Remodelling the Wreckage of My Past

“Brian!” I yelled, knelling down next to him, not bothering that I was wearing shorts and my knees were scratched on the pavement. I wrapped my arms around him and tried to make him look up at me. He wouldn’t look up, and kept sobbing.

“What’s going on?” asked Cha, coming next to me. I looked at her, hopeless.

“I have no idea, he just broke down in tears.” I said, rubbing small circles on his back.

“Brian? Brian, what happened?” Asked Cha, worryingly.

“Nat…” he managed to choke out, tears rolling down his cheeks as he finally looked up to me. “The baby…”

My eyes widened, not believing my ears. I wrapped my arms even tighter around him, resting my head on top of his. Poor thing.

I exchanged a long, meaningful glance with Cha before getting back on my feet, bringing Brian with me. Well, trying at least. I put his arm around my shoulder and wrapped mine around his waist. He was so wasted, couldn’t even stand up, let alone walk. I threw my car keys at Cha and she unlocked it, opening the passenger door. I carefully sat Brian in there, buckling the seatbelt for him.

“Don’t pass out…” I whispered, “I’ll be back in a minute.” I added before closing the door.

“What the fuck happened?” asked Cha as we were both walking back to her car.

“No idea, but I better not let him on his own right now, I’m going to drive him back to his house and put him in bed.” I said, “I don’t think he can explain what happened, we might have to wait before he can form comprehensible sentences.” I said, rubbing my forehead. Ash and Jess were already in Cha’s car so I simply waved at them and then hugged Cha before heading back to my car.

“If you ever feel like you’re going to be sick, please tell me and I’ll stop the car.” I said as I started the engine. I looked at Brian briefly, only to see him looking out of the window, looking heartbroken. I shook my head and drove off.

The ride was silent, I had turned off the stereo and kept my mouth shut, trying to focus on the road and not on Brian.

“What are you doing?” he asked, as I turned around the corner.

“Driving you back home.” I said, turning in his street.

“No!” he shouted, startling me.

“You need to sleep!” I defended, slowing down the car.

“Please, don’t make go back in there, I might not control myself and do something that would lead me straight to jail.” He said, without slurring. I blinked, the venom in his voice was something I was not used to.

“Okay.” I whispered, driving past his house and towards mine.
I parked the car, and got out. I waited a few seconds, wondering if he was going to get out of the car but he didn’t move. I sighed and went to his side, I opened the door and helped him out before we both made our way inside. I locked the door behind us and went to sit him down on the couch.

“You need to get some sleep.” He mumbled, his finger tracing the dark circles under my eyes with a sad expression on his face.

“And you need to sober up and get some rest.” I said as swat his hand away and took off his jacket. I put it on a chair and then went to take off his shoes. He was doing nothing to help me, just kept starring off into space.

“Get up.” I mumbled. He tried to, but failed. I sighed, wrapped my arms around his torso and got him on his feet I was trying to keep him steady with one arm while I was unbuckling his jeans with the other.

“Sit down.” He let himself fall on the couch. I ran a hand through my hair and knelled down, taking his jeans off and then putting them on the chair, along with his jacket and his shoes. I managed to lay him down and grabbed the blanket that was thrown over the back of the couch.

I went in the kitchen and poured a glass of water. I set it on the coffee table next to him.

“Do you think you can manage to sleep here, without falling off the couch or choking in your own vomit?” I asked him, sitting on the coffee table and looking worriedly at the broken man laying there. I had no idea what had happened, except that it involved Nat and the baby, and not in a good way by the murderous glare that crossed Brian’s face every so often.

“You know, I should have never left you… Matt was right, we were meant to be…” he whispered, reaching out to touch my face. I grabbed his wrist.

“Brian, you’re drunk and angry. Now just get some rest, except if you want to tell me what happened?”

He frowned.
“No, not really…” he said, retracting his hand and snuggling against the pillow. “Not now…”

“Good night Brian.” I whispered, getting back on my feet and walked out of the room. Not without glancing at him once more, making sure he was alright. Well, I knew he wasn’t all right, but just wanted to make sure he was still on the couch. “I’ll be upstairs if you need anything. Just shout.” I added before exiting the room, switching off the light and making my way upstairs.

