This, Is Getting Over You
Prologue: Down the Barrel.
My heart pounded rapidly deep within the depths of my shaking chest as I lay on the porcelain white tiles of the bathroom floor. The dark black locks of hair fell messily into my icy blue mascara smudged eyes as hot tears stained their pathway down my cheeks and creating a pool of water underneath me. The blurred evening noises of cars from the busy city streets below the hotel were drowned out by the sobbing as I tightly clutched the silver lined object in my trembling hand, tears rapidly spilling from my eyes. What an escape, do it. Do it. The taunting voice which haunted my mind repeated the words over and over, like a broken record which I had no control over.
Emotions had gotten the better of my drunken state, as my head was rapidly spinning, blurring my surroundings as if I was stuck on fast forward, no doubt a side effect from the painkillers. All the hurt that he had caused my already fragile heart, all the heartache could so easily be set free by the small silver gun in my hands. What a sweet escape from those overwhelming emotions, and, from him.
Pulling myself into a sitting position with the soft palms of my hands I shuddered and lifted the gun higher. I had everything I had ever wanted and more. All I ever wanted was to fulfil my dreams, and I’d done it. Fame, Fortune, and to make a difference in the lives of others. Such bliss- but nothing cold ever prepare me for the heartache that followed those sins. Resting the barrel against my temple, I shuddered as a small un-human sob escaped my ragged chest and tightly shut my eyes.
My eyes had opened to something I had long awaited for.
I looked at them, waving their eager hands up in the air in unison, sending shivers down my spine. I gripped onto the mic as they sang along with me, making me grin and feel like the moment I had forever waited for, was worth waiting forever. And the reward for my patience was a feeling words could never describe.
I jumped up and down and they followed along. I was at home, nothing could ever make this feeling of adrenaline, excitement and pure joy, ever leave my memory.
I frantically ran around the stage, trying to get everyone involved. The guitar riff had ended and I held the mic out to the crowd and waited for that shiver they give me, as they sang;
"When I come around!"
The huge volume of sound they had made, made butterflies explode out into my stomach. The song had ended and I bowed, playfully blowing kisses to the crowd as they screamed out, yet again, blowing my mind.
"Okay, okay!" I said into the mic, as I wiped away the beads of sweat that had formed on my forehead. "This song-" I cut myself off as I got my drink bottle that looked as if it was filled with water, but I had fooled everyone. I took a sip and felt it burn my mouth, "-This song, is our very own mother fucking song! And it's called Creep." The sound of the guitar started to blow out from the amps, soon came the drums and bass. I looked out to the crowd, I was so shocked to see them already screaming and jumping, "You cant handle me!" I screamed out,
"and all I can do, is smile at you," I tightly closed my eyes and sang into the mic. I look up and I saw every single mouth moving along with my lyrics, to one of my own songs.
"Tell me now, tell me now!" They sang along with me, making my body shiver repeatedly.
I was almost speechless, "that I'm no scared at all!"
My eyes opened, and it ended like a movie.
Then and there was when I had it all. Nothing to be worried about, nothing to have a feelings for besides the music that pumped through my veins. Nothing that could bring me down and nothing to scare me.
But now, I was gripping onto the silver gun, crying endless rivers as my head spun with thoughts of pulling the trigger and ending it all, ending it just like he ended me.
How did it get this far…?
Emotions had gotten the better of my drunken state, as my head was rapidly spinning, blurring my surroundings as if I was stuck on fast forward, no doubt a side effect from the painkillers. All the hurt that he had caused my already fragile heart, all the heartache could so easily be set free by the small silver gun in my hands. What a sweet escape from those overwhelming emotions, and, from him.
Pulling myself into a sitting position with the soft palms of my hands I shuddered and lifted the gun higher. I had everything I had ever wanted and more. All I ever wanted was to fulfil my dreams, and I’d done it. Fame, Fortune, and to make a difference in the lives of others. Such bliss- but nothing cold ever prepare me for the heartache that followed those sins. Resting the barrel against my temple, I shuddered as a small un-human sob escaped my ragged chest and tightly shut my eyes.
My eyes had opened to something I had long awaited for.
I looked at them, waving their eager hands up in the air in unison, sending shivers down my spine. I gripped onto the mic as they sang along with me, making me grin and feel like the moment I had forever waited for, was worth waiting forever. And the reward for my patience was a feeling words could never describe.
I jumped up and down and they followed along. I was at home, nothing could ever make this feeling of adrenaline, excitement and pure joy, ever leave my memory.
I frantically ran around the stage, trying to get everyone involved. The guitar riff had ended and I held the mic out to the crowd and waited for that shiver they give me, as they sang;
"When I come around!"
The huge volume of sound they had made, made butterflies explode out into my stomach. The song had ended and I bowed, playfully blowing kisses to the crowd as they screamed out, yet again, blowing my mind.
"Okay, okay!" I said into the mic, as I wiped away the beads of sweat that had formed on my forehead. "This song-" I cut myself off as I got my drink bottle that looked as if it was filled with water, but I had fooled everyone. I took a sip and felt it burn my mouth, "-This song, is our very own mother fucking song! And it's called Creep." The sound of the guitar started to blow out from the amps, soon came the drums and bass. I looked out to the crowd, I was so shocked to see them already screaming and jumping, "You cant handle me!" I screamed out,
"and all I can do, is smile at you," I tightly closed my eyes and sang into the mic. I look up and I saw every single mouth moving along with my lyrics, to one of my own songs.
"Tell me now, tell me now!" They sang along with me, making my body shiver repeatedly.
I was almost speechless, "that I'm no scared at all!"
My eyes opened, and it ended like a movie.
Then and there was when I had it all. Nothing to be worried about, nothing to have a feelings for besides the music that pumped through my veins. Nothing that could bring me down and nothing to scare me.
But now, I was gripping onto the silver gun, crying endless rivers as my head spun with thoughts of pulling the trigger and ending it all, ending it just like he ended me.
How did it get this far…?