The Only One Who Needs to Know

"What!?" Rachel screamed as if she'd just been told that Ben and Jerry's would cease to exist.

"I'm not going; I'm not in the mood. I just fancy curling up on the sofa with my duvet and watching trashy TV.'' Cali replied.

"You can't spend New Years Eve on the sofa! Especially since you're invited to Matt and Val's, they hold the best parties in the world...people would kill to be able to take your place!" Johnny exclaimed with wide eyes.

"Can't you find one of those people and dress them up as me?'' Cali replied hopefully.

"No, you're coming, even if you spend the whole night sulking on Val's sofa...I'm not letting my best friend stay at home on her own on New Years Eve'' Rachel replied sternly.

"What you going to do? Kidnap me? Handcuff us together?'' Cali asked sarcastically.

"If needs be.'' She replied with a grin.

"And you know you've just given her ideas.'' Johnny piped up with a smirk. Cali groaned and placed her head on the table, banging it softly.

"Why me? Seriously, why me?'' she muttered as she continued to bang her head gently against the table. "Okay,'' she began suddenly, snapping her head up to look at Rachel. "If I go, I can hide away in the corner of the room.'' she stated.

"If you really have to.'' Rachel replied.

"And you won't try to get me to dance or anything?'' she continued.

"I promise.'' Rachel said making a sign of a cross with her index finger over her heart. "But you have to at least make an effort to look good. I know you've got some lush dresses in your room, I don't want to see you in jeans, converses or band tees.'' Rachel replied sternly. Again Cali groaned but nodded nonetheless.

"Great, now, start rummaging through that closet of yours for a suitable dress. Johnny, you disappear for a few hours so we can start getting ready, be back at seven.'' she ordered excitedly.

"It's going to take you over seven hours to get ready?'' Johnny groaned as he stood up to leave.

"Do you want me to look beautiful?'' Rachel asked with a smile.

"You always do baby.'' he replied smoothly as he leaned down to kiss her lips.

"Correct answer.'' she mumbled against his lips as Cali muttered ''Suck up.''

"Okay, I'll see you at seven.'' he said as he turned to leave with a wave.

"What's the real reason you don't want to go tonight Cal?'' Rachel asked as they both sat on her bed trying to pick out jewellery to go with their outfits for that night.

"I just don't feel like socialising. No big deal.'' she replied as she picked up a necklace. "This would work for your outfit.''

"So it's got nothing to do with not wanting to see Brian then.'' she asked cautiously. Cali looked up at her trying her best not to give anything away with the look on her face.

"Why would I not want to see Brian?'' she asked.

"I don't know, maybe because you've avoided seeing him since you called things off and with what your dad said last week.'' she replied.

"Rach, I'm fine about it, honestly.''

"Cali, I know I'm blonde and everything, and we haven't been friends for that long really, but I'm not stupid, I know you well enough to know that what your dad said hit home and the thought of it being true has really hurt you, and that if you're really honest with yourself, you'd admit that Brian is the reason that you don't want to go tonight.'' she stated adamantly. Cali stared at her baffled. She hated to admit it but she was right. She hadn't been looking forward to seeing Brian. All she really wanted to do was pretend nothing ever happened between them, but she knew that couldn't happen just yet. Firstly she was sure that the others would be asking questions about why she and Andy split up. Secondly, there was what her dad had said about Brian.

“Okay, you’re right, I don’t particularly want to see Brian, but please don’t make a big deal about it.” She replied with an exasperated sigh as she watched a smug grin grow quickly on Rachel’s lips.

“Okay, okay, I won’t say another word on the subject. My lips are sealed.” She replied miming the action of turning a key against her closed lips.

“Thank you.” Cali muttered returning her attention back to the pair of blue flower earrings in her hand. “Hey, don’t these match you dress almost perfectly?” she said holding them out on her hand for Rachel to see.

“Oh my God, Cal, they’re perfect. Awesome.” She cheered grabbing them off her. “Now all I need is a purse.”

