Disasterpiece

Josie and I made our way backstage for lunch, finding half of the guys sitting around in the canteen with their plates already piled high. We loaded up at the buffet and sat down together between Sid and Paul. Paul gave me one of his famous huge grins and briefly pulled my shoulders into his chest for a hug.

"Just like old times!" he mused cheerfully, I smiled.

"Except we can afford stuff now," I pointed out with a wink. "But Corey's the same ass he always was," I added, noticing Corey sitting across from us and listening in; he glared indignantly with a mouthful of potato salad.

"Touché," Paul laughed; clinking his beer against my lemonade glass. I shovelled some salad into my mouth, enjoying the fact that I didn’t have to survive on take away while on tour, as Paul started on a new conversation tangent.

“Hey isn’t it your birthday in a couple of weeks?” he asked me.

“Paul…” Josie growled lowly and warningly from beside me. I honestly hadn’t thought about my impending age transition of doom since before Corey had come back on the scene. Now Paul had brought it up though, it reminded me that soon I was going to be an old, wrinkly thirty year old. I sighed.

“I suppose it is,” I replied with a huff; wishing that I could stay in my twenties for ever.

“Cheer up grumble-butt! We’re all in our thirties already,” Corey said, nudging his head in the direction of the rest of the guys.

“Hey I only turned thirty this year!” Sid shot back; Josie pinched his cheeks and cooed at him.

“Thirty is nothing, forty is the shit kicker,” Paul said with a knowing nod.

“Yeah well I still think thirty sucks balls,” I grumbled, crossing my arms with a pout.

“Hey do you remember your fifteenth?” Paul asked. I glanced up at him and thought for a moment.

The teenage gang that haunted the streets of Des Moines rounded the corner and seemingly began their journey to the park, their usual hang out. There were more guys than girls in this group and each member was evidently a rock music enthusiast, most probably outcasts at their schools too – but when they were together they found comfort and reliability in each other. Two of the girls were walking with linked arms and large smiles plastered to their faces; they trailed behind the rest of the group with two guys, one with long, light coloured hair and the other with short brown hair. They all felt at home in each other’s company.

“Please don’t make me another mud cake this year,” one of the girls said to the other who laughed.

“But you love the taste of dirt and gravel!” the other replied with a smile.

“It’s not nice to refuse gifts little V,” the guy with long hair joked into first girls ear as he twirled past her and caught up with the rest of the group.

“If he doesn’t stop calling me that…” the girl growled, her friend laughed.

“It’s just a phase…he’ll start calling you some other insulting name next week,” her friend reminded her; the girl knew she was right, she also knew that he felt it was part of his brotherly duties to annoy her.

“I know something you don’t know!” the guy with short brown hair sung as he linked arms with ‘little V’ on her free arm.

“Paul…” the other girl warned.

“What do you know?” little V asked Paul, coming to a sudden stop so the others were pulled into line next to her.

“Nothing!” Paul exclaimed, unlinking his arm with hers.

“You’re such a liar!” she shot back.

“You can’t make me tell you!” Paul replied; sticking out his tongue, he spun on his foot and ran away towards the others. Little V glared after him, pulled her arm from her friends and began the chase. Paul looked behind him and saw that she was chasing, he squealed and tried to run faster…but being as overweight as he was, he wasn’t getting very far.

“Corey get her!” he yelled at his long-haired friend as he whooshed past him. Corey turned around and saw little V running, grinning deviously, he held out his arms ready to wrap them around her and stop her running. She could see it coming, so instead of falling into his trap she ran onto the road to avoid him and continued to chase Paul, who was slowing down by the second.

“I’ll get you!” Corey yelled, starting to chase her. The three of them ran the next couple of blocks; Paul chased by little V and little V chased by her brother, Corey. As they rounded a corner to the third block, Paul stopped suddenly so little V went barrelling into him, both of them falling forward onto the nature strip. Corey jumped over their falling bodies, stopped and looked down at them laughing. Paul and little V rolled around, trying to untangle themselves from each other as the rest of the group who has quickened their pace came around the corner to see the scene.