Now, I needed to find a room to sleep in. Yeah… There’s plenty of room here, but I needed one where there was an actual bed in it. I had to remove all the furniture so I could paint, and I’ve been sleeping on the couch for about a week, but now that the couch was currently unavailable, where to sleep?

I opened the door to Celia’s room. None. Aiden’s? None. Angelina’s? None.

“Goddamnit!” I muttered, rubbing my neck. It was getting close to 4am now and I was in desperate need of sleep. I opened the door to my future bedroom and nearly cheered when I saw the bed. Thank God I hadn’t had the time to paint the room yet. I went back downstairs into the small room that would become the office later on, where I was currently keeping all my bags and stuff. I grabbed some blankets and a pillow before creeping back upstairs, careful not to make too much noise as I walked up the stairs.

I made the bed quickly and took off my clothes, putting just a tank top on and keeping my boxers. I slide under the sheets and feel asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

**

I stirred and let out yawn. I tried to turn around, away from the sunlight. I should have closed the curtains but I couldn’t move. My eyes shot open and I looked down, only to see tattooed arms wrapped tightly around my waist, my back was pressed against Brian’s chest, his face buried in my hair. I sighed and carefully removed his arms from around me, creeping out of the room, taking my jeans with me on my way out.

How the hell did he got in my bed, and why?! I wondered as I was putting my jeans on and then headed downstairs to fix me and Brian something to eat. I opened the cupboard and groaned. I only had cereals… Well, I wasn’t hungry anyway. I closed the cupboard and poured a glass of water and grabbed two aspirins before walking back to my room. I set everything on the bedside table on Brian’s side and walked back downstairs, trying to clean the mess a little bit.

I couldn’t wait until I’ll be finally done with the painting and all the shit. I wanted to have the kids and Billy home with me.

Once I was done, I wanted to go upstairs and finish Celia’s room but then I remembered Brian was sleeping so I just gave up and lay down on the couch, deciding to get some more sleep since it wasn’t even 9am yet.

I was about to fall asleep when I heard a noise in the kitchen and seconds later, Brian appeared in the doorway.

“Hey Lyn!” he said, rubbing his neck. I smiled.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” I asked, sitting up. He shrugged and sat down next to me.

“I’m not that hung over, I just feel like killing someone ya know…” he said, looking at me with the same heartbroken expression.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” I asked unsure. He nodded and opened his arms. I looked at him weirdly.

“Can I hug you? For your table’s sake, I don’t want to smash it.” He said. I chuckled, unsure and scooted closer to him. He wrapped his arms around me, almost pulling me on his lap and rested his head on top of mine, sighing deeply.

“Well, after you blew off and Matt had to hold you back for killing Nat, we went home. Let’s just say that I wasn’t really please with her behavior and I let her know. She started to yell at me because I didn’t say anything to defend her and all the shit. I blew off, telling her that if she kept talking to you like that, we might have to break up because there was no way I was going to let you take the kids back to the East coast.” He explained, tightening his embrace a little at the end of his sentence.

“You know I would never do that Brian, I was just angry…” I said.

“Let me finish…” he whispered. I stayed silent.

“So, she started bitching, saying that now that we were having a kid of our own, I didn’t need to spend so much time with you… I told her to think before speaking because Aiden and Angelina were my kids too and I locked myself in the basement, trying to release the tension by playing guitar and shit…” he explained.

“You two broke up?” I asked, unable to stop myself. He sighed and then chuckled.

“Let me finish the story, you want to hear what happened, yes or not?” he asked. I nodded.

“Good, let me finish then.” He said, kissed my hair and then continued. “So after about three hours of playing guitar and listening to music really loudly, I decided to go back upstairs to apologize…” I groaned.

“Let me finish…” he warned.

“So I made my way into the kitchen, only to find her with several empty cans of beer and an half empty JD bottle. I asked her what she thought she was doing, because of the baby… and then…” he stopped, took a deep breath but said nothing. I pulled away a little and looked at him, only to see a tear rolling down his cheek.

