This, Is Getting Over You

Chapter 6: One Week of Avoiding You.

Did I hate him, or did I like him? I felt so confused as I stared at him, leaning up against the wall across from me. My mind was so confused, so lost, as my emotions were running in over drive causing me to feel them all at once. He stared back at me with that same look of confusion, his jet black hair falling messily into his eyes as we both breathed heavily.

“I- I….” I tried to say something, anything. Just so he would know how I felt, but I couldn't find the words. I had no idea how I felt. I was lost in the passionate moment we’d shared as my heart was rapidly pounding in my chest, I was so confused it was making me speechless. I’ve never once been speechless in my entire life.

“Del-“ He pushed off the wall and inched closer when the sound of the bus door opening cut him off, causing him to hesitate and step back.

“You guys alright in there?” A voice called up the stairs, soon followed by John’s black mop of hair, with Mikey close behind, both freezing at the top of the stairs to see the scene of Gerard and I on opposite sides of the bus, breathing rapidly and in a state of shock..

“Uh…you guys?” Mikey’s questioning voice after neither had answered brought me back to the reality of the situation, making me snap out of the shock I’d found myself submerged in after the fiery kiss we’d shared.

“We’re fine.” Gerard spoke up. Mikey and John’s interruption had obviously brought him too, back to reality. “What was that about anyway?” He asked pushing past them and left the bus.

“Your stupid bus driver, he’s such a fuck head-“ John began to explain, turning around and following Gerard down the stairs. I could hear him faintly outside the bus explaining what had happened to Gerard as they walked away and I turned to watch them through the window.

“Del?” A voice reminded me that Mikey was still standing there and I turned around the meet his questioning gaze. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” I spoke nervously, trying to cover up my mixed feelings and confusion. Through his dirty brown fringe, I could see him slightly raise his eyebrows to question me, telling me he didn’t believe me.

“Nothing Mikey! When the bus lurched it caught us off guard. That’s all!” I said forcefully, trying desperately to sound mad, when now, all I could feel was confusion and I passed him and left the bus, he didn’t follow.

The bright orange of the early morning sky blinded my eye sight, making me squint and cover my eyes with my hands in some attempt to block out the light as I walked towards our bus. We were at the newest venue now, and in the distance I could see the top of the stage where we’d be playing later on in the afternoon.

I couldn’t concentrate on anything but him. What had happened, and his passionate kiss which caused chemicals to explode through my system, it was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. Who knew that kissing someone you thought you’d hated so much would ever cause such an explosion of passion, leaving you longing for more.
My heart couldn’t deny it. I wanted him, badly, but I had pushed him away…I guess it's because I'm afraid...I'm afraid of letting any kind of weakness show to him.

There was laughing inside our bus as I got closer. The rest of My Chem were still in the bus with Josh and Vinnie as I wandered inside and had a video camera shoved into my face.

“It’s Del!!” Frank squealed excitedly, shoving the camera into my face and hitting me in the nose with the hard object.

“Hey!” I laughed, pushing him and the camera away and heading towards the bunks.

“What happened in the bus?” Josh asked from his laptop as Frank ran around behind him documenting everything happening.

"Ah, not much. We just, basically, didn't talk, until we decided to act civil and not start any form of argument when we are around each other," Lie.

Frank had left the bus chasing after other people, leaving Josh and I in the bus alone. Josh's eyes glued to the laptop, as he started to connect a printer to it.

"Del, you can't lie to me."

"It's funny how you say my real name when you're upset with me," I stated as I sat down, looking at him.

"Just tell me. What really happened on the bus?" There was silence before the printer started to work its magic.

"Okay, to be honest, when the bus stopped, things started to break and I got scared... I almost fell and Gerard caught me. I was just shocked..." That's partly the truth, right? He barely even weakly smiled for his reply.
I watched as a piece of paper rolled out from the printer. "What's that?" I asked as he lifted out before him. He turned the piece of printed paper, and what I saw, wasn't what I expected.

"You like?" He asked, almost mocking me.

"Why is there only a picture of me with our band name?" I asked, quiet pissed off at the fact at what I was seeing.

"Well, it seems as though it's all about you since we've started this tour," His words sounded as if he was hurt. He was hurt.

I looked at him as I realized how selfish I had been. I had been wrapped up in my own problems, not enjoying this experience of a life time.

