This, Is Getting Over You

Deathly silence followed our last words between each other as we sat on opposite sides of the bus. Gerard was staring out the window as the bus travelled through the setting horizon, while I sat stubbornly on the other side with my arm’s crossed tightly across my chest, Both of us refusing to speak as the whisky was beginning to work its magic.

I glanced briefly in his direction but he didn’t seem to notice as he continued to stare out the window, the bright colours of the Northern sunset dancing across the fine lines of his face and sending shivers through my body.

Oh baby don’t you know I suffer?
Oh baby can you hear me moan?
You caught me under false pretences
How long before you let me go?

He turned his head in my direction, causing my head to automatically snap away and look out the window on my side and into the bright rays of the sun, which flooded the insides of the bus as it began to settle behind the hills, watching his gaze from the corner of my eye.

You set my soul alight

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

His head turned away and I couldn’t stop myself from glancing back at him, watching as the light lit up the sides of his face as they filtered through the bus window, capturing my full intention of how handsome he really was.

I thought I was a fool for no-one
Oh baby I'm a fool for you
You're the queen of the superficial
And how long before you tell the truth?

He turned his head in my direction again, sending me into panic mode and returning my gaze back to the landscape outside which was quickly plunging into darkness. I felt his gaze drilling into me as my body craved for me to turn to face him. I must not show my weakness, I desperately tried to force myself to not look but it was suddenly like my subconscious had taken control and I glanced back at him, causing his head to quickly snap away.

You set my soul alight.

Subconsciously this awkward act of secret head turning continued through the deathly silence until, finally, I couldn’t take it any longer and the bitch broke free.

“Will you fucking stop that!” I snapped turning to glare at him, my voice trembling slightly from effects of the whisky.

Supermassive black hole

“You fucking started it.” He turned his head towards me, sending me a death glare that made my skin tingle in fear.

“Me?” I questioned him, raising my eyebrows and shuffling in my sitting position.

“Yeah.” He snuffed and turned back to look out the window.

“Fuck you. Why do you have to be such an arse?!” I complained angrily, keeping my eyes focused on him, hoping that my anger could give him the same chilling fear and anger he gave me.

“Me!?” He turned back in surprise, his voice becoming louder. “You’re the one being a fucking bitch.”

“You pushed me in the mud!” My sound control was in over drive.

“And you can’t get over it!” He yelled, challenging me in a battle of who could be the loudest.

“I can so! You have just been an arsehole ever since the first second I met you.” Hot pangs of anger shot through my blood stream mixing with the alcohol like ecstasy.

“Only because of the way you treated me! You’re so stubborn and selfish!” He complained, turning his body fully around towards me as a fury burnt behind his hazel eyes.

“Take’s one to know one!” I replied like a spoilt child who refused to accept the truth.

“Fuck you.” He lowered his voice and turned gruffly away, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Fuck you too!” I spat, the same poison in which I’d spoken to him with before filling my voice. He seemed to bring that out in me.

I angrily got up from the seat I’d been sitting on and stormed towards the bathroom, slamming the door with a thunderous bang and kicked it stubbornly with my black converse’s as if it was the door who had made me so furious.
Outside I heard Gerard muttering something under his breath. He made me so mad, so mad that I wanted to break something. Smash something.

I slammed my hands down on the basin, sending shock waves up through my arms before collapsing to the floor and pushing my body up against the door, as if to block him out, even though he wouldn’t come near. Hate burned furiously inside every aspect of my body, pumping through my veins and attacking my heart, mixing with the alcohol and enhancing every emotion and my head began to spin, causing my to lose control.
He was such a fuck head. I hated him. I hated him! But I couldn’t push him from my mind.

It was too much for me to even describe. It was like he was some kind of bug, stuck inside my body, eating everything away.

He just kept eating and eating away at me.

My hands began to tremble. I had all these emotions trapped in by all this madness. I could feel it popping like a balloon in a matter of seconds, it could be triggered by just one word that would slip from his lips, which I kept daydreaming about kissing.