“It’s okay Brian, you don’t have to tell me.” I whispered, brushing some hair out of his face and sit on the coffee table.

“No, it’s okay, you need to know how right you were…” he muttered. “So… she was drunk off her ass and when I asked her about the baby, she started laughing, telling me that she wasn’t pregnant and she wasn’t planning to be a mother anytime soon, she just pretended to be pregnant so I would spent less time with you and the kids and more time with her.” He said, closing his eyes tight shut, clenching his fists.

My mouth fell. She couldn’t be that stupid, could she?

“So… I drove down to L.A, trying to clear my head and I ended up at the bar around the corner from the girls’ studio… and I knew I couldn’t drive back home so I decided to walk back home and on my way, I saw your car so yeah…” he trailed off, sighing.

“Brian, I’m so sorry.” I whispered, wrapping my arms around him.

Damn, like he needed that right now.

“It’s not your fault Adeline.” He whispered, hugging me tight against his chest.

“So what now?” I asked “Are you two still…” he cut me off.

“Certainly not.” He said. “I need to take all my shit and find a place to stay before I do something stupid.” He said.

“Well, you could always stay here for a few days if you want to…” I suggested. He pulled away from the hug and starred at me for a few seconds, his chocolate brown eyes scanning my face, trying to find if I was being sincere.

“Are you sure Adeline?” he asked slowly.

“Yeah, no problem at all. I should be done with the kids’ room in about a day or so, you’ll just have to sleep on the couch for an other night.” I said. Brian said nothing, just pulled me back against him, kissing my temple.

“You’re the best Lyn, thank you.” I smiled and patted his back, feeling a little bit awkward at his closeness and his demonstration of affection but then I remembered what happened a few hours ago. The woman he loved lied to him about something quite important for him, and I remembered back in the high school years that whenever Brian was upset or frustrated, he was taking his anger/frustration out by constantly hugging me and stuff… I knew it helped him in a way and I’d rather him hugging me than smashing things and getting hurt.

“Remember we are supposed to go to Jimmy’s house for the BBQ.” Said Brian, finally releasing me.

“I could always call and postpone the thing if you want to be alone today…?”I offered him. Just at that moment, my phone started vibrating on the coffee table.

“Yeap?”

“Lyn? It’s Ash. Sorry to bother you so early but I’m calling you to tell you that we can’t have the BBQ today, I’m hung over and so is everyone else. We think it’d be better for us to actually meet up tomorrow instead.” she said. I nodded, and then slapped my forehead, remembering she couldn’t actually see me.

“Well, no problem Ash really. There are a few things we need to sort out with Brian, so it’s not a problem really.” I said, glancing briefly at Brian before focusing on my feet.

“Did he tell you what happened last night?” she asked.

“Yes, but I’ll talk to ya later Ash okay?”

“Oh, he’s here, alright… Well, talk to ya later Lyn. Bye, love ya!”

“Bye Ash, love ya!” and I hang up, putting the phone back on the coffee table.

“The BBQ is canceled, hang over.” I explained, Brian nodded.

“Do you want me to drive you to L.A so you can pick up your car?” I suggested.

“Yeah, sounds like a good idea. I might even stop at my house to grab some stuff afterwards. Let’s just hope she won’t be there…” He said, getting up from the couch. I smiled, grabbed my car keys and phone and locked the door behind me. I didn’t even bother to change or whatever, I was just going to drop Brian at the bar so he can pick up his car and then I’d pick up the kids.

I got in the driver seat, Brian was already buckling his seatbelt. I turned up the stereo and smiled at him as I handed him the CD case, where I kept all the CDs for my car.

“Just choose one.” I said before starting the engine. The drive to L.A was quite, except for Billie Joe’s voice singing Basket Case as Brian had chosen to put Dookie on.

“Okay, I’m going to pick up the kids from my parents’.” I explained as Brian opened the passenger door, ready to get out.

“Sure thing, I’ll meet you at your house?” he asked.

“Yeap, call me if you need anything…” I added and waved at him before driving back towards HB.