"Josh," I began as I took the piece of paper from his hands. I put my hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eye. "I understand what you're getting at. But, you gotta know that I can be a bit off center at times... I mean, these past couple of days have been hell for me, and I should of known better than to let my problems get out to you guys. Just because my mind is fucked up, doesn't mean that I I'm doing it on purpose. And you're the one I've know the longest, you're the one that knows me like no one else; so why do you think I would become some Avril? I'm in this band for the music we play. Remember?" I saw the hurt disappear from his face and replaced with a smirk.

"Good, 'cause Del Rogers doesn't sound cool enough to be a solo artist," he said, taking the paper from my hands and scrunching it up into a ball and throwing it away. I laughed and slapped him over the head. "Ow! What was that for?!"

______

A week had finally come to a close. And fuck, it was hell of a long week. My mind had slowly regained it's normal self, but with a little twist of extra happiness. I guess I was kind of high from the kiss... The kiss I had waited a long time for. Of course, I was still confused, but I got over and used it to my advantage. I had shown him that I had sex appeal, which he couldn't resist. Although, at least that's what I thought.

I felt a spring in my step as I exited the back stage area after playing the final show for this venue. My band and I were happy and I hadn't talked to Gerard in a while. Things were finally looking up.
I had found myself in a parking lot, not so far away from the buses. I lit up a smoke and inhaled the dimness of it.

"Shit! It's Del!" I heard a young voice pop out. I looked up and saw a pair of girls, who both had jet black hair and My Chem shirts. I watched in amazement as they both rushed over to me.

"Oh my fuck..." One of the girls said, grinning like I had never seen.

"Hi," I greeted with a grin of my own.

"You have no idea how much we love you!" One girl yelled. She had a purple streak in her hair. She was holding onto a piece of white paper and a pen. "Could you please sign this for us?! God, the show you just played was amazing!" Her accent tickled me as my grin began to widen.

"Sure, thanks. I wasn't sure if any of you guys would even like us..." I stated as I began to sign the piece of paper.

"Are you kidding?!" The other girl exclaimed. "Ever since we heard you guys from the net, we were all crazy of you guys, especially you...Both of us want to be in a band, and you kinda inspired us to start one..."

"Really?" I asked, generally interested.

"Hell yeah! There is hardly any punk rock bands with girl lead singers," the other joined in.

"Aw, you girls are fucking cool as. You're actually the first to even ask me for a signature." I added as I finished scribbling my name. "You both like MCR, yeah?"

"Yeah, favourite band. But your band comes second!" I laughed and threw the rest of my unfinished smoke to the ground.

"We've been looking everywhere for one of them, but we haven't seen them... We almost gave up before we saw you!" I grinned yet again.

"They won't be out of the venue for a very long time...They like to fuck around, especially Frank right now, he has a camera." The girls both laughed, but weren't too happy to find out the news. My eye was caught by something on one of the girl’s arms.

Don't tell me that's what I think it is.

"Well, it was so fucking rad to finally get to meet you! But I guess we better get out of here before the guards find us and kick our asses out of here." They both began to walk away. But I stopped of the girls.

"I don't mean to be a sneaky Pete or anything," I began as the other girl looked at the girl I was talking to. "But I couldn't help but notice your arm." I watched her cheeks change colour.

"It's not what you think... I fell over and-" She didn't finish, she knew that I knew.

"You don't have to be ashamed... I've never done anything like that, but I did hurt myself in other ways... I used to be really hooked on drugs, that's also a way of lacerating yourself." I felt as if I was giving her some kind of counselling session. "Okay... If I do something special for you, will you promise me never to do that again?" I asked as I looked down into her innocent eyes.

"You mean?" I nodded and smiled.

"Wait here." I instructed them as I went back inside the venue. I looked around for any sign of someone I was looking for. "Ah ha! There you are!" I yelled out in excitement as I caught the unsuspecting Frank Iero who was still filming everyone’s moves.

"What?" he asked as I caught him by the arm and started to drag him to the door I had just came in from.

"Okay, there are girls out there that have been waiting all day for one of you guys to show up, just talk to them and sign shit," I instructed as I took the camera from his hand. I opened the door and shoved him out of it. "I hope this helps you keep the promise you promised me," I said to the girl as I started to walk away. I had never heard anyone happier than those two girls. Karma will repay me for this one.

____

I was standing out in the blistering sun of the afternoon with a hose in my hand. Emma had given me punishment chores for my 'performance' early this week. I had to wash the entire bus as Mikey and Vinnie sat down in the shade eating a drinking.

