Our Disappointed Hearts

I woke up in an unfamiliar place, and wasn't aware of what was going on. I remember crying at the graveyard, and seeing Vada. It hit me in a matter of minutes. I knew what had happened.

I felt something in my body, that I hadn't felt in years. I felt something at all. A depression so deep that I wasn't even sure why I was alive. I wanted to end it all finally, I was completely alone. I had already let someone see myself in a weak state, and going back to my statuesque personality wouldn't even matter. I didn't care anymore. I couldn't hold in my emotions. They were too strong for my own good but I knew I'd try.

I heard a stir and saw Vada laying on the ground. I let a smile bloom on my face due to her child like expression in slumber but straightened my face before it was fully developed. I wanted to smoke a joint but then remembered that my bag had been stolen. I laid on my back with a splitting headache and stared at the ceiling. A sigh escaped my lungs and I felt her presence beside me, sitting on the edge of the bed. I wanted to thank her but no words came out.

"You alright?" She asked groggily.

I nod, that's all I can do.

She lets out a chuckle. I furrow my brows at her and her smile fades.

"Its just..you usually have some sly remark, and I'm not used to you NOT saying anything." She comments.

I shrug, no words for her want to come out. I try to situate them in head but it fails. Finally, something comes out.

"T-thanks." I stutter out softly.

Her face grows into a grin and I can't help but smile back, so I allow it to grow into a smirk and look at my hands sheepishly.

"No problem, you were a mess when I found you and I wasn't about to leave you there..if you don't mind me asking, what happened?" I wasn't offended or anything but didn't answer right away, afraid that I'd choke up.

"U-uhm, my uncle..he died. He was really the only family that I had left. So now, I'm basically fucked." I chuckled sadly.

She frowned and reached out a hand to cup my face, I flinched and tensed up. I wasn't used to anyone touching me so softly. I was either being thrown around like a rag-doll during my sexual escapades in order to get my fix or being avoided at all costs by people who knew who I was.

She noticed my reaction and pulled her hand away automatically. In a way, I was disappointed but I'd never let her know. I liked the softness of her hand, and how delicately she had placed it on my face.

I got up off the bed and sat next to her. My knee brushed hers and I felt my stomach tighten up. All of a sudden I felt bile creep up my throat and the next thing I knew, I was face to bowl with the cold porcelain toilet. My throat burned as the contents of my stomach spewed from my mouth. I felt my hair being held back by small hands, a thumb stroking behind my ear. I breathed deeply through my nose as the vomit escaped my stomach. I looked down to see bright red and groaned. I had vomited blood, probably due to all of the pills I had consumed.

I spit once more in the toilet and then stood up. As soon as I was standing, I felt myself getting dizzy, so terribly dizzy. My vision blurred and I muttered out a plea for water. I sat on the edge of the bathtub with my pounding head in between my legs, my hands clutching it fiercely. I felt fire in the pit of my stomach and let out a scream of pain. I gripped my stomach and fell backwards into the tub, the shower curtains halfway breaking my fall. I heard a gasp from Vada.

"O-oh my god, are you alright? Oh my god!" She panicked and helped me up. I was half-conscious and propped up against a wall.

I felt cool water pour down my throat and it was very soothing to the burning I felt through out my body. I gulped down the cool bottle of water, as it dripped down my body. I felt freezing and within 5 seconds it was vomited out of my system. Nothing but watery bile was pouring out of my body. I felt a horrible pain in my gut before losing all consciousness.