All I Ever Wanted

“Did he say ‘I love you’?”

“No. He said ‘you make me love you’.”

“…Same thing, yeah.”

“God. I didn’t answer.”

“What, did you just stare at him?”

“No, I smiled and closed my eyes. I think. I honestly don’t remember. I just… I’m not sure if I love him so I don’t think I should say it.”

“No, you’re right.”

Luke and I both fall quiet except for our breathing; I can hear him through the phone.

“You breathe really loud.”

“Can you not? I’m trying to help you, and you pick on me. Fantastic friend you are.”

“Sorry. Do you think I should say something to him?”

“No. He probably understands that you’re not ready.”

“I know… I just feel kind of bad.”

It’s quiet again and I complete a problem for my math review sheet while neither of us speaks. It’s nice that I can just be on the phone with Luke but not actually talk; I could never do that with Jessica. She always had to be talking. And it was usually about how badly she wanted to be popular. I should have seen what she did to me coming…

“Um… so did Max say anything about last night?”

“No,” I say. I notice how quiet his voice is; he’s nervous.

“…Ok.”

“He hasn’t left his room today. That I know of, at least. When I got home after school his door was still locked like it was this morning.”

“Is that normal?”

“For him, yeah it is. I’ll ask him about it at dinner.”

“NO!”

I switch the phone to my other ear and scribble down a random answer for my last math problem. I’ve been slacking a bit lately, which isn’t like me, but I haven’t had much time.

“Why not?”

“Because then your parents will ask questions…”

“Oh, yeah. You’re right. I’ll ask him later, then. Hey, did you do the math review sheet?”

“What math review sheet? She gave us math review sheet?”

“Yes. You do know that our trimester is tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah…” That means no.

“Ok. Go study. I’ll talk to you later.”

I hang up before he can protest; if anyone needs to study for math, it’s him. Our test tomorrow is based on everything we’ve learned up to now. It’s going to be a bitch, but I think I’ve got most of the material down. I’m pretty good at math; my average is a 97, so I’m not too worried.

I decide to take a break from studying and I reach under my bed and pull out a box. It’s Alex’s Christmas gift. I kind of didn’t know what to get him. But I did my best.

I pull out the skinny jeans; I saw him eyeing them in the store the other day. I went back and bought them. Let me tell you, I’ve never seen a boy look at a pair of stupid jeans the way Alex looked at these particular ones. They’re plain black jeans. I don’t see the specialness about them, but whatever. I won’t come between a boy and his pants, I guess.

At the very bottom of the box I put a note. It just tells him how much I care about him. I wrote it after he left the other night, after he told me he loves me. I didn’t exactly say I love him in the note, but it’s pretty close to it. And I didn’t know what else to get him so I got him a black hoodie and I had ‘All Time Low’ printed on the back. I think he’ll appreciate it.

Alex told me he has ‘something awesome’ planned for my Christmas gift. I’m not gonna lie… I’m slightly nervous about what it could be. Even Jack is in on it, which is never a good sign.

“Lex? Can I come in?” I hear my mom ask from the opposite side of my closed bedroom door; it’s not locked. I shove Alex’s gift back under my bed and tell her to come in. When she closes the door I notice the smile she has on her face. Fuck.

“Hey, Mom. What’s up?”

“I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Okay…”

I move over on the bed so she can sit down. She moves my bath books over so she has more room.

“So, you and Alex are pretty serious, right?”

I knew it.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Well, I spoke to Danny Allen’s mother the other day, and she said he told her that you broke up with him for no reason.”

“That’s not true,” I say immediately. There is no way I am letting that asshole have my mom on his side.

“Sweetie, it’s okay, you can talk to me.”

“He broke up with me, Mom. He’s lying.”

“Oh…” she actually looks shocked. “I thought you two really liked each other?”

“I did really like him. He obviously didn’t feel the same way anymore.” That’s all the information she’s getting out of me about this topic.

She nods and pushes back a piece of hair that fell into her eyes. She has the same blonde color as I do, and everyone says I take after her in the looks department. I wish I was as pretty as my mom.