"Mmm, cool water, how refreshing..." Mikey teased as he drank from his water bottle.

"Oh and this shade, isn't is just divine?" Vinnie cooed afterwards.

"Oh, shut the fuck up," I muttered under my breath.
I brought my eyes back to the muddy tire I was directing the hose at.

"Hey Gee! How's your cleaning doing?!" I heard Mikey call out to Gerard, who was instructed to do what I was doing.

"Shut the fuck up!" I smiled to myself. How predictable.

I heard laughter grow as Frank and Ray came into the picture. They were all there to watch both of us suffer in the swelling heat.

"Hey Gee!" Ray called out.

"What?!" I heard Gerard distant voice from the other side of the My Chem bus.

"You missed a spot!" I burst out into laughter with the other guys.

"Har-de-har-har!" I muffled my laugh when I heard that; I didn't want anyone to know I found him some what humorous.

My mind wandered away from the sounds the guys were making. My eyes were glued to one muddy spot on the bus. I really wasn't thinking anything, it was just one of those things where your mind would just fall asleep with your eyes opened.

"And here is Del, doing a fine job at washing the one spot for the past hour." I shot out of my awake sleep and stared at Frank; who had the camera yet again shoved in my face.

"Frankie, you better get that thing out of my face before I put the hose in a place you don't want it to be in," I said, trying to act tough but failing as his innocent but funny face caught my glance.

"Oh baby, do it again!"

"Frankie!" He started to come closer, he started to hump my leg like a perverted dog. I couldn't help but go into hysterics. "You and that fucking camera!" I yelled through my laughs as I bent the hose to stop the water from coming out. I aimed it at him and grinned.

"Okay! Okay! I'll stop!" He surrendered, with that unforgettable laugh. "You're just like Bob! You can't be in front of the camera at any time of the fucking day! Unlike me; who loves the lime light." He grinned, his lips rings making me want my own.
We both were laughing, and it felt good. I loved Frank as if he was one of my own, even though we have only known each other for a week.

But, my laughter slowly began to die out when I saw Gerard at the corner or my eye. My eyes begged to see the full view of him, since I hadn't in days. I tried to stop them, but I couldn't . I found myself looking at his emotionless face. My laughter had fully stopped. It was as if he didn't want me to have fun and laugh, it was if he wanted me be the angry bitch he made me out to me. You just don't get it do you? I'm not who you think I am. I found myself wanting to say.

I turned my head and looked at Frank, he wasn't laughing either. It was as if he knew what both Gerard and I were thinking; as if he knew everything.

I quickly looked back to the bus and began to hose it. Frank didn't say anything, so he walked away.
I slowly progressed down the side of the bus where Mikey, Vinnie, Frank, John, Ray, Bob and Josh were. They were all sitting in chairs; under the cool, tempting shade which kept calling out to me.

"You know, I've just realized how much peanuts I eat... I can't stop, it's insane. They are like, in love with me," I heard Vinnie say. Just don't look at them, hopefully they won't notice you. "I think it's the salt on them."

"It must be. May I have one?" I heard Bob ask Vinnie. They are all in this together, I know it.

"Why yes you may, just let me grab one from the packet." I heard the crunching sound of the packet mixed in with muffled laughs. "Here you go Bob... Oh woops!" All of a sudden, I felt something hit my head. You fucking asshole. "It just slipped out of my hand!" The big group laugh spun out of control as I stood there, not so happy, but still, trying to hold the laughter in.

"That's it!" I yelled out, getting ready to aim the hose. "You asked for it!"

"Oh my fuck! Run!" The water started to spray all over them. They scattered away, all laughing. I started to chase them while dragging the hose. The water directed itself onto Ray, who was now drenched.

"Nice fro! No fro!" I laughed as I sprayed his hair.

"That's not fair!" He yelled, laughing with a pout. He began to come close to me.

"Oh no! No you don't!" He had an evil grin. "This hose is mine! Mine!" He began to wrestle me, spraying water all over my almost sunburned skin. It felt nice...

I had given up and fell to the grass which was flooding with muddy water. I laughed as Ray sprayed the water in face. I found my self getting up with a bunch of grass in my hand. I threw it at him.

"Oh no you didn't!" He snapped into hysterics. I began to run behind the bus. Where I had found Frank hiding. I grinned evilly and grabbed his arm and dragged him out into Ray's vision.

"He needs it Ray! Get him!" I yelled.

"Please! No! My hair!" I laughed and shoved Frank out just as Ray began spraying him. Frank slipped into the grass and curled himself up as he laughed with water hitting him.

