Remodelling the Wreckage of My Past

I starred at my reflection in the mirror, not quite believing my own eyes. I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes. I turned my back to the full-length mirror and started pacing in the room… I was nervous.

Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all…

There was a knock at the door and the knob twisted.

“I never thought I’d get to see you like this…” he said, closing the door behind him.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered, looking down at my feet.

“It’s okay Lyn, we already talked about it… It was only a matter of time before you’d come running back to him. You guys are made for each others.” He said, shifting his weight from one leg to the other.

We stayed silent, an awkward one, gazing at each others. I was the first one to look away.

“Thank you for what you did about Celia…” he whispered, his blue eyes glued on mine. I smiled sadly.

“It was the least we could do Billy, and actually, it was Brian who suggested it…” I explained.

“Well, thank you both then.” He said, nodding.

“No need for ‘thank you’s Billy. You’re here, I should thank you. It means a lot to me.” I said.

“You know I had to come, it’s your wedding after all. I had to be here… Plus, I have a little something for you.” He said with a genuine smile.

“You don’t need to Billy, really. I’m just so glad you came… I kind of missed you while you were away.” I said truthfully.

“And I missed you too Adeline. But you have to understand that I had to leave. There’s no point in denying it, it was a low blow. It wasn’t easy for me to see you with him, but I finally got over it. I mean, we’re better off as friends… Because let’s face it, you’re a handful and Brian is the only one who is able to handle you!”He said smiling.
I bit my lip, wondering what I did to ever deserve him in my life. I half expected him to never speak to me again…

“It’s time now Adeline. Your father is waiting down the hall.” Said Billy. I checked myself in the mirror one last time, took a deep breath and linked arms with Billy.

We walked out of the room and down into the hall.

“You look beautiful” whispered my father. I smiled and linked arms with him too as we walked out of the house and to my Mustang. My father opened the door for me and sat next to me as Billy went over to sit on the other side.

“So where to now my Lady?” asked Matt, flashing me a dimpled smile.

“To the church!” called my father and Matt started the engine. The girls weren’t there because Matt said that if I was about to change my mind at the last minute, he was more likely to stop me from running away.

And here I was now, sitting in a car, with 4 of the people that meant the most to me. 4 of the men that shared and owned a place in my heart. But the biggest place had Brian’s name on it. He owned it.

I would have never guessed in a million years that I would get married, let alone with Brian and certainly not with Billy in the church, as Celia’s Godfather now.

Because yes, Celia was Brian’s.

It was a relief for me actually because I couldn’t picture myself marrying Brian with Billy as Celia’s father…

The car stopped and Billy and Matt both got out of the car. They opened the door for my father and I and stood on either side of my dad as I slowly got out of the car, being careful not to step on the dress.

That’s when I heard the crowd screaming and it got worse as I stood up fully and linked arms with my father. There wasn’t a huge crowd, just a small gathering of fans, but there were plenty enough to make some noise.

I kind of wanted to have a small wedding, with only family and close friends but Brian did not. He wanted to have abig huge wedding. So of course, with the hundred or more people invited, the information had slipped…

“Oh my gosh Lyn! You look stunning!” yelled someone in the crowd and that made me blush. I tightened my grip on my father’s arms as we walked up the few steps that were separating me from the man I loved.

Billy and Matt went in first, and it left me some time to think.

What is it really what I wanted?

“I’m proud of you sweetie.” Said my father, resting his hand on top of mine as the double doors opened and we walked in.

I was taking small, regular steps, my eyes glued on the man standing in front of me. The church was crowded, and every single person in there was up, looking at me. That’s when I noticed the song that was playing and I had to swallow back the tears. Have you ever heard Good Riddance played on the piano?

Brian looked stunning in his tux, with Jimmy standing behind him as his best man.

I smiled as I walked past Ash and Jess, sitting with the twins and Celia.

My heart was pounding in my chest as my father let go of my arm and I stood in front of the priest, with the man of my dreams standing by my side.

**

I smiled brightly as Brian took my hand in his and lead me to the dance floor. It was getting late, around 2 am. Well, it wasn’t that late, by late I meant that most of the people I barely knew had left already, not before gushing about good Brian and I looked together. It made me smile every time.

We were currently dancing to some unknown song Joel decided to put on.

You know you made the right choice when: your best friends are here, getting drunk; your best friends are married with your husband’s best friends; your friends asked to be the DJs at your wedding, and when your ex boyfriend and your husband complotted behind your back to have your idol coming over at your wedding just to congratulate you.

