Disasterpiece

I was frozen to the spot staring at the empty space before me where Joey had stood not moments before. A cold wave seeped through me, I could feel my breath becoming shallow, I felt almost light headed like I was about to pass out. I watched unmoving as James and Craig passed me, disappearing behind the recently slammed door. A hand clasped my shoulder, I looked to my left and saw Corey standing there tilting his head towards the door that led to the sunroom.

I followed him numbly; we made our way through the sunroom and out into the backyard. Corey led me to an out door setting where we both sat down next to each other; he still had his plate of food which he placed on the table. I looked down at my shoes and furrowed my brow; what the fuck seriously?

“This food is really good, when did you learn how to cook?” Corey asked conversationally. I looked up from my deteriorating purple converse and shook my head.

“I can’t cook for shit; Josie’s boyfriend cooks all our food for us,” I replied quietly, knowing neither of us had any interest in what we were saying – it was just something to keep me from thinking.

“Is he a chef or something?” Corey asked, pulling a packet of smokes from his pocket he took one out. He had never offered me a smoke in his entire life, alcohol and leafy drugs were fine (though it had taken us a while in high school to convince him so), but smoking was something he had sternly forbade me from taking up. Overprotective hypocrite, but I didn’t mind because I knew he had sweet intentions and I hated the taste of smoke in my mouth.

“Something like that…” I answered, honestly for all I knew Daniel could be a garbage collector with supernatural cooking skills. Corey sighed and lit a cigarette; he took a long drag without taking his eyes off me. I watched him with as little expression as I could muster, it was more for my own benefit that his though – I didn’t want to admit how much I was tearing myself up inside. Stupid, stupid feeling should just fuck off – why does it matter that he doesn’t like me? Besides the fact that he has no legitimate reason to, but lots of people don’t like me! Hell I’d be pushed to say I like myself most of the time…maybe it was simply because he was connected to Corey? Wow, that was the worst cover lie I’ve ever tried to kid myself with.

“I think I should go Corey,” I said quietly. Corey ran a hand stressfully over his face and exhaled loudly, it was like he knew something but he couldn’t tell me and it was getting to him.

“If you want to go you can, but don’t go just because of his…behaviour,” Corey replied. I tilted my head in confusion waiting for him to continue but he didn’t.

“Does Joey hate me?” I asked straight out, figuring it was better just to get it out there than for us all to pretend that nothing was wrong and continually fall into these kinds of awkward situations. Corey stared at me for a moment, I felt invisible in his glare; he had such a power about him that you couldn’t turn away.

“No,” he answered purposely, his voice was very clear and precise like it was important that I understood this. However ‘this’ just made me more feel more confused and hopeless; he didn’t hate me but he didn’t want me around?

“I don’t understand,” I replied honestly, Corey smiled half heartedly and stubbed out his cigarette.

“Give it time; he’s going through a rough patch at the moment,” he said, he reached his hand out and rubbed my cheek with his thumb a few times. I could feel the strange feelings and confusion getting pushed down deep and forgotten; it was always like this with Corey – he could make me forget almost anything, sometimes even make it disappear entirely.

“Hey guys hope I’m not interrupting anything – awesome food by the way Vixen,” Paul said as he came around from behind and sat down on the bench across from us, lighting a cigarette – rock stars and their god damn cancer sticks.

“Nah you’re not interrupting anything,” Corey said, letting his hand drop. He turned back to his plate of food and started to eat once more. I put my elbow on the table top and rested my head in my hand tiredly. “Oh yeah are you free on Friday night VJ?” Corey asked, I yawned and shrugged.

“Only if I can get out of work and what’s on Friday?” I replied.

“Well Griffin is staying at mine on the weekend and I thought it would be cool if you came over and had dinner with us or something,” he explained. I sat up straight and clapped my hands eagerly.

“I get to meet my nephew how exciting, oh I’m going to Uncle Franks tonight too so I’ll beg for Friday off,” I respond happily, Corey smiled and shovelled the remainder of his food into his mouth. I drew my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my knees; Corey shuffled closer to me and let his arm hang loosely over my shoulder. I leant my head on him and looked over to Paul who was texting someone. This was how it was meant to be, this is how it should’ve stayed after high school; the three of us, still friends – just happy to be in each others company. I sighed and snuggled deeper into Corey’s shoulder, no matter what happened with Joey; no matter how many hissy fits he throws I was not going to loose these two – not again.

Josie groaned, holding her head in her hands dramatically as we pulled up outside Uncle Frank’s place. I rolled my eyes and switched off the car, turning to her I gave her the sternest look I could muster; like a mother trying to teach their child a lesson, but finding what the child had done to be hilarious.

“This is what you get for getting drunk with strangers,” I told her; it had been a nightmare trying to drag her out of bed, I had almost given up on making her come; but I knew Uncle Frank would have a thing or two to say if she didn’t.