"Stacks on!" I heard Josh yell. All of us Aussie knew exactly what to do; and that was to jump on top of Frank.

The other guys had followed. The hose had now found it's own control as it kept spitting water at us all. I found myself crawling out of the pile of laughing bodies. I picked up a pile of mud, and the first person I saw was Mikey, I stumbled over to him, took off his glasses and smothered the mud right into his face. "Mmm! Cool mud!" I spat with laughter.

All of the sudden I was tackled into the muddy grass. I looked up and saw Frank, who had the hose in the palms of his hands. He started to spray it in my face. "Please! Uncle! Mercy! Whatever!" I screamed as my stomach began to sting from laughing so hard.

"Hey! What the fuck do you think you're fucking doing?!" All of the sudden, the most fun I had ever had in my life, was stopped by Emma.

Being the only female, I was given the privilege to use Hella's bathroom while the rest had to use My Chem's bathroom and the hoses outside to clean themselves up.

The sun had just started to go down when I had taken my drenched clothes off before stepping into the shower. My skin showed goose bumps from the cold air hitting my hot skin.
The warm water that hit my skin felt too good to be true, but it was soon ended by the water stopping on it's own. Must of ran out of water.

I stepped out and dried myself with a clean -thank God- towel. I had put my bra and underwear on, I found my dry pair of skinny legs and put them on. No one else was in the bus besides me, so I walked out of the bathroom without a shirt on.

I took a deep breath in, I had never felt so happy in my entire life. It was like I was a new person all together.
I walked over to my suitcase and saw the white shirt I wanted to wear, just as I felt the material on my fingers;

"Hey!" My heart shot out of my chest. I saw Frank with the stupid camera. With my shirt covering my chest and opened my mouth.

"Didn't I drench that thing?!"

"Nope, I saved it. It's my new obsession," he said, looking at me through the camera as he filmed. I rolled my eyes and turned my back on him to put my shirt on.

"Heeeey! What's the tattoo on your shoulder?" he said, stopping me from putting my shirt on fully. He held it up and probably filmed it. "Mum," he read, trying to put it in an Australian accent. "It's one of those tattoo's the sailors have, aww, it even has an anchor! Why did you get it?" He asked, I pushed down my shirt and turned to look at him.

"You need help to put your shirt on," I told her.

"No I don't! I can do it myself ,ya know!" she yelled back at me, trying to put her head through the sleeve.

"You can't! Just let me help you!" I pleaded, feeling my heartache at what I was seeing.

"I can do this on my own! Watch me!" I gave up and watched her struggle, not even her pants on properly. She started to cry and cry when her head got stuck; her confusion because too much for her to handle.

"I told you," I said, trying to not let the pain of doing this for her get to me. But it always would, no matter how many times I would do it. It was seeing her that broke me in half.


"I love my Mum."

I turned away and looked at my suitcase, acting as if I had things to do and look for. Frank put the camera down on the table and turned it off. He sat down and looked up at me as I kept my act in straight order.

"Oh," I heard his voice turn serious.

"Yeah..." I said, stopping to look at him "You clean up quick." I changed the subject.

"Y'know, Gerard was the only one still cleaning the bus while we were all having that water fight."

"Really? I didn't notice."

"Oh come on! I know you did." His voice was digging holes in ground I didn't want holes in.
I sighed and sat down at the other side of the table.

"Well... Okay, I did. Sue me," I said, putting my head in my hands so I could rub my eyes and rest my head.

"Gerard's started acting differently since you came along," my eyes looked up into his, his fringe slightly covering one of them.

"Yeah? Why's that? I asked in not interest.

"Del! Look at you!" I raised an eyebrow. "You're a hot girl, who sings like a fucking angel and who has this kickass personality that can't be found anywhere else in the world! I think Gerard is crazy about you, because you're just too perfect! I mean, from far as I know, all the girls he has been with have never had the guts to stand up to him, give him something to think about!" My mind just wasn't taking it in seriously.

"I'm really started to get used to the American accent," was all I could say and think of.

"Del, seriously. Think about it."

"Frankie, there is no way in hell he could be crazy about me. If he was, why the fuck would he treat me like that?" he looked at me, not being able to answer the question.

"Well... What about the bus trip you guys had! As soon as he came off it was if he was floating on fucking air!" My eyes shot wide open, "you guys had sex, didn't you?"

