Sequel: 11:11 ›
Status: Finished
All I Ever Wanted
Chapter Twenty Four
“Do you know that the chances of getting pregnant from having sex one time is 11%? That’s not too bad.”
“Yeah, but there’s still a chance that I’m part of the fucking 11%!”
“Calm down, will you?”
“How do you expect me to calm down, Luke?! I had sex and wow, I totally forgot about a condom!”
“Well… Maybe you’re not going to be pregnant, okay? Think positive, okay?”
“Whatever.”
I sit down on Luke’s bed and count the number of ways I just completely screwed myself over.
First, I would no doubt be a single mother. Why would Alex stick around? I wouldn’t if I were him. Second, I will forever be looked at as a fuck up. I might have just fucked up my whole life. Forget NYU. Forget anything. And third, I’ll have a kid to take care of. Why would I want to have a kid at 18? I’m fucking retarded. That’s it.
“Hey, you know Alex would never leave you,” Luke tells me.
“If I’m pregnant I have no idea if he’ll stay.”
“Maybe he’ll want to have a baby with you.”
“Yeah fucking right, Luke. No guy wants to have a baby with his 18 year old girlfriend! Especially not a guy who wants his band to be world famous and tour all the time!”
“Well, when you put it like that…”
“Yeah. Exactly.” I look down at him on the floor. He’s scribbling something down in a notebook. “What are you doing?”
“Writing my list of what to pack.”
“For what?”
“…Disney. It’s next week, Lex.”
Oh. Right. Class trip to Disney World. I completely forgot… God Damnit, now I have to figure out what to pack.
“Talk about something that does not cause me stress, Luke,” I ask request. I see him roll his eyes.
“Well, we only have one more month of school.”
“That’s stressful!”
“How the hell is that stressful?!”
“Fuck it, I’m going home to pack and think of the ways I can hide being pregnant.”
I gather up my stuff and shove it all into my backpack; I came here right after school, ignoring all of Alex’s phone calls.
“You might not be, you know!” Luke calls out after me.
I shut his front door behind me and take off down the driveway and to my car. I check my phone after buckling my seat belt. I have 5 missed calls. 3 are from Alex and 2 are from Jack. I’ll call him later. After I do my homework. And start packing. And maybe start studying for finals, which are like 2 and a half weeks away. Now would be a decent time to start.
“Where have you been? School was out two hours ago,” Max notes from his seat on the living room couch when I walk into the house.
“At your boyfriend’s house.”
“Oh. I was going to go over there later.”
“Cool. I’ll be upstairs.”
“Actually, we have a ‘family meeting’.”
“Oh, I know what that means. Where are they going this time?”
“I don’t know, but I think I saw some brochures for Costas Rica.”
“Oh good, you’re home Alexis. We were just about to have a family talk,” Mom says waling into the living room. She’s wearing jeans and a shirt that’s probably too young for her. But does she care? No. She probably doesn’t realize, either.
“Hi Mom. Can I just change out of my uniform really quick?”
“Make it fast, okay?”
I do as she says and change as quickly as I can into sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. I think that it’s Alex’s shirt, actually.
“Okay,” Dad says when I sit down in between Max and James. “So we’re going to make this really fast.”
I take a quick glance around the room. Kasey’s not here, which is weird.
“Since Alexis is graduating this year, we’re going to take a nice little family vacation. How would you feel about that?”
We all stay silent. This is…new.
“Sounds good, Ma. Where to?” James asks, being the first one to say anything.
“Hawaii. I know we were just there, but we loved it so much that we figured you would, too.”
“When?” is the next question, thrown out by Max.
“The two weeks after her graduation.”
“Wait, is Kasey invited?”
“It’s a family vacation, Jacob.”
“Well, she is family- almost, at least.”
“It’s just us this time, okay Jake? And weren’t you planning on going to Hawaii for you honeymoon?”
“Yeah… yeah I guess.”
Jake frowns and looks depressed that Kasey can’t come with us. I have to agree, it is pretty weird. She usually comes on like every trip.
*
“You can’t keep ignoring my phone calls, Lex. We need to talk about this.”
I bite my lip as I listen to Alex’s voicemail for maybe the 10th time. I just can’t bring myself to call him. I just… I don’t know.
“I’m going over to Luke’s house. I’ll see you later?” Max says, knocking once on my open door.
I just nod and click 4 to replay the message again.
“What’s up with you? You’re too quiet today.”
He sits down on my bed, jacket in his hand.
“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” We need to talk about this.
“Something’s up. Talk to me.”
