Let's Not Ask Why It's Not Right

I knocked on the classroom door, looking for my textbook. When no one answered, I let myself in.

The first - and only - thing I took notice of was Nick and Kaitlin, at the back of the room. He had his hand on her waist, her head was resting against his shoulder, and they were laughing at something. Kaitlin looked so happy. I'd never been so jealous in my life. I wanted to be the one sitting with her, laughing with her, touching her.

"Nick?" I said, way too loudly. Everyone in the classroom turned to look at me. I tried to arrange my face into a casual expression, but it wouldn't cooperate. Everyone could probably see the hurt on my face.

I stood there for a few seconds like a complete idiot, then turned around and left the classroom, shutting the door a little harder than necessary. I wandered through the halls without paying attention to where I was going, and eventually I ended up in front of the second-floor bathroom. I was relieved; there was a good chance that I'd find Chris here, and I really needed someone to talk to.

I pushed open the door. The familiar smell of smoke was coming from the last stall, so I knocked on the door.

"Chris?"

The stall door opened. Chris was leaning against the wall, cigarette in hand.

"Hey, Ty. What's wrong?"

I described what I'd seen in the classroom.

"I knew I'd have to watch her fall in love with someone, but I never expected it to be my best friend," I said sadly, slumping against the wall. "And I completely freaked out. Now she probably knows I like her."

Chris laughed. "She probably thinks you like Nick."

I thought about that. "Maybe if I tell her I'm gay, she won't figure it out."

Chris shook his head. "Not a good idea, dude. If you told her that, people would find out, and then you'd never get a girl."

"True." I sighed.

"Have you ever thought about telling her?" Chris asked.

"No way. What if it made her hate me?"

"Maybe you should get drunk and just kiss her. You could always blame it on the alcohol."

I shook my head. "She definitely doesn't like me back, Chris. She likes Nick. You should have seen the way she smiled at him when he was at my house."

"How about dating another girl?"

"It wouldn't be fair. I couldn't lead someone on by dating them while I love someone else." And, a stupid, irrational part of me still had a tiny bit of hope that Kaitlin would like me back someday.

Chris thought for a second, putting his cigarette back in his mouth.

"I don't know, dude," he said finally. "I guess you'll just have to deal with it for now. I hope everything works out."

I sighed again. "Thanks anyway," I said, leaving the bathroom.