"What?!" I spat as I stood up, "No way! Why the fuck does everyone think that?!”

"We think that because it's obvious!" I rolled my eyes.

"Frank, this isn't a romance movie were the boy secretly loves the girl."

"Well if it's not, then tell me the truth... What really happened on the bus?" his eyes were begging for the truth, just begging, tugging at me.

I can't go on forever trying to avoid the truth. His eyes were getting to me.

"Fine!" I hissed. "But, if someone tells me this, and their names aren't Frank or Gerard, I will kill you!" his grinned and tugged at my arm, I sat down.

"Okay, okay! Just tell me."

"We kissed..."

"And?"

"That was it."

"Don't lie! You must of felt something," he teased, rolling his eyes.

"You are more of a girl than I am, you know that? Oh My God! Tell me all the gossip!" he laughed and flipped his hair.

"Shut up and like, oh my god, spill!" I laughed and pushed my face into my hands.

"I liked it..." I said into my hands. Now he knew.

__________

The scenes of the day had been flashing behind my closed eyes as I slept as we travelled to the next venue. That was, until, I was awoken by a sudden disturbance in the movement of the bus as it stopped. A tired moan escaped me and I rolled around in the bunk rubbing my eyes open to find myself in pitch darkness with a silverly glow coming from a small window in the wall between the bunks were the Josh and John were peacefully sleeping, and Vinnie was snoring.

I wonder where we are? My mind was asking, curiosity getting the better of me as I decided I could embrace the stop to fill my body with the nicotine it was so sorely craving for.

I still hadn’t gotten over the good feelings I’d been having all weak, a side effect of the kiss even though we hadn’t spoken, avoiding each other and the awkward questions that were still lingering between us.
A small smile was still on my face as I grabbed one of Josh’s The Used hoodies which he had left lying around and pulled it roughly over my head and grabbed my packet of cigarettes and a lighter from the table then headed outside.

I was still wearing my skinny legs after being too tired to change out of them before sleeping but the chill of night soaked through my clothing sending goosebumps to explode over the surface of my skin as I stepped out of the bus. My Chem’s bus was parked directly opposite our own and there was no sign of life from the depths of it’s insides, indicating that they too were asleep. I couldn’t help but think of Frank and the conversation we’d had that afternoon, and what he’d do to mock me. And then there was Gerard. He was still sketched into my memory in ink, like he’d never leave.

In an attempt to keep myself warm I tightly crossed my arms around my chest and walked down to the back of the bus where the dim lights of the small truck stop cafeteria where the drivers were buying coffee could not reach me and I would be invisible.

The small orange flame lit up at the end of the cigarette from the lighter as I leant back on the bus, resting my head against its cold metallic surface and closing my eyes, occasionally taking a drag of my smoke and letting the sensation fill my body and calming it.
I thought about home and everything that had happened in my life which had brought me to the point where I was right now, standing in outside Hella’s tour bus in the dead of the night in a foreign country, finally fulfilling my dreams.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” His voice startled me and I opened my eyes to see a dark figure standing in front of me, the darkness swallowing them whole and making it hard for me to see his face, but I knew who it was.

“I could say the same to you too, Gerard.” I said in a low voice, taking another drag of the cigarette that was held firmly in between my fingers, and letting the thick smoke fill the air above my head. Why was he awake at this time, and why did he have to come now? He had avoided me all week and now had to interrupt one of my only times I had to myself, to think.

He let out a small chuckle and then moved to my side, resting his head against the outside wall of the bus and looking up into the dark sky above where the stars twinkled ever so slightly through the mass of black clouds.

“Can I have a smoke?” He asked, intently looking at the one burning away in my hand. Replying with a nod, I pulled the small box I had stored inside the worn pockets of Josh’s hoodie and handed one over, along with the lighter.

From the corner of my eyes as I stared into the dark sky, I watched curiously, as he placed the white stick in between his lips and lifted the lighter to it, cupping his hands around it as the lighter came to life. I still wanted him. I wanted him bad, but I had to restrain myself. We had spent the whole week avoiding each other and avoiding a moment like this where I knew the subject of that unforgettable kiss would come up. But he didn’t say anything, just handed the lighter back and returned his gaze to the stars.

I wanted him to say something, to tell me how he had felt about that kiss. I was like a pawn, caught under his spell from the collision of our lips and now left craving for more. I just couldn’t let myself show the weakness I had for him, I had to resist.

