This, Is Getting Over You

Our jaggered breathing calmed as we lay next to eachother, his soft hands still laced so perfectly into my own. My heart still pounded inside my chest as the excitement and thrill of the moment we’d shared slowly faded. I felt like he had taken all the pain from me, and set it free.

“Del…” He whispered next to me through his jaggered breathing. I turned my head to look at him, he was smiling. His dark locks of hair falling messily into his eyes as his forehead gleamed from the small beads of sweat. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” We were so close, laying on the couch. It felt so perfect.

“I was scared.” He breathed, turning his head away to look up at the dark roof of the bus. His chest gently moving up and down as his breathing began to settle, just like my own. “I was scared that if something happened between us, it will destroy us.”

“What do you mean?” I didn’t understand what he meant. Destroy us? Weren’t we already destroyed enough? Everyone thought we hated each other.

“I mean. I want to keep us a secret.” Us? Did this mean what I thought it meant. “These type of things always seem to turn sour in the public eye.” Finally, my mind began to catch onto what he was saying. “I don’t want that.” A small laugh escaped my chest. I understood what he meant.

He turned his gaze back to me, focusing his perfect hazel eyes on my own. Searching for my response, begging to know my answer. I always knew he wasn’t one for his private life being known to the rest of the world, and personally, I’d perfer that aswell. If people were to find out, imagine the pressure of it all.

“Okay..” I whispered, leaning into him to kiss his soft lips as I could hear the heavy rain pouring down outside of the bus. I couldn’t get enough of him. He’d be my secret romance.

We lay there in the quiet, until the muffled sound of voices could be heard outside the bus. Quickly, we both scrambled over one another off the couch and tried to make ourselves look normal. Gerard tried to fix his hair in a rush and I scrambled into the bathroom just in time to hear the sound of the bus door open and a familiar Australian accent.

“Hey Gerard. Is Del okay? Is she here?” Josh’s concerned voice asked. I didn’t hear any reply from Gerard, there must have been a nod or something because before I knew it there was a loud knock on the bathroom door.

“Del?” I quickly looked at my reflection in the mirror. My hair was damp, but in a complete mess. I couldn’t let them see me like that. They’d know. I grabbed a brush which was sitting abondened by the basin and brushed it through my hair.

“Del?” Josh’s voice came from behind the door again as more voices joined in the background, obviously everyone had now returned.

“Coming,” I rushed, splashing water on my face then opening the door to see Josh. His emotionless face gave nothing away as to what he was think, instead he lunged forward and wrapped his cold arms around me. “Get off!” I tried to laugh, pushing him away from me and walking past him to where the rest of My Chem were gathered, talking to Gerard. Each one of them soaked through the the bone from the rain outside.

As soon as I walked out, their conversation died and they all stared at me, their eyes drilling into every part of my body as if I was some mental case. I wish Josh had never said anything to Emma. I’m fucked up, I know that…but I don’t want to be treated like I was.

“Let’s get you dry.” Before I knew it Josh rushed up behind me and forcefully grabbed my arm, leading me out of the bus. Is he trying to be my mother or something? As we passed the members of My Chem. I couldn’t help but catch Gerard’s gaze. He was standing behind the rest of his band with a small smile of his face, I gave a small smile back which Frank must of noticed as his head quickly snapped back to Gerard’s direction and Gerard’s smile dissappeared just as Josh dragged me out of the bus.

“You’re such an idiot.” Josh finally spoke as we got outside and back into the heavy rain which seemed to sting my skin with every droplet from the crying sky. I didn’t reply to him, I was feeling complete now. “Del!” Josh let go of my arm, throwing it angrily away from him as he stopped walking and turned around to stare at me.

“What?” I asked, turning away to avoid his gaze.

“You know what.” He spat angrily. I didn’t understand what I’d done wrong. “You ran away Del. What the fuck was up with that?” His emerald eyes drilled into me with anger. He knew how’d I’d been feeling. He knew I didn’t want to go out to that stupid restaurant.