“That’s too bad… I did like him… he was a sweet boy.”

“Sure.”

“How long have you been with Alex?”

“Almost 2 months.”

“He seems nice… You should invite him over for Christmas.”

“What? No, Mom, he’ll be with his own family.”

“Oh… so you’re not that serious yet. Well then we’ll have to schedule a dinner for him to come over for. And he can bring his parents. It would be a lot of fun. I’d love to get to know him better. I was talking to Max and he told me Alex is a good guy…” she pauses as if to see if I wanted to add anything to this. I don’t. “If Max says that, then he must be, right?”

“He’s a great guy, yeah…”

“Speaking of Max, he’s been acting funny. Do you know what’s up with him?”

I shake my head; if I open my mouth I’ll say something I regret. Max would kill me if I said anything.

“Okay… well dinner is ready. Come downstairs, but get Max out of his room first.”

“Alright.”

I wait until she leaves before I lay back on my bed and stare at the ceiling. She’s never really asked about my relationships before. And she’s definitely never gone to one of my brothers to find out what they think. Maybe she’s just being nosey and wants me to get back with Danny. Or maybe she’s actually being a mom.

***

I watch from the passenger seat of Alex’s car as the trees fly by my window. He’s driving the speed limit, 45, but for some reason it seems much faster. Maybe it’s because of the snow that’s falling. I don’t know.

When I look over at Alex I feel this sudden rush of emotion. It’s like that feeling you get right before you’re about to take a test that you studied all night for. You don’t know exactly how the test is going to go, but you have a good feeling about it. That’s how I feel about Alex. I don’t know what’s going to happen between us but I have a feeling it’s going to be great… possibly the best thing that ever happens to me. I’m putting all I have into him, and I really hope it turns out the way I want it to.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Where are you taking me?”

“It’s a secret. I told you that.”

“Am I dressed ok for this ‘secret place’?”

He looks over at me and observes what I’m wearing- a pair of jeans and a black sweater with my pink FIT sweatshirt that Max bought me over the summer.

“Yes.”

I sigh and sink back in my seat. I’m not getting any information out of him, I’m seeing. It’s 4:40 on Christmas Eve. I told my mom I’d be back by 5:30, just in time to give out gifts and stuff. I hope Alex sticks to that plan; my mom would be pissed if I’m late.

“Ok, we’re here.”

I look out the window again, but all I can see are trees. I look out his window, and I see the same thing.

“Where are we?”

“It’s… okay, just look right there.”

He points out in front of us; the sun’s going down. The sky is a mix of pink and yellow, and it’s possibly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

“Jack told me that this was the best place to see it…”

“It’s beautiful Alex.”

I pull him into a kiss and he breaks it by smiling.

“I have something for you,” he tells me and turns to reach into the backseat. He produces a box wrapped in red and green striped paper. I pull pack the paper carefully to reveal an iPod box. I look up at him and can’t help but get really emotional.

“You shouldn’t have, Alex. Seriously-”

“Open it.”

I go back to the box and open it, pulling out a pink iPod nano.

“It’s got songs on it already… I hope you like them all.”

“I’m sure I’ll like them all. Thank you so much. Now you’ve made my gift look pathetic,” I joke and hand him his present. Ugh, I wish I had tried a little harder to get him something as nice as an iPod.

“Hey! These are the jeans I was looking at in the store the other day!” He holds them up with a big smile on his face. Then he pulls out the sweatshirt. “Holy shit! You got the band name put on it?! You’re the best person ever! I love you so fucking much.”

He grabs my face and slams his lips against mine. We kiss for a few minutes before I’m seriously lacking air supply.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d like what I got or not. You’re so hard to shop for,” I say, trying to catch my breath.

“It’s perfect. Everything. But wait,” he takes the iPod from me and turns it around. “Look.”

He points to the top part and I read what it says. ‘Alexis, I’m yours.’

“I um… had to quote Jason Mraz…But I thought that it got my point across pretty well.”

“Thank you,” I say quietly.

We sit in silence for a good 2 minutes before I break it.

“I love you, Alex.”