All I Ever Wanted

Sometimes I feel like everything’s decided for me – especially in my family. My mom always has some kind of say in whatever I do. Whether it’s what dress I wear to a party or what clubs I join at school, she always tells me what to do. And I feel bad if I don’t listen to her, so I never make my own choices. Most of the time.

But now, suddenly she doesn’t care what I’m doing. I went to the NYU open house a month ago, and when I got back I tried to talk to her about it but she just brushed me off and said we’d have to discuss it another time. And for some reason, that pissed me off. I should be getting my new FIT letter telling me if I’m in or not next week, I think. All acceptance letters that aren’t early application are usually mailed the second week of March.

“Shouldn’t you be happy that she’s not trying to tell you what college to go to?” Luke asks. He takes a huge sip of his water and then puts it down on our lunch table.

“Yeah, but I’m not. This is something I actually want her to care about.”

“Maybe she’s just worried about Max, because, you know, he has the ‘gay disease’”

“Well… Maybe. Did Max tell you how that therapy session went, by the way?”

“Yes. He called me after it. Apparently it’s a complete waste of his time.”

“Well, that’s a given. I just can’t believe she thinks that therapy will make him like girls. She’s absolutely crazy.”

“She’s a mom, Lex. She’s not crazy.” When I glare at him, he adds, “Okay, maybe a little bit crazy, but whatever. She’s just being a mom.”

“Yeah, whatever. Max’s birthday is coming up,” I remind him. “It’s next weekend.”

“You think I don’t already know that?”

“Just, you know, reminding you. What are you gonna get him?”

“I will let you know when I think of something… Do you want to give me some advice?”

“Well, I have to get to class.” I pick up my backpack from the floor and get ready to leave the cafeteria. “Oh, but he does really like baseball games. He’s never been to one.”

*

For the rest of the day, every time I saw Luke, he attacked me with questions.

“So wait, are you saying he likes the Orioles? Because-”

“He doesn’t have a favorite, actually. He just likes watching baseball games in general.”

“How does that work? He MUST have a favorite.”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“Well, what about-”

“Just get him tickets to a baseball game or something. It doesn’t even have to be major league!”

“Oh my God. Fuck you! Just tell me exactly what to do! I am so bad at this!”

“He’s your boyfriend. I shouldn’t have to tell you what to buy him. I’ll see you later; I have to get home to watch Daniel.”

“Seriously, that was so mean.”
***

“Max,” I start, sitting next to him on the couch in the TV room. He looks up from his book and waits for me to continue. “What do you want Luke to get you for your birthday?” I ask quietly. I don’t want Mom to overhear me.

“I don’t know.”

“Okay… what do you want me to get you for your birthday?”

“Peace and quiet. Can you stop asking me questions?”

“Oh… okay, sorry, I didn’t know I was being annoying.”

I roll my eyes and hop off the couch and start to walk away.

“I wouldn’t mind if you did my chores for a week, though!” he shouts after me.

“Yeah, right!”

I walk into the kitchen and see my dad working on papers for work.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Oh, hey Alexis. What’s up?”

“Nothin. I have a question, though.”

“Okay…”

He looks up from his papers and takes off his reading glasses. His full attention is on me.

“Well, there’s this thing that I want to do this weekend. Alex’s band has a show booked at a club in Kingsdale…”

“Alexis, that’s in Pennsylvania.”

“Yeah, I know that, but I mean-”

“Who’s going?” he interrupts.

“Well it would be Alex, Jack, Zack and Rian. And then Rian’s girlfriend Cat is going and I think Luke was interested in going-”

“If Luke and Max go then you can go,” he decides and looks back to his papers.

That was easier than I thought. But I have to ask…

“You’re okay with Max and Luke going… together?”

“Yes, Alexis, it’s fine by me. But don’t get your hopes up because I still have to run it by your mother…”

“Oh…yeah. But I think she’ll be okay with it,” I say, mostly to myself, because he’s already lost in his paperwork.
**

“So, how the hell did you get your mom to let you come?” Alex asks me and throws my duffle bag into the back of his car; it lands on top of all the others.

“Well, I pulled the ‘Oh you let Max go to New York for a week with his girlfriend last year’. She said yes instantly. But only because Max and Luke are coming too. If they weren’t, then I wouldn’t be coming.