**

“Okay kids, Brian will be staying with me for a couple of days…” I started as the kids had just settled themselves in the car.

“Great!” cheered Celia, while Angelina and Aiden glanced at me curiously.
“Is he okay?” asked Angelina.

“No, not really no so I’d very much appreciate it if you could try your best not to mention Nat anywhere near him, can you do that for me?” I asked the twins. They both nodded.

“To put it simply, Nat and Brian are no longer together…” I wasn’t expecting what happened next.
“YEAH!!!!!!!” the three of them cheered, highfiving and jumping on their seats like it was the best news of the whole century.

“This is the best day ever!” yelled Aiden, wiping his eyes. He wasn’t crying, was he?!

“Oh my God! Thank you Heaven!” cheered Angelina, looking up at the car ceiling, her arms opened wide.

“Thank you Santa!” yelled Celia. I couldn’t hold it any longer and started laughing with them. I hadn’t started the car yet.

“What happened?” asked Aiden, once the laughter and cheering had calmed down.

“Well, that might rejoice you in a way but it makes me want to murder someone.” I said, “There will be no baby.”

“FUCK YEAH! WOOOOOWOOOOH!” yelled Aiden, jumping off his seat and cheering like there was no tomorrow.

“Because Nathalie lied to Brian. She was never pregnant, she just wanted Brian to spend more time with her and less time with you.” I said, my grip tightening on the wheel.

“She did what?!” exclaimed Angelina, her eyes wide as Aiden fell back on his seat.

“That’s not cool…” muttered Aiden “So not cool…”

“Nathalie pretended she was pregnant to have Dad wrapped around her finger?” asked Angelina.

“Basically yeah.” I muttered, turning on the ignition and pulling off the driveway, heading towards our house.

“Oh God, Dad must be devastated…” said Angelina, as Aiden was starring off into space.

“He is, but he’s trying not to show it too much.” I said, my eyes glued on the road. “So yeah, be nice and don’t mention any of this and just be awesome kids and show him your love and support.” I added, smiling a little.

“And me? I love Brian too!” said Celia.

“Well, you can show him your love too.” I said with a smile. She grinned.

“I’ll make him a drawing.” She said.

If Brian was going to live with me, I was going to need food so I decided to stop at the store, to buy some grocery before heading back home. I parked the car in the driveway and the kids ran out of the car as they saw Brian sitting on the steps, with a box, suitcases and three guitar cases. The twins and Celia engulfed Brian in a bear hug, nearly choking him.

I got out of the car, and unlocked the front door, letting everyone carry Brian’s stuff inside while I was taking the groceries’ bags from the trunk.

Brian put his stuff in the living room as I was putting the food in the kitchen. Once I was done taking all the bags out of the car, I locked it and then locked the front door behind me. Everyone was in the living room with Brian.

Celia had already started her drawing for Brian on the coffee table, while Aiden, Angelina and Brian were sitting on the couch, with guitars in hands, except for Angelina.

“Do you need any help Mum?” asked Angelina, looking up at me.

“Nah, I’m good thanks.” I said with a smile before heading to the kitchen. I took everything off the bags and put them in their right place, either the fridge or the cupboards. The whole house was a mess, I could at least try to keep the kitchen available. I could hear Brian teaching Aiden how to play Seize the Day, while Angelina was quietly humming to the song.

“Hey kids, and Brian.” They all stopped and looked at me.

“I need to finish the rooms upstairs and everything. I’m going to make some noise, and probably yell a lot of injuries. I’m just warning you, if you want to leave the house for a while…” I said, leaning against the doorframe, my arms crossed under my bust.

“Are you guys hungry? If so, I could take you all for lunch and then we could go to the beach or something?” suggested Brian, putting his guitar back in its case.

“Can I have ice cream?” asked Celia, putting the final touch to her drawing, aka writing Celia with a small heart on the I at the bottom of the page, on the left side. It was something she always did.

“Sure, whatever you want.” Said Brian.

“Really?” she asked, getting up.

“Yeah, really.” Brian said, nodding.

“I love you Brian!” she cheered, handing him the drawing with a big smile. I chuckled as Brian smiled when he saw the drawing. He kissed Celia’s cheek.