I had no idea which part of my head I could believe anymore. One side of my mind was thinking about murdering him, and the other side was thinking about ripping his clothes off. And, the tiny sane section of my brain was thinking about home, and how much I missed it.

"Del? Get out! I need to go to that bathroom!" I stood up and glared at the door.

"You have three fucking seconds to get the fuck away," I said, with a calm but breaking voice.

"For fuck sake! I got to fucking go!" And that was all it took for my balloon to pop. My faced began to burn, my fists automatically tightening themselves by my side.

"Gerard fucking Way! You can go fuck yourself! I hope you fucking drown the next time you go swimming!" I had never screamed that loud in my life. My face felt so much pressure and my lungs felt even more. It even scared me at how much anger I had screamed out.

I didn't hear his voice, and that annoyed me even more.

I saw a glass sitting on the basin, no commonsense was running in my head. I picked it up and clenched onto it so hard that it was at the point of breaking and shattering in my hand. But, before it did I scream again and threw it at the wall. Then, I had literally lost my mind. I went mad. I started to trash the tiny bathroom by ripping off the shower curtain, breaking the towel rack. I kept screaming and screaming until my body had given up, the rage that almost exploded my veins, had made me weak.

I collapsed to the floor and wrapped myself up into a ball, finally finishing my rage, and starting it with pain, again.

I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me
I think I took too much
I'm crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun.

I must of spent at least 3 hours in there, just crying, just letting the memories get the best of me and just letting him get to me, again. Fucking again. It was getting way too redundant, even for my own good.
My body had sobered up. I could tell, because when I stood up, my head wasn't spinning. I sighed and stood there in awe at the fool I had made myself. He heard you chuck a hissy fit and now you have to go out there and face the sarcasm.

I thought twice before I turned the door knob, that was placed in the palm of my nervous hand.

I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cause its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but she´s
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can

My arm twitched as my hand turned the knob. The door slowly opened and I took a death defying step out from the bathroom. My eyes looked around, but no one was there, I took another step forward. Where the fuck is he? My foot was stopped in its steps. I looked down and saw Gerard, leaning up against the wall; asleep. Did he wait for me?

In complete confusion, I stepped over his foot, not wanting to wake him up. The reason I didn't want to wake him up was mainly because I didn't want to hear him bag me out. But, I didn't want to wake the sleeping angle.

I made my way to the couch and fell to it, my body was to tired to even keep me up anymore.

I watched him as my eyes began to slowly shut. His chest slowly going up and down, over and over. His eyes shut quietly amongst his pale but pure skin, with his lips, shooting daggers at me and hitting my guilty heart.

____

My eyes had slowly awaken from the dreams I had myself in. Sounds a boiling water and coffee mugs had set in my head as I was brought back to reality.

"Morning," I looked up and saw Gerard, who was holding out a mug to me. I shook my pounding head and brought myself up, taking the mug without a sound coming from my mouth. "Oh, good morning Gee, thanks for making me coffee," he mocked me.

"Please, I'm not in the mood."

"Can you please, stop being an ass, we only have 3 hours to sort this out," he said, sitting at the table, looking at me with eyes that seemed to have no hate in them anymore.

"Why do you even care? A person like you would just pretend to be nice to me for the sake of others," I said weakly, sipping at the coffee. I watched him put his mug down, he sighed and looked out the window.

"Y'know, last night, I spent three fucking hours waiting for you, hoping that you wouldn't do anything stupid to yourself, hoping that you would be alright... And, while I was waiting, I thought that I would try and too calm things down between us, for the sake of you. I thought that at least you would be the same, but, I guess I was wrong." A pang of guilt struck my like a pile of bricks when he said that.

“I- I…” I stumbled with my words. They were right there at the tip of my tongue, I suddenly felt so guilty for everything I had done.
In such a short time I couldn’t believe how much anger and frustration I have felt from one single person. I wanted to say I was sorry. Usually I was so good with words, but now I was speechless.

Gently placing my own mug down, I turned away from him to look out the window as the minutes slowing ticked by, dragging the painful silence along with it. You have to say it. But you can’t, he’ll think you’re an idiot. You can’t just leave it like this. My mind contemplated it’s options over and over, as if I had a devil and angel on my shoulder telling me what I should do.