“Josh-“

“No Del, don’t start.. We didn’t know you’d gone! Or Gerard! He didn’t even tell us.” Gerard didn’t tell you? “I told you before. I don’t want the next time I see you, to be at your fucking funeral.” I stood in horror as he yelled at me, after everything that had just happened with Gerard, I didn’t want to fight back.

“I’m...I’m sorry Josh.” I mumbled the words, now trying to hold back tears which were fighting agiainst my will. I didn’t want to cry anymore. He stopped yelling and took a step back, stunned by the words I had spoken, just staring at me. He knew I rarely said sorry, and now there he was, my best friend, questioning me, like he knew something had happened between Gerard and I.

“Del-“ I pushed past him and straight back to the bus. I know Josh was my best friend, but I couldn’t tell him this.

A thought sprung into my mind: Why does he always bring me down when I finally feel happy? My feet couldn't help but turn back and make me look at him.
"Josh, I am sorry for being a fuck face... But, I'm happy right now, don't ruin it," he didn't reply, he just walked away and back to the bus.

My skin was turning into ice as I stood in the rain, alone. I had all these feelings and thoughts pop into my mind, all at once. I need a shower! I screamed out over the crowding thoughts, shutting them up, and rushing into the bus. Trying to avoid anyone else and straight into the bathroom that I was getting to know all to well.

I stood in the shower as the warm water made my once cold skin, feel human again.
I tried to look into the fast drops of water, but failed. Instead, I closed my eyes...

"I had sex with him... I had sex with him... I had sex with him...I had sex with him... with him," I whispered to myself. Then the sudden realization came to my mind; I slept with him. Why was it so hard to believe? How did it even get that far? Why am I questioning myself? It made me doubt myself, and worse; it made me doubt him.

My hand turned the water off. And, just as I stepped out of the shower, I felt the bus moving.
I found it hard to stand there while the bus was driving, I just wondered why the hell it was. I found myself looking into the mirror after I had dried and dressed myself.

I had completely changed, not the way I look... but the way I felt when I saw myself. I was terrified to look at the girl in the mirror; that girl. I wondered if I could ever grow up, and become that women everyone has told me to be. They didn't understand.

The bus suddenly came to a stop and I ended up hitting my head on the mirror. "What the fuck?!" I yelled as I rubbed my head.
I opened and stepped out, I saw John, Vinnie and Josh all talking in low voices, but they stopped when they saw me watching them. I felt this weird tension between all of us; as if they knew something, something that would ruin everything. "Where are we going?" I asked them, but they all looked at me, probably thinking about whether they should talk to me or not.

"Hotel."

"What? Why?"

"Emma said that we could have a break from the bunks... The postponed showed was canceled, so we are staying in a hotel, blah blah blah."

"What the fuck? We don't even have the money for that!"

"My Chem are shouting..." Thank God at least Vinnie was talking to me.

"Wow, that's nice of them," I said, not wanting to go any closer to the guys.

"Yeah, just as nice as you running off with Gerard and scaring the shit out of everyone," John spoke up, not even looking at me. My cheeks began to sting and burn.

"What was that?" I felt as if I was being stabbed in the back with a pen, feeling the ink run into my veins and to my cheeks, making them burn even more.

"Are ya def?"

"John, you don't have to be a fucking arse wipe!" I watched as John stood up, he was looking at me, just about ready to pounce.

"Don't be a fucking hypocrite! We spent four fucking hours, worried to fucking death about you! We spent four fucking hours in the pouring rain, looking for you! Hoping that we wouldn't find you in the middle of the road in a puddle of fucking blood and broken bones!" The veins in his neck began to show.

"Why can't I fucking go and do whatever I want?! Why do I have to be watched like a fucking seven year old?!" I saw Josh stand up, I knew this was going to be a fight where I would stand alone.

"Because you don't seem to understand that we are fucking scared about finding you dead!" Josh yelled. I bit my bottom lip and tried not to think about saying it, but I did anyway.