I still couldn’t believe it. Billie Joe made the fucking displacement with his kids and wife just to see me get married… And I actually danced with him! And he talked with the girls about making a duo… Could life get any better?

Unfortunately, they had already left.

“Can I have this dance?” asked Billy. Brian let go of me and smiled before Celia ran to him, and decided to dance with him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as his rested on my waist. It felt weird because it felt like it would be one of the last times I’d ever get that close to him. I knew it.

I tried my best to swallow back the tears. It was weird to think that I was married to Brian, and Billy was going back to Baltimore for a while…

The song ended too soon for my liking.

“I need to go Lyn, my flight is in a few hours.” He said, brushing a stray of hair from my face.

I held onto his arms and we both walked over to Brian and Celia.

“I’m going guys.” He said. Celia let go of her father and threw herself at Billy’s neck.

“Bye Uncle Billy! I’m going to miss you!” she said. Billy hugged her closed to his chest and kissed her cheek.

“I’ll miss you too munchkin. Be nice to your mother and father.” He said.

“I always am!” she replied, smiling brightly. She kissed his cheek and they ran to play with Lily and Danger.

“Well Brian, thank you for inviting me.” Said Billy, holding out his hand.

“Thank you for coming Billy.” Said Brian, shaking his hand. It was the most they could do and I understood. I mean, Billy beat the shit out of Brian in the waiting room and I almost got hit while trying to separate them.

They starred at each others, shaking hands until Billy took a step forward and did the ‘man hug’ kind of thing.

I was staying a little apart, not wanting to intrude but I still heard Billy’s last sentence.
“Take care of her.”

They broke their embrace and Billy turned to me.

“Bye Lyn, and once again, congratulations. It was beautiful wedding.” He said. I smiled sadly, and a tear escaped.

“Hey, none of that.” He whispered, whipping the tear away with his thumb.

“Thanks for coming Billy.” I whispered, wrapping my arms tight around him.

“You’re welcome Adeline. Have a nice life…” he whispered, breaking away from the hug and smiling at me.

He made his way towards the door and I watched, on the verge of tears, as Billy disappeared in the darkness, not before blowing me a kiss.

“Come on Mum! Let’s dance!” yelled Aiden, grabbing my wrist and leading me back to the dance floor.

I didn’t got away from the dance floor until really late in the night, or rather early in the morning… I mean come on! Joel and Benji had to be the best DJs in the USA. They put some awesome songs like “Reckless” by Papa Roach, “Misery Business” by Paramore, “Rusted from the rain” by Billy Talent, and of course some Green Day and My Chemical Romance as well as some Good Charlotte and Blink 182.

Everyone was pretty drunk, it was getting close to 5 in the morning.

“One of those things” by Meg & Dia came on, it was one of our favorite songs with the girls. We started jumping around, singing at the top of our lungs.

“ Give me a minute
I need a second
Got to breathe there
It's Just one of those things

wish I could tell you
How much I need you
And how much you
need me to go”
“My Baby sister!” yelled Matt, swinging his arm around my shoulder and kissing my cheek. I laughed, knowing damn well he was drunk, just like the rest of the guys. Us, girls, were doing pretty good. Until…

“Hey Barbie!
Hey Ken!
Do you wanna go for a ride? Jump in!”

I groaned and covered my face with both hands as I recognized the version I had recorded with Matt.

“Mum? Is that you singing?” asked Aiden, his eyes wide. I blushed.

“Hell yeah it’s her!” slurred Matt.

“I think it’s time for us to go back home!” said Val, shaking her head at Matt. As Ashley was kicking Jimmy with a broom stick trying to wake him up as he was passed out on the table, and Johnny under it…

Thank God Brian had thought of everything and had ranted a big house with rooms for our drunken friends. Brian was only slightly buzzed.

“Do you need help carrying him upstairs?” he asked Ash, tilting his head to the side.

“Of course I do! I can’t carry that!” she said chuckling, referring to her passed out husband… I called a cab as Brian was helping everyone to their respective rooms. Not before thanking both Benji and Joel for coming, along with Nicole.

I was sitting outside on the deck, I had taken my shoes off and I had my feet in the water as I waited for Brian to return.

“The cab is here.” He said, leaning against the doorway.

I smiled, got up from my sitting position and walked over to Brian. I wrapped my arms around him, resting my head against his chest.

“Where are we going again?” I asked.