With a forced smile Cali followed Rachel and Johnny into the large house of Matt and Val's, which had been decorated heavily for the Christmas holidays. The lights were dimmed, most of the light coming from the array of fairy lights hanging throughout the living room and the music was at just the right level for people to dance to without it being too loud that you couldn't hear the person next to you talking. The three of them made their way through into the kitchen where most of the group was congregated. Val and Jenni were busily arranging bowls of nibbles while Matt and Zack placed bottles of beer into the refrigerator.

"Here, have a beer.'' Zack said passing three bottles to Johnny before discarding the box he had finished emptying.

"Cheers dude.'' Johnny said simply passing a bottle each to Rachel and Cali.

"Nice to see both you ladies have made the effort tonight. Both of you look stunning.'' Zack said with a smile as he ran his eyes over Cali and Rachel.

"Oh please this was no effort.'' Rachel replied with a dramatic eye roll.

"And I was forced.'' Cali muttered.

"Forced? Didn't you want to come?'' Val exclaimed causing the others in the kitchen to turn their attention to Cali who was now turning a deep shade of red.

"Um, no, it's not like that, well, um, it’s just that, I wasn't really up for being around a lot of people.'' Cali stuttered out.

"Oh Hun, are you still upset about what happened with Andy?'' Jenni asked sympathetically with a saddened look in her eyes.

"No, well yeah, but that's not the reason, well it is kind of, but that was my fault, I just didn't feel like being surrounded by people.'' She said, stumbling over her words, feeling her cheeks deepen in colour.

"She would only come if I promised to let her sit in a corner and be boring.” Rachel said placing a comforting arm around Cali’s shoulder.

“Who’s going to sit in the corner and be boring?” Jimmy’s loud voice cut through the slightly uncomfortable silence that followed Rachel’s words.

“Cali, she’s not feeling in the party mood.” Matt answered.

“Oh Why?” Jimmy whined with a pout as he came to stand against the counter opposite Cali, taking a bottle of beer out of Matt’s hand.

“I’m just not feeling up for it tonight.” She replied sullenly as she brought her eyes up to meet Jimmy’s as he nodded with a small wink.

Sat in a loveseat in the corner room Cali grabbed the bottle of white wine she was keeping at the side of the chair and refilled her glass. She had been sat there for the past three hours, only getting up to use the bathroom or to get another bottle of wine from the kitchen.

She was thankful that after the initial questioning when she first arrived everyone was willing to leave her be so that she could sit and people watch. Tried as she might she kept finding herself watch the one person she didn’t want to see.

“So, is he the reason you weren’t in the mood for partying?” Jimmy asked as he flopped down in the seat next to her. Cali brought her eyes quickly away from Brian to look at him annoyed at herself for allowing herself to get caught.

“Every time I’ve looked over at you for the past two hours you’ve been looking at him.” he added with a small smile as he raised the bottle of beer in his hand to his lips.

“Jimmy can I ask you something about him?” she asked quietly.

“Of course.” He replied simply.

“Do you think he just wanted to be with me because he couldn’t have me?” she asked quietly. Jimmy looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, taking another long sip of beer.

“No, well, I certainly don’t think it started out like that.” He finally replied.

“No, that was more to do with revenge for Michelle cheating on him while he was out of the country.” She replied with a hint of bitterness in her tone.

“That it might have been, but as I remember you were okay with that at the time.” He retorted. Cali sighed, knowing that Jimmy was right. She hadn’t cared about being used back in Berlin. She had been happy for it to be all about the sex.

“Anyway, I can’t say with any certainty in either way whether Brian wanted you more because you were both in a relationship, but I can tell you something. Brian has been different since you told him it was over.” Jimmy continued.

“How do you mean different?” Cali asked with curiosity.

“It’s not anything major; it might be just because I know what’s been going on, but I don’t think he’s been quite himself.” Jimmy replied.

“He sent me a message at Christmas saying he missed me.” she replied before taking a sip of her wine.