"I'm not a fucking mentally retarded person! I can make my own fucking decisions! Its my fucking life and I can choose what to do with it! And you guys are acting as if I am mentally retarded, but I know what mentally retarded is, and I know how to fucking make decisionS for a person who is! If I can take care of someone like that, I'm pretty sure I can take care of myself!" They all looked at me, shocked that I spoke openly about it; since I never do. "I know you guys are scared and trying to help me... but I can't be watched like that. If I do, do anything stupid... it is just the way it goes." I felt guilt run over my body because of the looks on their faces.

"She's right you know... We can't control her, but she can't take the fact that we are helping, for granted..." Vinnie's wise words filled the room. The tension and awkwardness left us all, I could feel it. "We really need to stop being so frustrated with each other, we're beginning to be too serious, we need a break from it... Someone crack a joke, please." Vinnie spoke again. We all looked at him as if he was crazy... "No one? Fine, I'll say one... Hey Josh," He began.

"What?" Josh asked.

"What kinda dog fur is your jacket made out of?" He started as he pointed to the jacket Josh was wearing. "Yo Momma's?!"

"But my jacket isn't made out of fur..." There was silence as we all stared at Vinnie, then... An almost forgotten sound filled the room; laughter.

"Gay!" John yelled out as we laughed.

"Okay! Okay!" I tried to stop laughing. "Can we go back to being a band?" I asked.

"Yes!" John yelled out, clapping like a two year old.

"Group hug!" Josh yelled out has he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and brought me into the only friends I have ever had. It felt good to know that they will always be there, no matter what.Blood Water, is thicker thanwater blood.

As we were all bunched in together, I said: "Whoever's hand that is... move it."

The bus had eventually come to a stop. I looked out the window, and saw darkness filled with city lights and near by traffic.

"We must be at the hotel," Josh chimed in.

"No shit," John said, slapping Josh over the head. I rolled my eyes and began to walk away from them and closer to the window.

"Looks like a pretty flashy hotel," I stated, looking at the bright lights and tall buildings.

"It's not that flashy, the ones in Melbourne are taller and better," I heard Vinnie say.

"Yeah, home is better," John agreed, coming next to me and looking.

"I agree... Man, I miss home," Josh said, making me look at him. I weakly smiled and pulled myself away from the window. Home, the word brought a feeling of loss to my heart.

"Guys! Hurry up and come to the lobby!" We all turned our attentions to Emma, who was standing at the door, looking at them, not me.

"Okay, okay!" John yelled as he pulled himself away, just like I had done. I picked up one of my suitcases; which was filled with clothes that needed to be washed.

We all walked into the large lobby, which was filled with bright and shinny things. I gripped my suitcase tighter as the My Chem guys came closer to my vision, they all looked at me; not the least happy. I put my head down and felt guilt rush into my body once again. I have already done this with my band... I followed Josh as he and the others guys joined in the circle of My Chem. I felt as if I wasn't wanted there, as if I had murdered all their Mothers.

"Fuck, I can't wait to finally sleep in a bed," I heard Frankie say.

"Me neither... It feels like I've been a hobo sleeping in a cardboard box for the month," Mikey added.

"I'll finally get to breath fresh air, instead Frankie's feet," I heard laughter of male voices after Bob had mocked Frankie.

My head moved up and my eyes immediately shot to Gerard; who was standing in silence, already looking at me. I quickly looked away and to Josh, who somewhat knew I wasn't feeling so great about being there. He patted my back and weakly smiled a -don't worry- smile at me. That doesn't make me feel better.

"Okay," all of our attentions were put in Emmas' hands, as she stuck herself into the group and began giving orders. "Frank, Gerard, you guys are sharing a room-"

"-Why am I always put with Gee?"

"Because we all assume you'll have sex together. Mikey and Ray, you guys will be sharing. Bob and John, together... and Josh and Vinnie, together."

"Um, what about Del?" Yeah! What about Del?!

"Oh, Del's sharing with me," A sudden burst of laughter shot echoed through out the lobby. Fucking Hell. "Shut the hell up and just take a fucking key," one person from the pair took a key, there was one left and Emma handed it to me: "I won't be up there for a while, I'm in need of a couple drinks."

