Remodelling the Wreckage of My Past

Beep_Beep_Beep_Beeeeep_Beee-

My eyes fluttered open and the first thing I saw was the white ceiling. I rubbed my eyes, turned off the alarm clock. I had this dream again. I sighed, threw the covers at the back of the bed and got up. I made my way down the stair and was greeted by Bella. I patted his head.

“Matt? Val?” I asked as I entered the kitchen but I shut up as soon as I saw the note on the table.

We went groceries shopping.
We’ll be back in a few.
Love xxx

I grabbed an apple from the bowl and was about to go to the living room to watch T.V when the doorbell rang. I stopped in the hall and opened the front door. And there stoodmy son Aiden.

“Mum, please I’m sorry!”

“I still don’t want to talk to you Aiden!” I said as I closed the door, locking it behind me. I waited a few seconds, listening attentively until I heard him walking off. I rested my back against the door and let myself slide against it until I was sitting on the floor and I stayed there, holding my head in my hands, on the edge of crying.

It had been like that for the past 4 days. Since the incident.

The gun was empty. The second Aiden pulled the trigger, I fell unconscious on the grass.

I had been staying at my brother’s since then and I had refused to talk to anyone except a few words with Val and Matt. You could say that I was still under the shock, but could you really blame me? I couldn’t help but wonder what could have happened if the gun was loaded. I should be dead, shot by my son. That one simple fact makes you think about your whole life, wondering what you did wrong…

I was remembering the whole scene night after night. His face when he pulled the envelop from his T-shirt… The venom in his voice when he told me he hated me. His eyes when he pulled the trigger, the flash of fear mixed with hate as he closed his eyes just before pulling the trigger. That was the last thing I had seen, his eyes. Brian’s eyes.

I shivered and wrapped my arms around my knees, bringing them closer to my body.

Aiden, my son, my blood wanted me dead.

I blinked, I still could quite grasp the whole thing, but it was true he hated me, he told me. I rubbed my face and pushed myself off the floor, heading upstairs to take a shower.

**

I looked through the duffel bag I had taken with me and took a pair of black jeans and a black Green Day T-shirt with the 21rst Century Breakdown CD cover printed on it. I applied some eyeliner, black eye-shadow and sat on the edge of the bed in the spare-room I was staying in.

The whole thing was getting out of control. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This trip to California was supposed to get us closer with Billy and the kids, not tearing us apart. I grabbed my cell phone from the bedside table and looked at the wallpaper. It was a picture with the five of us together but you could tell that we weren’t a normal family, just by the way Aiden wouldn’t stand too close to Billy. It broke my heart everytime I was looking at the picture more than 3 seconds, just enough time to actually pay attention at the picture.

I had to make a choice, it couldn’t stay like this forever. It had to stop one way or another…

I put on my Chucks, slide my cell phone in my pocket and grabbed my wallet. I didn’t bother to take a jacket, we were in the middle of July in SoCal.

I opened the front door just as Matt, Val and their son Jason got out of Matt’s Escalade.

“Adeline? Where are you going?” asked Matt, slightly worried.

“To Brian’s, there are things that need to be sorted out. But first I need to grab a few things at the parents’.” I replied as I got into the rented car.

**

“Adeline?”

I walked in, and dropped what I had in hands in the hall.

“Where’s Aiden?” I asked as Brian closed the door.

“In the backyard I think…” he trailed off, eyeing me suspiciously.

“Good.” I muttered, rubbing my face. “I hope you won’t mind Aiden staying with you for an indeterminate period?” I asked, shoving my hands in my jean pockets.

“No, not at all…”

“Thank you.” I said, my face showing no emotions.

“I…” he was cut off by Nathalie.

“Adeline, how are you feeling?” she asked, standing next to her fiancé.

“Fan-fucking-tastic.” I muttered as Aiden joined us in the hall.

“Mum!” I held my hand in front of me.

“I just came to let you know that you’ll be staying here from now on. I don’t want to see your face ever again. You disgust me Aiden.” I said as I gave a brown envelop to Brian. “Aiden had the courtesy to drop that for me as well as something else…” I said, referring to the paternity test I had put in a drawer in my old room. I didn’t open it, I knew it was bullshit. Billy was Celia’s daughter. “Open it, it’s kinda interesting…” I said, nodding in direction on the brown envelop in Brian’s hand. “I fulfilled my parts, you just need to fill yours.”

“What is it exactly?” asked Nat, holding onto Brian’s arm.

“Papers. Brian is going to have full custody of Aiden.” I replied, looking at her for a second before bringing my attention back to Brian. “I don’t even want to see him during the holidays. I don’t have a son.” Then I turned back to look at Aiden.

“I don’t even want to know if you knew whether the gun was loaded or not. I don’t care. I’m going back to Baltimore. Do you want me to bring you something from there?”

He shook his head.

“Okay, now here are your things.” I said, giving him his bags and the guitar case.

“I… I didn’t bring my guitar.” He said.

“I know. This is the custom guitar you wanted. Synyster Gates’ one, only with purple stripes.”

He looked up to meet my gaze, and I knew he was wondering why I was giving it to him now.

“I wanted to wait to give it to you. I wanted you to deserve it. I don’t give a damn anymore, you can have it even though God knows how much you don’t deserve it.” I turned around and walked to the front door.

“I never asked much from you Aiden. I never asked you to have good marks, I never asked you anything except respect. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Respect, and even that, you’ve never been able to give it. I just needed you to respect me and Billy, Celia’s father and the man I love. You obviously can’t and I’m tired of putting up with your shit. You wanted to stay with your oh-so great father, as you wish. But just keep in mind that he might never do half of the things I did for you and your sisters.” I said, my hand on the handle.

“He’ll never give up Avenged Sevenfold like I did with Perfect Nightmare because I wanted to be a good mother. He will never leave SoCal like I did for Baltimore, leaving my family and friends behind. He will never let you treat him or his fiancée like shit, like you treated me and Billy. You hate Billy for no valuable reasons! He has never been anything but tolerant and nice, putting up with your tantrums, never raising his voice. Let’s just see how it goes with Nat and Brian, okay? Let’s see if they will be as nice and caring that Billy was with you! Now that everything is said Aiden, you can hate me. But that’s alright buddy, because I don’t expect anything else from you. Not anymore.” And with that, I left, closing the door behind me and getting in the car. I drove off without glancing back.