“Puerto Rico first, then Hawaii” he replied, pressing a light kiss to my forehead. “But first, there’s a suite that is waiting for us…” he said, taking my hand and lacing my fingers with his and pulling me back in the house.

“I love you Brian.” I said.

“And I love you too Mrs. Gates.” He said, smiling as he looked at one of the banners our friends had made.

“LYN & SYN GATES” was hanging above the door.

**

I opened my eyes slowly and realized I had fallen asleep. I stretched and sat up. I was sitting on a towel at the beach.

So many things had happen since I first came back here. Aiden and Angelina had their father, I joined Perfect Nightmare, we went on tour, we produced a new record, I got married… I should probably mention the fact that Aiden nearly shot me, that he nearly died because of me and that I broke Billy’s heart. But I choose to remember the happy memories.

Too much shit happened, but we got past it and here we are now.

It was just like how I had imagined it in my dreams when I was still in high school. Married, four kids, a big house and a dog. Sure, it wasn’t a black Labrador, but Pinkly was good enough.

I played with my wedding ring as I watched Aiden, Angelina and Celia running after Brian, trying to tackle him to the sand.

“Hey Lyn!”

I turned my head a little and saw Cha sitting next to me, cradling Chris in her arms. “Did you sleep well?” she asked.

I smiled, “I dreamt about the wedding.”

She chuckled,
“It was great, wasn’t it?”

I simply smiled brightly.

“How do you manage to have such cute kids?” she asked, smiling at Chris who was trying to grab her finger.

“Well, just look at the father.” I said, looking dreamingly in Brian’s direction.

She laughed and I smiled at her.

“It’s good to see you smile like that.” She said softly and I smiled brighter.

“I have everything I ever wanted. I’m happy.” I replied, looking at Brian once again. Only to see him laying on his back, with Celia sitting on his stomach and Aiden and Angelina pouring buckets on sands on his legs and arms.

“Kids, don’t burry him yet. I might need him later on!” I called out. Aiden stopped what he was doing and smiled at me before he picked up Celia and gave her the bucket. He took her hand in his and they went a little afar and they started building up a sandcastle. Angelina joined them after she had helped Brian back on his feet.

“Hi girls!”

I turned my gaze away from my husband and shook my head, smiling as Jimmy and everyone else decided to join us.

“Well, I have my own kid to hold now.” Said Cha with a smile as she carefully placed Chris back in my arms and kissed my cheek.

Brian came towards us, brushing the sand of his shorts and off his hair.

“They got you good man.” Said Matt with a laugh. Brian flipped him off and Val hid Jason’s eyes, while glaring at Brian.

“You can’t do that, there are kids sitting with us.” She said, she just had the time to finish her sentence before all the kids ran to Aiden, Angelina and Celia.

“You were saying?” asked Matt, looking at his wife. She glared at him and punched his chest lightly.

I turned my back to them a little as I was breastfeeding Chris.

“Brian, your wife is showing off her boobs!” yelled Jimmy.

“She’s feeding my son, and stop perving will ya? Just ask your woman to have an other kid so you can perv on her and not my wife.” Said Brian as he sat next to me and wrapped his arm around my waist, kissing my cheek.

“I love you.” He whispered in my ear and I felt my cheeks hurting from smiling so big.

“You know, there’s a reason why I can’t be gay.” Said Jimmy, looking deadly serious. We all looked at him, waiting for the next part.

“I love boobs too much” he said and to state his point, he grabbed Ash’s womanly parts.

“Fuck off!” she yelled laughing, swatting his hands away.

I laughed and shook my head at my friends.

It was weird to see them all sitting here like when we were on tour. The only thing that had changed was the new generation. Mini Avenged Sevenfold and Perfect Nightmare’s members running around.

I should probably regret a lot of things, things that kept me from being here with Brian and my friends for so long. But I don’t. I believe that we all learn from our mistakes.

I rested my head on Brian’s shoulder and made a face as Chris pulled at my hair.

Yeap, I don’t regret a thing. We were finally a normal family. Aiden was the greatest son ever, and I was sure Chris would look up to him. Celia was already looking up to Angelina and even started stealing her makeup.

I still talked to Billy over the phone once a month, but since the wedding, I hadn’t had the time to have more like a ten minutes conversation with him. We were better off as friends. I was supposed to go and visit the Good Charlotte crew the upcoming weekend.

I was finally done with the drama.

The wreckage was over.

It wasn’t really a new beginning, it was more like starting off where we left it the last time.

There were still some little things that needed to be sorted, like the label and everything related, but with Brian by my side, I knew I could do it.