"How ironic!" Vinnie yelled out, I rolled my eyes and laughed softly.

"I'll tell you what really is ironic..." I looked up to Frankie, who had said that. He was looking at me, making everyone else look at me. Don't you even dare bringing anything up. I huffed and began to walk away, but I stopped and turned around.

"You know what is really ironic? The fact that you don't even know what irony is," I spat angrily, looking at Gerard, who sighed and turned away. I did the same.

I walked to my room by myself. I didn't know what their problems were, and why they couldn't get over it. I didn't make them look for me.
The door swung open and I looked inside slowly. As if someone was there to kill me, I carefully scanned the room, but only to find two beds covered in white, mixed in with cream walls and two lamps, which shone a bight yellow. I sat my suitcase down on one of the beds and turned to the right, there was a window with see-through white curtains. I stepped over to the window and pulled the curtain aside, the city through window made me feel as I was home. I was so high up, I could feel as tall as the other buildings. The sky had a pinch of dark purple as the multi-coloured street lights beamed up.

You almost always pick the best time,
to drop the worst lines.
You almost made me cry again this time.
Another false alarm,
red flashing lights.
Well this time I'm not going to watch myself die.

I turned away and looked at the alarm clock that sat on the bedside table, in between the two beds, 11:26 I sighed and sat down next to my suitcase. The bed felt like I was sitting on clouds, as if I haven't sat on a bed in fifty years. My thoughts began to run through the events of today... And all I could think of saying was: How the hell did I do that?

I think the chain broke away,
and I felt it the day that I had my own time
I took advantage of myself and felt fine.
But it was worth the night,
I caught an early flight and I made it home.

I pushed my suit case to the floor and fell back onto the bed, letting my eyes close themselves and let me dream...

I stood upon the stage, no one was in the audience, no one was behind me. I stood alone, with an old rusty mic. I felt as if ice daggers were dragging along my skin.

"I'm going to tell you who to be!" I heard a voice echo throughout the empty place, my heart jumped and sent shocks through my lungs. I looked out to the empty seats, but saw one person standing up in the middle. "I'll make everything so hard for you, you won't be able to breathe without help!" It was a man, clapping as he laughed and yelled.

My head snapped up and I looked around, He can't be here. I shut my eyes and opened them, I looked at the alarm clock, 11:49. I couldn't even think about going back to sleep, I was scared he would come back. I pushed myself away from the heavenly bed and grabbed my packet of cigarettes and the lighter then rushed out of the room. I almost ran down the hall, but realized that I didn't want to go all the way down to have a smoke and come all the way back up. So, I turned around and looked down the hallway. I saw a large glass sliding door which must be a porch for smokers on the top floors. I almost sprinted down the hall and to the door, almost slamming it open. I stepped out into the breeze and sprinkling rain and light up a smoke automatically. I took a deep breath in and blew it out, hoping all my thoughts would escape with it.

"Can't sleep?" My head shot to the voice that questioned me. I took another drag and look away...

"No Frankie, I can't," I answered, not really wanting to talk to him. The corner of my eye saw a red light move from Frankie. My eyes wandered over to him as he stood up, throwing the red light over the railing. The warm wind breathed onto my skin, drying the little droplets of rain.

"I can't either... Why can't you sleep?" I watched as he wandered over to me, stopping where I could see his face through the dark.

"Too much on my mind... Why can't you sleep?" He sighed and turned to rest his arms on the railing. Looking out to the city, he began to speak.

"Gerard went somewhere and didn't tell any body... So, I'm worried," he had sounded as if he had grown up since I last heard him; which was when he had ganged up on me with an insult. I kept breathing the smoke in and blowing it out, my chest felt like they were chained up. "I'm sorry about saying that before," he turned to me said. "I was a bit angry at you, and so were the other guys."

"I didn't ask to be looked after like a five year old," my accent clearly showing the difference between us.

"I know... but Emma forced us into a panic. I knew you would be fine with Gerard, but Emma just kept making us search for you in the heavy rain. I guess we should have been angry at Emma, not you... I mean, you're a women, not a little girl," I couldn't help but weakly smile.