“Well, I’m very glad you’re coming,” he says and puts his arm around me as we walk back into his house to wait for the others.

The only reason the band even has a show in Kingsdale is because Jack is retarded and didn’t bother to ask where Kingsdale is. It’s an hour away from us, so we’re going the day before the show, which is Saturday. So Max and I get to miss school, which is a plus.

“If you’re not ready, Jack, then we can and will leave without you!” I hear Rian call up the steps.

Jack’s late, which is not unusual.

“Yeah, seriously, Jack,” Alex calls out. “You’re the one who got us this show!”

“OKAY!” Jack screams down the stairs, and I mean screams. Then, in typical Jack fashion, he slides down the banister with his bag and throws it at Alex’s feet.

“Put that in the car, Alex,” he demands. Alex just rolls his eyes and does what he’s told.

***

“Alright, seriously, if I catch you two in my mirror making that face to each other one more time, I swear I will kick you off this trip!”

I turn around to see why Alex is yelling at Max and Luke, but I just see their scared faces staring back at me.

“What look, Alex?” Luke asks in the sweetest, most innocent voice he could possibly make.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s the classic ‘once we get out of this car and into our hotel room, I’m gonna fuck you so hard’ look.”

“Alex! Oh, my God!” I can’t help but be disgusted. That’s my brother he’s talking about!

“I have never, ever made that look to anybody in my entire life!” Luke claims, but I know him too well to know that that is definitely a lie.

“Yeah, okay. I’m making sure our rooms aren’t next to each other,” Alex mumbles so that only I can hear, and I just start laughing. I think he’s being ridiculous.

“Whatever, Alex. Hey, so how much longer?”

“We’ve only been driving for ten minutes!”

***

“Okay, so here’s the deal,” Zack says when we’re all sitting in his and Jack’s room. It was decided that their room would be the designated meeting place for the weekend. I’m sitting next to Alex and Jack, and Jack keeps leaning across me to pull Alex’s hair. Alex retaliates by pinching him. So mature for 20 - almost 21 - year olds. Zack glares at jack and then continues. “We have the show tomorrow night at 7. If one of you is late, I will seriously kill you. Especially you, Jack. This is your show, so if you’re not there…”

“I understand, Zack. But I can do whatever I want tonight, right?” Jack asks.

“Yeah, whatever, I don’t care what you do tonight. Just don’t bring anyone back here, alright?”

“No promises.”

“Lex, you want to go to dinner or something?” Alex asks me.

“Yeah, sure. Sounds fun.”

**

“Pass the bottle,” Alex says.

“Hold on, I’m not done with it.”

I take another sip of alcohol before handing it over to him. He grins like a 2 year old on Christmas and takes a swig. I’m pretty sure you can guess that we never made it out to dinner. We ended up having Zack use his fake ID to get us alcohol and we just stayed in our room. It’s almost 2 AM and I think we’re both starting to crash.

“What would you say,” Alex slurs, capping the bottle and putting it down for a second. “What would you say of I … If I said let’s get married?”

“Married? I’d say yes.”

“Yeah? Yeah… so would I…”

He lies back on the bed and I follow his lead; he smells like alcohol and his aftershave, and I breathe it in like it’s what keeps me going.

“I love that I can… that I can j-just hang out with you.”

“Yeah…”

Somewhere between 2 and 6:30 AM, we manage to fall asleep. At 6:45, however, we’re awoken by a banging at our door. We must have forgotten to do a few things last night; one being to put the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door.

“Alex, go get that,” I mutter and hit him. He just moans and says something about pancakes. I guess it’s up to me. The knocking gets louder, and seriously, the cleaning service here is fucked. You don’t bang on someone’s door at 7 in the morning.

I get up and shield my eyes from the sun that’s coming through the window. Guess we never shut the blinds. I look down at what I’m wearing. Exactly what I was wearing when I got here- sweats and tank top.

“Alexis! Alex! Open the door!”

I stop moving; that’s not cleaning service.

“Fuck, Alex, wake up!” I throw a pillow at him and get over to the door as fast as possible. When I open it, I’m met with a frantic Rian.

“Jack’s not in his room, and Zack didn’t hear him come in last night.”

“Again?!” I hear Alex yell in a frustrated voice from behind me.

“Does he go missing often?” I ask, but all I receive is a shrug from Rian.