All I Ever Wanted

“Oh, you’re joking, right?” I manage to say, though I’m still slightly stunned. “This… What?”

I stare at my brother and he has tears in his eyes.

“Lexy, please, don’t tell anyone,” he begs. He sounds desperate and panicked; I would if I were him.

I look over at Luke who’s just standing there. He doesn’t look upset or distressed like Max does. He looks unaffected. That’s the only thing that doesn’t surprise me.

“… I just… I don’t…” I can’t bring myself to say anything. Seeing my brother making out with my friend is a little shocking. Especially if that would mean that Max is gay.

“Lexy, you can’t tell mom. Please don’t-”

“Max, I’m not telling anybody.”

“Y-you’re not?”

“No… but it’s… kinda weird…”

“Why is it weird?” Luke finally speaks.

“Because I didn’t know my brother’s gay, Luke.”

I can’t lie; I’m kind of pissed at him.

“It’s not weird…” I hear him mutter to himself and I kind of just want to smack him.

“I’m not gay!” Max shouts, and Luke glares at him. “Sorry… I just… I don’t know. I don’t know what I am.”

“Can I talk to Luke really quick? And can you go look for Alex and tell him to meet me at his car?”

“Sure,” he answers. He slumps his shoulders and pushes past me and reaches for the door. He stops and glances back at Luke before leaving.

“Why are you mad at me?” Luke asks once Max is gone.

“I’m not mad, I’m… Do you like my brother?”

“What?”

“Do you like him?” I repeat. It wasn’t that hard of a question.

“I… I like him. Yeah.”

“Okay, why didn’t you tell me?”

“What? What did you want me to say, Lex? Oh, hey, I really like your brother even though I’m almost positive that he likes girls? Yeah, that would have gone totally fine. Seriously, Lex,” he pauses and studies the floor for a second. “I didn’t seduce him, if that’s what you’re thinking. I came in here to get my jacket so I could go outside for a second, and he followed me in here. So don’t blame me and accuse me of ‘turning’ your brother gay.”

“I didn’t say that. I never said I blame you. I was just mad that you didn’t tell me. And slightly shocked. It’s not something I expected to see when all I wanted to do was get my jacket so I could leave. And wait,” I add when something crosses my mind. “What happened to that guy Andrew? The one from the gym?

“What about him? I still talk to him.”

I take in his appearance. His lips are swollen from only God knows the amount of time he was kissing my brother and his tie is crooked. I walk over to him and fix it. He smiles.

“Are you okay with the fact that I just made out with your brother?”

“Are you okay with him being 20 and confused about his sexuality? He’s all yours, Luke.”

Luke grins and looks back down at the floor. His cheeks turn red and I can’t help but laugh.

“You really like him?”

He nods. “I like him.”

I step onto the sidewalk outside and see Alex waiting in his car right outside the restaurant. I open the passenger door and get in.

“Hey,” I say after I buckle my seatbelt. “Where did you go?”

“You’re brother Max came into the bathroom and told me you were looking for me, but then he wouldn’t let me leave until I got him alcohol…I guess he forgot we’re both only 20? He seemed off.”

“That’s because he was off. I caught him in the coat closet making out with Luke.”

“Wait,” he stares at me and then starts laughing. “Luke? That’s the best thing I’ve heard all day.”

“It’s not funny, Alex!” I can’t help but whine; this was completely unexpected.

“It is, actually. I mean come on, Lex-”

“Okay, a little bit.”

It’s almost 11:30 when I finally get home; me and Alex just drove around for a few hours. We didn’t do anything significant. Mostly we just talked. It was nice to be able to just be with him. We haven’t hung out alone in a while.

I throw my bag down on my bed and I hear a muffled ‘ouch’. I don’t know about you, but my bed doesn’t usually talk to me. I pull back the covers and see Max. He stares up at me with bloodshot eyes. He was either crying or he’s high.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“I was waiting for you to get home… I need to talk to you.”

“Have you been crying?”

“Yes.”

“Why? Because I caught you? Don’t cry over that. I don’t care what you do.”

“I know… I knew you wouldn’t care. But I do. I don’t know what’s happening.”

He lays down face first on my mattress. I guess I’m not sleeping anytime soon.

“Okay. What’s up?”

I sit down on the bed next to him and wait for an answer. I get one about 3 minutes later.

“I think I like boys.”

“Oh, no? I couldn’t tell.”

“Shut up, Lex, this is serious. I mean… Luke… he’s…”

“You like him?”

“I don’t know…”

“Well then don’t lead him on.”

“Lead him on? You mean he likes me?”

“Yeah… I don’t know if I should have told you that. But yeah, he likes you. And seriously, he’s my best friend, and you’re my brother. I don’t want either of you getting hurt.”

He looks at me for a second before putting his arm over his eyes; this must be stressful for him.

“I think I like him. But… then there’s Kelly…”

“I hate Kelly,” I tell him. I don’t care; that girl seriously pisses me off. She’s rude and she makes it known that she doesn’t like me either.

“I know you don’t… I just don’t know what to do about her. I don’t like her.”

“Do you like girls at all?”

“No… I don’t think I do.”

“So you like Luke?”

Let’s make this short and simple.

“Yes…”

“Ok. Then here’s what you do: you call Kelly, dump her. Call Luke and tell him how you feel.”

“Okay… thanks.”

He gets up from my bed and rubs his face with his hands; he looks so … tired.

“You’re the best, you know that?” he adds before he leaves, and I can’t help but smile. However weird it might be, I think they will go good together.

“Guess what?!” is the first thing I hear when I answer my cell phone.

I’m in Forever21 looking for a dress to wear to my mom’s dinner party that’s happening tonight. It’s at our house and I’m absolutely dreading it.

“What, Luke?” I answer as I browse the clearance rack.

Alex is standing next to me holding everything I’ve picked out so far… I think I picked out too much.

“You’re brother asked me out!”

I pause for a second with my hands on this really cute pink dress. Max talked to Luke? I didn’t think he’d act this fast.

“Oh, really? Well that’s really great Luke!”

“You have no idea how relieved I am right now. I thought he didn’t really like me and he was just confused about things but I think that he really does like me. What do you think?”

“I think that he likes you. Trust me. But I have to go. I’m shopping.”

“Why didn’t you invite me?”

“No big deal. I’m looking for something to wear to my mom’s party. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Fine. Bye.”

I hang up and stick my phone into the pocket of my jeans. It’s a slight challenge because of how tight my jeans are. They’re an old pair. I have obviously grown since 9th grade, but they were the only clean pair I could find.

“What did Luke want? To borrow a dress?” Alex teases and takes my hand. I walk to the other side of the store and look at all the clearance shoes. I like things that are on sale; that way I can buy more things for less and feel less guilty.

“You’re so funny. Actually, he wanted to tell me that Max asked him out.”

“Already?”

“That’s exactly what I thought. But whatever. I think they’re going to be cute together…What do you think?”

I hold up a pair of pink pumps and he just shrugs.

“What do I think about the shoes or your brother dating Luke?”

“Both.”

“I guess they’d be good together. But I don’t know about the shoes.”

I pout and put the shoes down. I knew I should have brought Luke. He’s better in these situations.

“Okay… How about this?”

I hold up a black low-cut bra that was hanging on the rack next to me. He just stares at it for a second.

“… Well… it’s not like I’m seeing it or anything… but yeah, I would say that would be a pretty good investment…”

He smirks and I’m trying really hard not to laugh; he’s making it impossible.

“You’re so cute, you know that?” he finally says, kissing me and pulling me in the direction of the register.