“Get off me Paul!” little V exclaimed, trying to push her large weighted friend off her. The girl who she had linked arms with before come running up and helped her push Paul off and get to her feet.

“At least I have one friend who helps me,” little V said to her brother, wrapping her arms around her saviour.

“I don’t need to help you, I’ve done something better that will make you love me forever,” Corey replied smugly, little V narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him.

“Done what?” she asked, cautious as her brother’s plans weren’t always the most enjoyable. Corey held out his hand for her to take, she kept her eyes narrowed as she carefully took it and let him pull her down the street. As they walked in silence with the rest of the group following, she suddenly realised she was on her Uncle’s street.

“Cor-” she began to question, but he pressed his finger to her lips and shook his head. They ended up in front of her Uncle’s house and made their way up to the front door, she really wanted to ask what was going on but she knew she’d just get another finger over her lips. Corey rang the doorbell and they stood there waiting.

A second later the door way thrown open and out jumped her Uncle wearing a party hat and blowing a whistle.

“Happy Birthday Vixen!!” everyone in the group screamed. She stepped back in shock, her mouth falling open. She’d never had a surprise birthday party, actually the only birthday parties she had had just been dinner with her family. She was gobsmacked as her Uncle drew her in for one of his big burly hugs and all her friends started to head inside the house.

“Told you I knew something that you didn’t,” Paul said to her as he passed. She smiled at him and stepped out of her Uncle’s grip. Corey came forward and wrapped her up in his arms.

“Happy birthday little sis,” he said.

I smiled at Paul as I recalled the memory.

“Yeah…it was amazing,” I replied, looking over a Corey I gave him a knowing grin which he reciprocated.

We spent the next half hour reminiscing about 'the good old times," before heading into the green room where the rest of the guys (including Joey) were. Joey glanced up from the couch when we walked in, but instead of offering the welcoming smile I had grown use to; he looked down quickly and turned his back to us. My heart dropped, somewhere inside me I had hoped that this morning was just male PMS or something and he would be back to normal when I next saw him, evidently not the case. I followed Paul and Corey to the couches on the other side of the room and sat down on the end, my back slumping into the plush surface.

Corey and Paul struck up a conversion about bands and people that I didn't know, so I simply tuned out and disappeared into my own depressing world that revolved completely around Joey’s abrupt mood. I literally could not pin down a single factor from our interactions that would make him act like he was. Last night he seemed to take the whole disappearing with Stephanie thing in good nature...and the conversation afterwards hadn't been anything to worry about...or had it? My brow creased in frustration and deep thought. This was ridiculous.

At that moment a first aid person that I recognised as he had been backstage at every show, came into the room and walked over to Paul.

"Hey man," Paul greeted him, halting his conversation with Corey about the plausibility of some bands reunion.

"Hey hey, ready to take these?" he asked Paul, pulling some pills wrapped in plastic and a syringe from his medical satchel.

"Yeah dude," Paul replied, getting up he walked over to the bathroom with the guy, closing the door behind him for privacy. I looked at the closed door with worry, wondering why whatever he had to take was administered by a first aid officer.

"Is he ok?" I whispered to Corey, shuffling myself closer to him as I didn't want anyone to hear me asking if it wasn't appropriate for me to do so. Corey sighed, shrugging.

"I don't know the full extent of it, but he's got some heart problems," Corey explained, I held in a small gasp; I guess hearing that anything was wrong with the heart always drew dire conclusions.

"Oh god...I hope he's ok," I said; my mind was preparing to fall into another deep thought process, but this time about Paul, when a loud "fuck!" rang out and bounced around the walls of the room. I turned my head to see Joey jump up from his seat angrily, pull his phone from his pocket and storm out of the room. Seriously…what?