You can’t keep ignoring my phone calls…
“I had sex with Alex and we didn’t use protection,” I say in a rushed, nervous tone. After I’ve said it, I want to take it back.
“Eww, I didn’t need to know – wait what?”
“You heard me…”
“You can’t possibly be that stupid.”
“I was, okay? So was he, and I can’t take it back, obviously… I just… I don’t know.”
“Oh my fucking God, you could be pregnant!”
“I-”
“I am NOT ready to be an uncle!”
“God… you and Luke are spending way too much time together.”
“I’m sorry… So like, did this just happen?”
“Over the weekend.”
“Oh. Too soon to take a test then, I guess… You’ll have to wait till next month.”
“Yeah, and that sucks because I have Disney next week, then finals in like 3 weeks, then school’s done in a month. I really don’t need all of this added stress.”
“Have you spoken to Alex about it?”
“I’ve been avoiding him.”
“You can’t do that. Call him now. I’m gonna go visit Luke. Does he know?”
“Yeah. I told him yesterday.”
“Ok. Well I’ll see you later tonight. Bye.”
He gives me a slight push and gets up from the bed. I pick up my cell phone and stare at it. It seems so easy to just press send, but for some reason I can’t bring myself to do it.
“Obviously, you need some help getting started.”
Max takes the phone from my hands, scrolls through my contacts, and then clicks the ‘send’ button, handing it back to me.
“Thanks… I guess.”
“No prob. See you later.”
I put the phone to my ear and wait for the ringing. When it starts, I hear Max slam my door shut.
“Alexis,” is all Alex says. He’s not going to start the conversation. It’s all on me.
“Alex. Hey. I’ve just been so…”
“… It’s okay. It’s fine. We just really need to talk about it.”
“Okay, I know.”
“There’s a chance that you’re not pregnant.”
“I know, apparently an 11% chance.”
“Luke told you that? Alright, well that’s not too bad…”
“I know. But what if I am, Alex?”
“Then you’re pregnant. There’s nothing we can do about it now. It was such a stupid mistake. We can’t take that back. But I still don’t understand how I could have forgotten…”
“It’s fine…”
“If you’re pregnant, you’re pregnant. We get through it together.”
“Really?”
“What, you think I would leave you? No way, Lex.”
“You’re amazing, you know that?”
“I’m amazing for staying with my girlfriend after I get her pregnant? Thanks… I guess.”
“Well, you’re amazing no matter what. I love you.”
“I love you, too. And like I said, we get through it together.”
“Together… I like the sound of that.”
*
“Guess what!”
There’s a sudden weight on my bed that should not be there. I rub the sleep from my eyes and sit up, but I smash my head into something. Or someone.
“Ouch! Fuck- why did you do that?”
It’s Max. Fucking idiot.
“Why are you here?”
“I have to tell you something cool!”
He turns on my bedside lamp and then shoves a piece of paper into my face. I look at him for a second, decide that yes, he is drunk, and then take the paper into my hands.
“What is this?”
“Read, read, read!”
I hold the paper, which looks like it was carelessly ripped from a notebook, under the lamp and start to read. ‘Julia…Kristen… Colleen…’
“What is this?” I ask again, and he starts giggling. Giggling? Seriously?
“It’s a list!”
“Yes, but a list of what?”
My patience for him is starting to thin, and with a quick glance at my clock, I discover that it’s 1:30AM. I have school tomorrow. Fuck my life, seriously.
“Baby names! Me and Luke were brainstorming.”
“Are you serious?” I ask in a monotone voice. He nods his head and I take the opportunity to get rid of him. I grab his arm and forcefully pull him off of my bed, and he lands with a slight ‘thud’ on the carpeted floor.
“Why did you that?”
“Get out of my room.”
“God… we thought you would appreciate this list.”
“I don’t appreciate it. At all. Get out.”
“Fine… you’re so bossy.”
He crawls – yes, crawls – out of my room and I’m thankful to be alone again. But now I can’t sleep. Stupid God damn Max.
I pull my cell phone off the table by its charger cord and dial Alex’s number. I know he’s awake. He said he’s been having trouble sleeping these past few nights.
“Lex, what are you doing up?”
“ I can’t fall back asleep. Max woke me up. He was drunk.”
“Oh. Really?”
“Yeah. And him and Luke came up with a list of baby names for me. How considerate, huh?”
“What names did they pick?”
“I think Julia was on it, and Colleen. I hate those names.”
“I like the name Jasey for a girl.”
“Jasey?” I ask. “It is kind of pretty…”
“What about a boy’s name? I like Matthew.”
