Disasterpiece

My eyes fluttered open and my heart bubbled with warmth as I pulled back slowly from Brandon. A smile tainted the crevices of my lips as I looked wistfully over at him; he was smiling ever so slightly too.

“Was that inappropriate?” he whispered, insecurity evident in his voice. I smiled a little more, shaking my head.

“No, it was perfect timing,” I replied quietly. It was a strange feeling that besieged me, after months of attributing panic and rising tension to a non-existent relationship; it was surreal to be sitting here totally at peace and in comfort, even though I had just shared an intimate moment with someone of the opposite sex. Was it a sign that this was meant to happen, a way of showcasing the levels of incompatibility between Joey and I? I drew in a slow, deep breath, pondering the scenario.

“I really like you Vix,” Brandon said, breaking me from my thoughts. He shuffled a little closer on the couch, only then did I realise his hand was still on my thigh. I opened my mouth to reply, glancing briefly down at his hand; but it took me a few moments before any noise came out.

“I like you too,” I managed to reply softly, a little bewildered by my voice catching in my throat. Brandon took his hand from my thigh and pulled out his phone, checking the time.

“We should probably head to yours,” he pointed out. I picked up Uncle Frank’s letter as we stood up, tucking it into my pocket. I followed Brandon out of the house, taking in the rooms and the contents as I went, thinking that it was going to be a big job to sort through everything, and probably a little heart breaking.

By the time we walked back to my place I was feeling exhausted; emotionally from the day’s proceedings and physically from the long walk. I collapsed on the couch, grateful to be able to get off my feet. Brandon closed the front door and came over beside me, sitting down too he flicked the television on. I watched tiredly as colours cascaded across the glass and some annoying jingle played through the speakers.

“So tired,” I whined with a yawn; Brandon chuckled.

“Come here,” he said, opening up his arms. I noticed they were shaking ever so slightly as I skirted over to him, resting my head in his lap. He placed one arm around my side and used the other to slowly twist his fingers through my hair. I felt so secure in his embrace as I drifted in and out of sleep, it was so easy to be with him, no pressure or anything weighing down on me. We didn’t even need to talk, silence was our conversation. It was so unlike Joey and I who struggled time and time again to find things to say…to feel that we needed to say something. I was on the verge on falling back asleep again when the front door opened and in walked Josie, stopping in her tracks when she saw us.

“Ahhh…ok yep, should’ve seen that one coming,” she said to herself, shaking her head. Brandon and I grinned at her sheepishly as she continued to shake her head, walking towards her bedroom. Brandon stopped twirling my hair and instead looked down at me.

“I should probably go now,” he said. I knew that the proper thing to do would be to protest this and tell him to stay, but part of me was happy for him to go so I could have some alone time to rest and think.

“Ok,” I replied, getting to my feet. I walked Brandon to the door where we came to a stop awkwardly facing each other. Brandon rubbed my arm gently, still smiling that charming smile.

“I’ll speak to you later,” he said.

“I guess so,” I breathed out; he chuckled, quickly swooped down, kissing me on the cheek before walking out the door. I turned the lock and let a massive sigh pass through my lips; it wasn’t a romantic sigh like the ones you see in movies when the girl spots a guys she thinks is ‘fabulous’; it was more of a pressure release, like letting out all the pent up energy inside.

I walked over to the television, turning it off and started towards the kitchen when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out, seeing that Corey was calling.

“Hello brother,” I answered, sitting back down on the couch instead of continuing to the kitchen as intended.

“Hello sister, how are you?” he replied, I could hear the amusement in his voice at the way we had addressed each other.

“I’m hanging in there, how are you?” I asked.

“I’m good, just on our way back from a show – Paul says hi by the way,” he added.

“Hey back to Paul,” I grinned, sinking into the couch a little further. Even though I was on the other side of the world to Corey, I could tell by his breathing rate when he was changing to a more sombre mood.

“So…how was the funeral?” he asked apprehensively, I could tell he was worried about bringing it up in case I couldn’t handle it. I sighed, shrugging to myself.

“It was ok…just a funeral you know,” I replied quietly, wishing I could say more about it – like it was amazing or beautiful, but it really was too fresh to think of it as anything more than an impersonal, official good bye to Uncle Frank.

“Yeah…” Corey sighed. He knew I didn’t plan it so it wasn’t going to be something especially touching to me.

“I wish you were there,” I said suddenly. Maybe that’s what was missing? If Corey had been here to help plan it then I could imagine a spectacular farewell that covered every detail of Uncle Frank’s life, I would’ve had the guts to plan everything with him and reminisce of the good times. Well, maybe.

“Me too, I’m so sorry I couldn’t come,” Corey apologised for the umpteenth time, making me feel bad that I brought it up again.

“That’s ok; I know you would’ve been there if you could,” I replied, trying to turn it around again; it wasn’t my intention to make Corey feel bad.

“Without a doubt,” he said. There were a few moments of silence before he dared to continue. “So do you know what you’re going to do yet? Do you think you’ll come back?”

I drew in a shaky breath; I had been avoiding thinking about this question – the one to determine my future. Subconsciously I knew the moment I left the tour that I had no intention of going back, that the ties were too severed between Joey and I for me to be that close to him, to possibility ruin his friendship with the rest of the band too. And now there was Brandon…with whatever that was…and the will.

“I don’t know if I can go back on tour Corey…I’ve got a lot to sort out here, Uncle Frank gave me his pub and his house so there’s a lot to go through,” I answered, making it sound like the will was the major obstacle rather than a certain drummer.

“That’s ok I thought as much,” Corey replied honestly.

“I’m sorry; you know I would choose to be with you if I could,” I apologised, biting my lip.

“Seriously it’s no worries; I would’ve been surprised if you said you were coming back,” Corey laughed lightly.

“Good surprised hopefully!” I joked back with a smile.

“Of course! Oh hey…since you’re in Des Moines and everything, do you think you could collect my mail for me?” he asked, I could imagine him putting on a pouting puppy face.

“I suppose I can manage that,” I smirked with an exaggerated sigh.

“Thanks munchkin,” he said, yawning straight after. “So I’m fucking beat, I’ll talk to you later,” he added tiredly – well it was probably after midnight over there.

“Ok then, have a good sleep!” I farewelled, hanging up on him I pushed the phone back into my pocket and stood up to stretch. I noticed it was getting dark outside, and with the lack of appetite I had, I decided the best option for me was to simply go to bed. I walked down the hallway towards my room, only interrupted by Josie popping her head out of her bedroom as I passed.

“Sooo…you and Brandon huh?” she mused with narrowed, suspicious eyes. I eyed her back, shrugging slowly.

“I guess so?” I replied.

“Hmm…alright then,” she said slowly, I could pick up the hint of doubt in her voice, almost like she was holding back saying something that she knew to be more true than my agreement with her question. I was hardly going to take much heed to relationship advice from Josie though…after all she was still mentally caught between a five year old stuck in a man’s body and a man that was prepared to marry her – I guess though, at least her men both had interest in her. I just had a fantasy and a reality.