I didn't see Joey again until he was up on stage that night, he never returned to the green room, or at least by the time he did I was gone and gearing up the merch desk. Josie and I stood on the side of the stage watching them all play, but I couldn’t enjoy the show like I usually did. I couldn’t keep my eyes off Joey and not because of the usual reasons, this time I was worried; my gut told me something wasn’t right with him, he was pounding the drums a little more vigorously than I had ever seen him do before. When he came off stage he brushed past me wordlessly, I made sure to look at him though and on his face I didn’t read anger like you would usually on the face of someone ignoring you…instead there was pain.

The next day was a free day as we journeyed between cities to a new venue; luckily the next place was only just under an hour away – so watching Joey cross his arms and sit as far away from me as he could on the bus was only depressing for a short while.

After we’d unpacked our bags at the hotel, I collapsed on the bed, placing my hands over my face.

“Ok I can’t keep quiet anymore, what’s going on?” Josie huffed, sitting on the bed next to me. I made a groaning sound, shrugging my shoulders.

“You know me well enough to know I won’t accept that as an answer,” Josie said, grabbing my hands she pried them away from my face and stared intently down at me. I groaned again, exhaled heavily and frowned up at her. “Spill it,” she said. I bit my lip and looked away from her, firmly planting my eyes on the window.

“I dunno,” I mumbled honestly. She jumped on top of me, straddling me around the waist so I had no choice but to look at her and answer her questions.

“Still need a better answer than that,” she said, raising her eyebrows.

“Seriously I don’t know,” I replied, getting a little agitated.

“How can you not know why you’re all depressed?” she questioned, as if I was acting really stupid. I clenched my fists, nostrils flaring.

“I don’t know because Joey’s ignoring me and I have no idea why,” I snapped tersely. She nodded as if she knew that already.

“Have you tried talking to him?” she asked, her voice sounding so soft and caring that I couldn’t remain frustrated at her. I unclenched my fists and relaxed.

“No,” I sighed.

“Don’t you think you should?” she suggested carefully, offering me a weak smile. I looked away from her and took a deep breath, knowing she was right. If I really wanted to find out what was wrong with Joey I would have to go talk to him, even if he didn’t want to talk to me.

“Fine,” I replied. She climbed off and helped me stand up.

“Go get him tiger,” she whispered jokingly as she pushed me out of the door. I shook my head at her and made my way down the corridor to Joey’s room. My palms became sweaty and my heart beat increased as I stood outside his door. My mind raced with possible scenarios that could play out – most of them bad. What if he slammed the door in my face? What if he told me he didn’t want to be friends anymore? What if he told me I had to go back home and leave the tour? My eyes were glinting with hints of water as I told myself to get a grip and rapped my knuckles on the wood of his door.

The few seconds that he took to answer made the world feel like it was pounding up against me; like the walls of the corridor were closing in around me.

Joey pulled open the door just a little and poked his head out, looking surprised to be confronted with me standing there.

“H-h-h-hi,” I stuttered out lamely, feeling light headed.

“Hi…” he responded awkwardly. We paused for a moment in an uncomfortable silence before I realised that I had to make the conversation since I knocked on his door.

“Um…can we talk?” I asked nervously, twisting the bottom of my shirt in my fingers.

“Er-” he started, but was interrupted.

“Joey who is that?” a girl’s voice came from inside his room. I almost fell off balance; it took everything in me to stay grounded on my feet. Joey winced and gave me an apologetic look.

“Now’s not a good time,” he mumbled, I could just pick up the edges of embarrassment in his voice and features. I tried to reply to him, but I didn’t know what to say and even if I did I was sure nothing would actually be able to come out of my mouth. Inside I held back tears as I felt my nose start to sting. I spun on the spot and almost ran back to my room, my very core shattering with each passing moment.

As my hotel door slammed behind me I swear I heard Joey’s voice whisper “I’m sorry.”