“Or Justin.”
“Justin’s nice…”
“Yeah, but there’s still a chance that I’m part of the fucking 11%!”
“Calm down, will you?”
“How do you expect me to calm down, Luke?! I had sex and wow, I totally forgot about a condom!”
“Well… Maybe you’re not going to be pregnant, okay? Think positive, okay?”
“Whatever.”
I sit down on Luke’s bed and count the number of ways I just completely screwed myself over.
First, I would no doubt be a single mother. Why would Alex stick around? I wouldn’t if I were him. Second, I will forever be looked at as a fuck up. I might have just fucked up my whole life. Forget NYU. Forget anything. And third, I’ll have a kid to take care of. Why would I want to have a kid at 18? I’m fucking retarded. That’s it.
“Hey, you know Alex would never leave you,” Luke tells me.
“If I’m pregnant I have no idea if he’ll stay.”
“Maybe he’ll want to have a baby with you.”
“Yeah fucking right, Luke. No guy wants to have a baby with his 18 year old girlfriend! Especially not a guy who wants his band to be world famous and tour all the time!”
“Well, when you put it like that…”
“Yeah. Exactly.” I look down at him on the floor. He’s scribbling something down in a notebook. “What are you doing?”
“Writing my list of what to pack.”
“For what?”
“…Disney. It’s next week, Lex.”
Oh. Right. Class trip to Disney World. I completely forgot… God Damnit, now I have to figure out what to pack.
“Talk about something that does not cause me stress, Luke,” I ask request. I see him roll his eyes.
“Well, we only have one more month of school.”
“That’s stressful!”
“How the hell is that stressful?!”
“Fuck it, I’m going home to pack and think of the ways I can hide being pregnant.”
I gather up my stuff and shove it all into my backpack; I came here right after school, ignoring all of Alex’s phone calls.
“You might not be, you know!” Luke calls out after me.
I shut his front door behind me and take off down the driveway and to my car. I check my phone after buckling my seat belt. I have 5 missed calls. 3 are from Alex and 2 are from Jack. I’ll call him later. After I do my homework. And start packing. And maybe start studying for finals, which are like 2 and a half weeks away. Now would be a decent time to start.
“Where have you been? School was out two hours ago,” Max notes from his seat on the living room couch when I walk into the house.
“At your boyfriend’s house.”
“Oh. I was going to go over there later.”
“Cool. I’ll be upstairs.”
“Actually, we have a ‘family meeting’.”
“Oh, I know what that means. Where are they going this time?”
“I don’t know, but I think I saw some brochures for Costas Rica.”
“Oh good, you’re home Alexis. We were just about to have a family talk,” Mom says waling into the living room. She’s wearing jeans and a shirt that’s probably too young for her. But does she care? No. She probably doesn’t realize, either.
“Hi Mom. Can I just change out of my uniform really quick?”
“Make it fast, okay?”
I do as she says and change as quickly as I can into sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. I think that it’s Alex’s shirt, actually.
“Okay,” Dad says when I sit down in between Max and James. “So we’re going to make this really fast.”
I take a quick glance around the room. Kasey’s not here, which is weird.
“Since Alexis is graduating this year, we’re going to take a nice little family vacation. How would you feel about that?”
We all stay silent. This is…new.
“Sounds good, Ma. Where to?” James asks, being the first one to say anything.
“Hawaii. I know we were just there, but we loved it so much that we figured you would, too.”
“When?” is the next question, thrown out by Max.
“The two weeks after her graduation.”
“Wait, is Kasey invited?”
“It’s a family vacation, Jacob.”
“Well, she is family- almost, at least.”
“It’s just us this time, okay Jake? And weren’t you planning on going to Hawaii for you honeymoon?”
“Yeah… yeah I guess.”
Jake frowns and looks depressed that Kasey can’t come with us. I have to agree, it is pretty weird. She usually comes on like every trip.
*
“You can’t keep ignoring my phone calls, Lex. We need to talk about this.”
I bite my lip as I listen to Alex’s voicemail for maybe the 10th time. I just can’t bring myself to call him. I just… I don’t know.
“I’m going over to Luke’s house. I’ll see you later?” Max says, knocking once on my open door.
I just nod and click 4 to replay the message again.
“What’s up with you? You’re too quiet today.”
He sits down on my bed, jacket in his hand.
“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” We need to talk about this.
“Something’s up. Talk to me.”
You can’t keep ignoring my phone calls…
“I had sex with Alex and we didn’t use protection,” I say in a rushed, nervous tone. After I’ve said it, I want to take it back.
