This, Is Getting Over You

I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it.

I never really realize how hard it was to actually get over it. I could tell myself a thousand times...

I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it.

But, I would never actually be over it.

"Del, we're on now."

I blankly stared at Josh; who was telling me that I was meant to be standing in front of that huge crowd right about, now. I could hear the yelling, yelling out; Come on stage! and We want water! I wish I could run out there with a twenty thousand bottles of water and give them one each. "Del!" I shot out of my daydream.

"Just a sec," I said, turning around and running back down the hall.

I went into a green room type place, opened up the fridge that was in there and took all the bottles of water I could. I was carrying so many that some even fell from my grip. With each step I could hear the chants getting louder and louder. Hella! Hella! Hella! Only until now have I realize how awful that band name was. But, none the less, hearing people scream it still sent tiny shivers down my back.

Some of the back stage crew guys led me out onto the stage, as if I didn't know where it was. I slowly jogged out onto the stage, holding a whole lot of water bottles in my arms. The front of the crowd suddenly burst out, almost as if they were in tears. I went over the the mic. My lip touched it and I sudden screech sounded out. I felt nervous, as if it was my very first time on the stage.

"...I thought..." One bottle fell from my hands; "I thought you might need some water." The whole crowd started to scream, one, big, rawr. A smile appeared onto my lips. I went over to the front row and started throwing throwing the bottles out.

I remember being one of those people. Stuck in the mosh, not wanting to get out but get closer to my favorite band. I just wondered why any of them wanted to be in the front in the first place.

After handing them out, I didn't feel excited...I just felt like I wanted this to be over and done with.

"Hey," was all I said. I nodded to Josh.

Josh looked at me in awe; probably wondering why I wasn't as enthusiastic. I knew I was run down, exhausted, tired, burnt out...drained.

The whole show I just stood in the same spot and cried my heart out. I didn't forget lyrics, I just zoned out. I heard the sound, I just didn't listen to it. I saw the crowd, but I didn't look at them. Suddenly, a thought came to my mind while I was mindless; did I really deserve all of this?

All I have ever wanted to be was a singer, and now that I am one; should I be one? All I ever thought about was singing, singing in a band. I promised myself that I would never get tired of it, never want to end it...I would always be a singer. I still want to be one, but I don't give it my all anymore.

"Okay, on the bus...Next venue," Emma said, leading us into the dirty air of the bus.

The bus started driving. There was a deadly silence dwelling over all of us. Not a word. Not a sound. Not a move. We all just sat in our usual places; Vinnie sat across the table from me, playing with a deck of cards; Josh was sitting on the tiny brown torn apart couch, plucking the E string over and over as he lent his chin on the fret board; John was sitting next to Josh, tapping his fingers on his knee; and I was just sitting there, looking into the table as if I was stoned.

Josh kept plucking the Low E. Only the sound of don...don...don filled the room after the bus started to take its course. Don...don...don...

"Would you stop that!" John boomed.

"No!" Josh added, continuing.

"It's really fucking annoying and I don't think any of us are in the mood for music!" John boomed again.

"Shut the fuck up, John!" Josh called back. Don, don, don.

"He has a point, Josh. None of use are in the mood for music," Vinnie said.

I just kept staring at the table, hearing Josh finally stop, but with a grunt.

"So you listen to him, but not me?!" John said, annoyed at the fact that his own brother would listen to someone else, and not him. I could hear the jealousy in his tone.

Break, break, break. Every word was the sounds of us ripping at the already patched up seams.

"No, it's just the fact that someone else agreed with you is why I stopped," Josh explained.

"Please, both of you shut the bloody hell up with the arguing! We already had a bad show, we don't need a bad trip to top it off," Vinnie broke. I had never heard Vinnie sound so annoyed.

In all my years of know Vinnie, I have never, ever heard on bit of annoyance from him. Never. He was the only one of us who never got annoyed...Or at least, never showed it.

"Well, I can't really say I was the one who made it the bad show...I'm always hidden behind top hats," John said. The bus just exploded with silence. They all it was true. Josh didn't fuck the show up, Vinnie didn't, John didn't. It was me. The lead singer is meant the be the main entertainer, the lead singer is meant to say and do outrageous things to make the crowd scream. All I did, was cry on the inside on stage.

"What is wrong with you guys?!" John broke the silence. "Why do you always shut up when Del fucks up?" My cheeks burned red. It felt like drops of blood were pouring from them.

"John, just shut up. This isn't helping," Vinnie said.

I kept my eyes to the tables, imaging little drops of blood splatting onto the table top.

"It's true! She didn't bring to the show!" John said, growing more and more annoyed.

"It was just an off day," Vinnie argued for me.

"It was an off day...But, she should have her head on the planet, not outer space...No offense, Del," Josh finally added. "You have to be in it to win it."

"For fuck sake! Just shut the fuck up, both of you! Hell, it's like the only reason you guys are here is to bag on people when they fuck up! Just fucking leave it!" Vinnie screamed. I then knew that he had bottled everything up, and this time, he was exploding.

We're breaking. I won't let us break...