A Unique and Torn Romance

Regret is the worst feeling ever. It's worse than a throbbing pain. It's worse than burning anger. It's worse than love.

I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have given him that note. He probably either hates me or wants to avoid me now. I mean, if he wanted me, as a boyfriend or just a friend or anything at all, he would've reacted. Even if he wanted me as an enemy, he would've reacted.

He hasn't.
He hasn't texted. Or called. Or beaten me up! Nothing! He hasn't even tried contacting me by slipping a note into my locker.

He's gone.
So either he hates me so much that he can't stand the sight of me, or he's just avoiding me because he doesn't ever want to see me or talk to me or have anything to do with me at all.

I kick a leaf into the water of the creek. If it were deeper, I might be swimming in it now. But it's only 8 inches deep, so I'd barely even get my calves wet.

I regret ever talking to him. I regret ever going home with him. I regret falling in love with him and kissing him and telling him my biggest secret.

I regret making him care.
I bet he regrets that too.

I swallow down the pressure in my throat. I'm nauseous. The regret is making my stomach hurt and bubble, like a ticking time bomb. I feel like my stomach is gonna explode any second – tear the skin of my stomach apart and spread what little food I've eaten in the past 24 hours out into the shallow creek and leave me empty, but wanting more.

I want so much more.
I want him.
And I regret ever wanting that.

I take a wobbly step back and unfold my arms. I'm about to sit down when I hear footsteps.
I look to my right.

“I knew you'd be here,” Bob says, smiling smugly.

He's gonna beat me up. He's gonna tear me apart, limb from limb. But at least, that might take the painful regret away and replace it with nothing but sheer anger.

Except, I don't want to hate him.
I want him.

Bob looks down for a second, then back up. His blue eyes almost blind me. His pupils are minuscule from the bright sunlight, which makes his blue irises look like razor sharp glass.

“I got your note.”
He takes a step closer and I close my eyes to prepare myself for the first punch.
“You forgot something.”

I frown, my eyes still closed. His footsteps have stopped, but I can still feel his eyes on me – I can still feel the glass cutting into me.

“You forgot that unicorns only trust virgins.”
I open my eyes.
His eyes cut through me. They're wet.
“You forgot that unicorns can only be tamed by virgins,” he says as he wipes his cheeks. He sniffles.
“That they are only attracted to virgins,” he snarls at me, his voice – for the first time – quivering.

I stare at him in confusion, my eyebrows furrowed and my eyes slightly squeezed together.

He pulls the note out of his pocket and throws it into the water. He doesn't even look at it, just throws it off to the side. It floats.

“You say that I'm the one who needs to figure out what I want. Well, guess what, Mikey,” he says, then grins through his tears.
“You need to figure yourself out,” he says clearly and slowly, his voice filled with resentment.
I swallow.

“What?” I whisper, not being able to speak any louder.
He sniffles, wipes away the tears from his red cheeks with the sleeve of his team jacket and then rubs his eyes with his hands.
When he looks at me again, the glass in his eyes is surrounded by blood.

“I was a virgin,” Bob whispers. He sniffles.
“Before you gave me a,” he looks off to the side as he hesitates, but looks me right in the eye when he's ready to continue:
“blowjob, I was a complete virgin. I'd never done anything before. No one had ever done anything,” he whispers slowly, halting at times to find the right words.

I suddenly catch my breath, not knowing I had ever lost it. I'm afraid of knowing what he's gonna say, and yet, I think I already do.

“I read about unicorns after you freaked out. I know why you did it.”
I close my eyes. I can't look at him while he tells me this.
“You did it because I wasn't a virgin anymore,” Bob whispers back, snarling slightly.
I squeeze my eyes together.

There's a long silence. The dove I heard earlier, but chose to ignore, is now impossible to block out. The silence between us is unbearable to me, so I need another sound to fill it.
But it doesn't.

“You said-”
I jump when the silence is cut short. Even though I wanted it to stop, I now want it to continue.

I don't want to hear him tell me that I don't love him.

“You said that I was the one using you, but I think it's the other way around.”
I open my eyes. I open them up wide to face Bob as he tells me the biggest lie ever.
“So I think you should ask yourself if it was me,” Bob says and stops to take a deep breath, as if to get the courage to say the last bit.
And he does:
“or my virginity that you liked.”

He turns around. I can tell he's about to walk away, and without managing to process a single thought, I take three quick paces towards him, grab him by the arm, swing him around to face me and then kiss those gorgeous lips. It's a soft, tentative, closed-mouthed kiss, but my heart still feels like it jumps out of my chest as soon as our lips meet.

And he doesn't pull away.

But I do. Because I have to.

I pull away and look him in the eye to tell him the biggest truth ever. The glass is now softer – smoother.

“I liked you for your virginity-” I want to continue quickly, but the sad look in his eyes makes my heart stop and my throat closes up for a second.
“But-”
He catches his breath suddenly and looks at me hopeful.
“I love you for you.”