Another hour of silence passed before it made it’s decision.

“IamsorryGerard…” I mumbled quickly under my breath, blending the words together so they wouldn’t make any sense, let alone be loud enough for him to hear.

A small satisfied chuckle escaped him, it was exactly what I had been dreading and he turned his head to examine my face with an; I’m so much better than you, expression before turning back to the window.
How could he do that? Couldn’t he at least find the time to say I’m sorry too? Or an Apology Accepted? I hadn’t heard him say sorry for the way he had treated me yet.

He didn’t say anything, and I refused to say more. He had to apologise to me. I had put aside my pride and even apologised to him when he was the one who pushed me in the mud! He called me a bitch. He doesn’t even fucking know me!? I wouldn’t give in, I was going to wait, watching his every move as he continued to stare at the window.

“That’s it?” I finally spat after another painful hour had dragged by. He turned his head back to me, the satisfied expression still plastered over his face.

“Why would there be more?”

“Uh…What about an I’m sorry too Del.?” My eyes softened as my heart begged for his reply, to know what he felt. All I wanted to hear was for him to say sorry back to me. That would at least return some of my dignity and put my conscience to rest so it would stop nagging me.

“Well. You trashed my bathroom.” He laughed, clearly not finding the moment serious anymore and reminding me of the fit I’d had in the bathroom earlier when the affects of the whisky were in full ball.

“What happened to the let’s calm things down between us thing you were talking about before?” I replied, impersonating his whining American accent.

“You obviously don’t care.” He mumbled, still staring outside the window where the bright lights of the morning sunrise were pouring through into the bus, refusing to look at me. Another pang of guilt hit me, he wasn’t going to let it drop. He waited for you. To make sure you’d be ok. The thought sent electrifying shivers down my spine making the fine hairs on the back of the next to stand.

“I do.” I squeaked, my voice breaking as emotion began to flood into my system.

“Me too.” His voice was softer now and he turned to look at me straight in the eyes. It was a terrifying moment as our eyes crossed paths and I felt as if he could see straight through my eyes and into every aspect of who I was and what I felt.

I turned away, breaking his hold over me.

“…Well?” I began picking nervously at the seams of the bottom of my shirt, focusing on the fine stitching, pretending it was far more interesting than whatever it was he had to say.

“Ok, so..” He began, now losing his choice of words. “I don’t like you. And you don’t like me.” It felt like someone had just nailed a hammer through my heart. Those words were hurtful.
He was my hero, but we just don’t get along, and he has haunted my mind every minute of the day since I’d met him, but hearing those words was devastating. You would never imagine you’d get the chance to meet your hero and then he tells you he hates you, after knowing you for only a few days.

“So?” I tried to push away the sudden rush of emotion which was surging threw my body, eating away at me.

“Well, obviously we just have to be civil. Pretend to like each other.” Pretend. The word etched itself into my mind.

“This is not going to ruin our careers.” He continued, his expression thoughtful. “We’ll just try and avoid each other.” Avoid each other? I nodded weakly, fighting my urge to fight back with some smart arse comment which seem to come so easily around him. Instead, I was making myself agree with him.

“You are a bitch anyway, so that won’t be hard.” That was it, I couldn’t take this.

“Me!? A bitch! Don’t you fucking start again Gerard.” I raised my voice as that familiar rush of anger flooded my body and I stood up off the couch I’d been sitting on.

“Start what!” His expression changed now, from thoughtful and calm to annoyed. “You seem to like being a bitch.”

“You’re a fucking shit stirrer, you know that!?” I screamed, stomping my foot, helping to vent my frustration. He hesitated for a moment, not exactly sure about what I had just said, and suddenly, just like a light bulb had sprung to life inside his head, he came back with a harsh comment.

“Why the fuck did I have to get stuck with you on this fucking tour!” He yelled, walking towards me. “When Emma showed us some of your bands stuff we thought you were cool, we thought you had talent and a future.” He was now inches away from me, his hot breath breathing heavily onto my skin as he looked down at me.