"No one has ever called me a women before."

"Are you serious?" His eyes widen in shock. "You pretty much look like one..." He said cheekily.

"I don't act like one."

"Well, no one really acts the way they look when they are in a rock band... Look at me, I'm all sexy and man like, but I act like a little boy," My chest hiccuped with laughter.

"I suppose so-" I was interrupted when the door opened and someone stepped out.

"For fuck sake, I will never get to sleep," I laughed as Bob spoke and lit up a smoke. "Fucking Ray! Fuuuck, you." I laughed along with Frankie.

"What's he doing?"

"Snoring. I finally get the chance to get away from the smell of Frankie, then Ray suddenly begins snoring! What the fuck?"

"He's probably really comfortable or somethin'" I said, throwing away the butt.

"Yeah, probably. Why are you guys awake?"

"We can't sleep either," Frankie answered. There was silence, I began to think of something that would make me fall asleep; it was too important not to.

"I normally go for a drive when I can't sleep..." I said, looking at them both.

"Why don't we go driving?" Frankie asked wide eyed.

"Because we haven't got a car, dumb-ass."

"And it would be really fucking weird for me, I don't think I can drive on the right side of the road."

"Well, there is the van that Emma drives while she follows the bus! We just have to find the keys... And I'm sure driving on the right side of the road, during the night time, in the rain, won't be that hard!" Frankie said, I laughed and looked at Bob, who shrugged.

"Okay, let's do it... We'll, ah, just go and search for Emma and ask her for the keys, I'm sure she'll be drunk and happy... People are normally opposite to who they are when they are drunk... Like, she's angry when she's sober, but maybe happy when she's drunk?" I said, planing out what to say in my head already.

"There's only one way to find out!" Frankie said excitedly as he opened the door and stepped in, I followed.

"Wait! I'm not finished smoking!"

We all walked down the hallway, telling each other what to say and arguing about who should say it.

"Okay, okay, shut up! I'll just get my jacket... In case we do get the keys," I stated just as we walked past my room.
I opened the door and automatically turned the light on, even though I hadn't turned it off. I looked over and saw Emma laying on the bed, she shot up and screamed: "Turn the fucking lights off!" I quickly did and slammed the door shut.

"What the fuck?" Frankie asked, stepping back from the door quickly.

"Emma! She's in there!" I hissed.

"Great!-"

"Shut the fuck up!" I hissed, warning them both to be quiet. "Okay, who is going in there to get them?" I asked quietly, knowing that this would be our chance to get the keys and run.

"Bob, you go, you're the most stealthy!" Frankie whispered.

"What the fuck? I'm a drummer, how are drummers stealthy?!" Bob hissed back.

"Good point... Well, that counts me out too, guitarist are just naturally loud and clumsy, like drummers..." I looked at them as they both looked back.

"And singers aren't?"

"Well, you could say they are... but, they have more grace and they have control, they jumped around on stage and don't fall into the crowd..." Bob said, with Frankie agreeing. I rolled my eyes and turned to the door.

"Oh my God, you guys are gay," I whispered as I began to turn the door knob.

"That was a really intelligent call, Bob."

"Thanks."

I began to creep in the darkness, hearing Emma breath fire. I began to tip toe when I got closer to her. I looked to the floor and tried to see any sign of the van keys, but, they weren't there. Emma began to drunkenly mumble something, I could smell beer all over her. Then, I looked up... And, there they were, right next to her head.

"Fucking hell," I said as quietly as I could. I began to slowly walk over to her, I reached for the keys slower. I finally had them in the grasp of my hand, but then Emma quickly moved. My heart was thumping, please, don't be awake. I stood still, and my prayers were answered, I heard her start snoring. I moved away from her and crept quickly to the door and out of it, "hurry the fuck up!" I hissed as I began running down the hall, with Frankie and Bob running after me. I heard Frankie laugh and it made me smile.

We finally found the van. Bob had fallen behind, so we waited for him. He finally crashed into the van and was heaving, just like Frankie and I.

"God, thanks for leaving me behind!"

