So Young and Desperate for Attention

“Why do I always have to find him? Stupid ass. Going out drinking alone. You’re such a dumbass Brendon,” I grumbled pushing my way through the crowd. I stood next to the bar to get a breather. I hated being in crowds alone. I always wanted a friend there with me. It was just a silly little fear I guess. My eyes scanned over the various bodies trying to spot Brendon. He wasn’t dancing with anyone. I let my eyes linger where various people were sitting and talking or just sitting alone. That’s when I spotted him. I clenched my fists feeling jealousy rise in me.

Brendon was sitting at a booth with a girl straddling his lap. The girl had long, dark brown hair that was rather curly. Her outfit barely covered any of her skin. The two of them were making out. This is so not Brendon. He’s drunk. Brendon would never make out with a girl that he barely just met in the middle of a bar. Only if he was drunk would Brendon do such a thing. I tried pushing the jealousy down and make it go away but it only came back with a vengeance. I wanted to strangle her. I wanted her off of my Brenny… Wait… He’s not my Brenny. Oh fuck it. I’m getting her off of him.

“Urie!” I barked when I got closer to them. The girl glared up at me but her look softened when she recognized who I was. Brendon, on the other hand, was giving me a menacing glare.

“What?” he asked. I could smell the alcohol coming off the pair.

“Excuse me Miss, but I need to have a word with my friend,” I said speaking in a sickly sweet voice. I wanted to kill her. She disgusted me. The girl stepped off of him but she stepped way too close for my liking. She laid a hand on my arm sending shivers through me.

“Oh why of course,” she said. I laughed softly plucking her hand from my arm.

“Sorry doll. I’ve got a girlfriend. Now leave,” I said. Okay, maybe that was a bit too harsh. But at the moment, I didn’t care. She huffed before walking away. She’s such a slut.

“Get your pathetic drunk ass up,” I growled.

“No.”

“Do it now Brendon.”

“I said no. You’re not going to make me,” he fought back. I rolled my eyes at his childish behavior. I grabbed his wrist pulling him to his feet. I pulled him out of the bar ignoring his protests the entire way. When we were outside, I threw him against a wall.

“What the fuck was that?!” I yelled. Some people stared at us but just kept on with their business.

“What was what?” Brendon asked swaying. I grabbed his shoulders to assure he wouldn’t fall. Once I knew he was steady, I let him go.

“Are you serious? You don’t know?”

“Not a clue.”

“I mean you making out with that slut!” I yelled loudly. People stopped to stare at me. But soon, they too carried on their way leaving me and Brendon to our own argument.

“She was not a slut,” he stated. I stood back crossing my arms over my chest.

“What was her name?” I asked. Brendon looked away from me starting to think hard. I let out a low chuckle letting a triumphant smirk cross my face. I’d caught him. Brendon didn’t know the tramp’s name. Brendon side in defeat slumping against the building he leaned again.

“Shall we go home?” I asked. Brendon nodded latching onto my arm for added support. I sighed softly helping him back to the bus. When we got back to the bus, I dropped Brendon onto his bunk. He passed out right away. Jon and Keltie were asleep by the time I got Brendon back. Spencer was watching TV waiting for us to get back. I took a seat next to him.

“Finally found him?” Spencer asked flipping through the channels seeming bored.

“Finally,” I mumbled.

“What was going on?”

“Had some tramp on top of him at a bar drunk off his ass,” I said. I covered my face with my hands letting out a frustrated sigh.

This is your fault for not telling him. Had you told him, he wouldn’t have been kissing that little tramp and you wouldn’t be with Keltie. But no. You’re a pathetic coward.

I wished I could stab my conscience and kill it right now. I was not in the mood for this. Spencer laughed from beside me. What was so fucking funny?

“What is so funny?” I growled.

“The fact you’re in love with Brendon and refusing to admit it,” Spencer said.

“I am not in love with Brendon!” I fought back. Spencer laughed shaking his head. Spencer threw the remote down beside me on the couch before getting up.

“I’m too tired to stay up. Night Ry. Don’t stay up too late,” Spencer said.

“Yeah yeah. I won’t. Night Spence,” I said. I took the remote scrolling the TV guide looking for something entertaining to watch. I was always the one that stayed up the latest. But usually it was Brendon who stayed up with me. I’d go to bed about thirty minutes to an hour after he went to bed. We usually stayed up late into the night together. That’s what I didn’t like about tonight. I was all alone tonight. Brendon had passed out from too much drinking leaving me alone. I didn’t like the feeling of not having him by my side. Of not having anyone by my side. I felt more alone than ever right now for some reason. I laid down on the couch letting the remote drop to the floor. The station stayed on some stupid little kid cartoon. Brendon would be the one enjoying this. He always enjoys animated things. He’s a true little kid at heart.

Spencer wasn’t one to stay up late into the night. I remember the nights when we were both teenagers and I’d be at his house to escape my own home. I was over at his house often. His parents loved me so it didn’t matter how often I was over there. Spencer would pass out around one in the morning leaving me to do whatever I wanted until I would become tired enough for sleep. Usually, I stayed awake on my own for two more hours. Spencer tried to stay up but he’d always fall asleep no matter what we were doing.

I let out a yawn feeling tired. The jealousy that had been raging at the bar had died down. I was no longer jealous of that tramp that had been all over Brendon. Why was I jealous though? Brendon should be able to do whatever he wanted. But just watching that tramp touch him in all the inappropriate places… It made my skin crawl. It broke my heart to see it. But why should it? If I didn’t have the confidence to tell Brendon how I felt, what right did I have feeling jealous of his “girlfriends” and trying to stop him? After all, I had a girlfriend of my own. I should be focusing on Keltie and not on Brendon. I didn’t know why I was focusing on him so much. He’s just my best friend. He’ll never be anything more to me.

I let a few tears slip down my face. I’ve been horrible to him. I’ve treated him horribly. I pined for the very man I couldn’t have. I wanted my best friend. Who does that? Who falls in love with their best friend? Nonetheless when that person is the same gender as they are? Brendon would find me simply repulsive if he ever found out I was in love with him. What he didn’t know was that all those stunts they did on stage meant so much more to me. It wasn’t just something to get the crowd excited. It wasn’t just a stunt to keep the rumors alive. It was so much more than a simple stage act. It was what I waited for during every performance. Every touch. Every kiss. I waited for those moments. I longed for those moments on stage. I pined for Brendon. I wanted him as my own. But Brendon… He could never love me.

I told everyone When The Day Met The Night was written for Keltie at the beginning of our relationship. That’s a lie. That song was written when I was eighteen years old. When I first met Brendon. Brendon was always so beautiful to me. Despise what other people said about him. His looks were that of none other. I loved the way he looked. I loved his dorky personality. Brendon was just so perfect in his own little way. When The Day Met The Night was written years ago and long before I even met Keltie. But there wasn’t a chance I’d tell the truth. I wouldn’t come clean about having written a song for my best friend. I kept that song locked away where I was sure the snoopy little Brendon would never find it. So no one would ever find it. That song was my most cherished song I had written. I had spilled my heart into that song. I had confessed my love for our nerdy lead singer in that song.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and turned off the TV. I was pathetic. Simply pathetic. I couldn’t confess my feelings to anyone. If I went to Spencer, would he tell Brendon? I was sure Jon would tell Brendon. But I didn’t know what Spencer would do. I didn’t know who to go to.

I pushed myself off the couch sleepily trudging back to the bunk area. I laid down next to Keltie pulling he close to me. She’s my girlfriend. I should love her… So why do I feel as though I don’t?

All was golden when the day met the night