“You don’t deserve any of this.” And that was it, how could anyone expect us to get along, as soon as I got off this bus I was boarding the first fucking plane back to Australia and never looking back. I love Josh, John and Vinnie, but already they had showed me how important this was to them. They said they’d turn on me. I would have no one left. I’d be Alone.

“And you do?!” I screamed, trying to fight back the tears which were begging to flood from my eyes.

"Yes!" He screamed back. "You have no idea how hard it was for me to get to where I fucking am! With a person like you, you just have to dance your way in with that fucking bra that makes each and every one of us melt!"

"How fucking dare you!" I spat through my clenched teeth. "I just wish you had some kind of brain! Just so you could figure out how many fucking times I would sweat my own blood just to play the music I do now! How much pain I would go through every fucking night, just to prove to people who I really fucking am!" My face just inches away from his own as I yelled at him. My fist was clenched, ready to bring it to his face. But, I held back and something came to my mind. "I walk around topless because it shows that I can do whatever the fuck I want..." I said, with an evil smirk and a lowered voice, "I hope it makes everyone melt, especially you. " He just looked at me, trying to speak, but becoming speechless. I sarcastically laughed and began to walk away, but just as I did the bus suddenly lurched, coming to a surprising stop.

I watched the empty glass bottle of whiskey slide across the counter top, falling from it and to the ground. I had done the same thing, except, I didn't fall to the floor and shatter into a thousand tiny pieces.

I had fallen into a pair of softy and strong arms. I looked up as the bus began to sway after the stop, the light bulb falling from the ceiling right above my head. I was covered by his arms and his hands covered my head. We heard it hit his arm and fall to the floor, breaking and shattering into millions of tiny lights of glass.

There was a silence that filled the small area within a matter of seconds. I slowly lifted my head from his shoulder, which felt like pillow. My whole body had turned into a state of pleasure because of it.

My arms under his, we were holding each other...I was scared.

I looked into his eyes. Something I had never felt before, had came into my senses from them. His lips were so close, but so far as I looked at them for a split second.

My chest was pushed up against his. Breathing up and down in unison, the heat already between us was infuriating. My body was forced so close to his that I could of melted straight into him.

I began to heave my breath as anxiety caught my despair. My bottom lip quickly began to dry, I licked it slowly before bitting it. I felt his chest and his rapid heart beat on my own rushing blood. All of a sudden, it was as if we couldn't bare the tension anymore... We just crashed onto each others' lips. An explosion of chemicals rushed into my veins as I felt his soft skin touch my own as his lips pressed hard against mine with so much force, that it could cause an electrical fire.

His lips connected with mine as if he was born to kiss me and only me. Perfectly matching like opposite magnets; hanging on to each other and unable to be separated without force.

He gently pushed me up against the wall behind me, his body making me tingle. His hands making me shake as they went up my neck, his skin making my knees buckle. His better kiss making my heart race almost making me break into a sweat as our bodies exchanged heat.

I lifted my lips, I could barely breath, but I opened my lips and spoke as my bottom lips was placed on his , "I hate you." He smirked and crashed onto my lips again. My hands slid up his chest and I softly started to push him to the other side. I felt his tongue begin to draw lines on my dry bottom lip, he softy began to pay attention to how dry and nervous my lips were. He some what gave me some moisture, then he begged for my tongue to meet with his, but no need for him to plead because I was begging for it for hours on end. As his back hit the wall, he teased me and left my lips.

"I hate you more," his voice echoed as my breath chocking out a soft laugh.

Our lips connected again, his hands were now cupping my cheeks. I could feel his hips pressing up against mine, making me explode over and over again. His tongue gently leaving mine.

What am I doing?

My eyes shot open and I pushed myself away from him, which felt like the hardest thing I had ever done in my entire life. But, he looked weak, as if he had given up. I won.

He was lent up against the wall, his breath gasping for air, just like me. His eyes burning holes into my soul, asking why did you pull away?

The attraction between two human beings is caused by chemicals in our brains that we send one another through the air. The chemicals I felt for him could burst my blood vessels.

I haven't won, he's just captured my confused mind.