“Eww, I didn’t need to know – wait what?”
“You heard me…”
“You can’t possibly be that stupid.”
“I was, okay? So was he, and I can’t take it back, obviously… I just… I don’t know.”
“Oh my fucking God, you could be pregnant!”
“I-”
“I am NOT ready to be an uncle!”
“God… you and Luke are spending way too much time together.”
“I’m sorry… So like, did this just happen?”
“Over the weekend.”
“Oh. Too soon to take a test then, I guess… You’ll have to wait till next month.”
“Yeah, and that sucks because I have Disney next week, then finals in like 3 weeks, then school’s done in a month. I really don’t need all of this added stress.”
“Have you spoken to Alex about it?”
“I’ve been avoiding him.”
“You can’t do that. Call him now. I’m gonna go visit Luke. Does he know?”
“Yeah. I told him yesterday.”
“Ok. Well I’ll see you later tonight. Bye.”
He gives me a slight push and gets up from the bed. I pick up my cell phone and stare at it. It seems so easy to just press send, but for some reason I can’t bring myself to do it.
“Obviously, you need some help getting started.”
Max takes the phone from my hands, scrolls through my contacts, and then clicks the ‘send’ button, handing it back to me.
“Thanks… I guess.”
“No prob. See you later.”
I put the phone to my ear and wait for the ringing. When it starts, I hear Max slam my door shut.
“Alexis,” is all Alex says. He’s not going to start the conversation. It’s all on me.
“Alex. Hey. I’ve just been so…”
“… It’s okay. It’s fine. We just really need to talk about it.”
“Okay, I know.”
“There’s a chance that you’re not pregnant.”
“I know, apparently an 11% chance.”
“Luke told you that? Alright, well that’s not too bad…”
“I know. But what if I am, Alex?”
“Then you’re pregnant. There’s nothing we can do about it now. It was such a stupid mistake. We can’t take that back. But I still don’t understand how I could have forgotten…”
“It’s fine…”
“If you’re pregnant, you’re pregnant. We get through it together.”
“Really?”
“What, you think I would leave you? No way, Lex.”
“You’re amazing, you know that?”
“I’m amazing for staying with my girlfriend after I get her pregnant? Thanks… I guess.”
“Well, you’re amazing no matter what. I love you.”
“I love you, too. And like I said, we get through it together.”
“Together… I like the sound of that.”
*
“Guess what!”
There’s a sudden weight on my bed that should not be there. I rub the sleep from my eyes and sit up, but I smash my head into something. Or someone.
“Ouch! Fuck- why did you do that?”
It’s Max. Fucking idiot.
“Why are you here?”
“I have to tell you something cool!”
He turns on my bedside lamp and then shoves a piece of paper into my face. I look at him for a second, decide that yes, he is drunk, and then take the paper into my hands.
“What is this?”
“Read, read, read!”
I hold the paper, which looks like it was carelessly ripped from a notebook, under the lamp and start to read. ‘Julia…Kristen… Colleen…’
“What is this?” I ask again, and he starts giggling. Giggling? Seriously?
“It’s a list!”
“Yes, but a list of what?”
My patience for him is starting to thin, and with a quick glance at my clock, I discover that it’s 1:30AM. I have school tomorrow. Fuck my life, seriously.
“Baby names! Me and Luke were brainstorming.”
“Are you serious?” I ask in a monotone voice. He nods his head and I take the opportunity to get rid of him. I grab his arm and forcefully pull him off of my bed, and he lands with a slight ‘thud’ on the carpeted floor.
“Why did you that?”
“Get out of my room.”
“God… we thought you would appreciate this list.”
“I don’t appreciate it. At all. Get out.”
“Fine… you’re so bossy.”
He crawls – yes, crawls – out of my room and I’m thankful to be alone again. But now I can’t sleep. Stupid God damn Max.
I pull my cell phone off the table by its charger cord and dial Alex’s number. I know he’s awake. He said he’s been having trouble sleeping these past few nights.
“Lex, what are you doing up?”
“ I can’t fall back asleep. Max woke me up. He was drunk.”
“Oh. Really?”
“Yeah. And him and Luke came up with a list of baby names for me. How considerate, huh?”
“What names did they pick?”
“I think Julia was on it, and Colleen. I hate those names.”
“I like the name Jasey for a girl.”
“Jasey?” I ask. “It is kind of pretty…”
“What about a boy’s name? I like Matthew.”
“Or Justin.”
“Justin’s nice…”