“Thank you C. It’s awesome!” and then handed it to me so I could see it. My smiled failed a little. In her drawing, we were all represented. Angelina and Aiden with their arms linked, Celia holding Aiden’s hand with a big smile and then, there was me and Brian, holding hand. The sun was shining bright and even Pinkly was in the picture. Everyone, except Billy. And in big purple letter, she had written: One big Family. We love you Brian!

The problem was the fact that Celia hadn’t put Billy in the picture, but other than that. I loved it. I smiled.
“This will be the first drawing on the fridge.” Said Aiden.

“Exactly” said Angelina, taking the drawing from my hand and making her way to the kitchen, along with Celia.

“You sure you don’t mind me staying here Lyn?” asked Brian, looking at his bags and then back at me.

“No problem Brian, I just need to finish putting the furniture in the rooms and it will be alright.” I said.

“Okay, we’ll get going then, call me when we can come back home.” He said, putting all his stuff in the corner to take less space. I smiled at him.

“Sure thing Brian.”

“I might take you all out for dinner.” He said.

“You don’t need to Brian.” I said. As a reply, he hugged me.

“I want to Lyn.” He replied.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be alright?” I asked, hugging him back.

“I’ll be fine, I can handle them.” He said. I shook my head.

“I’m not talking about the kids…”

“It’s okay Lyn, I don’t need her. I have you and the kids.” He said, pulling away from the embrace.

I smiled, but I knew damn well he wasn’t alright, he was just pretending for the kids’ sake or for his own… trying to look strong and shit.

“Okay kids, let’s go!” he called out, holding the front door opened as they all came out of the kitchen and hugged me on their way out.

“Bye Mum!”

“Have fun!” I replied as they all got into Brian’s car. I waved at them and waited until they had disappeared down the road to go back inside and locked the door behind me.

First thing I did was turning on the stereo, with the American Idiot CD at full blast. Then I walked into the first room upstairs, Celia’s. To my surprise, the room was done. I thought I still had work to do but everything was done. I clapped my hands and ran downstairs, and into the garage, where I was keeping all the furniture. Well, they were still in boxes since I had to buy everything, I had yet to assemble everything.

I grabbed the box that was supposed to be Celia’s bed and walked back to her room. I sat in the middle of the room and opened the box, ready to assemble the whole thing and I heard something taping on the open door. I frowned and turned to face it, and I w as met by a bark and Pinkly ran to me. I laughed and patted her head.

“For a minute, I thought Brian had forgotten you at the house, but I know he would never leave you with the bitch.” I said. As an answer, Pinkly barked happily and wagged her tail. I laughed.

“Are you going to stay with me while I try to build this thing up?” I asked the small white dog. She just sat down next to me and kept wagging her tail, making a steady beat on the floor. I chuckled and decided to get to work.

**
“Where are you Mum?!” almost yelled Angelina in the phone.

“I’m getting out of the car right now.” I said into the phone as I closed the door and locked it, putting my keys in my messenger bag as well as my phone. I had called Brian earlier, telling him that I was done with all three rooms and that I wanted to drop by at the studio. He said that he was in L.A already with the guys, and that they would meet me there. I called Cha, and she told me that everyone was already there, including the husbands.

The door swung open and Angelina and Celia both ran outside.
“What’s the hurry?”

“Nat is here! Matt and Aiden are trying to hold back Dad from hitting her, and the girls are keeping the kids in the small kitchen, because it’s getting ugly.” Explained Angelina, completely in hysterics, as Celia threw herself at me, crying.

My eyes widened, it must really bad if it made Celia cry. I ran towards the studio, seeing Jason, Danger, Lily, Cha and Jess in the little kitchen area.

“Is it that bad?” I asked, as Cha nodded.

“Ash is out there, Brian tried to punch Nat, I’ve never seen him so mad. Matt and Aiden are trying to hold Brian back.” She said, her eyes filled with worry.

“Well, they should let him do his work.” I said, shrugging.

“She didn’t come alone…” added Jess, biting her lip.

“Huh?”

