my hands not wanting to hurt Gerard.

“Relax, I know it hurts but it will get better I promise you.” Gerard said caressing my face.

“I’m trying.” I whimpered.

Gerard smiles softly and lets me get adjusted to his finger and slowly adds in the second finger and stretches me making me yelp in pain occasionally.

“Ready sugar?” Gerard asked as he positioned himself at my entrance.

“I’m always ready for you Gee.” I said as he pushes in making me groan from the pain.

He reaches the hilt and stops letting me relax and become used to his cock.

I give him the ok to go by swiftly nodding my head. Gerard smile and pulls out slowly and pushes right back in just as slow, making me hiss in pain but Gerard keeps going caressing my face the entire time, running his rough thumb over my lips. I open my lips and suck on his thumb, making Gerard moan loudly.

I smile and wrap my legs around Gerard’s hips pulling him tighter to me.

Gerard smiles and keeps the same pace but angles his hips trying to hit my prostate which he does after several thrusts which makes me arch my back high and scream.

“There sugar?” He moaned smiling as he repeatedly hits the same area over and over again.

“Yes.” I said panting hard.

Gerard smiles and kisses my lips softly groaning and panting as we keep making sweet love.

We last what seems like hours but in reality is an hour or two.

“I’m so close.” Gerard pants as he pumps me in time.

“So am I Gee.” I pant arching my back for the final time before cumming all over his hand.
Gerard groans and I feel him starting to cum into the condom which makes me feel warm as I breathe heavily to catch my breath.

Gerard pulls out and lies next to me and pulls me onto his chest.

“I love you Mikes.” He murmured kissing my forehead before he falls asleep holding me tight to him.

“I love you too Gee.” I murmured as I fell into a deep sleep.

“Mikey dude you there?” Frank asks waving his hand in front of my face.

I shake my head and open my eyes. “Yeah I’m here I dozed off a bit.” I said smiling softly.

“Thank god we thought you were dead.” Jamia said hugging me.

“I’m not and I won’t be for a while unless Gerard wants to break down my wall again.” I said as we stand up and walk out of the diner and back to the recording studio.

“He won’t, after you left he went quiet not talking to anyone not even Lindsey.” Frank said softly.

“Well I hope he doesn’t want to talk to me again or well something’s going to happen and I don’t know what the outcome.” I said as we walk into the studio.

“Where did you go?” Bob and Ray asked, crossing their arms.

“Went for a walk to clear my head.” I said heading to my bass and playing a random tune.

“Alright just making sure we care a lot about you Mikey.” They said softly.

“I know.” I said as Gerard heads back in here.

‘Mikey thank god I was worried.” Gerard said rushing over and hugging me tight.

I push him off, “Gerard you maybe my brother but you need to stop fucking with my mind I am so close to the edge, I am going to snap and it will be your fault.” I said growling.

“Mikey please not here.” He pleaded.

“Why not here everyone but your precious wife knows that we used to be a couple yes it was illegal and wrong but I loved you and sadly still do while you said you’d love me forever yet you break my heart and dump me for some whore then for someone that you barely knew!” I exclaimed getting pissed off.

He slumps his shoulder. “I..I.. I don’t know what to say Mikes.” He says coming close to tears.

“Now you’re going to cry, the only god damn person that should be crying is me because every god damn time that I see you or even hear you my wall starts breaking and cracking while Alicia tries to keep me together by being a good friend instead of being loved by someone that deserves to love her, instead of someone whose heart was broken and shattered by someone that promised through thick and thin and oh yes the best fucking part is YOU TOOK MY FUCKING VIRGINITY AND MADE IT SEEM AS IF IT WAS NOTHING WHEN YOU SAID TO MY FACE THAT YOU MADE A MISTAKE AND WENT CRYING TO THAT WHORE ELIZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed getting red in the face.

He says nothing which makes me furious and walked over to him and slapped him hard.

“Take that as my resignation from this damn band, your life, and being your brother.” I say seething as I grab my crap and walk outside hailing a cab to the apartment to grab my stuff and hailing a taxi to LAX.

Several hours later I arrive back in New Jersey and make my way to Alicia and I’s apartment.

“Alicia I think I started a new leaf in my life.” I said smiling.

“Good for you and damn from what Jamia said you did a good job so where are we going?” She asked as she grabs some bags and boxes.

“We aren’t going anywhere. I want to stay here and get to know you better and know who my wife really is instead of you having to take care of my every whim.” I said taking the boxes and bags out of her hands and putting them down.

She smiles and blushed. “Sure my name is Alicia and I’m married to a new man.” She says kissing me softly.

“My name is Mikey and I am a new man determined to make a better life for me and my wife.” I said as we sit on the couch and cuddled.

Time passed and I really got to know Alicia and I fell in love with an amazing woman who helped me get over my past and get into a brighter future.

After I left the band the rest of them disbanded and left Gerard shattered even more. The other guys are happy that I am happier now and they don’t talk to Gerard.

Speaking of which Gerard tried talking to me in every way possible. He even went to our parents that didn’t work because they knew too about our relationship and they were disappointed in Gerard.

In the end I guess the resolution is never promise something to someone unless you are sure that they mean it and won’t break your heart and make you go crazy.