“The stars are brighter at home.” I whispered in between another drag of the smoke, which was slowly dwindling away. “At home it’s like…I dunno, it’s like the sky above is so open and free, telling me there is a whole universe out there, to explore. But here-“ I paused, releasing a deep sigh as the thoughts of home filled my body making me warm. “-here, it’s clouded and restricting.”

My comment had caught his attention and I saw him move his head to look straight at me , his pale skin now resting against the metal of the bus, his gaze causing my body to tingle.

“So this is the real Del?” He whispered, sounding so relaxed and curious. It was the first time I had ever seen him like this, and it was the first time he had seen part of the real me, as fucked up as I was.

"Maybe," I watched the smoke slowly roll out as the word spoke from my mouth. "It's part of me. Not many people get to see that side, it's kinda kept under lock and key," I finished, looking at him as I blew smoke yet again out the side of my mouth.

"And I'm one of the lucky ones who get to see that?" he asked, slightly smiling as his smoke mixed with mine in the air. I watched it as it drew cartoons in the chilling air.

"You know what I miss the most about home? The smell of the city air at night time. And the street lights and the sounds, how warm it would be..." I replied unexpectedly.

"You really miss it, don't you?" I looked at him, as he stared, waiting for more of this side of me to interact with him like our smoke in the air.

"Yeah."

I threw the cigarette to the ground after finishing it and looked down as my foot squished it into the ground, then turned to rest the side of my body on the bus, facing his body directly where he was still looking at me. The rays of the moon slightly illuminating a small smile across his lips, causing that strange tingle to burst through my body, it felt more satisfying than uncomfortable. I smiled back at him, looking into his soft eyes as they glowed under the moonlight with the hope that I could give him the same chills that he had sent me.

“Del..” He started speaking again, looking away back into the starry night above almost talking to it instead of me.

“Mmmh?” I replied, not being able to break the memorising gaze of him as the moon lit up the side of his face.

“…that kiss,” His voice was so soft, he sounded so confused as he spoke to the glittering stars above our heads as he had brought up the subject which had been avoided all week. I’d thought that when it finally would come into conversation I would feel nervous, but I didn’t. I was feeling so relaxed around him rather than confused and angry like previous encounters. Right now he was just Gerard. Not, Gerard Way the rock star, or Gerard Way the messed up guy who managed to make something of himself. No, just Gerard.

“-Did it mean anything?”

“I…,” I trailed off as I thought about it. Did it mean anything? It meant more than words could explain. I didn’t know how to express the feeling or put it into words. There was no amount of words in the dictionary which could ever describe the feelings I had towards him. We hated each other, but then there was such a fiery and explosive chemistry between us that I couldn’t refuse, and that kiss. That kiss had stirred so many emotions I’d never experienced before, making me feel as if I would surrender everything I had just to have his arms around me and feel the warmth of his lips on mine. No matter how much I had thought I hated him.

The words faltered as I opened my mouth to speak, not knowing exactly what it was I’d say, but he cut me off and moved closer. No more words needed to be spoken anymore as he pulled his body away from the bus and moved closer. I followed his actions like a lost puppy, wanting to be held.

I moved closer until we met halfway, and the warmth of his arms spread across my waist and making butterflies explode in my stomach. Looking up into his barely lit face our eyes met in the darkness and a fire burnt behind his the hazel colour. Our lips moved closer, being drawn together like magnets; like they were made for each other. Exactly the opposite of the other, but are drawn so strongly together by a hidden force unseen to the naked eye.

Time seemed to stop as our faces grew closer, my heart was begging for the thrilling collision it had experienced once before.

There was the loud bang of a door as deep laughing voices filled the air and suddenly I was cold once again. He’d pushed me away and I stumbled back, now left the one wandering why he’d done it. I glanced over to the direction of the voices, -the bus drivers- I looked back to him, shock filling my heart. Was he ashamed to be seen near me? Did he want people to think we’d hated each other. Was he using me and never really cared at all?

I felt hurt. He just stared back, no answers in his eyes, no emotions. Nothing. The drivers were approaching, my heart was beating faster. It was like we were forbidden to touch or have feelings for each other. I hated him.

Hot tears began to feel my eyes as I stormed past him and walked back towards the door of my bus. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t even make one singly move to fucking follow me as I escaped him inside my own tour bus.

Climbing back into my bunks and hiding under the soft blue blankets the tears escaped my eyes, there was no sobs, just tears of pain blinded by confusion as the bus began to move again.

We were so wrong for each other, but oh, it just felt so right.