“She is here with her boyfriend” said Danger, glaring at the door.

“What?!” I screamed as I rush towards the door, I swung it open and didn’t even bother to shut it.

And there she was, with her mini skirt, stilettos, tank top and huge sunglasses.

“It’s not what it looks like Bri…” she said, trying to come closer to him as Aiden and Matt were holding him back. I took a step back as I saw Brian’s murderous glare. His all face was made to kill, it was scary. Even Matt never scared me like that…

And then, I saw her boy-toy… He was blond, surfer type and was watching the scene, a small smile across his face. Zacky, Johnny and Jimmy were watching the scene too, but without the smile…

“Step back.” I snapped, glaring at Nat as I dropped my bag in a corner. That made everyone look at me. Aiden smiled and Matt sighed in relief.

“Out.” I yelled, looking at Nat while pointing at the open door.

“Oh you’re here. I should have known you were going to show up at any moment.” She said, showing off her bitchy side. “I mean the brats were here as well, so…”

I saw Brian trying to break free, but Matt’s grip tighten. He was going to left bruises…

“Listen you cunt, you better walk out of here fast before I’m going to kick you and that scum bag out okay? If you do so right now, you get hurt.” I said, trying to avoid a fight.

“I’ll not leave, I came here to get Brian back. I’ll not leave without him.” She said, stomping her foot.

“Brian and you are done, now leave.” I demanded, pointing at the door.

“Yeah, I’m so going to do that, so you can fuck him right afterwards…” she spat.

“You can’t rape the willing babe…” I said, crossing my arms under my bust and winking in Brian’s direction.

“You fucking whore!” She yelled, coming closer to me, her fists clenched, wrong move.

Matt let go of Brian, taking a step forward to stop Nat for jumping on me, Brian took this second of inattention to break free from Aiden’s grip but everyone stopped when I tackled Nat to the floor.

We wrestle for a few seconds, before I sat on her, holding both her wrists in one hand. Good thing I used to wrestle with Matt when I was a teenager. I learned a lot from him...

“Let me go!” she yelled, trying to break free.

“Hell no! I got a few things to tell you, and now that Brian will not stop me, I can.” I said.

My palm collided with her face. SMACK.
“I’m not the whore, you are.”

SMACK.
“My kids aren’t brats.”

SMACK
“I hate you.”

SMACK
“You can’t sing or play guitar for shit.

SMACK
“You’re out of Perfect Nightmare.”

SMACK
“I hate you, Brian deserves so much better than a worthless cunt like you.”

SMACK
“You shouldn’t have played with Brian feelings when you knew how much he wanted a kid with you.”

SMACK.
“You won’t need that.” I said as I took the ring Brian gave her and threw it back at him.

SMACK.
“You just should have never appeared in Brian’s life.”

SMACK.
“Scratch that, not in anyone’s life.”

I stopped, looking down at her reddened face. The mark of my hand was visible on her cheek.
“Do you have any questions?”

She shook her head, not making eye contact with me. I got up back on my feet and then let go of her wrists.

“That way…” I said, pointing at the door.

She rubbed her cheek, probably hoping the pain would fade, she was just lucky I stuck to slap her and did not punch her.

I wasn’t paying attention, I was looking in direction of the kitchen, wondering if Celia was still crying when I felt a stinging feeling on my right cheek. I blinked and turned my head only to see Nat being slammed on the nearest wall by Brian. His face was as red as ketchup, his eyes glaring daggers at the woman in front of him.

“You do not touch her you fucking lying, worthless, cheating whore!” he yelled, raising his fist. I didn’t not think, I jumped on Brian and caught his arm just millimeters away from Nat’s face.

“Don’t…” I whispered in his ear. He hung his head low and I caught glimpse of a tear rolling down his cheeks.

Nat opened her eyes and starred at my hand, still holding Brian’s forearm.

“Out. Now.” I said slowly. She nodded and hurried out of the studio, grabbing her sex-toy/asshole on the way.

Brian fell down on his knees and covered his face with his hands. I knelled down next to him and wrapped my arms around him, trying to comfort him the best I could.

This was going to be a hell lot of a hard time…