"Naw, looks like some need a happy meal!" I laughed when Frankie said that to Bob in a baby voice.

"Shut the fuck up and drive..."

Driving with them was more than fun. It took me awhile to get used to driving on the right side of the road, but I got the hang of it. They both made me laugh and forget that I had ever had troubles in my life; they are so different from each other, but fit so well together, I thought it was cute. After we had came back from getting happy meals and driving around -getting lost- then found, we came back and went to our beds. Ans as I laid on my bed, with Emma's snoring, one thing came to my mind. Where did Gerard go?

_____

My eyes began to open as I heard rustling sounds, my eyes slowly woke from sleep as I felt something touched my face. My eyes stung from the light at first, my head looked over to the other bed, but Emma wasn't in it. I looked up and saw Gerard standing in front of me, with a newspaper in his hand. I quickly lifted my back up.

"Where have you been?!"

"Nowhere. Page four, article on the bottom left hand corner..." he said, throwing the newspaper at me. In my confusion, I did what he had told me to do. Anger had sparked my confusion as I read:



"What in fucking Gods name is this?!" I almost screamed as I got out from under the covers.

"See! This is the shit I've been talking about!" I watched as he paced the room.

"Holy fuck... I can't believe this," I said, reading it over and over again.

"This is exactly what I didn't want! Fuck! My Chem fans are gonna start calling you some fucking attention seeking gold digger! And I'm gonna get called a fucking rapist by Hella fans!" He was panicking, so I stood up and stopped him from pacing.

"Gerard, they won't, okay? Just calm down, we'll just-"

"Just what? There is nothing we can do now! They'll be watching our every move! They already knew about us before we, we even, did...it." His hair was wet and in his eyes, which beamed with fear and worry. I sighed and sat down on the bed, putting my knees up so I could rest my head.

"I don't know. I guess we could, just, ah..." I sighed, I hated to suggest: "Act as if we hate each other." I watched as he looked at me, he sighed and sat down next to me. I could smell his after shave lingering in the air, making me crave that kiss he needs to give me.

"But Emma will just keep making us do crap as punishment," my eyes lazily looked at him, his faced turned to the window, which beamed the morning suns glow upon his skin.

"Well it shows that we really hate each other then... It couldn't be hard?" Please say it will be. His eyes looked at me, the same feeling I had, could be shown.

"No," Why didn't you say yes?

"What a start to the morning," I sighed as I looked out the window.

"I'm sorry..." I looked at him, with no emotion going through my mind. Suddenly I heard a knocked at the door.

"Del! Unlock the fucking door and let me in!" My eyes shot to Gerard. Emma. We both went into a panic.

"Shit, shit, shit..." I whispered, then I looked down. I mouthed the words: Get under the bed and don't say a word, to Gerard and he quickly did so. "Um, just a sec!" I made sure Gerard couldn't be seen as he was smushed under the bed. I could help but giggle at the site as I ran to the door. I opened it and saw a not very happy Emma standing there. She pushed past me and grabbed her suit case.

"Get ready, we are leaving in ten minutes... I suggest you take a quick shower, get your things and be down at the bus in ten minutes," she almost yelled.

"What?! I need to buy a new pack of cigarettes!"

"You'll have to go without or borrow, we haven't got time!" I watched her rush to grab everything she owned, hoping she wouldn't look under the bed.

"Man, why do you have to be so bitchy?" She stopped and looked at me.

"I am managing two bands, on Warped Tour. It's kinda hard not to get angry and frustrated when you are telling nine people, plus two bus drivers, what to do, when they all don't listen!" She finished and rushed out of the room. I sighed and slumped onto the bed.

"You can come out now..." I watched as I saw his body slide out from underneath the bed. I stood up and walked to the shower. I stopped and turned around, hoping he would say something, but he didn't. "I guess, I'll see you later..." With that, I went into the bathroom and closed the door. After five minutes late I came out clean, dressed and missing Gerard.

I saw my suitcase packed and laying on my bed. A smile grew and grew when I walked closer to it, I saw a packet of cigarettes laying onto of it; with a note.