“Sid’s not exactly a stranger,” she grumbled, knocking her head against the window a few times.

“But he is strange,” I added with a snort. She gave me a perplexed look, sighed once more, and pulled herself from the car. I got out and followed her into the house, the smell of a roast tantalising my senses as I closed the front door behind me. I walked into the kitchen and found Josie sitting at the dining table, head in hands once more. Uncle Frank was standing over the stove making gravy, giving her a hopeless look.

“You look like shit,” he told her honestly, she stuck her middle finger up but said no more. He laughed, shaking his head and turned to me. “Come here you,” he said, putting down the wooden spoon in his hand he opened up his arms, I went over and hugged him.

“You know you’ve told both of us we look like shit this week,” I mused, pulling away from his grasp. He thought for a moment and shrugged.

“Have I really? Well, it must be something in the air,” he chuckled, picking up the spoon again to stir the gravy.

“Or some people,” Josie muttered under her breath.

“Ay? What people?” Uncle Frank asked sharply, going into over-protective mode. I grinned and patted his shoulder as I manoeuvred my way around him so I could set the table.

“Corey’s friends or band mates I guess is the more suitable term,” I explained, grabbing some plates and cutlery I set them on the table around Josie’s slumped form. Uncle Frank narrowed his eyes suspiciously – pointing the spoon in our direction accusingly.

“They aren’t messing with my girls are they?” he asked darkly; Josie scoffed, shaking her head.

“We’ll be messing them up if they aren’t careful,” she said, adding a yawn at the end. I looked at her blankly, and then up at Uncle Frank who was watching me with a wary eye; I quickly turned away and grabbed the salt and pepper from the cupboard. Josie may not be been messed up by them, but I knew that one of them in particular was battering my insides into the deepest pits of confusion. It’s not like I could say anything in front of Josie though, I knew how ludicrous it all sounded, and she would most likely go running to Corey for an explanation – which I’m sure she wouldn’t get from him. And then, he would come running to me in all his older-sibling glory; trying to comfort me about a feeling that didn’t even have a meaning to it yet. It was just not worth it.

Later that night Uncle Frank and I sat in the lounge room mindlessly watching a quiz show, Josie had ventured into the guest room and passed out on the bed an hour or so ago. I could feel my own eyelids getting heavier by the minute, it didn’t help that the only light in the room was coming form the television screen. Uncle Frank looked across at me when I yawned and frowned.

“You two are never usually this tired,” he observed out loud. I shrugged carelessly, sinking further into the plush couch.

“It’s been a big week,” I said; maybe not to other people’s standards, but to someone who had spent the last year or so having absolutely no social life – it had been a huge week. “Oh yeah, anyway I can get Friday off?” I added, remembering that Corey wanted me to come over and meet Griffin.

Uncle Frank thought for a moment and nodded. “Tell you what, you tell me what that look in the kitchen before was when I asked if they was messing with you, and you can have as many days off as you want,” he said. I scrunched my nose and pouted; how he could pick up on such a small thing like a facial expression and then actually remember to ask me about it I had no idea.

“It was nothing,” I lied, not sure if I should tell him or not. I knew he wouldn’t tell anyone else, but it was such a messed up situation that trying to explain it cohesively would be a nightmare.

“You know I’m not gonna take that load of horse shit,” he said. I groaned, rubbing my face; was it really worth meeting Griffin? Urgh…of course it was.

“It’s nothing really, it’s just one of Corey’s band mates doesn’t really like me for some, or no reason,” I explained slowly. Uncle Frank nodded; leaning forward towards me he put his hand on my knee.

“But do you like him?” he asked knowingly. I paused, baffled momentarily – how did I feel about Joey? I mean all this time I had been worrying about his feelings, but I had never considered my own. I tried to answer Uncle Frank a few times, but my mouth just opened and closed with nothing passing through my lips. Did I like Joey? Or didn’t I? What reason do I have to pick a side anyway?!

“I…don’t know,” I answered quietly after a few minutes, Uncle Frank grinned.

“I think you do,” he replied, I stared at him I confusion.

“No I really…” I started; then froze. If someone, anyone really, had done what Joey had to me I would’ve ruled them out as a complete jackass days ago and not thought twice about it. I’d already established that it wasn’t because he was connected to Corey, so really…there was only one reason I would have to care this much. “You think I like him?” I asked; my heart began to race, suddenly that unexplainable feeling that was slowly finding meaning began to build up.

“I think you don’t need to ask me,” he responded wisely, moving back into his original position on the couch. I stared down at the carpet, did I like the Joey Jordison? Was that what this strange feeling was? Was Joey to be the first person I actually have a crush on? Crush. Was that what this is? I never felt this with Mr. Squiggle…but then I only went out with him originally because I felt pressured, and he is the only person I’ve ever had a relationship with. Dear God; I have a crush on Joey, the only person on earth who hates me? I suddenly felt nauseous.