“He does. He told me about that. And he told me that all you text him back was Merry Christmas.”

“He did?” she said.

“Yeah, I think he was a little disappointed in your response. You two may have been having fun, but I truly believe that Brian does care for you.” Jimmy replied.

“Thanks Jim.” She replied with a small smile leaning back into the seat.

“Anytime sweetie, glad I could help. I’ve hated watching you sit here all night looking so sad.” He replied leaning back as well.

“I’m sorry, I just to feel like partying.” She replied.

“Just don’t dwell on it, any of it. You’re a lovely girl Cali, you should be happy.” He said kissing her cheek briefly. “Now, I’m off to find my beautiful girlfriend before midnight strikes.” He added pushing himself off the seat and disappearing towards the kitchen. With a sigh, Cali pushed herself forward again, reaching for the bottle of wine and topping up her glass before standing up and heading out into the back yard.

She was again thankful that there was no one else around as she sat down on one of the patio chairs lifting her legs to rest her on another seat before she took a cigarette out of her clutch and lit it. She closed her eyes as she slowly exhaled the smoke in a long breath. What Jimmy had said got her thinking. She was no longer so sure about Brian only wanted to be with her because he couldn’t have her. Jimmy had said that he cared for her, that he was disappointed with the response to his message on Christmas Day.

“Got a light?” Brian’s voice drew her instantly from her thoughts as she pulled her feet quickly off the seat, pushing herself to sit up straight as she turned slightly to watch him walk over to her.

“Um, yeah, here.” She said reaching to grab her lighter off the table.

“Thanks.” He replied as he lit his cigarette.

Cali watched in silence as he moved to sit down in the chair she had been resting her feet on.

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly after a long silence.

“What for?” Cali replied quickly confused as to why he was apologising.

“For fucking everything up. You were happy with Andy. I should have left you alone. I shouldn’t have pursued anything.” He replied, his brown eyes looking directly into her blue ones.

“You didn’t do it on your own.” She replied simply not being able to draw her eyes away from his.

“Nothing would have happened between us if I hadn’t of been persistent, if I hadn’t of let things happen between us in Berlin.” He replied with a shake of his head.

“Okay so that bit is kind of true. But if I had really wanted to I could have said no. You shouldn’t carry all the blame we’re both adults.” She replied with a half smile.

“What I said at Christmas, it’s true I miss you. I’m not asking for anything to happen between us again, not while I’m still with Michelle anyway, but I want us to be friends. I want us to be able to hang out together and it not be awkward. I don’t want to see you sat in the corner at a party.” He replied with a small smirk playing at his lips.

“We can give that a go I guess, but what did you just mean about not while you’re still with Michelle?” she asked curiously.

Brian took a long drag on his cigarette before answering. “I think she’s cheating on me, with the guys she usually keeps for when I’m out if town. I can’t be one hundred percent about it though.” He replied with a faint smile.

“Brian I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“Don’t be. If she is, it’s only what I deserve. Some would call it Karma.” He replied as he dropped the end of his cigarette onto the floor and stubbing it out with his shoe.

“Are you coming in for the count down?” he asked as he stood up.

“Yeah I guess I can’t hide out here all night can I?” she replied with a smile as she too rose to her feet.

“And there’s no sulking in the corner when we get back in neither!” he replied as they stepped back through the back door.

“Oh and what I’m just supposed to watch all the couples kissing each other at midnight?” she replied with a giggle.

“There’s always JB, I know he mentioned earlier that he thought you looked hot tonight, which I have to agree with by the way.” He replied with a small wink.

“I suppose there are worse options.” She muttered.

“There are indeed!” he replied quietly, pointing discreetly at Johnny and Rachel.

“That’s just mean Haner.” She retorted playfully hitting his arm with a smile.

“Hey JB, get over here will ya, I’ve found a beautiful woman willing to kiss you at midnight.” He called flashing her a sparkling smile which Cali couldn’t help but return.